Dark Lords Episode 8 – Best Friends

A/N: I own the 'CHAIR BOLTS of DOOM!' Bwahahaha now to make things corny...

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"Welcome to another exciting episode of Dark Lords! I'm your host, Darth Warious. Today we are going to interrogate our Dark Lords about their best friends...if they have ever had any."

The Dark Lords look around scared.

"They can't get away," continues Warious, "because I have tied them to their chairs and the chairs are bolted to the floor with the CHAIR BOLTS of DOOM!
They will talk, don't worry. I have secrets that may get out if they don't."

Warious laughs evilly and decided to start with Michel JackSauron (Sauron if you didn't know.) "Sauron, tell us about your best friend."

"My agent."

Warious glares, "We have been through this before. We are here to talk about your Middle-earth experiences while you were a Dark Lord. Not a loser pop star."

Sauron sighs dramatically before answering. "I will have to say Denethor."

"Why Deneth-bore?"

"Because when I talked to him over the palantir he seemed like such a nice guy. I told Denethor, if he kept Aragorn from the throne of Gondor he could be the new king. Denethor seemed to like this and he was like, 'let's be friends!' and I was like 'Okay!' So that is what happened."

Saruman sighed a breath of relief. "At least he didn't make me his friend."

"Just for that comment," Warious said, "you're next."

Saruman rolled his eyes. "Fine. My best friend was Treebeard. Until the whole 'burn down the forest' thing that is."

"Why did you consider him you friend?"

"Treebeard would talk to me and we would walk though Fangorn forest sharing poetry. He seemed to be the only one with the patience for my poetry."

"What was it about?" Maul snickered. "Genetic alteration."

Saruman 'harrumphed' then replied. "No, I wrote poetry about color. Wanna hear some?"

"No thanks Saruman. You can tell us you poems later, right now its time for a commercial break. We'll be right back after this!"

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"Do you need a way to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies? Do you have eye problems? Well, then, look no further, and buy Middle-earthian contact lenses. They look like real flames coming from your eyes, or my name isn't Éowyn Skywalker..." Voice Of Sauron: "OOOOWWWWWWWW..." Éowyn Skywalker: "They're even as HOT as real flames... oops...." Fade out to dark evil theme music.

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"Welcome back to Dark Lords! If you're just joining us we are talking about our Dark Lord's best friends. Now we will find out Lord Voldemort's best friend."

Voldemort looks down at the ground.

"Hey Moldy Voldy, we're waiting."

Voldemort mumbled something that wasn't understandable.

"I'm sorry Voldy, nobody could hear you. Not even the elf."

Voldemort lifts his head up and yells, "I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS! EVERYBODY HATES ME! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!" Then he breaks down and cries miserably.

Warious and the other Sith are trying hard not to laugh at him. "Well, that was no surprise. How about you Maul?"

"Lez see. You're my friend, and...and...um...yeah, that's it."

Warious looks at him confused. "Dude, why am I your friend?"

"You just are. If you don't want embarrassment then don't ask me to explain."

"Dude Maul, you are weird."

"Look whose talking." Maul retorted.

"My apprentices WILL behave themselves." Darth Sidious (A.K.A. Emperor Palpatine) spoke.

"Sorry master," The two Sith replied.

"Well its time, once again, for a commercial break. We'll be right back after this."

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"Are you a minionless Dark Lord? Do you sit and rot away in a tower, while everyone else does your work for you Then we've got the thing for you! Auto generated Force-lightning, guaranteed to zap, electrocute, and shock intruders, and all by the push of a button. See"... zap! Bang! "Oops... sorry Mr. Camera dude"...beep.

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"And we're back! Thanks again to Éowyn Skywalker for sending in commercials. But please, if you wish to advertise your story (must be G toPG-13) send in an ad via e-mail and it will get posted in the next episode. Next up we have Darth Sidious to tell us about his friend."

"My friend was Count Dooku."

"Why was he your friend?" Warious asked beginning to wish they would just do that without having to be asked.

"Dooku was my friend and 'partner in crime' if you will. He was the only other person in the entire Republic with enough influence to realize how corrupt the senate had become. So he and I hatched a master plan. It started and fueled the Clone Wars ultimately making me, Emperor of the Galaxy."

"That's better. Thank you for explaining Darth Sidious. And last but not least, Darth Vady!"

"WOULD YOU QUIT CALLING ME THAT?!"

"Sure Vady, whatever you say."

"Gerrr. My best friend was Kitster from Tatooine. We used to do everything together, from listening to spacers to watching podraces. He always rooted for me, even if it looked like I wasn't going to win. That's why he was my best friend."

"Awwwwww," went the audience.

"Shut up," went Vader.

"Thank you all for sharing," Warious said. "Join us next time for a special episode of Dark Lords. Don't forget to send in the name of a Dark Lord nominee. Until next time, Buh-bye."

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A/N: Please review