Dark Lords Episode 13 - Things they do in their spare time.
o.o.o.o.o.
"Welcome back to another exciting episode of Dark Lords! I'm your host Master Warious. No special guest today, but this is a topic I believe will prove interesting. Things our Dark Lords do in their spare time!"
There is a collective groan from the Dark Lords as Warious continues. "Yes I thought as much. I know I haven't done Voldemort first yet so guess what Voldie!"
"What? And don't call me that." Voldemort mumbles into his hands.
"What do you do in your spare time? When all your Death Eaters have gone away and you're not plotting any thing or playing with that snake of yours, what do you do?"
"And I thought this was going to be a hard question, I sit on my throne. When I have large amounts of spare time, I'll just sit there and plot. That's where I get all my best plans from."
At this Darth Maul and Sidious start snickering.
Voldemort looks incredulous. "What is so funny about that?" He demands.
"Well," Maul began trying to keep a straight face, "In the galaxy and in this studio, 'throne' is slang for a toilet." At this Vader started laughing (because he is very slow). "You just admitted to spending large amounts of time on it and that you get all your best plans from there."
Voldemort looked confused still so his ever-present and ignored shadow Wormtail explained it. Voldemort knocked the unfortunate minion off the stage to waiting and violent Potter fans where they attacked the ill-fated Wormtail.
"Where did these Potter fans come from?!" Warious exclaimed furiously. "DIE FANS OF THE BRAT!"
There was a green and orange cloud of smoke at the edge of the stage. When the smoke cleared a second later Jandalf the Orange and Tiana Elass stood before the evil rabid fans and took out their lightsabers. The two Jedi charged and dispersed the evil horde from the studio in a manner not PG-13.
Warious sighed and relaxed. "The only good thing about Jedi is that they hate Harry Potter as much as any true Sith does."
Warious' previous master (Sidious) looked at her. "Is that why you assigned them to security?"
"Yes, I told you they would be needed. Much as I hate magic I would like to keep my co-hosts alive and safe from their anti-fans. Now then, moving on, Darth Vader."
"I stay in my enviro-chamber and take off this mask. It tends to itch after I've killed someone. I haven't figured out how to take care of that problem yet."
"That's er…interesting. Thank you for sharing. Now we have Sauron or Michael Jackson, it all depends on what you prefer to call him. What do you do in your spare time?"
"Fight lawsuits, avoid jail, fight off killer elves, sing, nothing much."
"Sauron?" Warious said.
"Yes?"
"You're spare time is not spare time. You do that full time."
To which Sauron smugly replied, "All my time is free time."
Master Warious rolled her eyes. "Whatever, sheesh, celebrities."
"When did you become a 'Master', Warious?" a voice from the crowd demanded.
"Who said that?" Warious demanded.
A man with white blonde hair and black robes stood up. "I did."
"Looks like a buddy of Voldemort's is here. Who is that?" Master Sidious asked with mild curiosity.
Master Warious glared at the man in the crowd. "That's Lucius Malfoy. Why in Kessel's name are you here?"
"To keep the Dark Lord safe. (Voldemort)"
"But we want to know how come you're a master too," said another person.
"Jedi Masters and Sith masters have their own trials to undergo to make that step from knight/lord to Master. I took the trials and passed. When I started I was but the learner now I am the Master. It's time for commercial."
o.o.o.o.o.o.
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o.o.o.o.o.o.
"We're back! Now that we've gotten everything settled down again we'll continue our discussion. Master Sidious, what do you do in your spare time?"
"I make sure my old apprentices are doing what they are supposed to."
"Gee dad," Maul says sarcastically, "We can stay out of trouble you know."
"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Sidious replied. "Master Warious here has been up to some things a Sith should be doing. I don't mean associating with Jedi either, she's been doing and associating with people she shouldn't be."
"You've been spying on me!" Warious exclaimed. "That's it! After the show you and I will engage in a battle of Force lighting! I win, you stop spying on Darth Maul and me. You win; you can continue your prying. Draw and you'll just stop spying on me."
"Very well but I won't lose, my old apprentice."
Warious sat back down seething, "We shall see Master Sidious, we shall see. Saruman, what do you do in your spare time?"
Saruman gave Warious a tortured look before saying, "I have no spare time."
"Then what would you do if you had spare time?" Maul spoke up.
"I would get some well deserved rest. Would you look at the bags under my eyes? They're huge. I need more sleep then I'm getting."
"Awww, poor baby." Warious said mockingly. "Not. I'll give you more time off then. Now last is Maul. What do you do in your spare time?"
"I try to avoid my 'master's prying eyes' and meditate. Not much else. What do you do Warious?"
"Read, sleep, and eat." Warious replied.
Master Sidious snorted in disbelief. "Among other things."
"We have that battle Master." Warious reminded him. "Thank you for watching Dark Lords! Join us next time when our Dark lords bring their favorite person to the show! Out back my old Master let's finish this."
o.o.o.o.o.o.
A/N: Review me please.
Read and Review Éowyn Skywalker's fiction and Jandalf the Orange, and Yoda Clones also other good fiction authors. Go read them please.
If you want to know how the duel turned out go to Middle-Earth Insanity.
Then go to the fiction thread enter the spoof/funny section and look for Dark Lords (scroll all the way down to find it.)
