Chapter Nine

That Kiss

For two days Woody didn't contact Jordan. Even when he caught a homicide and she was one of the answering ME's, he didn't call her.

The kiss. Between her and Neil. For some reason it rankled him.

And he couldn't explain to himself exactly why it did. Vainly he told himself that it was because he knew that at one time, he and Jordan had been involved and had called it quits. It's just a little leftover jealousy, he told himself, trying to rationalize a good mood back into existence.

It wasn't working. The anger that had manifested itself after the amnesia had first set in was back and once again, Matt Seely found himself with the bull's eye on his back. "What the hell is the matter with you?" Matt had finally asked, after taking yet another raging blast from Woody.

"Nothing…nothing, man…"

"Yeah, right. What's set you off now?"

Woody sighed and carefully looked his partner over. "Have you always shot me straight, Seely?"

Matt hesitated for a moment, wondering where this conversation was leading, as well as quickly reflecting all the answers he had given Woody. "Y…y….yeah. As honest as I could be with what I know about you. We hadn't been partners that long when you got amnesia, Hoyt."

"Then what can you tell me about Jordan?"

"Jordan Cavanaugh?"

"That would be the Jordan I'm talking about."

"She's hardworking, too damn perceptive for her own good, a hell of an ME, a good-looking woman that's probably too independent for her own safety, and has a pair of legs that make a man think about…"

"Not that," Woody said, quickly cutting Matt off. He had seen Jordan's legs one too many times at his apartment…long legs that were exposed by the girl boxers she slept in. He knew where Matt was going with that comment because Woody had already been there in his mind….several times. "No…I mean about her and me…she and me…us…"

"You two…God, Woody, don't make me go there. I'll tell you anything…but that."

"Look, Matt…please…" Woody lowered his voice to something close to pleading. "It's important. I only know what she's told me… and I don't remember a freakin' thing about it."

"I don't know much, Woody," Matt said, his voice softening just a bit. "You two had broken up, if you were ever really together, by the time we became partners. I know for about four years it was touch and go…you'd touch her, she'd go off somewhere. Then all of a sudden….it was over. She was dating a guy named JD Pollack and you and Simmons were going out."

"Me and Simmons?" Funny….he didn't think he liked blondes.

"You and Simmons. But that didn't last long either. She had been your shrink at one time and there were all these ethical issues…"

Shit. "We – me and Jordan – broke up…just like that?"

"Seems. You two came back from a case in northern Massachusetts and as soon as you were home, things were colder than a witch's…"

"That's fine. I get the picture. But you don't know why?"

"Not a clue, my friend. I don't think anyone really knows but you and her." Matt eyed him curiously. "So why is it so important to know this now? Your memory coming back?"

Woody shook his head, disgust evident in his face. "No…not yet. I just…just heard something that made me uneasy." Okay, that's a half truth – I saw something that made me uneasy."

Matt laughed before he headed out their office door to get some coffee. "Man, let me tell you something about this place, Hoyt. The rumor mill here works overtime. Don't believe everything you see and only about half of what you hear. If you want to know the truth about yours and Jordan's relationship – or whatever the hell it was – you're going to have ask her."

He wrestled with Matt's answer for the rest of the afternoon. You're going to have to ask her…

He didn't want to. Woody did not want to have to ask Jordan the parameters and boundaries of their past relationships. He had wanted to remember them…allow them to come back to him like the few other things he remembered had – in snippets, flashbacks – small packets of information that he could easily absorb and digest a little at the time.

But then he saw another man kissing her.

It shouldn't have bothered him. Not really. Jordan had told him that their relationship was over. So what if she was seeing another man? That was the way things went, right? You break up and then get out there in that dating pool and try again…swim with the sharks and see if you can't find a pearl. He knew that was true. Resolutely, he turned back around to his computer to file some reports. Of course that was true and right and the way things had to be.

So why did that kiss bother him so much? Woody shook his head. With a few flicks of a few keys, he had it. Her home address….

The hell with the reports.


"Who on earth?" Jordan mumbled to herself as she hastily pulled herself out of the shower and grabbed her robe.

"He said he was Detective Hoyt, ma'am," Millie replied from Jordan's bedroom. Jordan had pulled a double shift at the morgue and at the end of the second one, left work and came home to eat, shower, and sleep. In that order. She had no plans to go out that night and no plans for company.

"Did he say what he wanted?" Jordan asked her housekeeper.

"No, ma'am. Just asked if he could speak to you in private. Harris put him in the front room and told him we'd check to see if you could come down."

What does he want? Jordan thought to herself as she fluffed her hair out in front of the mirror. We're not working any case together…Maybe his memory has come back…oh shit. "Thanks, Millie. You and Harris can go ahead and leave for the evening."

"Are you sure, Miss Cavanaugh?"

"It's Jordan. And I'm sure. I'm quite capable of heating my supper up in the microwave." She gave Millie a crooked grin. "Now go. Enjoy your evening."

Jordan donned a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and headed downstairs to the front room. She found Woody there, pacing and nervously running a hand through his hair. "Hi," she greeted him, hoping her voice didn't sound as nervous as he appeared.

"Hello," Woody replied. "I didn't know you lived in Beacon Hill until I found your address….I thought you said you lived on Pearle Street."

"I told you did up until a few months ago. My grandmother died and left me this house, so I moved in here."

"Did I know that before…"

Jordan nodded. "I moved in a couple of months before your surgery.

Woody nodded, and circled the room one more time, coming to stand in front of her. "I need some questions answered."

Swallowing hard, Jordan sank down on the couch behind her. "What kind of questions?"

"About us."

"Ah." She reached over and pulled a pillow from the corner of the sofa and held it in front of her, both arms wrapped around it. It was a defensive motion and it didn't escape Woody's attention. "Has your memory come back?" she asked. Her voice sounded tight and strained.

"No." He sank down beside her. "Something happened the other night, Jordan. Something I need to ask you about. Will you be honest with me?"

She nodded, feeling like one of those cartoon canaries trapped in the cage with the cat waiting for her to make a false move. "I will."

"Good." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "The other night…when I saw you out at Marino's…the Italian place?" Woody waited for her to nod in remembrance. "You were with another man…"

"Neil."

"Yeah, Neil. I know you told me that once we were in some sort of relationship, but called it quits. I know you have every right to date other men. But I saw Neil kiss you good-bye…" Jordan started to say something, but Woody held up his hand to stop her. "I'll be honest, Jo. The kiss bothered me. But what bothered me even more than that was the way I felt about you kissing another man. I don't know….I think I felt jealous or something."

Jordan slowly raised her head a little and looked him in the face. His honest, blue eyes were telling her that he was confused. If they were over, why did it bother him to see her kissing someone else? "I don't know why you feel that way, Woody."

"I don't either. That's why I'm here… I want you to tell me about us. All about us. What did we have and why did we break up?

"Woody… I don't think that's such a good idea…"

"I can't count on my memory coming back, Jordan. It's only come back just a very few areas…and I need to know this. And I want it to come from you. According to Matt, we were getting along … and then after a case in northern Massachusetts, everything went up in smoke."

Flames is more like it…she thought, wincing at the memory. "This is going to take a while, Woody."

"I don't have nothing but time…"

Sighing, Jordan debated on whether to get into all the gory details or give him the sanitized version. Glancing at him from under her lashes, observing the resolute expression on his face, she realized that the sanitized version just wouldn't do. He was trying to comprehend and analyze his emotions…understand why he felt the way he did when he didn't remember anything about them.

To be honest, she wasn't sure why he would be jealous of her and Neil. Before he lost his memory, he had told her that he didn't want to be her rebound guy and had moved on with his life with seeming enthusiasm and more gusto than she wanted to remember.

She also knew that what she was about to reveal to him might end this new-found fragile friendship that they had. Taking a deep breath, she began. "If you really want to know how it started, we're going to have to go back four, nearly five years ago…"

"That long?"

Jordan nodded. "I answered one of your first homicides after you came from Wisconsin. It was a bank heist…" She watched his face as she knew he was searching his memory and coming up empty. "We became friends, although it was obvious to me from the start that you wanted more from me…"

"And you didn't like me that way…"

Jordan shook her head vehemently. "No. That's not true. I liked you from the start…but you were such a do-gooder Boy Scout."

"That I turned you off."

"Not true again. I thought you were too good for me." She lowered her voice to a whisper and looked down at the pillow. "I mean, here I was…Jordan Cavanaugh…falling for a man that had the patience of a saint….a man that my heart kept screaming for me to let go and love while my mind kept telling me that there was no way it would work between us…we were too different and I'd end up hurting you." She lowered her head and her hair spilled down over her shoulders, hiding her face.

"Did you?" Woody took his hand and gently brushed her hair off her shoulder so that he could better see her face.

"Yes. No. I don't know….every time you wanted to move our relationship forward, I'd dig in my heels and say no. Then for my birthday last year, you gave me a ring. A friendship ring, but it was a diamond one…"

"Was I that sure of myself with you?"

"No…that was the point. We were getting along really well…we were closer as friends than ever…when we caught this case about two best friends that fell in love…but it didn't work out…" Jordan's eyes held a far away look as she remembered the case of the pregnant nun. "And I came away from that thinking that all I wanted to do was be in your arms…you were my best friend and for the first time in my life I was scared to death over losing you. I initially had turned your ring down…but about the time I picked up the phone to call you to see if I could have another chance with you, you march into my office and without even giving me a chance to speak, tell me that we are better off as just friends." Jordan sighed deeply again and shut her eyes against the pain that dredging up all these memories was causing her. She hoped Woody wouldn't notice in the dim light of the front room.

But he did. He saw the play of emotions across her face…the emotional pain that was making her wince. Part of him wanted to stop this conversation…so that her pain would stop…but he needed to know the truth. "Then what happened?" he softly prompted.

Quickly telling herself that the man sitting beside of her was a different Woody, she gulped and went on with their story. "You started seeing other women…and I tried seeing other men. You got a little jealous…you told me that you couldn't imagine me saying to another man what you always wanted to hear me say to you…" She chuckled as she remembered his vocalized protests over her blind date. Then closing her eyes again, she shuddered. "And…then it happened…"

"What?" His voice held quiet urgency.

"You were shot. By Riggs. I nearly lost you, Woody…I nearly…." Her voice broke then and she felt the tears. It happened every time she recalled that day…tears…regrets. "I was so afraid you were going to die…I told you….begged you then, not to leave me. And I told you that I loved you."

"You did?" Puzzlement ringed his voice, causing Jordan to open her eyes and face him again. "Then what was the issue? I loved you…you loved me…why didn't we …."

"You pushed me away. You told me to get out of our life. You didn't want me." Jordan's voice was as heavy as her heart.

And Woody was speechless. This makes no sense…. "W…why?" he finally stammered.

"I don't know. I still don't know…" She struggled to regain her composure against her pain. "Anyway, I started seeing a man … JD Pollack…and you were dating other people, too."

"Who?"

"Annie, Santana…Lu…and a few others. But mainly Lu."

Woody shook his head. "I don't remember…and I don't feel anything when I'm with those women now…" Not like I do when I'm with you…

"Then….me and you were called to a case at the Lucy Carver Inn…we got snowed in. We had to share a room and a bed…the first night we talked…got a lot of stuff out in the open. The second night…the second night…" her voice faltered.

"What happened? What happened the second night?"

"We made love. For the first time."

Dead silence ringed the room before Woody blew out a long breath. After four years….they finally had made love. That should have been enough to push the relationship closer, not further apart. "Wow…"

"Yeah. Wow. Definitely a wow, Woody. I had never felt that way with anyone before," she said, reflecting that talking about that night to him now was nearly like talking to a third unaffected party. He didn't remember a thing about it. It was nearly like confessing it to her priest.

And it was then Matt said the relationship grew cold…Wood remembered. "But that didn't help us did it?"

She shook her head. "No…you said you didn't want to be my rebound guy after I had broke up with Pollack to be with you….you moved on to date other women and …"

"Did we ever go out again?"

"No…not really. But you made love to me two more times, but after each time, you backed off…."

Woody was floored. He had another chance with her and he pushed her away for Lu Simmons and the like? Vainly he searched his limited memory banks for some kind of clue about what he had been thinking or feeling, and came up empty.

Except for her. Woody might not be able to remember everything they did and said to each other… or the reasons why in the end he kept pushing her away, but he remembered what he felt when he was with her…a warmth and peace he was sure was going to vanish in the space of a few minutes or hours, but yet a feeling he desperately wanted to hang on to. A feeling of protectiveness that wanted to keep her by his side that that he knew she would be okay and wouldn't be hurt again.

Yet he had ended up hurting her…that was apparent by the tears she kept fighting from running down her face. Something had to be done.

"Could we try it again, Jordan?" he tentatively asked.

"Try what?" she sniffed back her emotions and tried to focus.

"Us….us being a couple instead of just friends. Maybe I could give you the ring back and we could pretend that none of what occurred afterwards really did. I sure as hell don't remember…and if you tried really hard.."

"No!" The word was torn from her lips with such force she knew it took him by surprise. "No," she repeated more softly, but with just as much emphasis.

"Why not? Don't you have any feelings left for me?"

"It's not that, Woody. That's not the issue…." Jordan stood and walked away from him to the other side of the room. For a few moments, the silence was broken by only the ticking of the huge grandfather clock in the entrance way. "Woody," she finally continued when she composed herself, "do you know what would happen to us when you got your memory back?"

"We'd live happily ever after?" he asked, trying to manage a weak grin.

"No…You'd be furious with me…you'd think I tried to tricked you into this. And I can't live with your anger and rejection again. You've broken my heart three times…I don't think I can take a fourth time." She turned around to face him, only to find him right behind her.

"So until I get my memory back…we can be friends and that's all…"

Jordan nodded. "I'll be your friend…I'll help you in anyway I can. I know you don't understand all of this, but when you do remember, I want you to recall that I helped you everyway I knew how…and that I was there for you…then maybe you'll see that I'm the same Jordan you've always known and maybe you'll love me again…maybe then we can try the relationship thing one more time…if you want to…if we both have the heart to try to start all over."

Woody looked deep in her brown eyes. She was telling the truth…as far as he could tell and he did know enough about himself he could sense when people were lying to him. It had been over between the two of them and Jordan was in no way going to try to revisit the past until he could go there with her.

And right now he couldn't. Most of the past thirty-three years of his life were a huge, blank void. Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair again. "You're right…you're right. I guess it's better that we're not together….I think we both need time apart to get our respective acts together. Me to get my memory back and you to let me have that space."