Cheerio my deario
(by archy, once again)
warnings: hyped-up on caffeine archy, homosexuality, pairing switcheroo (?), swearing, blatant abuse of OOC, just all around stupidity
disclaimer: nope. don't own anything.
Ten things you should know about Cheerio my Deario:
1. The author is crazy beyond all belief.
2. Yuki and Kyou are probably not gay in real life… wait, they're not even alive. And they're not gay in this story (YET).
3. Kyou has worn a dress once in this story. By the end of this, he will wear another one.
4. There is no number four.
5. Ayame is still brainwashed.
6. The last chapter doesn't exist. It's all a figment of your imagination.
7. Kyou has sung about bananas once in this fiction. He will not sing again. But Tohru will.
8. Yuki probably doesn't hate Kyou as much as he pretends to. In Cheerio my Deario, he probably doesn't hate him at all.
9. Guilt is a dummy-head.
10. This is all pretty fuckin' cool.
Let's begin with where we left off…
Kyou coughed. Something was wrong in the household.
Now, about a week had passed since the cookie-pan bashing jamboree, and things hadn't calmed down at all. Well, maybe they had, but Kyou was far too jittery to notice. Since the whole Ayame making out thing, he was about ready to jump out of his skin.
"Kyou?"
Kyou twitched slightly, but tried to cover his surprise and pulled out his tough-guy attitude. "What the hell do you want, Shigure?"
"Um, I'd just like to know… are you still with Yuki, or something? Because you two haven't talked for a week…" said Shigure, sitting down on the couch where Kyou was sprawled out. Kyou grumbled and looked over. Shigure gave an uneasy laugh.
"I dunno," muttered Kyou, hugging his knees, which were pulled up against his body. He usually did this when he was upset, Shigure observed.
"What about Aaya? He's really upset about you not talking to him either. Ha'ri says he's not eating. We're both really worried about him…" muttered Shigure, a little wave of jealousy flickering on his face. Kyou caught it, but didn't say anything.
"Well, I guess I could at least talk to Ayame. I mean, it's weird that he's suddenly in love with me, but I'm human, I'll try to make him feel better."
"Well, his number is programmed into the phone. Go call him. I'm sure he'll be happy to talk to you. Ha'ri says you're all he talks about now!"
Kyou got himself up, and promptly fell down again. Well, duh. He'd been sitting there for about 4 hours without moving anymore than he had to breathe. Shigure snickered into his sleeve, before scurrying off to do… something. Perhaps jack off in his study, Kyou didn't know, or care.
And so the cat pulled himself up again, and wandered over to the phone.
Kyou stood by the little, ugly plastic thing that he rarely ever used. A telephone. He picked up the receiver and stared at it for a moment. What would he say to Ayame? He didn't even know where the hell the snake lived. Really, he didn't know anything about the snake, other than the fact that Yuki was his brother and Ayame owned a store of some sort. How ironic, that Yuki was born the rat and Ayame the snake. Ayame's zodiac ate Yuki's to survive.
And that gave Kyou a horrible mental image.
Ayame 'eating' Yuki.
No, not in the feeding way.
Kyou had a very dirty mind.
And thus, Kyou beat the image out of himself.
With a bruise on his head, Kyou dialed the number. His heart was already racing, as the dial tone rang.
And the phone was answered on the other line.
"Hello?"
Kyou could practically hear the emotasticness of Ayame's voice.
"H-hi," replied Kyou a few octaves higher than usual, mentally kicking himself for sounding like a little schoolgirl with a crush.
Ayame's voice immediately brightened up. "Kyonkichi! I was waiting for you to call! How are you, love?"
Kyou sighed, his slight panic dissipating. "Um, I'm good. I sort of figured I should call you, so, yeah. Here I am."
"You sound sad, Kyou. I'll be right over, and I'll cheer you up!"
There was a weird sense of fear seeping through Kyou at that moment. When Ayame said 'cheer you up', he probably meant 'sodomize you on the couch with Shigure taking pictures'.
Ah, either way, something was going to happen that night, whether our kitty-cat liked it-
or not.
Meanwhile, back at Akito's place…
"Shigure tells me that whore of a cat is now with Ayame. He broke my Yuki's heart!" shrieked the God, waving his arms around and generally, just being Akito.
Kureno sighed, idly flipping through Playgirl magazine. He was so sick of Akito's ranting. If the guy was so pissed at the cat, why didn't he just kill him instead of yelling about it 24/7? Akito was pacing now, and plotting.
And then Akito tripped, and landed flat on his face.
Akito got back up, and paced some more.
He continued to pace.
And paced some more.
Kureno fell asleep, drooling over a nude picture of some guy in his magazine.
Akito kept pacing.
Okay, this is boring, back to Kyou.
It was Yuki who answered the door. Ayame pushed his way in, without Yuki even putting up his usual word of protest. But the rat felt the coldness that Aaya was giving to him, without so much as a glance from his older brother.
"Kyonkichiiiii! Where are you, precious!"
"Don't call me precious!" barked Kyou, from the kitchen. Ayame skipped into the room, and cornered his poor kitty against the fridge. The snake's body was pressed up so close to the cat, the cold-blooded man could feel the heat radiating off of the cat. "Uh, hi." Kyou blushed, eyes wide. Even after Yuki's fake groping, Kyou still wasn't completely used to being so close to people.
Yuki entered the kitchen, for no reason, with a sour expression on his face. Ever since Kyou and Yuki had 'broke up', the fangirls (and his new-found fanboys) had been hounding him like no tomorrow. His week had been hellish, trying to dodge the people. He was almost worried he'd get kidnapped or something.
Ayame had just barely pressed his lips to Kyou's when Yuki had his mini hissy-fit. "Ugh, I don't need to see that. Get out of here, and go do that somewhere else."
Ayame pulled back slowly, only turning his head to look at his little brother. With one eyebrow raised, and sly expression on his face, Ayame truly did resemble a snake. "Oooh, someone's jealous. You're just sad because you blew your chance with him."
Yuki looked like he was ready to bite Ayame's head off for a second, and Kyou wondered what the rat would do. "Heh, I'm not jealous," said Yuki, looking as smug as Ayame did. "Do you wonder why the cat didn't call you? His mouth was already too busy to talk to you." Kyou paled. What the hell was Yuki trying to do?
Ayame made something of a scoff, and pulled away completely from Kyou, before getting right in his brother's face, and whispering something to his younger brother.
And then Yuki pulled back his arm, and punched Ayame in the face.
And then all hell broke loose.
When Shigure came out from his study, he got the weirdest sight he'd probably ever get in his lifetime.
Ayame was lying on the floor, unconscious, bruises already forming in odd places. Yuki had cornered Kyou, the rat with several large scratches on his face, and said rat was yelling at the cat who was just sort of blank-eyed.
Tohru was already there, freaking out, and not knowing who to help first.
Shigure sighed, and went to call Hatori.
"What in the world…?" muttered Hatori, upon entering the house. Ayame was up again, and was yelling at Yuki, who was yelling at Kyou, who wasn't yelling at all.
"Yuki's all pissed off because Kyou doesn't want him anymore!" Ayame exclaimed to the doctor. "They've broken up, Kyou's over him. He wants me now."
"He doesn't know what he's talking about," muttered Yuki, crossing his arms, and doing that thing where he pouts and stares grudgingly at people. "Kyou and I never 'broke up' officially."
Kyou just sort of mumbled to himself. He could feel real jealousy coming from Yuki, and that was seriously starting to freak him out.
Hatori sighed. "Can I just make sure that everybody's alright, then you can get back to your screaming fest?"
It was then, that Ayame passed out again.
All of the yelling stopped, suddenly, and Tohru was hyperventilating again. "Ahhh, what do we do, what do we doooo?" said the girl, breathing heavily.
Hatori sighed, yet again. "Kyou, take him up to your room-"
"WHY MY ROOM?"
"-and let him sleep for a bit. I'll come up to check on him in just a bit."
And so, Kyou dragged Ayame's body up the stairs, not even caring that Ayame was smacking his head against the wall all of the way.
Once Kyou and Ayame were gone, Yuki proceeded to cross his arms and brood, in that 'I'm Yuki, and I'm brooding' way that he usually did. "Yuki, are you okay?" shrieked Tohru, immediately fluttering over to his face. She looked like she was about to cry.
"I'm fine," said Yuki, sternly. He looked away, being un-characteristically rude to Tohru. Said girl, burst into tears and wandered off to go… somewhere.
"What in the world is wrong with you?" insisted Hatori. "Why did you beat up your brother? You understand that makes more work for me, and Akito already keeps me busy enough. I really don't need this…"
"Well, if you didn't need this, why did you come at all. That stupid snake will be fine, I assure you. I didn't hurt him that badly," grumbled Yuki, almost doing a direct impersonation of Kyou. Maybe spending all of that time around the cat had loosened up the rat a little bit. Not that it was a bad thing, but with some added aggressiveness, Yuki might be more like a juggernaut than anything else.
While Yuki brooded, Hatori took the few moments of silence to look over Yuki's facial cuts and see if they looked like they might get infected. Well, if they did get infected, they'd get all swollen and Yuki would look like a Chihuahua, and that would be pretty fucking funny. Hatori had to hold back laughter, at the sight of Yuki as a Chihuahua man.
"Well, I'm going to go check on Ayame," mumbled Hatori, quickly handing Yuki some bandages and antiseptic before hurriedly walking to the stairs, and breaking out in a giggle fit.
Oh yes.
All of this pressure was making Hatori go a little… well, shall we say FUCKING CARAAAAAZY?
Hooray!
Hatori didn't even knock on Kyou's door, and just let himself in. As he expected, Ayame was lying in Kyou's bed, with said cat gazing out the window. The thing that he didn't expect, however, was Kyou's next question.
"Is Yuki okay, too? I mean, I think Ayame's going to be fine," muttered our kitty. The only thing that could make that more of a suprise to Hatori, was if he actually knew that Kyou and Yuki weren't fucking to begin with! LOL.
"He'll be fine," said Hatori. "I'd better look at Ayame just in case, though." And so, doctorly and un-insane Hatori looked at Ayame, judging that they were just bruises and nothing was broken, and the doctor left. Because nobody really cares about Hatori, unless he's having hot man sex with Shigure, Ayame or any other hot man.
So, Kyou was left sitting in a room with the Kyou-crazed snake. Great. It was just peachy, though, because Ayame was (thankfully) unconscious. But then Ayame woke up.
Oh, shit.
"Kyou?" muttered Ayame, pulling himself up to a seating position. He looked around the room, and found his orange-haired little kitty. "Kyou, are you okay? Wait, just… come here." Kyou did as he was told, because, he really didn't hate Ayame a lot. The cat knelt by the snake, quietly, and was immediately engulfed in a kiss.
Kyou landed on his back, Ayame's lips crushing into his, with the snake hovering over him. Now, they had done something similar to this a week ago, but again, Kyou locked up and laid there completely frozen, lips slack and arms at his sides. Ayame pulled away, eyes glinting with lust, his lips moving down to Kyou's exposed neck.
"Relax," he mumbled between kisses, "You're fine now."
Well, it was true. Kyou felt safe and wanted. He relaxed, and kissed back.
Maybe having Ayame as a boyfriend wasn't such a bad thing.
adhfoahdfadf.
yayyyy, i got it done before xmas.
also, i want FAN ART. give me fan art of kyou's dress from some chapter's ago, and i'll write whoever makes me a fanart a little oneshot, with their pairing of choice.
well, merry christmas. read my other fanfiction.
-archy
