Dark Lords Episode 10 – Most embarrassing moments

Author's note: I own the Chair bolts of Doom and the Chair Arm Restraints of Doom.

"Hello and welcome to another exciting episode of Dark Lords! I'm your host Darth Warious. Today on Dark Lords we will be forcing our victi...I mean, Dark Lords to tell us of their most embarrassing moments. Currently we are waiting for Saruman to ari..." Warious is cut off by a loud scream of frustration from back stage.

Saruman stalks onto the studio floor. His once white hair and long beard are now and technicolored as his robes. "Whose funny idea was this?" The many colored one demanded glaring at the other Dark Lords.

"Whoa," said Sauron, "Is that a talking rainbow?"

"No you koochoo," Maul said rolling his eyes. "That is Saruman, the nice man who built an army for you."

"He seems to be the victim of a very colorful prank," said a blue skinned humanoid sitting next to Darth Warious.

"Sorry folks, I was interrupted before I could introduce our special guest, Admiral Thrawn. He is a member of the Chiss race and works for my master Darth Sidious, but Thrawn calls him Emperor Palpatine."

"Like any other respectable citizen of the Empire should," Sidious added. "How did someone manage to tie-dye your hair and beard without you knowing until you got here?"

"It's really kind of embarrassing, so I won't tell you," Saruman said sitting down in his chair. Suddenly the Chair Arm Restraints of Doom® closed down on his arms pinning him to the chair which was still bolted to the floor by the Chair Bolts of Doom®. "What's this for!" Saruman protested.

All the other Dark Lords are in similar restraints with the exception of Admiral Thrawn and Darth Warious. "This show is where you are forced to tell people all around the galaxy about your most embarrassing moments Saruman. Since we are all, ahem, dyeing to know what happened you can go first."

"As I said, this is rather embarrassing. Last night I was at the Green Dragon...You know what that is right?"

"It's a pub in the Shire, What on earth were you doing there?" Sauron asked.

"I was ............ And anyway I had about..."

"Hold on," Thrawn said. "You were what? You mumbled that last part."

"I was havingadrinkwithfrodo."

"Slower!"

"I wasssss Haavinggg a Dr..."

"Quit fooling around!" Vader yelled.

"I WAS HAVING A DRINK WITH FRODO! HAPPY NOW!"

"You were WHAT?!?!" Sauron yelled.

"Shaaad up." Warious said to the Dark Lord of Mordor.

"Anyway, I was having a drink with Frodo Baggins and I guess I had one too many. I passed out on the table. I woke up in Isengard this morning and came here for the show.

I forgot to do my 'business' before I left, so I went to the bathroom. But when I looked in the mirror I saw this. I had no time to try and wash it out because I was already late. Now people everywhere are gonna see me like this." Saruman motioned to his newly colored hair and began to sob.

Vader started snickering.

"What's so funny?" Saruman demanded.

"Pippin owes me a Pepsi now."

"And why is that?" Thrawn asked. "and isn't Pepsi bad for you?"

"IS NOT!" Vader yelled defending his beloved drink. "Pippin said Saruman would know about his hair when he got up. I said he make it to the studio before he notices. I win!"

"YOU!" Saruman screamed. "You did THIS to me?! I'm going to kill you!"

"Grudge match later," Warious said interfering. "Vader goes next. What was your most embarrassing moment?"

"One time Obi-Wan caught me kissing Jandalf's padawan, Tiana."

"Where?" Thrawn asked.

"In Master Yoda's closet. We were hiding there to dye him pink when he went to sleep. I couldn't help myself, so I kissed her. Then Obi-Wan opened the door and started yelling at us."

"And dyed me pink anyway you did!" a small cotton candy colored creature in the audience called.

"What are you doing here Yoda?" Sidious asked smirking. "Nice color by the way."

"Humph. Turned pink I am! Here to get a confession I was." Yoda replied.

"Alright it's time for a commercial break. Vader, Help me get the cotton candy ball out of here."

..............

Do you want to know the whole story of how Yoda was turned pink?

Then go to and read Paint Wars.

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"And we're back! We have extracted the pink Jedi master from the building. Unfortunately, Master Yoda had a trick up his sleeve and well, see for yourself."

The camera moves over to show Darth Vader covered in Lime green paint.

"And now it's time for Darth Maul to tell us his most embarrassing moment." Thrawn announced.

"I walked in on Warious and Haldir."

"How is that embarrassing?" Thrawn asked.

"I walked in on them arguing about what Warious was going to paint on her face. Then they saw me and I was used for their 'experiments'. When they had finished I had a 'cute' bunny rabbit on the right side of my face, and a nekk battle dog on my left. On my forehead was an elaborate cobra and Elf boy painted garlands of flowers around my horns. That was not only embarrassing but torture! My own apprentice laughed at me!"

"Just to note I did the Battle dog, not the bunny," Warious spoke. The Chair Arm Restraints of Doom on Maul's chair opened, letting Maul go.

"Now Emperor Palpatine, What was your most embarrassing moment?" Thrawn asked.

"The day I promoted you to Grand Admiral."

"Other then that," Thrawn growled.

"Fine. My most embarrassing moment was when I almost walked to my office in the senate with my pj's on. Fortunately a passing protocol droid warned me before I got there."

"How was that embarrassing?" Thrawn demanded.

"You show up to a meeting with senators in you PJ's and see how embarrassing that is."

"Thank you for sharing. It's time for another commercial break."

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"Hello again people. It's time for our last two Dark Lords most embarrassing moments. Next to share will be Sauron."

"My most embarrassing moment has been forever immortalized in cinema history and Middle-Earth history." Sauron replied.

"And that was?" Thrawn prompted.

"When MY RING was cut from my FINGER and I blew up! I mean, how could my life get more embarrassing? Well it did when all I managed to come back as was a stupid eye! Do you know how many jokes there are about my coming back as an EYE?!?"

"Awwwwww. Poor baby." Warious said. "NOT!"

"You're mean," Thrawn told her.

Warious shrugged. "Okay moldy oldy Voldy, you're next."

"My name is Voldemort not Voldy."

"Whatever, Vold I Snort"

"My most embarrassing moment is when I tried to kill that boy and couldn't!"

"That boy being who?" Thrawn asked.

Voldemort was about to reply when Warious said loudly, "We do not speak that vile kid's name here. His name is not even worthy to be mentioned!"

"Oooookay. Well then, I think that's all for today."

"Hold on a moment," Maul said unfolding a piece of paper. I found this in Warious' room and I think it's time for a little payback. Let's see what she wrote shall we?"

Warious' chair restraints worked against her holding her down so she couldn't stop Darth Maul.

Maul cleared his throat and read,

"A Profession of Love

I love you

You are the one I see in my dreams

You are in my mind and heart

I am madly in love with you

Your kiss keeps me sustained in dark times

Your strong arms around me keep me safe

I feel your heart beating close to mine

And I am content

You are wonderful beyond comparison

Even when I try to run away from you

I keep coming back, unable to stay away

You always take me back

When I lay in bed with you I feel calm

Your hands hold me close at night

Your heart and mind captivate me

Haldir of Lothlórien, I love you."

"Awwwwww" The audience said while the Dark Lords and Thrawn were snickering.

Warious gave them all a 'I'll kill you later look'. "Thank you Admiral Thrawn for hanging out with the Dark Lords today. We'll see you next time folks."

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A/N: Please read and review!