Leon and Materia Don't Mix
Disclaimer:
Ren: Well I guess it's up to me do it since Gala's flat on her back with Pneumonia. For once the lowly muse has supreme authoress powers lightning flash and crack of thunder MWHAHAHAHA-cough-HAHAchoke gack...I'm fine! Gala doesn't own anything and if she dies everything she did own will go to me. evil grin
random lawyer pops up
Lawyer: Actually...when Gala had you sign that paper she wrote "My last will and testament" When in actuality, you signed away everything you own to her, including all your Squall plushies.
Ren: NOOOOOOOOO! Curse you lawyers!
Chapter 8: Unintentional Problems
Leon woke up with the sun shining painfully in his eyes. He bolted upright in his bed. Since when did he ever wake up with the sun on his face? Yuffie usually woke him up before 5 just to annoy him. A million horrible thoughts raced through his head as he rushed out his door still clad in nothing but his sweatpants for bed. "Where in the world could she be? She could be hurt or stuck somewhere..."
Leon almost had a heart attack when he nearly bowled Yuffie over in the hallway. She was carrying a service tray with...food?
Yuffie smiled at him, "Hiya Leon! Want some breakfast! I was just bringing some up to you."
Leon continued to stare at her dumbfounded, "Since when did you make breakfast?"
Yuffie continued to smile sweetly at him, "I thought I should since I've been so mean to you lately. This is my way of apologizing."
Leon stared at her, suspicion plainly written on his face. "You didn't poison it did you?"
Yuffie pouted and walked into his room setting the tray on a table, "Now why would I do something like that Leon?"
Leon was apprehensive, yet he didn't see any sign of malice in her demeanor. For once Yuffie Kisaragi seemed completely innocent. One thing still bothered him, since when did she start calling him Leon?
After Yuffie left the room, Leon lifted the cover on the tray cautiously. When nothing happened he lifted it all the way and was surprised to find a tempting array of food. There was a colorful bowl of fruit, some kind of juice drink, and an appetizing breakfast roll.
Leon tasted small bites of everything first and could find no fault with it. Yuffie apparently knew how to cook when she wanted too. Yuffie's behavior was very strange, but Leon wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. If she wanted to treat him nicely and behave like an adult he wasn't going to stop her.
Yuffie stared at the two monstrous machines in puzzlement. The number of strange buttons and knobs confused her, when Cid had presented Aerith with this 'Deluxe Washer and Dryer Set' she was ecstatic. What was so remarkable about these huge hunks of metal?
She shrugged and shoved Leon's clothes in the washer. Yuffie made a face when she threw his boxers in the washer as fast as she could. "Grossness, I hope he appreciates me doing his laundry." She poured some soap in with the clothes and pressed a few buttons. It's not like the thing would blow up anyway, Cid was a very good mechanic and the things he invented usually ran very well. So Yuffie wasn't too worried about running the giant machines.
So far everything had gone well, only one more thing left on her list of nice things to do for Leon. The only thing left to do was do a little cleaning; she'd done that before so it shouldn't be hard. Now maybe Leon would realize that she wasn't such a brat. She laughed to herself in glee and ran to finish before Leon returned to the castle. Meanwhile...
As Leon headed back towards the castle a slight pain began to form in his abdomen. By the time he reached his room he was nearly doubled over in pain. Leon made a mad dash for the bathroom and just barely made it in time to the toilet.
For the next half hour Leon became intimately acquainted with the porcelain bowl. The first thing that came to mind as an explanation for his peculiar intestinal problems was Yuffie. But the question was what in the world did she put into his food?
Leon staggered down to the kitchen and was not surprised to find that the mess Yuffie had made while fixing him breakfast was still there. It was typical of Yuffie to leave things in disarray wherever she went. Leon glanced at all the different foods that she had used and didn't see anything unusual. There was a lot of fruit sitting around. There were grapes, raisins, coconut, mango, figs, and some pineapple.
None of this made any sense until Leon spotted the cookbook sitting next to a large bowl. "The Natural Way to Cleanse the Body" That didn't look too bad until he read the small print at the bottom of the cover which read "The only guaranteed way to a total body cleanse in less than four hours!"
Leon groaned when he realized just exactly what all those fruits had in common. They were all very potent natural laxatives. He considered going and hunting down Yuffie, but didn't have the energy. What sounded really good right now was a hot shower, and then sleeping for a very long time.
Yuffie was literally skipping with joy; all her self-appointed tasks for Leon were completed and all that was left was to clean up the mess in the kitchen. Yuffie rocked back and forth on her feet as she re-shelved the different cleaning products she had used to clean Leon's room and bathroom.
She was so caught up in imagining what Leon what say when he saw all the wonderful things she did for him that she didn't notice where she was shoving some of the bottles of cleaning solution. Basically if there was an empty spot she just shoved a random bottle in. Having finished that, she ran down to clean the kitchen.
Leon walked into his bathroom and noticed that it smelled like orange. He knew that Aerith used a citrus mirror cleaner but wondered when she had cleaned it and how the scent had lingered in the bathroom that long. Leon went and turned on the shower only to realize that he was out of shampoo.
Leon sighed and his shoulders slumped at the thought of having to trudge all the way down to the storage room to get some more shampoo.
As Leon was about to enter the storage room a beeping sound emanated from the laundry room. Leon wracked his brain trying to remember if Aerith had told him to remove laundry from the dryer or washer before she had left. Blaming himself for forgetting, he proceeded to open the beeping washer only to find HIS clothes...
He stared in shock at the sight of his underwear and everyday shirts...tinged pink.
Leon slammed the washer shut; walked briskly to the storage room and grabbed the first bottle from the shelf labeled 'shampoo'. He was concentrated so hard on not trying to kill Yuffie in his mind that he didn't even notice the label on the bottle in his hand.
Leon slammed the shower door shut and let the scalding hot water run down his back. He nearly ripped the top of the bottle off trying to get it open. Leon poured a generous amount of the viscous liquid straight on the top of his head. As he was trying to lather it into his hair he felt his scalp start to itch. The itching soon turned to burning; Leon snatched the bottle up hurriedly and his eyes widened in horror. The label plainly had "Industrial Strength Bleach" written on it.
Leon jumped out of the shower, nearly tripping in the process, and dunked his head in the sink and turned both handles on the faucet on to max. After sufficiently rinsing his hair until the water turned cold, Leon hesitated to look at himself in the mirror. When he finally found the courage to raise his eyes to stare at the flat piece of crystal he nearly screamed in horror at the sight of his hair.
There were three things that Leon completely obsessed over. The first two were his Gunblade and then his leather. The third was his hair, Leon's hair had the ability to make any woman swoon. And now...just the ends of his hair remained the same as always. The top of his head had a ring of mismatched patches ranging in color from light brown to a white blonde color.
Leon had the extreme urge to cry. He contemplated how a bottle of bleach could have wound up in with the shampoo. After a moment of thought Leon came to one conclusion.
Yuffie.
Yuffie gave him natural laxatives for breakfast.
Yuffie turned his laundry pink.
YUFFIE put the bleach on the shelf.
Leon could feel his temper rising by the second. But unfortunately he couldn't kill her, the Cloud and Cid would kill him...not to mention he didn't even want to think about what Aerith would do.
In a stroke of brilliance Leon remembered about the small yellow orb in his pocket. Leon pulled it out and once again when he stared at it a whisper of a voice echoed in his head. Apparently the orb was broadcasting its use to him. An evil smirk began to grow on his face. Oh yes, there was one way he could get back at Yuffie. He could teach her a lesson and nobody would have to know about it. Yuffie had used orbs like these to torture him, so it just might work on her.
Leon didn't have much trouble finding Yuffie, she was curled up in a ball on one of the couches in the library sound asleep. He crept up slowly behind her and quietly whispered "...morph."
Okay so I was feeling sadistic, I think my sociology teacher is rubbing off on me. She's very wicked and likes to torture us.
Mwahahaha...can you guess what's going to happen next?
Hope you can stand the wait. evil grin
LaterzGala
