Chapter 4 – Killing Her Softly with Her Saw

Rena lay stretched out in a lawn chair in Arlia, thinking.

Ashton will be trouble, Rena thought. He's only got three thoughts in his head, and two of them are about barrels. The third: Precis F. Neumann.

"How is construction going?" Rena shouted at a group of men moving piles of lumber over to a plot of land next to the Shingo Forest. "When can I expect my house to be finished?"

"Yours were awfully complicated blueprints, Madam," said the Foreman. "This'll probably take several weeks."

Rena sighed. "Fair enough. Just get it done, and get it done right. I'm not paying you to mess up."

"Right, Madam," said the Foreman.

Rena stretched her arms about her head, yawned, and then took a sip from her drink. That's plenty of time, but I still need a plan. How can I get Precis out of the picture and not have Ashton look at me like I'm a murderer?

Some shouting from the construction site interrupted her thoughts. "Look out!" came the Foreman's voice. "It's going to collapse!"

About five men darted away from a stack of boards inadequately nailed together before they crashed to the dirt, throwing up a cloud of dust. The noise spooked a couple of the smaller construction workers. The Foreman, enraged, spooked them further by dashing about, shouting up a storm and cursing at those who might have been responsible for the accident.

Ah, pandemonium, Rena thought. She took another drink, smiled evilly, and drifted off for a nap.

XXX

A short journey later, Rena knocked on the door to the house Precis and Ashton shared in Linga. Precis answered.

"Rena!" she said. "I haven't seen you in so long. Why didn't you come to visit me last time you were in town?"

"I had other business," said Rena. "Couldn't be helped."

"You're so selfish sometimes," said Precis. "But you're here now, and that's what counts. Want some toast?"

"Sure," said Rena. "I love toast. Tea, too?"

"Coming right up," said Precis.

While Precis prepared her snack in the kitchen, Rena looked around the living room for something—anything—that might prove useful in her mission, but nothing fit the bill.

Rats, she thought. With all the garbage the little brat keeps strewn about her house, you'd think there'd be at least something mildly useful. But no. It's all just… garbage!

"What would you like on your toast, Rena?" Precis shouted from the kitchen.

"Whatever," said Rena. "I don't really care."

"You sure?" said Precis.

Maybe not, Rena thought. Hey! What about some jam?

"I'll have mine plain," said Rena. "Please."

"Plain?" said Precis. "That's pretty boring."

"I said plain," said Rena.

"Okay," said Precis. "One plain toast, coming right up!"

Precis returned carrying two plates of toast and two cups of tea on a restaurant tray, along with a jar of strawberry jam. She set the tray down on the coffee table and got her spreading knife ready.

"That jam looks pretty good," said Rena.

"I asked if you wanted something on your toast, and you said no," said Precis.

"You know," said Rena, "I think I've changed my mind. I'll just be heading over into the kitchen to get my own jam. No need to put you through any extra work."

"You're always so thoughtful, Rena!" said Precis.

As Rena walked to the kitchen, she glanced into every side room she came across. Her workshop has to be around here somewhere, she thought. Ah, there it is! Now, next step, the kitchen!

Precis's kitchen was about as messy as one would expect, given its owner's bent for pushing the limits of homemade engineering projects to the point where they exploded fairly regularly. The place was high tech by the standards of Expel, but all of Precis's brilliantly invented appliances had a dreadful Rube Goldberg vibe about them, and the machine parts scattered all over the floor didn't help things any. A mechanized can opener near the (sometimes) working refrigerator consisted of a metal arm with a spinning hand on the end. A toaster looked suspiciously like a modified version of one of Precis's Bobot machines. The garbage disposal and wastebasket were voice activated.

The whole scene awed Rena enough that she paused to admire Precis's handiwork for a minute before opening up the fridge. Once she got on with her task, though, she found herself nearly drowning in a sea of spreadable sauce options. Turnip jams, blueberry jams, orange jams, mint jams, cheese jams, carrot jams, cinnamon jams, sugar jams, lemon jams, pineapple jams, and even rabbit-flavored jams stared out at her from the front row of the fridge's shelves. Precis loved her toast and jam, apparently.

Rena had to search the second row to find what she wanted: Yuki's Habanero Pepper Jam. Rena snatched it up, closed the door, and dashed off to the living room to meet Precis.

"I hope you don't mind, Rena," said Precis, "but I ate your toast while you were gone. I just couldn't help myself!"

"You… ate it?" Rena said, incredulous. "You ate my jam?"

"Hey, it's my house!" said Precis. "You should be happy I'm sharing with you at all. Though I guess I am the host, so I should be polite enough to go make you some more."

"I'd appreciate that," said Rena.

What a flake! Rena dipped her finger in the open jar of non-spicy jam on the table, licked it, and savored the sweet taste of her upcoming victory. How did she ever win Ashton over in the first place?

As soon as Precis left for the kitchen again, Rena unscrewed the lid from the Pepper Jam and dumped a pool of it on one of the used serving plates. She then took the plate with the jam with her as she sneaked off to Precis's workshop. Inside was most of Precis's heavy machinery, including a giant buzz saw used for cutting up lumber.

Perfect, Rena thought. Absolutely perfect.

She waited just inside the door until she heard Precis traipsing down the hallway, stomping her feet and humming some sort of folk song. Right when Precis reached the workshop door, Rena made her move.

"Isn't this delicious?" she said as she smashed the plate of Yuki's Habanero Pepper Jam into Precis's face. "Taste it! Yum, yum!"

"Mmmmmf!" Precis said.

"Like it? Your face is turning red. Oh, if only you could see yourself. Poor thing, standing between me and Ashton."

"Mmmff-mmff?" Precis's eyes went wide.

"Surprised you can even breathe in there," said Rena, "but I'll fix that shortly."

Rena pulled the plate away from Precis's head, and Precis collapsed to her knees, heaving, too weak to do anything.

"Powerful stuff," said Rena. "This is more powerful, though."

Rena flipped a switch on the side of the buzz saw. She flashed an evil grin as the machine spun to life.

XXX

"Sorry to hear about the accident," Rena said to Ashton, who could barely hear her over the swarm of tears flooding down his cheeks and onto her shoulder. "I'll be here for you, you know. Whatever you need from me."

"T-thanks, Rena," said Ashton. "I d-don't know what I-I'd do without y-you, now."

"I bought you a new barrel to try to comfort you," said Rena. "13th era Cross, made of oak. Used to be a brandy barrel, if I'm not mistaken."

"T-those were limited edition," said Ashton. "T-thank you."

"You know, Ashton," said Rena, "this is not really a time for you to be alone, trying to tough everything out by yourself. I know you don't really have any friends, so I'd like to stay with you. I'd like to make you feel better."

"Y-you'd do that? F-for me?"

"Just sign here."