A/N: The usual: thanks so my reviewers and readers. Oh, and this is back in Lily's POV.

Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. Harry. Potter. Period.

Dedication: To my volleyball coach, who has no sense of compassion whatsoever.

I stared at the healer, terrified. I was dimly aware that David's arms were around me, and that I was on his lap, but that didn't matter. Kelsey's baby is what matters now.

"Kelsey gave birth to a baby boy. He was stillborn. I'm sorry." The healer said, sounding grave.

I burst into to tears. The healer shuffled away, saying we could go and see Kelsey. I couldn't move, I couldn't think, all I could do was cry. David held me, until finally I realized that I was in his lap. I pushed myself off him and onto a chair of my own.

"Come on Lily, it's okay." David said, sounding tired.

I ignored him. I decided it was a good time to go and visit Kelsey, so I got up and shuffled into the hallway, and down to Kelsey's room. When I pushed open the door, Kelsey was lying on her bed, tears rolling down her face. I rushed over to her, and hugged her. She looked at me sadly.

"I saw him, Lily. He was so beautiful." Kelsey sobbed, and I sobbed with her. I almost had a nephew, and now my cousin was in agony. I glanced over at Matt. David, who had followed me, was talking to him softly. Matt seemed really distraught. I turned my attention back to Kelsey. Her hair was everywhere, and she looked tired.

"You need sleep." I told her softly, and she shook her head miserably. I knew she did, since her body needed to regenerate. I sang her a lullaby, and she was asleep within minutes. As I sat in the chair next to her, I realized that was the first time I had sang in months. I missed the sound of my own voice. I sat there for a while with my head in my hands, until David came and sat next to me.

"You know, Lily, every thing is going to be okay." David told me softly. I shook my head. Nothing was going to be okay. I was diagnosed with depression, and I was taking stuff for it, but it took a few months for the stuff to fully kick in, so now I was still all depressed. David was making it worse. I was trying so hard to forget about everything in the past, but David was hard to forget.

"Can you leave me alone David? I'm trying so hard to forget everything between you and me. You don't love me, and I am trying to forget about you." I told David sadly.

I stayed at the hospital the whole Day with Kelsey. Eventually, her parents came by, and quite a few of my relatives. They all told Kelsey how sorry they were. My mom came by and talked to her, and her and me had a little chat. We hadn't really talked last time I saw her, since I was to depressed to do anything.

"So when did you and David get together?" She said, and this time I knew she wanted an answer.

"Christmas." I said, looking at my hands.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My mom said, and I looked up at her. She was looking sad. Sometimes I hate my mom, sometimes I love her. Right now, I loved her and I was glad she was my mom. I could feel a flood of tears coming.

"I love you Mommy." I said, and she told me she loved me to.

I went back to school that evening. Kelsey was coming back on Sunday night, but she would go back to school on Tuesday. The first thing I did when I got back was go up to my dorm and cry. I never knew that this could be so hard. I was starting to get better, and then something like this happens. David was insistent that he did love me.

Later that night, I couldn't sleep, so I got up and went down to the common room. David was there. I turned around to go back up before he saw me, but I wasn't quick enough.

"Lils, come here. We need to talk." He told me, speaking softly.

I hesitated for a second, before going down to sit next to him on a couch.

"Lily, why are you so insistent that I don't love you? Why do you want to forget about me so much?" David asked me, and I knew that he, like my mom, wanted real answers this time.

"Because you don't love me! You love that stupid other girl, and she likes you to. I am trying to get over depression, and you keep bringing up the memories that I am trying to forget." I said, crying. That's one thing about depression: you cry. A lot.

"You mean Erica? No, I don't love her! I love you Lily! More then anyone." David said.

"Then why were you flirting with her the other day?" I asked, still crying. David looked abashed. He had no way to explain that one.

"Listen Lily" David said, taking her hands in his, "I love you. I really do. I hate so much to see you hurting like this." David said, and his voice was so caring that Lily went from crying to sobbing.

"It's just so hard. I was starting to feel better then Kelsey has a stillborn baby and…" I said, but I was overcome by sobs. David tried once again to pull me into his lap. This time, I let him. I cried on his shoulder for a long time. He was so patient with me, he just let me cry.

When the tears were done running their course, I looked at David. He stared solemnly back. I was so hesitant to do anything with him, but more then anything I wanted to. I wanted to kiss him and hug him and tell him I loved him, but I couldn't. He needed to do it first.

As though sensing my thoughts, he pulled me forward slightly. I was so mistrusting of everything now, even more then I was before. He kissed me lightly on the lips. I let him kiss me for a few seconds before he pulled away.

"I'm sorry. We need to go slower." I told him softly. He sighed, but he nodded. He got up, bade me good night, and left. I felt bad. I made him feel like he was pressuring me, I knew it. I watched him leave, and then I pondered a few things.

Why was I so hesitant to love all of a sudden? I mean, I was raped and I had no problem loving David, once I had healed a bit. Now, when I needed love more then ever, I was so hesitant to admit that I loved him, or let myself believe I was loved. I didn't want to get hurt again.

On Monday when classes started, I confessed this to Tyler, hoping he would say some of his nice advice that he gives me sometimes.

"I'm sorry, Lily, but you have to work through this one on your own. You can do it, I know you can. You have to be strong." He told me. This advice meant nothing to me, since I was already trying to be strong.

When David came to sit next to me at lunch, he tried to hold my hand. I pulled back, once again hesitant. He looked at me, confused.

"I'm sorry!" I said, and I jumped up and left. I wasn't hungry anymore. I know that Madam Pomfrey said that if I didn't eat, she would force feed me food, but I figured this was okay. I had gained back a lot of the wait I had lost. I was just not hungry back…then and now I am sometimes.

I went up to my dorm, where Tess was hurriedly finishing her essay for our class.

"What happened now?" she said, looking up and seeing my face.

"I don't get it! Why can't I let myself love?" I said, throwing myself onto my bed. I held back my tears; I didn't want pity, just someone to talk with.

"You have to be strong Lily." Tess told me softly, sitting down.

"I know that already! Tyler told me that, and now you, and I am being strong!" I snapped, angry that she thought I was being weak.

"Tell me, why wont you admit that you still love David and that you aren't going to get over him anytime soon?" Tess asked me gently.

"Because…because… I don't want to get hurt again!" I burst out, crying finally (Where were these tears coming from? They were overflowing!).

Tess stared at me as though she thought I was being incredibly stupid.

"What?" I said, angry that I told her what was wrong and all she could do was look at me like I'm a dork?

"You just said it. You need to be strong." Tess said again.

"I didn't say anything about being strong!" I snapped, and Tess sighed.

"I am clearly not getting to you and neither did Tyler. I suppose you will get it in time…maybe when it's to late." Tess said softly.

I stalked off. Tess hadn't helped me at all. She had given me the same bologna that Tyler had. Didn't they understand? No, they didn't. I went to my next class and sat in front of the door for the rest of lunch, reading a book. Nobody bothered me. I liked being alone, but I missed the way I used to be: happy.

The next morning, Tuesday, Kelsey went back to school. Everybody was whispering about her. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do. All day, people had come up to her and asked her about the baby, asking if it was okay. Each time, I watched Kelsey tell them that he was a stillborn. I couldn't believe how strong she was being.

Matt was by her side as much as possible. He was still in love with Kelsey. I could tell that he was really sad about the baby to. He had wanted to be a father, even if it was sixteen. Marissa was around Kelsey quite a lot to. I could see that Kelsey was hanging out a lot with her old crowd. She wasn't pregnant anymore, so her "friends" no longer treated her like an outcast. I guess that meant that I was out.

That made me kind of mad that the second that Kelsey stopped being pregnant, she would go to her old friends who had deserted her for support. Not me, the one who forgot all about the fights and the tears back when we weren't friends to help her. But, once again, I was wrong.

"Lily, I hope you know that I appreciate you so much, and I'm not sure I have said this, but I'm sorry about back when we were younger. And thanks for everything to do with the baby. You're the nest cousin anyone could ever ask for." Kelsey told me Tuesday after lessons. I smiled one of my rare smiles.

That night, I was one of the last people in the common room doing my homework. There was a Quiditch practice that had run late, and now I was paying for it. Our final game was on Saturday, and I was nervous. I sat there doing my homework for awhile when David came in.

"Hey Lily." He said when he saw me, coming to sit next to me.

"Hey yourself." I said, not looking up.

"Lils, we need to talk." He said softly. As much as I didn't want to, I looked up into his eyes. I could feel myself melt.

"Why wont you let yourself love me? I love you, you know that." David said, looking at me sadly.

"I just don't want to get hurt." I said, looking at my hands.

"That's what everyone means about being strong." David said.

I looked into his eyes again, and he kissed me. A real kiss this time, not a light little peck. This time I didn't pull back.