Chapter 5 – A Rose is a Rose

Several pages of notebook paper sat on the nightstand in Rena's hotel room, and a few crumpled sheets littered the floor. Rena directed her attention and her pen at one in particular. That page had, at its top, the words Bowman Jean scribbled in dark ink. Below those words were a plan.

Rena had put the plan to paper in the form of a flowchart. The first box in the chart contained text to the effect of, "Talk to Nineh." Branching out from the bottom of the box were lines connecting it to other boxes, each line labeled with a possible outcome of a conversation with Nineh Jean. The connected boxes contained potential further steps in the plan.

Rena wanted to leave nothing to chance. To that end, she wanted every contingency mapped out, just in case something went wrong. Wooing Bowman would be more difficult than any of her previous seductions, and she figured she would not get a second chance if something went wrong. Worse, she figured Nineh might cause her serious physical harm if something went wrong. Only Rena's steadfast dedication to her future harem kept her from quitting the nearly insurmountable task of winning over a married man, polygamy laws or no.

Unfortunately, Rena found the task of mapping out her conquest to be both more nuanced and more overwhelming than she had anticipated. Each time she filled a box with a set of instructions for herself, she had to exhaust all possible connections between that box and the others below it; that is, she had to make sure she knew what could happen given any action she chose, and that could be problematic. Even worse, she often found all too many possible pathways leading to the Failure Box, an ugly red shape she put in the upper corner of the page to represent what would happen if she fouled up irreparably. Any instructional box with a likely path leading to the Failure Box could be crossed out; Rena's task was to find a path leading from her starting box to the end of her flowchart without passing through a box connected to the failure box.

As if that were not difficult enough, Rena found that the number of possible results for each action she took blew up more quickly than she thought it might. She estimated six possible outcomes of her conversation with Nineh, and each of those led to new scenarios with at least three outcomes each, and so on. Each branch early on would turn into more and more possibilities several steps down the line.

As Rena had not considered the difficulties inherent in draw a flowchart with a growth rate like the one hers had, she found herself angrily heaving plenty of balls of crumpled paper in the general direction of the wastebasket, the walls, the door (when that stupid room service lady came knocking and bugged her about cleaning and putting a mint under her pillow and asking her to keep the swearing to a minimum as it was bothering other guests and other minor issues Rena didn't want to deal with), and whatever else caught her attention long enough to annoy her.

After a few hours of working in that manner, Rena finally broke into the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of vodka, drank herself stupid, and decided to just wing it.

XXX

When Bowman Jean occupied himself elsewhere, Nineh Jean stayed behind to run the Linga Pharmacy. Today was such a day, and Rena smiled a big, goofy smile as she greeted her rival for the first time in a while. Nineh bade her sit down and have some pleasant small talk over a cup of coffee. Their conversation stayed in the realm of mundane matters (such as the latest celebrity scandals, daytime soap opera plot twists, and which popular musicians had experienced wardrobe malfunctions in the past month) for a while, but Rena knew she had a job to do.

"Nineh," said Rena. "I'd like to ask you something personal. Girl to girl."

"Sure," said Nineh. "Anything you like. We're like family, remember?"

"Well," said Rena, "I can't help but notice that you and Bowman don't always see eye to eye on everything."

Nineh paused to take a sip of her coffee before she said replied. "You are astute."

"So it's true?" said Rena. "I'm a little bit of an expert on love, I think, and I thought I noticed you two having problems."

"He's such a child," said Nineh. "He thinks he runs everything, but he lets me bully him into anything. There are plenty of couples out there where the woman wears the pants, but in this marriage, I wear the coat, tie, and slacks, as well. Bowman just isn't tough enough to keep up with me."

Rena had only speculated as much, but hearing her suspicions confirmed pleased her, so she went in for the kill. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe you two weren't destined to be eternally exclusive?"

"You know, I've thought about that," said Nineh. "Not often, but the thought has occurred to me. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't make a mistake in taking him in."

"With all his infidelities?"

"Tell me about it!" Nineh scowled. "The guy can't keep his eyes off other women when I'm not around to stop him. He's just like a teenager. I hear reports, and I knock plenty of sense into him when he's home, but, well, I don't think he's happy with just me. I don't know. Maybe he puts up with my domineering attitude because I haven't abandoned him even when he flirts with other women."

"You know," said Rena, "there is that new polygamy law. You don't have to tame him alone anymore."

Nineh stopped drinking entirely. She stared directly at Rena for a full fifteen seconds, lost in thought, before saying, "That's an interesting way to put things."

"Hey," said Rena, "I'm just like family. I'm here to help. To give you new ideas. New perspectives. Help you live like a liberated young person."

"I'll think over what you said," said Nineh. "Thanks a lot, Rena. I mean it."

Rena smiled her dark, evil smile. "You're quite welcome."

XXX

A week later, Bowman Jean and Rena Lanford-Tax-Flac-Kenni-Raviede-Anchors sat together at a moonlit outdoor café, sharing a sundae and generally having a good time. At least, Rena had a good time. She couldn't help but notice that Bowman seemed a little distracted.

"Bowman, dear," she said, "is there something wrong?"

"Not really," said Bowman.

"You sure?" said Rena. "You just don't seem your usual bouncy self tonight. Normally, you love being with me."

"Busy day at work," said Bowman. "That kind of thing. Nothing to trouble yourself over."

"That's good," said Rena. "You'll get better. Still, I was hoping I could cheer you up."

"You're always so delightful," said Bowman. The two reached for the sundae at the same time, and their hands brushed against each other. Bowman pulled his away and blushed.

Rena giggled. "I'm always here for you. I want you to know that. In fact, I always suspected you liked me a bit more than you let on, too."

"You did, did you?" said Bowman. He looked slightly surprised by Rena's question.

"Yep," said Rena. "And with the new polygamy laws and all…"

"You know?" Bowman interrupted. "You know?"

"Yes," said Rena, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. "I know. I know all about you and…"

"You know that Nineh got remarried?"

That was not what Rena thought she knew. "She what?"

"She found out about the new laws permitting people to marry multiple times, and the next thing I knew, I was demoted to Husband #2."

"And this is what has you so dejected?"

"At first, I didn't mind," said Bowman. "#2 isn't so bad, really. But then, I found a note on my pillow saying that I was #3. Then #4. Then #5. When will it end?"

Rena's eyes widened. "Wow. That's… Wow."

"And now I have no status, and since she still keeps me around, I still have to do laundry and she still beats me if I flirt with anyone else and I just feel so bad!"

Rena extended her arm and took Bowman's hand in hers. She looked directly into his eyes. "Did you ever consider that you could do the same thing back to her?"

"She'll beat me!" said Bowman.

"No, I won't let her," said Rena.

"But where will I find a willing woman? Where will I find someone who won't mind that I'm already #5?"

Rena gave her most seductive grin. "Right here."