Disclaimer: I own nothing here but me and my studio.
o.o.o.o.o.
Dark Lords Episode 14 – Dark Lords Singing Contest.
"Welcome again to another riveting episode of Dark Lords! My apologies for taking so long. I've been under the control of a mind monster and unfortunately got trapped in my own head for a while. Fortunately for me Marik was able to use his Millennium Rod to help me escape.
This episode we have TWO guests. One is the infamous Admiral Thrawn for you Thrawn lovers. The other we'll reveal in a moment."
Admiral Thrawn waved to the group of his adoring fangirls giving them a 'winning' smile.
"Today we're going to have a singing contest between the Dark Lords. Thrawn was kind enough to participate. My two security Jedi, Tiana and Jandalf will keep all you fans at bay if anyone tries anything. All the other Dark Lords however seem a bit reluctant…except Michael JackSauron whom we all know is a 'singer'.
Are we ready to get started?"
The crowd (Thrawn fangirls mainly) cheered.
"Well then let's get this party started! Introducing Special guest and judge of this contest, lets give a big round of applause for the Angel of Music, ERIK!"
All collected Phangirls in the audience cheered loudly as Erik (A.K.A Phantom of the Opera/ Opera Ghost/Angel of Music) takes a seat behind the judges table with Master Warious.
"Why am I here again?" He asks Warious.
"To judge the singing contest between the Dark Lords. We already talked about this."
"What if none of them can sing?"
"Then you'll be giving a performance then won't you?" Warious replied with an evil grin on her face.
"Right…Who's starting? I want to get this done and over with."
Darth Maul slowly got up and approached the microphone facing the audience. And began in a very quiet voice…so I had to turn up the mic volume.
"Hook!" Warious said.
Yes?
"Quit talking!"
And Maul began.
"I'm a little teapot short and stout.
Here is my handle here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up then I shout
Tip me over and pour me out."
There was giggling from the crowd and from what suspiciously sounded like Vader.
Maul, if he could turn any redder, bowed and sat back down in his chair.
"That wasn't too bad I guess. We're dealing with amateurs here right?" Erik asked Warious.
"EXCUSE ME!" Sauron spoke up loudly. "I happen to be a professional singer!"
"Then you're next Prima Donna Sauron." Warious spoke up.
Michael JackSauron flounced up to the mic and began to sing.
Meanwhile, Warious and Erik started the following conversation…
"Warious, did you happen to install a trap door on the stage?"
"Yes, the lever for it is too your right."
"Where does it lead?"
"To a prison cell. Why?"
"Because." Erik pulled the lever and Sauron disappeared. "That was almost as bad as Carlotta!"
The people in the audience, who actually knew what Erik was talking about, laughed.
"Next up?" he continued when the laughter died down.
"Actually, Commercial time."
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.
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o.o.o.o.o.o.
"And we're back! Yay…Next up will be…" Warious looked at her victims. "er…Master, would you like to go next?"
Sidious shrugged. "I might as well…"
So he got up and began to sing.
"Always see it on T.V. or read it in the magazines
Celebrities want sympathy
All they do is piss and moan inside the Rolling Stone
Talking about how hard life can be
I'd like to see them spend the week livin' life out on the street
I don't think they would survive
If they could spend a day or two walking in someone else's shoes
I think they'd stumble and they'd fall
They would fall
Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They're always complaining, always complaining
If money is such a problem
Well they got mansions
Think we should rob them…"
Sidious stopped. "That's all I can remember…"
And he scurried back to his chair.
Warious blinked. "That didn't completely sound as bad as I thought…"
"But it was still bad." Erik said.
Warious rolled her eyes at him and said, "Next? How 'bout you Voldy oldie moldy?"
Voldemort glared at Warious and slithered up to the microphone. And began swaying back and forth hypnotically, as he sang, "Trust in me, just in me…"
Warious almost laughed at the fact that here was Voldemort, muggle hater, was singing a song from Disney's 'The Jungle Book'. Caa's song even. It almost made sense though, since Caa was a snake…Voldemort looked like a snake…
A flurry of movement caught Warious' eye.
She looked up in time to see three streaks of red, gold and brown, flying at Voldemort.
Unfortunately the two Jedi security guards didn't see them coming.
She leapt to her feet yelling a warning to the Dark Lord as she launched herself at the lead flying streak.
"DIE WIZARD!" She roared, as she tackled her prey.
The second blur was stopped by a Punjab lasso that dragged the blur to the ground.
Force lightning shot down the last one.
"Good work Erik," Warious said awed by his quick reflexes. "Thank you master," She acknowledged the third person who helped her.
She looked at the stunned figure at her feet. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Potty Wee Rotter. Did Dumbledore let you out of your cage again? There are severe consequences for flying into a studio with several Dark Lords in it. Erik, pull the lever if you please?"
Erik opened the trap door as Darth's Maul and Vader dragged the other two wizards over to the trap hole and dropped them in after Warious disposed of 'Potty Wee Rotter'.
Erik closed the trap door, and everyone sat down again.
"Go sit down now Voldemort, It's time for Saruman to sing."
Saruman got up out of his chair and began to break-dance to the mic. When he finally go there he began singing. "Oh where is my hair dye? Oh where is my hair dye?
Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh where, Oh wherrrrrrrrrrre, is my hair dye?
And then skipping several verse parts he sang,
"Not fair, my poor hair dye, Not fair, my poor hair dye, Not fair, Not fair, Not fair, Not fair, Not fair, Not fair, Not fair, Not fair, Not faaaaaaaiiiiiiirrrrrrr…my poor hair dye."
He bowed and break-danced back to his chair.
Warious was still stifling her snickering when Erik finally spoke, "That was…original…I think. Not too bad though."
Warious glanced at the clock, "Time for another Commercial break. Don't go away people, we'll be right back!"
o.o.o.o.o.
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o.o.o.o.o.o.
"Thank you sis for the commercials. Btw I need new commercials please send in your adds with your reviews, or just email me. I like letters. Fan letters, review letters Commercial's-to-put-in-my-next-episode letters…err yeah. Anyway, it's time for Vader's solo! I shudder at the thought. Voice boxes…"
"Warious, be quiet and let this show FINISH!" Erik said irritated.
"Fine…Come on Vader."
Vader slowly walked up to the microphone and started singing.
"I feel pretty
Oh
so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and gay
And I pity
Any
girl who isn't me today
I feel charming
Oh so charming
It's
alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty
That I hardly can
believe I'm real"
At this point several members of the audience utilized the courtesy barf bags given to them at the start of the show.
It wasn't that Vader sounded bad…Actually it was quite good for someone with a voice synthesizer, but the song he chose…well, lets just say it wasn't well received.
Vader managed to finish the song, bowed and stalked back to his chair.
Erik looked over at Warious and said, "The song needs work but…at least it's not Carlotta!"
Warious shuddered and nodded in agreement having been dragged by the Prima Donna herself to hear her in a private performance.
"Last, but not least, is Admiral Thrawn. Ladies and Chiss fans, give it up for the ADMIRAL!"
Thrawn's fans went wild as he walked up to the mic and the music started to play.
"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts"
Thrawn starts to take off his shirt, and some of the Girls scream in happiness...I hope it was…
"Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far."
As Thrawn captivated his fans Warious turned to Erik, "Think you can do better mon ami?"
"Make them scream or sing?" He replied with a dangerous gleam in his eye.
"If you think I want you to take off your mask in front of those girls, no. I meant can you awe them with your magnificent and powerful voice?"
"You doubt my talent mon sœur?
"Me? Never! I'm just trying to trick you into singing one of my favorite songs."
"And every other 'phan' girl in the audience I presume?"
Warious grinned and nodded. "Please? Pretty please? I will do all your bidding for a week if you do."
"Make it a month."
"Deal!"
"Just one question." Erik said glancing at Thrawn
"What?" Warious asked.
"We're you referring to Music of the 'Night or Past' the 'Point of no Return' and are you going to be up there for me to perform against/with?"
"ER…Only if you want me to…you know how I am on performing. I stink at it."
"Music of the Night then. You just have to let me pretend to romance you."
Warious made a face and glanced at the camera man (who was her new flame and very possessive boyfriend Captain Hook). "Nothing too steamy mon frère."
"But of course." But Warious could sense the sneakiness in his voice.
Admiral Thrawn finished his song and bowed while in his boxers, before he collected his clothes and sat down.
Warious stood up and announced. "And now Erik will tell us who the winner is."
Slowly standing up, Erik moved out from behind the judges table and looked at each of the Dark Lords. "With a few small exceptions," he nodded to the trap door, "not too bad for a bunch of amateurs. I think the best amateur 'singer' was Saruman."
There were boos from Thrawn's crowd.
"Special mention to The Blue man for energy in his performance," Erik added rolling his eyes. "And now, just because my sister asked me so nicely I will sing for you."
He grabbed Warious by the arm before she could escape and began to sing.
"Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses"
Warious stared at Erik uncertainly.
"Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night"
Erik swooped towards Warious dramatically.
"Close you eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you new before!
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar
And you'll live as you've never lived before"
Erik circled Warious as a cat does to its prey.
"Softly, deftly, music shall surround you
Feel it, hear it closing in around you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night
Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be
Only then can you belong to me"
Erik moved behind Warious and held her to him.
"Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night"
Warious pretended to faint in her 'brother's' arms.
"You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night."
The song ended and the studio was hushed in awe. Warious stood up straight and moved away from Erik before the audience burst into applause.
"Those 'Phangirls' are really going to kill you now, mon sœur."
"Only because they love you, mon Frère." Warious whispered back to him.
"Thank you and we'll see you again on the next episode of Dark Lords!
o.o.o.o.o.
Warious: Review me please.
