CHAPTER 5 : A CHANCE
05/02/2019
"So, what do you think?" Clarke asked Monty and Harper.
She'd decided to tell them about Bellamy passing by earlier. She couldn't act as if nothing had happened anymore. So, she told them everything: his behavior, his questions, his sudden interest in the painting. Which Monty and Harper loved, when Clarke gave it to them. They were so happy it moved Clarke to tears. She wished she could be there for them at their wedding. But being there would mean confronting the others. They would know she already broke her promise to never come back.
Her two friends were seated on the couch in front of her, their hands joined. They exchanged a look only they could understand, then brought their attention back to Clarke.
"I think," Monty calmly said, "Bellamy suspects something."
Clarke collapsed into her chair.
"Fuck."
She had been thinking the same thing, of course. But she needed to be sure.
"But, he doesn't remember, right?" she asked them.
She would never admit it to anyone, but a part of her wanted him to.
"Clarke, he doesn't need to remember anything to see something's wrong. He's not stupid."
"And we're not the best liars," Harper added, apologetically.
Clarke took her head in her hands. It was a disaster.
"I want to die," she mumbled.
"I'd rather you don't," Monty said.
"I'm cursed," she continued. "I've seen him twice in five days, and I'm only staying for a week!"
"You know, you could stay a bit longer if you'd like," Harper said.
Clarke looked at the two of them, startled.
"What?"
"We're leaving for our honeymoon two days after the wedding. We won't be here for a month. We wouldn't mind you staying here," Monty explained.
He and Harper had planned this road trip in Asia for years. It was a dream coming true for them. They'd preferred investing more in the trip rather than their own wedding, which was just going to be a small ceremony with their family and their closest friends. Except Clarke, of course. But they were happy, and that was all that mattered.
"No," Clarke said, "I can't stay in Arkadia and you know that."
"You can't avoid him forever," Monty sighed.
"It's what's best for him. We all agreed on that."
It wasn't totally true. Monty and Jasper were never totally okay with the situation. They were by Clarke's side when the accident happened. They did everything they could to support her through everything. They tried to convince her to stay, but in the end, they respected her choice. If you could call it a choice, really.
"I think that the only one who can decide what's best for Bellamy is Bellamy himself," Harper said.
"This isn't just about Bellamy. Or me. Telling him the truth would impact everyone. And maybe it wouldn't help him at all. Maybe it would destroy him…" Clarke countered.
"Yeah, maybe. But if he wants to know, then we should let him. We don't have the right to decide for him. Not us, not you, and certainly not his sister."
Clarke looked at Harper, discovering a new side of her friend. She'd never picked a side before. Clarke and Octavia were never friends, but after the accident it was like the war had been declared. Clarke would rather confront Bellamy once again than come face to face with his sister. They agreed on one thing at least: none of this would've happened if Clarke hadn't been there. And none of her friends' words and comfort could convince her otherwise.
Monty was looking at his future wife, his eyes full of pride.
"What we're trying to say is that maybe you should give him a chance and see how it goes. It seems like you guys can't stay apart for very long, anyway," he explained.
He wasn't wrong. The second time Clarke and Bellamy had ever seen each other, she'd also been trying to avoid him. It was like the universe was making sure their paths crossed.
But that story didn't have a happy ending, and this one wouldn't end well either.
"I can't," Clarke said, firmly.
10/09/2015
Clarke let out a sigh as she closed the door behind her.
"Finally," she said to herself.
The day had been long. She was exhausted and she was starting to have a headache. She couldn't wait until she was at home, in her bed. She really, really wanted to take a nap right now. She still had some work to do, but it could wait.
She walked through the corridors of the high school, already getting her car keys out of her bag. She saw some of her students leaving the school too. She was lucky, most of them were very nice even if some were often distracted. She'd been working for almost two weeks and she was just getting used to the place and the people. Some mornings she wanted to stay in bed all day, but most of the time she was doing fine.
As she arrived in the parking lot, she walked faster, eager to go home as fast as possible. She noticed a guy talking on the phone next to her car. She didn't react at first, but she suddenly stopped when she recognized him.
Bellamy Blake.
"Ugh."
Clarke couldn't help the sound coming out of her mouth. He was standing just before her car. No way she could act as if she hadn't seen him, which is what she'd been doing for the last few weeks. He clearly didn't want to see her either, which was great. At least they were on the same page.
Clarke hesitated to move any further. Maybe he was about to leave in a minute, and they could avoid a very awkward moment. But maybe not, and she really wanted to sleep.
So she walked towards her car, looking everywhere but at Bellamy, praying 'Please don't talk to me. Please don't talk to me.'
"… thought we agreed. Yes, I know. And It's great but…" Bellamy was saying on the phone, seemingly frustrated.
She walked past him, but he had his back to her. Good. Clarke unlocked the door.
"Gina… I'm happy for you, really. I just wish… We talked about this already. You said you'd be here s—"
Bellamy stopped. Why did he stop? Clarke glanced his way. 'Shit,' she thought. He was staring at her, straight in the eyes, frowning. He clenched his jaw, then sighed.
"Never mind. It's fine, I understand. I'll call you later. Love you." He quickly hung up.
He put his phone in his pocket, still looking at Clarke. She braced herself for a new argument with Bellamy Blake.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her, accusingly.
She snorted.
"That's my car," she said.
She expected him to accuse her of stalking him or spying on him. But he didn't. Instead, he sighed.
"Oh."
He put a hand in his hair, embarrassed. He shook his head. For a moment, they looked at each other, not knowing what to say. When it became weird, because neither of them actually wanted to talk to each other, Clarke opened the door to get into her car.
"Anyway, bye," she said.
"Wait," Bellamy said before she was fully seated.
'Oh, for God's sake.' Clarke got back up, both intrigued and worried he just wanted to accuse her of something else. She didn't have time for this.
"Yes?" she asked, crossing her arms.
Bellamy hesitated, then moved towards her. Two steps, then he stopped.
"I just uh…"
He bit his lip. Clarke raised her eyebrows, surprised to see him like this.
"I just wanted to apologize," he blurted out, as if he wanted the words to get out of his mouth as fast as humanly possible.
"Apologize?" Clarke repeated.
She couldn't believe what she'd just heard.
"Yeah. For the other night," he explained, still a bit embarrassed.
She could see him clench his jaw. He kept looking at her, then looking at something else, then looking back at her. He sighed.
"I was having a bad day. I wasn't in a great mood, really," he explained. "I didn't realize I was being rude."
It obviously cost him to tell her that. But he did anyway. He was braver than her, because she wouldn't have had the guts. She'd been more determined to avoid him forever rather than apologize to him, both because she felt ashamed and because she had too much ego.
"Yeah, well I'm sorry too," she said. "I shouldn't have reacted like that. I was... drunk."
It kind of felt good, saying that out loud. Confronting Bellamy had been a good thing after all. She smiled at him. Not a big smile, just a way to show him she accepted his apology. He seemed to forgive her too, since he smiled back at her.
"It's fine. I understand," he said.
She nodded, thankful. His phone buzzed, and he took it out of his pocket to read the message he'd just received. She saw his smile slowly disappear. He looked back at her, just the time to say goodbye.
"I gotta go. See you soon, then."
As he backed away, she couldn't help but notice the sadness that had taken over his eyes.
"Yeah. Sure," she said back, just before he turned his back on her.
She watched him leave, suddenly very intrigued by Bellamy Blake.
