Chapter 5: I'm your Venus Ron walked down the corridor to Snape's classroom and found Draco standing with his ear pressed to the door.

"What are you doing?" he said.

"Shhhh…" Draco motioned for him to come over, "Listen." Ron put his ear to the door and could hear faintly, "I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, your desire," being sung by someone inside.

"Is he married?" Ron asked Draco.

"No," Draco turned the doorknob, "We should go in." They walked in and saw Snape wearing a shower cap and pink bathrobe. He was standing over a cauldron, shaving his legs. Now he was singing, "Man, I feel like a woman."

"Let's go," Draco said quietly as he put his hand over his own mouth to keep from laughing. Ron was doubled up laughing silently.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Snape had turned around and he was furious.

"We had detention, sir," Draco said between sniggers. Ron tried to talk but couldn't.

"Well, uh," Snape actually blushed, "Come back tomorrow," He flustered.

"Yes sir," Draco dragged Ron out into the corridor where the both erupted into laughter.

"Want to go to the library?" Ron asked between spasms of laughter.

"Sure," Draco gasped, "My dad will love this."

"Mine, too," Ron managed to choke out.

"I am NOT going to tell you again. SHH! THIS IS A LIBRARY!" the librarian snapped for the fifth time. Ron and Draco could barely breathe now. They had been laughing for about ten minutes. They walked over to the table farthest from the angry librarian.

"I'm your Venus," Ron sang doing an imitation of SNape, "I'm your fire, your desire!"

"Please stop," Draco gasped, smiling, "My stomach aches." Ron sang it again.

"You're my what?" Hermione had walked up behind them, "Ron, that's a muggle shaving ad." At the word "shaving", Ron and Draco had a complete meltdown. "What did I say?" Hermione was confused, "Are you two friends now or something? Shouldn't you be in detention?"

"We're not friends," Draco said, "but, we-"

"Just saw the queerest thing in the world," Ron finished.

"What was it?" Hermione asked. Ron and Draco went into another helpless fit of laughter.

"Snape…shaving…legs…singing…should've…taken…picture," Ron gasped.

"Singing…Man…I...feel…like a…woman," Draco choked, "pink…shower cap…and bathrobe." Draco fell out of his chair. "I'm okay!" Draco lifted up his hand. Hermione started to giggle and Draco's accident made Ron laugh harder. The librarian came over and handed them both pieces of paper that said they both had a detention with Argus Filch in the Trophy Room.

"I gave you warning! Ms. Granger, the same goes for you," she growled. Hermione moved her mouth but no sound came out. "Get OUT!" The librarian pointed her fat finger towards the door.

"Way to go, Ron! Getting us kicked out of a library!" Draco waved his hands wildly as they all walked up to the Trophy Room, "I can see my letter to my mum now, 'Dear Mum, I have succeeded in getting two detentions in one and a half days! And as an added bonus, I witnessed Snape shaving his legs.' Won't she be happy?"

"Hey! It's your fault Malfoy! If you didn't start that fight with me during the feast, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Ron retorted as they walked up a flight of stairs.

"Yeah well, at least I'm not a Gryffin-DORK! Notice how there is an 'in' in Slyther-IN! Therefore, I'm cool." Draco said calmly. Hermione moved in between the two boys to keep them from getting into another fight.

"Personally, I'm not happy either! I didn't want the detention and I was just standing there! That's injustice," Hermione smacked her fist onto her palm, "Did you just call us 'Gryffin-dorks'?"

"Oh… I see," Draco nodded his head, "And how does that make you feel?"

"Gryffin-dorks? Surely, you can come up with something better!" Ron snarled, then he put on a whiny voice, " I'm a snotty little Slytherin and I'm SO cool cause there's the word 'in' in my name!"

"Shut up you stupid filthy-" Draco began.

"Do you call everyone stupid and filthy?" Hermione asked, "Oh, uh, hello Mr. Filch." She gave a half-hearted wave. Argus Filch limped over to them and handed them rags and containers of polish.

"Get started," Filch snarled, "No false moves. Remember, no one makes a fool of Argus Filch!"

"My arms hurt," Ron moaned. They had been polishing for over two hours and every so often the could hear Filch, "Eh? WHASSAT?" "This will take for ever!"

"You know instead of Filch saying, 'Eh Whassat?' He could say, 'Eh WHASSUP?' Guess what? I made up a song!" Draco said cheerfully as he scrubbed, "It goes to the tune of 'Head Shoulders Knees and Toes'."

"You know that song?" Hermione asked. She was massaging her hands, "Err… I can't feel my hands!"

"Who doesn't know that song?" Ron said. He started to polish a trophy that was slightly larger than his head. Draco had stopped and he was shaking out his hands.

"You know what my dad always says?" Draco asked.

"Crucio?" Ron guessed. Draco whacked him with a rag.

"Stupid git! He says no pain no gain so… that means that we're gaining something, but what?" Draco posed in the "thinking" position, "Wanna hear my song now?"

"The one that sounds like 'Head Shoulders Knees and Toes'?" Hermione said. She resumed polish a little badge that said, "Most Prefect-y Prefect".

"Yup," Draco sat up and launched into the song, "Green, silver, red and gold; red and gold; green, silver, red and gold; red and gold Slytherin and Gryffin-DORKS! Green, silver, red and gold! Red and GOLD!"

"It's gonna be a long night with him singing that," Ron grumbled.