As I mentioned before, the only things I own in relation to this tale are Jack & Shit, and Jack wisely took to the hills.

Now then, let's see how badly Qrow manages to fuck up Sans' life.


Chapter 3: The Dragon's Daughter.

"OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-OhShit-!" I swore between clenched teeth as I raced through the trees, knees and elbows pumping like pistons as I scanned the path ahead of me for anything that might impede my flight.

As if to mock my efforts, the sounds of pursuit simply drew closer, the howls of my pursuer calling out for blood and vengeance sending a rush of adrenaline through my system as my limbs discovered they could, in fact, move quite a bit faster.

But in the end it mattered little. My pursuer was as relentless as they were furious, chasing me tirelessly, somehow able to find me no matter how much distance I put between us. Several times I thought I'd lost them only for a flash of burning gold & smouldering scarlet to pop up in the corner of my eye, the only warning I would ever get to avoid them lashing at my head by a hair.

At this point I doubted the words 'Mercy' or 'Give up' existed for them at all.

'Where's a damned save point when you need one?!' I swore, eyes flashing wildly as I clambered over a rock formation and fell into a ditch, slapping a hand over my mouth to cover my breath as I shoved my back against the wall, hiding beneath the overhang as the sounds of pursuit drew closer.

"WHERE ARE YOU?! my pursuer roared, hatred dripping from every syllable as they paced overhead. It looked like they hadn't seen my fall, but I can't keep running forever. As confident as I am in my new body's stamina my enemy knew these woods like the back of their hand. If I tried to make a run for it now, they'd be on my ass in seconds.

The only option that remained was for me to remain in hiding until they'd moved far enough away before making a break for it. If I could just make it back to civilization I'd be safe, even more so if I could make it back to the Inn.

And so despite my lungs beginning to hurt from the lack of air I kept my hands clamped over my mouth and held my breath as my pursuer growled overhead, their frustration apparent as I continued to evade their wrath.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME FOREVER!" the beast snarled, shaking the very leaves in the trees with her anger "I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU PAY!"

'Would you fuck-off already?!' I swore, vision going hazy as I willed myself to keep still, my eyes darting around in their sockets only to lock onto a pinecone. Carefully, doing my best to avoid making a sound, I moved a hand from my mouth to aim at the pinecone, blocking out the sound of my heart hammering in my ears, focussing instead on the feeling of blood flowing down my arm to my palm.

As I focussed, the pinecone became outlined in an ethereal blue flame, like a will-o-the-wisp, and I could 'feel' it's presence in the palm of my hand. With a slight jerk, I snapped it off the branch and hurled it deeper into the woods.

"I GOT YOU NOW!" my pursuer snarled, leaping over my hiding place before tearing off deeper into the woods in search of my false trail. Even as her footsteps vanished into the distance I didn't relax my guard, though in order to abate the burning in my lungs I was forced to release my breath, swallowing a lungful of delicious air that tasted like damp and leaves.

Now some of you might be wondering how a self-proclaimed slacker like myself wound up running for his life through the woods, knowing that even in daylight they were infested with Oum only knew what manner of Grimm? You'd rightfully think going through a single painful death would be enough to teach me better, especially since there was no guarantee Gaster could save my ass again.

Well to summarise, let's just say that, after today I can fully relate with Glynda Goodwitch and Winter Schnee when it comes to a certain 'Dusty Old Qrow's' ability to fuck everything up, literally and figuratively.

To elaborate? Well it all started a few hours ago…


Que flashback visualisation effect...

It was a beautiful day outside.

Birds were singing. Flowers were blooming.

On days like this, the kids of Patch would commonly be outside running around, playing games, getting into trouble without a care in the world, enjoying their youth the way only kids can.

Of course, it goes without saying that by 'commonly' I meant for every kid except me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I became a couch potato, hell I don't think it would be physically possible to considering I lived under the same roof as Undyne, who would drag my ass outside to get some fresh air at least once a day.

And I'll freely admit it was kind of cool to be able to do all the extracurricular Physical shit they used to make us do as kids without fear of injury or humiliation. Seriously, you never realise how satisfying a simple forward roll can be until you can't do it anymore due to being too heavy and/or inflexible to pull it off without injury and public humiliation.

No, the reason I just couldn't bring myself to frolic like a child was because I wasn't one where it mattered. While my body was young and fit my soul was that of an overweight, middle-aged, pessimistic salary-man. Give me a good book and you wouldn't see me for hours.

It didn't help that I'd never been the 'sporty' type as a kid. The few times I ever went outside as a child my mother had to make sure I hadn't smuggled a comic or something so I'd interact with the other kids.

For the life of me I can't recall how I felt about her meddling back then, but looking back with the knowledge I have now I can't help but wish she'd tried a little harder. It certainly would've made it easier for me to connect with my peers, both in my past life and now.

You see, unlike big cities like Vale, Patch was about as rural as you could get without sacrificing modern conveniences like electricity and indoor plumbing. This meant there weren't a lot of houses with 'video games' or the like, hell according to Ember her dad only recently installed a television at Grillby's because watching the tournaments on screen was better than hearing it on the radio.

You heard right, Tournaments, as in Fighting Tournaments where both potential, up-and-coming and veteran Huntsmen and Huntresses alike came together to beat the living shite out of each other on pay-per-view for the cheers of the crowd and the audiences watching at home. I have to admit the first time I saw a match I'd found myself a little off-put by its similarity to watching gladiators fight to the death. I soon got over it after Undyne commented on how the 'safety systems' took all the 'fun' out of the duels and was soon enough cheering along with the crowd.

Getting back on track, as I had previously stated, while many of my peers in the younger generation quickly became enthused with the prospect of becoming Huntsmen after watching the fights, I had no such desire, knowing all too well from the show just how dangerous such a lifestyle could be. There was a reason that both Humanity and Faunus-kind chose to hide behind their walls, unable to extend their borders despite the many, many innovations and advancements in Dust Technology: The Grimm were simply too numerous, too relentless, and too unpredictable to face outright.

It really put things into perspective really. Back on earth, humanity had grown to the point where our only natural enemy was one another, so we turned on ourselves for the silliest reasons, from differences of opinion to even something as petty as the colour of our skin. It made me wonder if such prejudice would remain if we possessed a natural predator like the Grimm.

But getting back on track, as mentioned before, I had no interest in becoming a Huntsman and that made me 'different' to my peers. And let me tell you, having found myself in that position twice now, I can confirm there is nothing crueller than a group of children faced with someone whose mind-set differed from their own.

At first it had started as childish ribbing, the kind adults laugh off as 'kids-being-kids' but more often than not can lead to someone running crying to their mommy with a black eye if left unchecked, which it almost did when it became clear I could care less for their insults.

What? Don't give me that look. You didn't really think I was going to let the words of a few kids barely out of diapers get to me, did you? Please, even if I didn't have experience dealing with assholes you don't land a job in Human Resources without learning to keep your cool and run damage control. Compared to some of the shit I had to resolve in my past life, putting up with playground bullies was Child's Play, pun most certainly intended.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten that kids tended to be stubborn, and didn't particularly appreciate being ignored, so by when insults failed to get a rise out of me they attempted to confront me directly. The key word being 'attempted'. I don't mean to paint myself off as the kind of guy who goes around beating up kids to feel big about himself but I wasn't the type to take a punch for no goddamn reason, especially not from some snot-nosed brat with less sense than the U.S Mint.

With that in mind I took steps to limit my interaction with my peers without making it seem like I was running from them. If any of them tried to start anything a subtle use of psychokinesis was enough to send them sprawling in the dirt or otherwise divert their attention, which suited me just fine, as the less I interacted with the kids now, the less chance of me getting dragged into the events of the story.

So you can probably imagine my confusion when Undyne told me out of the blue that I'd been invited to a birthday party and that someone would be coming to pick me up around noon. After all, it wasn't as if I'd gone out of my way to befriend anyone, hell with the exception of a few regulars I never bothered to learn anyone's name outside of Grillby's. Add my self-imposed exile and it was highly unlikely any of the kids knew me as anything other than 'weirdo' or 'bookworm', among other things.

Still, while I've never been one for parties, especially not when kids are involved, there was nothing I could really do about it. If I were an adult I could come up with various excuses to get out of going but as a kid there was nothing I could say that wouldn't draw unwanted attention, as recluse or not there wasn't a kid alive or dead that would turn down free cake and candy.

And so I found myself waiting for my escort in the bar, idly debating whether or not I could excuse myself due to not having a present when one of our regulars sauntered in like he owned the place, dressed as ever in his usual tattered cloak over a long-tailed dress shirt & black dress pants.

"Hey Grillbz, how's things?" Qrow greeted, waving at the bartender, who returned the greeting with a casual shrug, giving nothing away as he wiped down a pint mug, save to glance to the clock pointedly "Yeah, I know, kinda early even for me." The Huntsman chuckled, thumbing in my direction "Relax, I'm just here to pick up the kid, I'll never hear the end of it if I show up reeking of booze this early."

"I have a name." I pointed out, a little too petulantly for my liking, but then I was still coming to terms with who my escort was and what the implications meant for me & what I considered canon.

While he looked a little younger than he did during his debut in Season 3, his hair being wholly black instead of streaked with grey and his chin devoid of stubble, it was clear to anyone that this was Qrow Branwen of Team STRQ, Yang's Maternal Uncle and role model to Ruby.

Admittedly this wasn't the first time I'd seen the man. Hell, living above a tavern it was almost impossible not to have run into him at some point, but Qrow had a personal interest in checking up on Undyne and I, having been the one to guide us to the tavern &even land Undyne her job after essentially handing her ass to her when she tried to mug him.

It was a safe bet that if Qrow hadn't been returning from a mission at that exact moment I probably would've died before Undyne managed to track down a doctor, so it wasn't too far-fetched to say I owed my continued existence to the Drunk just as much as I did Gaster.

That didn't change the fact that the guy could be an absolute dick when he chose, especially if he'd been drinking, which was pretty much 24/7. Seriously, I've lost count of the times Grillby had to step in to keep the other patrons from fighting the man, both to prevent damage to the bar and keep them from embarrassing themselves.

After all, there was a reason Cinder & her back-up dancers chose to flee when faced with Qrow despite outnumbering him three-to-one and having stolen half the Power of Fall. While his status as a philandering drunk was well-known, none could deny that Qrow Branwen was one of the most dangerous Veteran Hunters still on active duty, and unlike the idealists that tended to sign up these days, Qrow had seen enough shit to know better than to fight clean.

There was also the matter of him being part of Ozpin's unofficial 'Inner Circle'. While never openly acknowledged, it was a clear the drunk served as Ozpin's left hand, the one who did all the 'dirty jobs', out of sight of the public, whether it involved tracking down Amber's attackers or 'eliminating' rogue elements before they became a threat.

So with all that said and done, you can probably imagine my trepidation that such a dangerous man was taking a vested interest in my life. While I was absolutely certain I hadn't done anything to catch his interest, his mere presence carried with it the threat of getting caught up in the events of The Plot.

"Right…Sans wasn't it?" Qrow recalled, turning to regard me with a wry smile "Undyne told me you were a mouthy little runt. Good to see you out of your room for once, figured I'd have to drag you outta there kicking and screaming."

"Undyne locked me out before she went to work this morning." I admitted with a deadpan expression, earning a sigh from Grillby and a bark of laughter from Qrow "She won't be back till late either so it was either wait at the bar or go outside."

"Well, I can't say I disagree with your choice myself." Qrow chuckled, shaking his head with an amused smirk even as Grillby rolled his eyes in exasperation "Didn't feel like spending the afternoon hunting you down."

"Yeah, about the whole party thing," I began, taking a breath to steady myself, suppressing the urge to shiver at the thought of Qrow Branwen hunting me for any reason, I'd seen what he could do with that Scythe-Sword of his "You think we could not and say we did? I mean I didn't even get a card."

"Relax, I got you covered." Qrow chuckled, pulling an envelope from somewhere beneath his cloak and tossing it to me with a flick of his wrist "Even put some Birthday money in there so you're set for gifts too."

"You didn't have to do that…" I protested, torn between shock that he'd go so far to help some kid he wasn't even related to and trepidation, as now I didn't have an excuse to skip the party, and given the lengths he was going it was all-too clear just whose party I was going to.

"Eh, call it an investment." Qrow shrugged, a wry smirk on his face "I figure you can pay me back whenever you earn your first pay-cheque. I won't charge interest either so don't worry about paying it back in a hurry."

'Who the hell says that to a kid?' I couldn't help but wonder, sighing in exasperation as Qrow fended off a glare from a disapproving Grillby before hopping off the barstool, allowing the older man to escort me out of the Inn with a firm pat on the shoulder.


One stroll through the woods later...

I'll freely admit the first time I laid eyes on Ruby & Yang's home I was torn between fighting the urge to squee like a fanboy and my ever growing sense of dread, which was only understandable given the quaint little cottage lay a considerable distance outside the relative safety of Patch's walls, so far in fact that you couldn't even see the village through the Grimm infested woodlands.

Normally I'd question the sanity of anyone who considered a forest infested with monsters the ideal spot to raise a family, were it not for the fact that not only were the former members of Team STRQ Top-Class Hunters, arguably 'Beacon's Best' if Qrow's words were to be believed, it was common knowledge that Patch organised Hunting Parties every week or so to cull the local Grimm Population.

Despite knowing all of this and being accompanied by Qrow, who faults aside was a certified bad ass, I couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. After all, while there was no doubting his Badassery, Qrow's track record when it came to saving people wasn't the best, and unlike the ones he did save I didn't have the comfort of plot-armour.

Sure I had my magic to fall back on if push came to shove, but bereft of any form of combat experience I held no delusions as to the outcome of a fight between a child armed only with a fledgling grasp of psychokinesis and a pack of Beowolves or a single Ursa and you didn't need to be genius or watch nature documentaries to know that being eaten alive wasn't particularly pleasant.

And that was with regular animals that just wanted to survive or defend their territory/offspring and bore no particular hatred toward Mankind. The creatures of Grimm, on the other hand, were mind-fuckingly dedicated to wiping out Humanity & Faunus-kind, and while little else was known about them aside from their ties to Salem, the sheer depths the woman was willing to sink to achieve her goals made it all too clear being devoured by a Grimm would be a uniquely agonizing experience.

It was funny in way. After all my hard work trying to avoid canon I now found myself gazing down the barrel, each despairing step bringing me that much closer to being entangled in The Plot. Before I could sink further into despair, however, a sudden flash of white out the corner of my eyes snapped me out of my thoughts, my body tensing as I instinctively gasped, only to relax at the sight of Gaster's skull leering out at me from the shadows provided by the treeline.

"Easy there, Snowflake." Qrow assured me, the first time he'd spoken since we'd left the bar actually, the Huntsman reaching down to ruffle my hair mockingly "Undyne and her buddies already came through these parts not too long ago, and even if they did miss a few, you're in good hands with me."

I wisely chose not to comment on where I'd seen him put those hands and instead pretended to ignore the man, waiting for him to step forward and hammer on the door before covertly nodding my thanks to Gaster, the displaced scientist's eerie smile widening slightly before fading from sight, taking the majority of my earlier discomfort with him.

Not that I harboured any delusions of his ability to protect me from harm mind you, as I knew all too well just how limited his ability to interact with the world at large was. Regardless, it was still comforting to know I had a friend nearby.

"Hey Tai." Qrow greeted as his brother-in law finally opened the door, his cocky smirk widening as the blonde huntsman's annoyed scowl gave way to a look of surprise at the sight of him "Miss me?"

"Qrow! You're…Early!" Taiyang stammered, gaping at his former teammate in abject disbelief that Qrow might have taken umbrage with had he not earned his reputation for being fashionably late to everything from parties to missions and disciplinary hearings "And sober too, as I live and breathe!"

"About as sober as I ever get." Qrow admitted, taking a quick swig from his hip flask, much to the blonde's disapproving glare "Relax, it's not the strong stuff. Summer told me she'd have my guts for garters if I showed up reeking of booze around 'impressionable young minds'."

"Yes, well, thanks for making the effort." Taiyang offered, smiling gratefully at his brother in law even as the sound of childish shrieks and giggles echoed from inside "So you coming in or you just wanna drop off your present and grab a slice?"

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't considering the latter," Qrow admitted with an annoyed grunt, grimacing open at the noise coming from behind the larger man, a sentiment I wholeheartedly agreed with "but the fact is I'm gotta stick around for a bit."

Taiyang quirked a brow, no doubt wondering just what on Remnant the man was talking about until Qrow reached behind him and pulled me into view, the Blonde Brawler blinking down at me in surprise "Isn't that Undyne's kid?"

"Yup, good ol' Snowflake." Qrow smirked, ignoring, the glare I sent his way for the nickname "See, Undyne thinks the kid doesn't have enough friends his age, so I, being the kind-hearted responsible adult that I am." He didn't even pause when Taiyang and I scoffed "volunteered to bring him along."

"How you ever landed a teaching job I'll never know." Taiyang muttered, only half kidding, as it was a well-documented fact that while Qrow hated kids, he hated seeing them hurt even more "Well come on in…Sans wasn't it?" he smiled at the youth encouragingly as he held out his hand "Nice to meet you Sans, I'm Taiyang Xiao-Long."

"The Motherfucker?" I asked innocently, keeping my features straight even as my comment earned a spit-take from Qrow that decorated the wall with booze while Taiyang gaped at me in disbelief "Mr. Qrow talks about you all the time at Grillby's."

"Does he now?" Taiyang noted, and I swear I almost cracked then and there watching him struggle to keep the smile on his face while Qrow doubled over behind us, thumping his chest to clear it of the liquor he inhaled "Is that so?"

"Yes sir, he said you keep stealing all the hot mamas but never pass any his way…" I dialled it up a notch by biting my lip and widening my eyes in mock concern "You're...not gonna steal my mama, are you mister?"

"No son, I'm not." Taiyang assured me, ruffling my white hair with a gentle, calloused hand that had clearly delivered many a smackdown given the number of small scars decorating the back of it "Now you run along inside and have fun, Mr. Qrow and I need to have a little…talk."

"Tai I swear to Oum it's not what it sounds like-!" Qrow choked, waving a hand pleadingly as his brother-in-law strode towards him murderously, only to pause as his eyes met mine, a shit-eating grin threatening to split my face in half as I waved farewell from the safety of the doorway. "Oh you little shit-!" he swore, though from the look in his eyes he seemed torn between being angry & impressed in the half second it took for Taiyang's fist to reach his face.


Inside the Dragon's Den...

"Get Dunked on old man." I snickered, shutting the door behind me to cut off the sound of tenderizing meat.

A part of me felt kinda bad for using Taiyang to get back at Qrow, but it wasn't as if I'd lied to the man. If anything I'd done Qrow a favour by omitting some of the juicier things he'd let slip during his rants. Seriously, you think Taiyang got it bad? You should hear some of the things Qrow had to say about Raven. The tale about how his sister got her tattoo is a particular crowd pleaser.

Lesson for the day kids? Never trust your friends with secrets, especially if you're friends with a noisy drunk with abandonment issues.

"Well, hello there!" A vaguely familiar voice called out, snapping me out of my thoughts long enough to realise I'd wandered into the kitchen before I found myself gaping at the figure before me "What's your name little guy?"

"Ruby?" I stammered, gaping up at the woman in disbelief, for indeed the resemblance to the red reaper was strong in this one, only to mentally kick myself as my common sense returned. Putting aside the fact the woman before me was clearly older than Ruby, I distinctly remember Qrow stating that Yang and I were about the same age, which meant Ruby hadn't even been conceived yet.

With this in mind, it was clear that the woman before me was none other than Summer Rose, though in all honesty I felt my initial reaction was justified. Seriously, the one picture of Summer seen in-show did not do her resemblance to her daughter justice. Hell, she was even wearing an outfit eerily reminiscent of Ruby's Season 4 outfit, though she'd swapped the iconic cloak for an flour-stained apron and thick oven mitts.

"Ruby huh?" Summer Rose mused, one mitten covered hand coming up to cup her chin as she tilted her head to the side, as if tasting the word "I dunno, it's a nice name but it doesn't seem to suit you."

"S-sorry miss." I stammered, cursing internally as I tried to both get over my shock at bumping into Ruby's mother and try to find a way to make up for this mess "You just startled me is all. My name's Sans, Sans Dunkel."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you, Sans-Sans Dunkel." Summer chirped, her silver eyes filled with mirth as she no doubt caught my look of confusion "I'm Summer Rose. Wanna Cookie?"

"Uh, sure?" I stammered, only now noticing the oven behind the woman, who promptly bent over, and no, I didn't stare at her ass, she was Ruby's mom for crying out loud, get your minds out of the gutter, to retrieve a tray laden with several freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

"There you go." She chirped, dropping one into my hand with a smile after blowing on it to cool it down "Could you let the others know they're ready? I need to keep an eye on the Cake."

"Yeah sure." I offered, idly munching away on the admittedly tasty treat as I sidled towards the living room, carefully sticking to the edges whilst keeping a wary eye out for Yang. While I appreciated Undyne's concern and would freely admit that I probably should get out more, my fear of being caught up in The Plot overpowered my desire to run around befriending the cast. One horrifyingly painful death was enough, thank you very much. Salem's pets were gonna have to work if they wanted my pale ass.

"Hey!" a scratchy voice called out, drawing my attention to a cocky-looking blonde I dimly recognised as one of my usual would-be tormentors. He kinda looked like Kid Gilgamesh, only replace cheerful arrogance with petulant anger and snazzy clothes with a plain brown shirt over orange shorts.

"What're you doing here Bookworm?" Blondie demanded, hands on his hips as he sized me up, clearly unhappy with my presence, a sentiment shared by several of his cronies that quickly formed around us.

"Livin' La Vida Loca." I snarked back, chuckling at the little brat's look of confusion as I turned away only to sigh as several other kids blocked my way "Seriously? You wanna start something here?"

"Nowhere for you to run and hide this time." The brat boasted, arms crossed and both feet planted cockily as he smirked mockingly down his nose at me, his little gaggle of friends cheering him on to 'put down the freak'.

And yes, I will freely admit it did kinda piss me off to have some cocky little shit-stain that never worked a day in his life looking at me like that. The fact said shit-stain was taller than me wasn't doing my bad mood any favors either. But as I said before, while I don't particularly like children, I'm not the kind of guy who gets off on beating them up either.

Humiliate 'em? Sure. Traumatise 'em? Yes please. Physical violence? Nothing to see here Mr. Hansen.

So the second blondie took a swing at me, I simply leant back out of the way, letting his momentum carry him towards my extended foot which, coupled with a little psychokinesis, sent the little twat stumbling towards his would-be friends, who wisely stepped aside to let him crash into the punch bowl.

"C'mon man, don't go fallin' for me." I cheerfully taunted as the brat sputtered incoherently, smirking lazily at him as I leant against the wall "I mean, the birthday girl might take offence."

"Did someone say Birthday girl?" Summer chirped, stepping out of the kitchen with a huge ass chocolate cake, only to blink as she took in the sight before her "Oh Yang," she sighed, shaking her head with a pout that was far too cute for a woman her age "I told you not to make a mess!"

...WAT...

"Hey...wait a second..." I stammered, wondering, nay, pleading that I'd heard wrong, breaking out in a cold sweat as I slowly turned back to the punch bowl "When you say Yang...you don't mean..."

As if to confirm my worst suspicions, Blondie slowly rose from the floor like something out of a horror movie. The other kids, displaying superior survival instincts that would benefit them greatly if they ever applied to Beacon, wisely opted to vacate Ground Zero just as Blondie's head, bangs dampened by the punch & trailing party streamers, rose to reveal a pair of vengeful scarlet eyes that promised bloody vengeance.

"Oh Dear." Summer Sighed, stepping lightly to the side as I bolted for the kitchen door, burning vengeance hot on my heels "And it was going so well too."


End Flashback...

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how I arrived in my current situation: gasping for breath in a ditch, having spent the better part of the day trying to outrun a berserk, prepubescent Yang Xiao-Long.

You might be wondering why the hell I was so scared of a little girl that hadn't even unlocked her Aura. Well putting aside the fact that she was taller than me and in much better shape, as someone who grew up surrounded by girls I knew better than to try and defend myself physically no matter how bad things got.

Besides, semblance or not as cool as those those crimson eyes of hers were on screen, they became all too terrifying without the filter of a monitor between them and my very punchable face, even more so when she started hurling shit at me that no ordinary kid should've been able to lift.

At least Undyne couldn't complain about my missing out on my Cardio for the day. Hell, between the chase through the woods and dodging debris I'd probably set a new personal record for 'running like a little bitch'.

"I could've sworn she wore her hair in pigtails as a kid..." I wheezed, peering warily into the woods to check the coast was clear before clambering out of the ditch, dusting myself off with a grimace at the feel of mud and leaves in places I'd rather not mention "Christ what else could go wrong?"

I really need to learn to stop tempting fate, for no sooner did the words leave my mouth a girl's scream echoed sharply through the woods, the sound so unfamiliar without the bloodlust aimed at my person that it took a second for me to recognise the voice as Yang's.

'Oh Fuck You Murphy!' I swore, turning to follow the blonde only to curse as I realized I had no idea where she'd gone. Hell, for that matter I didn't even know where I was, the forest around me, previously silent and serene, taking on a decidedly sinister air that wasn't helped by the sun setting behind the treeline.

'This is why I never go outside...' I swore, gazing wildly into the suddenly sinister shadows until a flash of white drew my attention to Gaster's skull, the displaced scientist beckoning to me from the shadows with his skeletal hands, his expression somehow managing to come off as rather urgent.

"Lead the way Doc!" I urged, trusting the former Scientist as I promptly hauled arse, following his spectral form as he moved from shadow to ever-lengthening shadow deeper into the woods, noting offhandedly that the sun was slowly setting behind me, a clear sign to move faster if there ever was one.

'No way in hell am I getting caught out here after dark.' I swore. As bad as the Grimm could be during the day, they seemingly cranked it up to eleven the moment the sun went down. While Qrow had assured me that the woods had been purged less than a week prior, that didn't mean the occasional stray hadn't wandered in afterwards and was just biding it's time to strike.

Just as I was wondering if we were going the wrong way another scream from up ahead drove me forwards, bursting into a clearing only to pull up short at the sight of Yang clinging to a branch for dear life while a large black boar squealed angrily up at her from below.

'A Boarbatusk...' I grimaced, torn between relief that it wasn't a Beowulf or Ursa, which could have easily climbed the tree, and mounting terror at the fact I was within spitting distance of a Creature of Grimm, albeit a young one if the size was any indication.

Not that this made the situation any better mind you, even young Grimm can give Rookie Huntsman a run for his money. Just look at Jaune, though to be fair he didn't really qualify as a true Huntsman till after Pyrrha took him under her wing. Lucky bastard.

'This is bad...'I swore, eyeing the clearing warily as the Grimm continued to harass Yang, too caught up in its desire to gore the girl to notice me 'Even if I distract it so she can climb down we can't outrun it. And with all the noise it's making it won't be long before more Grimm show up.'

It went without saying that abandoning Yang was not happening. Even if her survival was pretty much set in stone I'd never be able to look myself in the eye if I left without at least trying to help. And so, despite my common sense screaming at me, I took a breath and stepped slowly out of cover, my eyes locked onto Yang's, which despite having returned to their normal purple hue were stained red from crying.

Holding a finger to my lips to keep her from crying out, I slowly crouched down to grab a nearby pebble while focussing on the flow of blood in my arm, my eyes locked on the back of the Boarbatusk, ready to run for the hills if it sensed my presence even as I wrapped the rock in my mana, rearing back and letting my makeshift projectile fly the moment I felt my mana had completely enveloped my would be projectile.

Now as I've said time and again I was never particularly active in my past life. Long story short, I was always the last one picked for any sporting event, either because I was too slow, to large, or just couldn't hit the broadside of a barn if I bodychecked it.

Well, maybe not that bad, but it should go without saying that my aim was never the best. Regardless, with this in mind I think it's safe to say no-one was more surprised than I, except possibly the Boarbatusk, when the magically enhanced pebble literally launched itself like a bullet the moment it left my fingers and not only managed to hit the Grimm square in the arse, if the beast's squeal of alarm was any indication it also somehow managed to lodge itself right where the sun doesn't shine.

It'd almost be funny...ok in all truth it was fucking hilarious but any amusement I might have felt for the situation much was decidedly short-lived, because entertaining or not, the fact remained that I'd just earned the Grimm's unmitigated ire & undivided attention.

And the Lesson for the day kids: Never attempt Surprise ButtSecks on a target that is out of your league unless you're absolutely certain of a 1-hit kill.

I should have run, believe me, noting would've made me happier at that moment than to leg it in the opposite direction, weaving between the trees in a futile hope that it would prevent porky from using it's 'Spin-dash' attack, but the moment those scarlet eyes, infinitely more terrifying than Yang's could ever dream of being, locked onto my own I found myself unable to move, the sheer, soul-crushing hatred emanating from the beast freezing me on the spot long enough for it to curl up and come flying at me faster than a cease & desist mandate from Sega.

"Shit!" I swore, not so much hurling myself to the side as stumbling over my own two feet in a half-assed attempt at dodging. In any case it was a second too late, for while the attack missed my body it managed to clip my left arm, the impact sending me spinning ass over tits towards the forest floor, a part of me dimly noting, in that detached manner of one suffering a concussion, that my left hand was broken in the same way you notice an eye floater.

'I can't take another hit like that' I realised distantly, too stunned by the impact to even process the blinding pain in my damaged limb as I struggled to push myself to my knees 'If I take a hit like that head on I'm dead...'

But even as I realized this, there was little I could do, my body refusing to move properly even as the Boarbatusk turned to face me once again, crimson eyes smouldering as it kicked the ground before charging right at me with a squeal of rage.

"That's quite enough of that."

I blinked and the Boarbatusk was gone, replaced by a slender back clad in a white cloak with red trim. Extending from the side of the cloak, gripped in a delicate pale hand, was a large double-edged two-handed sword with a sharpened hilt & foot-long handle. By all rights someone with a frame that slender should not have been able to lift a sword that large, yet for some reason the figure before me did so effortlessly.

"Mom!" Yang called out joyously, the excitement and relief in her voice snapping me back to reality, though all it managed to accomplish was to remind me of my broken hand, prompting me to curl up in a ball, teeth clenched in agony as I spotted the Boarbatusk sprawled on its back nearby, legs kicking furiously as it righted itself with a squeal of rage.

"You did well, both of you." Summer praised, turning to smile reassuringly over her shoulder, seemingly unaware of the Boarbatusk as it curled up and launched itself at her like Sonic aiming for one of the blatantly obvious weak points on Robotnik's mean machines "Leave the rest to me."

What happened next, for the life of me, I will never be able to forget.

One minute Summer was just standing there, sword in hand as the Boarbatusk drew closer. The moment it got within range of her sword however, Summer's shoulder twitched, for lack of a better word, and the next thing I knew the Grimm was gone and the air was filled with leaves and white rose petals.

"All done!" Summer mused, sheathing her sword beneath her cloak & across her back with the ease of long-practice before turning to catch Yang as the blonde launched herself out of the tree, hugging the trembling blonde to her chest, whispering softly in her ear to comfort her.

"Now then, I think that's more than enough excitement for one day." she mused, setting Yang down as the sound of racing footsteps and raised voices heralding the arrival of a worried Taiyang and a battered Qrow, the former scooping his daughter up in a bone-crushing hug while summer knelt down to offer me a hand and a comforting smile "Come on, let's get back to the party. Those candles aren't gonna blow themselves out."

Maybe it was the combination of a concussion and the adrenaline racing through my system due to my broken hand, but as I reached out to take that proffered hand, I couldn't help but feel as if I'd been saved in more ways than one.


And thus ends Sans first meeting with Yang. As you can plainly see, it went swimmingly.

For those of you wondering why Yang has short hair in this, just imagine her with Ruby's haircut, only without the bangs framing her face. She most likely cut it to look like summer, which came with the added plus of being able to roughhouse with the other kids, though she'll start growing it out later to avoid being mistaken for a boy again. (lol)

The next few chapters will be spread out a bit, mostly covering how Sans & Yang's Childhood progresses up until the birth of RWBY and the Death of Summer Rose. After that the main plot should kick off so bear with me if the chapters seem a little rushed, I know there was a bunch of stuff I cut out of this one because it just felt like padding.

And yes, it is my head-canon that Yang got her love of puns/sense of humor from Summer. Most people would've gone with Tai but I figured Summer had to have had some influence on her step-daughter. Lord knows she didn't get it from Raven or Qrow. Also, expect more Qrow Trolling, the man's just so easy to mess with.

Kudos to anyone who can figure out the reference for Summer's fighting Style. I've seen too many fics which give her the same weapon as Ruby despite it being explicitly stated she was trained by Qrow & built Crescent Rose herself so I thought I'd give a shout-out to a recently completed series which also featured silver eyed warrior women.

How no-one else has made this connection yet, even in the wake of Season 3, I'll never know.