Chapter 2- That Car Just Hit a Tree

"What the- oh! I know whose owl that is… it's stupid Potter's! Why would he send me a letter?" Draco picked up the letter that Hedwig had dropped. "YAY! It's from Hermione… blahblah… P.S. Sure I'll go out with you. GO OUT WITH ME! YAY! WOOHOO! ALRIGHT-ALRIGHT-ALRIGHT! WHEEEE! HAHA! EAT THAT POTTER!"

"Draco, is it possible for you to be ANY louder?" Lucius asked.

"SHE SAID YES! SHE SAID YES!" Draco chanted.

"Who?" Lucius asked.

"SHE DID-YIPPEEE!"

"And who's she- oh yeah Permoninny or something like that," Lucius mumbled.

"Hermione, dad and seriously, you're going to need to get that right, especially if she comes over and this time please try NOT to perform illegal and unforgivable and dangerous and unique and just plain QUEER spells on my friends," Draco said.

"You have friends?"

"You hexed Crabbe, remember? You changed him into a lobster."

"Oh yeah, forgot about that one." Lucius turned slightly pink.

"One problem though…"

"What?" Lucius asked.

"She wants to know the name of my rabbit, the one that you named and-"

Lucius gasped, "You can't tell her it's name was-"

"Fluffykins?" Narcissa said with her hands on her hips, "Oh yeah, some Dark wizard you are. 'Oh, I'll hex a couple muggles, torture a few Mudbloods and get a white bunny and name it Fluffykins.' Way to go… I mean really way to go."

"Yeah well… it was fluffy."

"So why didn't you name it something decent like Fluffy Kapow or Fluffy Fangs of Death, but no-"

" Fluffy Fangs of Death!" Draco snorted, " Nice…"

"Hi," Hermione said as she answered the door.

"Hey Hermione!" Amy, Hermione's Muggle friend was standing at the door, "I hooked you up with an awesome guy!" She brushed her brown hair out of her face, "He's really cute. I can bring him over later tonight!"

"Well… thanks and all but uh, I think I have a guy right now…" Hermione stuttered.

"No way! You told me you were to shy to ask a guy out!"

"Well, he asked me…"

As she said this, a green Mercedes drove by and hit a tree.

"Hey, uh, that car just hit a tree." Amy said.

"Really?" Hermione said somewhat sarcastically. "I hope they have insurance," she added, "That's an expensive car. We should go see if they're ok."

"True 'dat!"

"True that."

Hermione and Amy turned to go down to the car and as they did, a tall, lean figure got out of the car.

"Well, we hit a tree," he said, "Should we fix it now or just wait?"

Then Hermione recognized him; it was Lucius Malfoy. Narcissa stepped out from the passenger side and then Draco calmly opened the back door and strolled out as if his father had just elegantly parallel parked instead of smashing into an oak tree.

"I told you, you should have let Arthur Weasley give you directions on how to drive. I told you!" Narcissa said, "Or you should have let me drive. I told you I know how!"

"Um… are you all okay?" Amy asked.

"Hmmm… let's think. My dad has just succeeded in totaling a brand-new Jaguar and the tree is now crooked, so I'd say we're not," Draco drawled, "Oh and did I mention this isn't the first Mercedes? It's the sixth!"

"You obviously drove here then," Hermione said.

"No, Granger we flew, it's just that our brooms just happen to be shaped like a-"

"Shut UP! My friend's not a-"

"Woohoo for her."

"Alright," Lucius said, "I can fix this one! All I have to do is-" He started to get out his wand.

Hermione coughed.

"You children go in a house or play hide and seek or something. Just get away from the car!" Narcissa said.

"Is that kid's dad drunk or on drugs or something?" Amy whispered.

"No, not really," Hermione said. Just as she finished saying that, the Jaguar burst into flames.

"Can you fix it?" Draco said.

"No!" Lucius and Narcissa said simultaneously.

"Draco, uh, what are you doing?" Draco was fooling around with the toaster, obviously enjoying the part where the toast shot out of it.

"Hm?" He turned around.

"I just, uh, don't want you to get electrocuted or anything."

"Elecky what? BURN, YOU STUPID THING, BURN! WAHAHA! FIRE!" The toast had now caught on fire. Amy was speechless. All she could do was stare at Draco; obviously thinking the whole family was on drugs. Outside Hermione could hear shouts of "Reparo!" "Lucius, my dress is on fire!" and "OKAY, HOLD ON!" "You stupid idiot, put it OUT!"

"Right…" Amy began, "Are your parents okay out there? Those ARE your parents aren't they?"

"No, they're really my great, great grandparents... OF COURSE, they're my parents." Draco said.

Hermione could see that Draco and Amy were not going to get along. Amy obviously thought Draco's whole family was insane and Draco was obviously thinking Amy was a complete loser, being a Muggle above all else.

"Hey Hermione, can I talk you out in the living room?" Amy asked.

"Uh, sure. Draco stay here and, uh, don't hurt yourself!"

Once out in the living room, Amy asked, "Who is THAT?"

Hermione meekly replied, "The guy I was telling you about."

"What is up with him?

"Just ask him yourself," Immediately, Hermione regretted saying this. Draco might hex Amy or something.

"Fine," Amy said, "Hey you! Mental boy get in here!"

"Are you talking to me?" said Draco, "because my name is DRACO not Mental Boy, you stupid, filthy, little-"

"OK, Draco that's enough." Hermione interrupted.

"What is your problem, DRACO?" Amy added extra emphasis on the Draco part.

Draco took a deep breath, "Well, you see, I met a possum."

"No, seriously, what is your problem?" Hermione could tell Amy was getting ticked off.

"What's yours?" Draco sure knew how to push people's buttons.

"I don't HAVE one; unlike you and your MENTAL family."

"I dare you to say that again, Muggle," Draco growled.

"Fine," said Amy, "Your entire family's mental. Including YOU!"

Draco yanked out his wand, "You are never going to EVER say that again."

"Oooh, whatcha you gonna do? Stab me with your little twig?"

"Oh, much, much worse. In fact what I'm going to do will make you wish I was hitting you with a chainsaw," he sighed, "but I'm not allowed to use one. It's a Muggle device… Oh well. Cru-" He stopped with his wand in midair. "Uh, Hermione, is it okay if I torture your stupid little friend into insanity?"

It took all of Hermione's self-control to keep her from tackling Draco and knocking him senseless with a lamp. "What do you think, you stupid git? Would I let you torture Harry? No… Then why would I-"

"Okay, okay I get your point even though you wouldn't let me torture Harry because he's your little boyfriend." Hermione blushed, "You, Muggle person-" he pointed at Amy, "Remember, I'm wathing- I mean watching- you."

"Whatever. Bye, Hermione. I'll see you later." Amy said angrily as she waved and walked out the door.

"You're WATHING her?" Hermione asked.

"I have a slight speech problem," Draco said coolly.

"HEY! The car's fixed!" Lucius said cheerily.

"No thanks to your father," Narcissa said to Draco.

"I did all of it!" Lucius replied indignantly.

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not."

"DID TOO!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Uh, Mr. Malfoy, do you, uh, want something to drink?" Hermione asked in a meek voice.

"Sure, what do you have?"

"Just an ice water, thanks," said Narcissa.

"Well," began Hermione, " we have iced tea, milk, diet iced tea, lemon crystal light, strawberry kiwi crystal light, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Sprite, diet Sunkist, grape soda, grape juice, sparkling grape juice, grape flavored water, grape Gatorade and grape kool-aid, grape crystal light, and grape slushies."

"Whoa!" Draco said, "How long did it take you to memorize that?"

"I hope you like grapes," Narcissa said.

"Uh, just, uh, some iced tea," Lucius stuttered. Hermione turned to Draco.

"Grape Gatorade, I guess,"

"Alright," Hermione turned and walked into the kitchen. "Ok," she thought to herself, "when will my mom be home and when can I get Draco and Mr. Death Eater out of my living room!" She walked back in with the drinks. "Here you go! I'll be right back, I just need to make a telephone call." The Malfoys gave her a blank stare. "You know-" she motioned like she was talking on the phone, "oh, never mind!"

Hermione dialed her mom's phone number than stopped. "Hmm," a grin crept across her face. She dialed again.

" 'Lo?"

"Can I speak to Harry?"

"Who is this?"

"Uh, this is his teacher who is ten years older than him and just graduated from college."

"Oh-HARRY!"

"What, DUDLEY?"

"PHONE! IT'S YOUR TEACHER!"

"Uh… Hello, professor?" It was so good to hear Harry's voice again even if he did sound nervous.

"No. This is Hermione, stupid."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Guess who's in my living room!"

"Who?"

"I SAID GUESS HARRY!"

"Professor Snape in a pink tutu and he's making out with Professor Sprout."

"Nice try," Hermione groaned.

"Than who?" Harry replied.

"Guess again."

"Fine… uh… Lord Voldemort is in your living room dressed in a pink prom dress drinking tea with your mum and he's sticking out his pinkie."

"Why are you obsessed with pink, Harry?"

"Why are you obsessed with grapes?"

"Why do you care?"

"Who's in your living room?"

"Dra- HEY! You didn't guess three times!"

"Fine. Dra-dra- DRACO Malfoy's in your living room eating birthday cake that he found under your sofa."

"Well, you almost got it. Draco Malfoy and Lucius AND Narcissa are all sitting in my living room-"

"-Plotting to kill you." Harry finished.

"No. It's a long story. Do you just want to come over?"

"Sure. I'll fly there. Bye."

"Bye, Harry." Hermione smiled. This was going to be interesting.