Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Her

Ernest Raviede's office needed to be dusted in the worst way. Rena could only guess that he found himself more at home when surrounded by signs of civilization ravaged by time, and months without dusting certainly achieved the same sort of aesthetic effect. Did he even use the textbooks on his shelf?

At least the place isn't too messy, Rena though as she made her way in for her appointment with the professor. No booby traps, either. I would have thought he would have installed something like that to keep Opera away.

"Rena, my dear!" Ernest greeted her. "You made it on time. Oh, and you brought paperwork."

"I did," said Rena. "I have lots I've been wanting to talk to you about."

"Fire away, little missy," said Ernest. "I haven't seen much of you since settling in at Linga University."

"I've been busy," said Rena. "Very busy."

"Doing what?"

Rena looked Ernest straight in the eye. "Thinking, mostly."

"About anything in particular?" Ernest cocked his head to one side.

"About you," said Rena.

"Me?"

"You," said Rena. "You poor thing."

"I've got a great job and a happy life," said Ernest. "What's this about poor?"

"You never really got free of that tramp."

"Who?" Ernest gave a blank look, but Rena knew he was acting. Her demeanor grew deadly serious.

"You know exactly whom I mean," she said. "The tramp."

"You don't mean…"

"I do. Opera."

"Why call her that, though?"

"She hasn't left you alone for a minute since you left Tetragenesis, has she? She followed you across the stars just to satisfy her obsessive crush. And now, she's even dragged her sister into it."

Ernest blinked. "Close the door, Rena."

Rena did, and she resumed. "Opal is just as bad, isn't she?"

"Worse."

"I can help."

Ernest's eyes widened slightly. "Help? How?"

"I can make them go away."

"And how is that? Short of killing them, I mean."

"It's a secret," said Rena, winking at him. "I don't wish to take any chances on them listening in on our little talk here, so I won't go into details. However, I do wish to help you out. Call it a business opportunity."

"Business opportunity? Like, the assassin business?"

"Romantic business, really," said Rena. "I have to confess that."
"I'm confused."

"I've been smitten with you from the first moment I saw you. You're just so… manly. You're everything Claude isn't. You're nicer than Dias, too. You're just the man I've been looking for. I'm sure you'll take good care of me, too."

"I do like you, you know. Just as a friend, but still…"

"You love me without knowing it," Rena declared. "I know this for a fact. That's why I'll help you get rid of the Vectra sisters if you'll agree to marry me."

"Marry you? I'm sorry, Rena, but I'm not sure I can do that at this time."

Rena clutched her hands over her heart. "You wound me, Ernest. You do. But still, out of my love for you, I'm willing to make you an offer that does not involve either of us in a wedding. Just sign this paper here, where I put the red circle, and I'll be bound to help you get rid of your problem."

"If it's just a favor between friends, why the legal hoops?" Ernest shook his head.

"Just a precaution, Ernie," said Rena. "Just to be safe. It's just something that will make my job easier."

"If you say so," said Ernest. "Mind if I read it first, though?"

Rena's heart skipped a beat. "Uh, I'd rather expedite this process as best I can. Time is money, you know. The early bird gets the worm, and the second mouse gets the cheese. Gotta hurry."

"Okay, okay," Ernest chuckled. "Just give it to me, and I'll let you go. I have plenty of other work to do today, anyway."

"Thanks," said Rena.

"No," said Ernest, "thank you. You're improving my life tenfold by ridding it of obnoxious, obsessive little brats."

"No problem," said Rena, taking back her papers. "I'll just be on my way now."

"Thanks again for sticking your neck out for me. I don't know how you'll get away with this, but I suppose next time I hear about Opera and Opal, it'll be in the newspaper."

"Do you read the obituaries, Ernie?" asked Rena.

Ernest answered with a sly smile.
"See you when I'm done," said Rena. On her way out, she blew Ernest a goodbye kiss, and he blushed.

Sucker, Rena thought.

XXX

"I could have sworn you hated me," said Opera. "You were always worried I was, ahem, coming on to Claude."

"Bygones," said Rena. "Let's raise our glasses to a new era of friendship between two young women who are no longer romantic rivals."

"Cheers to that," said Opera. "Mmm. What is this?"

"It's wine," said Rena.

"I know that. What kind?"

"A new kind."

"Care to say what?"

"Not until you read what Ernest signed."

"My dear Ernie?" Opera raised her head and leaned across the table.

"You might have said that," said Rena.

"Might have?"

"He signed our marriage license right here," said Rena. "I guess I really did beat you to both men."

"You what?" Opera's face lit up.

"You heard me," said Rena. "And I just wanted to show it to you before you died."

"Before… what?" Opera snickered. "I hold my wine better than that. What, you think I'm going to drink myself to death or something?" She hiccupped.

"On mandrake wine, yes."

And with a thud, Opera collapsed on the table in front of her.

"That's four down," said Rena. "Ah, does it feel go to be loved! Opal, you can come out now!"

Rena waited a minute for a reply from the closet where Opal hid before continuing, "Oh, wait, you can't come out. Never mind."

And with that, Rena dragged the newer corpse to the closet, threw it in with the body of its younger sister, closed the door, and walked away, whistling.