Salene blinked and slowly sat up, turning her head, trying to conjure up an image of the infirmary. There would four empty beds across from her, and three on her sides, though how many on each side depended on which bed she was. She decided there was one on her left, and three on her right, simply because she wanted to. The turquoise and white linoleum would be gleaming, spelled to clean perfection. Several feet above each bed would be a gas lamp, which only Hogwarts still used. She wasn't entirely sure why, because they were so easy to burn things with, either inanimate or living.

With a sigh, she turned her thoughts back to the present, ceasing her stalling. She'd seen Pettigrew in the Slytherin common room several times. He was a cowardly thing, not fit to be labeled human, and he was bullied into befriending Gryffindors, intending to betray them to Dar-Voldemort (She still remembered Bellatrix accusing her of being a coward for not saying his name). Intending to betray them to Voldemort at a later date. Maybe not until a few weeks after graduation, maybe not for a few years. That was assuming Voldemort was in power in a few years. What with the rising opposition of the Wizarding population, she doubted it greatly. Then again, the majority was still terrorized by his name, coming up with intimate questions to ask family members before letting them in the house. As if Voldemort was interested in them, Mudblood or not. The only time he killed Mudbloods was in mass attacks, poisoning a water supply and such.

"Salene?" She turned at her name to the direction she thought Sirius' voice was coming from. "How are you feeling?" Before she could answer, he added, "It's Sirius." She let herself smile faintly and opened her arms so he could hug her.

"I knew that," she told him softly, reaching up and putting a hand on the side of his face. His presence made the small aches she was feeling melt away, and she nuzzled into his neck. "I want to see you." There was silence for a long time, his arms protecting her, though from what she couldn't determine. She lifted her head to say something else, but her mouth was met with his, tongues immediately reaching toward each other. The kiss was passionate and yet tender, as if their mouths were making love. When she pulled away, breathing heavily, her insides liquid, she tugged on his hands and scooted over in the bed. With any words, he understood and lay down next to her. With their bodies so close, she could feel his racing heartbeat against his. "Sirius?"

"Yes?" he asked, voice softer than a whisper. His hand was running up and down her back and then lower...

"I love you." He sucked in his breath and she felt his hands cradle her face, and then gentle kisses were showered on her forehead and eyelids, and finally he kissed her slowly on the mouth.

"Tell me again when you get your sight back," he murmured in her ear and she was startled to feel wetness on her cheeks, from both her eyes and his.

"Don't you want me?" Salene asked. Suddenly, nothing had been as important as this. She needed him, needed him to say he loved her, to take her and be inside her. Her body was aching for it, and her heart wanted it too. And if he said no...

"I do," he said firmly, though the edge was taken away by the hoarse quality of his voice. "Godric, I do. But...I can't. Salene, you can't. This is going to sound patronizing, but you don't know what you want. You're just confused and lonely." He paused and she felt his lips descending on hers again, though for a shorter time than before. "I love you, Salene Snape. I always will. But I can't take advantage of you like this. I won't." When she didn't answer - what could she say to that? - he pulled her even closer, his grip on her tightening slightly. "When we do make love, and we will if you still want to...I want it to be special. I want it to take all night and then I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. Or me in your arms. Then I want to spend the entire next day cuddling in bed and doing it again and again." He laughed in a way that sounded slightly crazy, and she felt a strange pang of loss that she couldn't see him during this speech.

"You're right," she agreed, suddenly exhausted. "I'm sorry. You're right. But I do want you to stay with me tonight." He nodded and she nestled her head into the curve between his neck and shoulder. One of his hands slipped underneath the back of her shirt and lightly rubbed her back until she drifted into unconsciousness.


When Salene awoke, her hands patted the area around her, and she called out Sirius' name. He didn't answer, but the voice she now knew to be Peter Pettigrew's did. "I'm glad you're awake." His squeaky voice grated on her nerves as it hit her ears and she let out a growl of irritation.

"I don't feel like talking to you. I don't associate with liars and backstabbers," she spat, wanting to put her back to him but not trusting him enough to do so. Salazar fucking Slytherin, she hated not being able to see. And yet, every time she thought that, she reasoned with herself that she couldn't see Sirius or Severus if they did get hurt. But in that same respect, she couldn't see if them if they got hurt. So she wanted to be able to see, good or bad. She had-

"Funny, because everyone says you are," he sneered, though he sounded tense and worried. She could see him perfectly in his mind, his unshaven face, his protruding bones, his already thinning hair, his nervous cringing while he wrung his hands together. She'd been told by Sirius he'd been average build - height and weight - until mid fifth year, when (although this was unknown to Sirius) Voldemort's followers sought him out for his cowardly nature (easy to bully and hard to suspect) and for making friendships so easily. Since then, he'd lost about thirty pounds and shot up about a foot. He now looked like a walking pole with body parts, though granted a nervous, fearful pole.

"Pettigrew, don't test me. You know very well I'd have no qualms about turning you in," she snapped, anger boiling over. And maybe a bit of insecurity about Sirius having left in the middle of the night.

"Yes, you do," he bit back, sounding more confident than he had before. He was in his element now. He knew how well-protected he was. He was one of the Da...Voldemort's favorite. "You turn me in and you'll have some of the most powerful Wizards hunting you. Not even that fool Dumbledore can protect you then."

"You underestimate him," she said evenly, fighting against the urge to make fists. He'd see through her then. "Or perhaps you overestimate Voldemort's lackeys."

"How dare you say his name, blood traitor," Pettigrew snarled, though there was a squeak of fear in his words. Before she could fully process this, there was a sharp pain in her face and a sickening sound of flesh on flesh. He had hit her.

Salene jumped to her feet but before she could do anything she heard a cry of dismay, the clattering sounds of many items being dropped to the floor, and a sound of something slamming into the wall. "If you ever-" slam "-ever, ever-" slam "-touch her again-" slam "-you won't live to regret it." Many slams. Throughout Sirius's 'speech' Pettigrew squawked and made empty threats but she heard him flee the room as the death grip was removed from him. "He didn't seriously hurt you, did he?" She smiled, stretching out a hand. She waited until she felt his hand covering her own before shaking her head.

"Weak little rat like that? Never." She smiled, but in truth her face was stinging and the smile cramped the pain, if that made any sense. She had a feeling it didn't, but there was no other way to describe it. Sirius seemed to sense this, and he hugged her in response, before changing the subject.

"I brought you breakfast...but I dropped it," he admitted. She simply shrugged.

"I'm not very hungry anyway," she said honestly. "I'd rather just talk."

"What about?" he asked easily, sitting down next to her on the bed and wrapping an arm loosely around her waist.

"Do you think I'll ever see again?" she whispered, her hand resting on his as she spoke the words she'd been dreading to say. There was heavy silence and she felt him tense next to her. Tears began to build and she bent her head as several escaped. One landed on her hand, and she felt it trickle off, presumably landing on his hand. She suspected that was the reason he abruptly took her chin gently and turned her head so he could look into her eyes. Not that it mattered, because she couldn't look. His thumb brushed over her bottom lip in an affectionate gesture. His thumb - entire hand, in fact - was pleasantly calloused and she leaned into his touch as the tears came faster. "I don't want to be blind," she sobbed. "It's so lonely. Even with you being here, touching me and talking...I feel so alone."

"You'll see again," he said, almost in a bossy tone. "Your blindness is...well, I forgot the word. You know how stupid I am."

"Don't say that," she protested, reaching out to place both her hands on his face, simply to reassure herself of his presence. "Not everyone - as in, no one - can master healing magic and become an Animagus without being a genius." She felt a smile blossom under her fingertips, and she felt rather sure he was blushing and asked. He only nodded, before taking her hands in his and placing a kiss on each fingertip.

"Thank you," he responded, voice soft. "Do you know the word for something mental that affects your physical...um..."

"Condition?" she suggested. "It's psychosomatic, I think. Severus would know better than me." He laughed and hugged her close. Salene loved his hugs. Sometimes, they were better than kisses, because she got to breathe in the white chocolate smell that was Sirius, feeling safe and warm in his embrace, no thought of doing anything else than simply being. Being with Sirius, of course. And if they did get into a little kissing, as was often the case, it was gentle, tender kisses that suggested nothing more than love shared between two people. Sometimes, she had to think about what people always said: You changed too much from age eighteen to...whatever age...to love someone forever if you'd loved them at eighteen. But even if she did, she couldn't imagine her love deserting them, her life without him. Funny that when she'd first seen him she'd been annoyed with him, though faintly amused. And now...well, now most of the time she was amused with him and faintly annoyed.

"Yes, that." His words drew her from her thoughts and she smiled, though she wished she could see, rather than feel, the smile in return.


Severus visited later in the day, though Salene was still so buoyant about her conversations - both the one they'd had that morning and the one the night before - and yet slightly depressed about her lack of sight. Halfway through a sentence, Severus suddenly fell silent, and she reached for him in concern. Lately, she had rather felt like she was mute too. "Severus?" she called, fearful he had left, or been harmed, her heart swelling and-

"I'm here, Salene." His voice was calming and she let out a sigh of relief, though she didn't withdraw her arm until he had taken hold of it. "I researched what's causing this. It's like psychosomatics-" she stifled a laugh at the irony "-only for wizards and witches it's different. If they have extreme emotional stress, their magic does something physical to try and prevent and/or ease the stress. It can vary from a short period in a comma to death, depending on the degree of stress. From the fact it blinded you, I'm guessing you saw something horrible." She nodded tersely and was surprised when he squeezed her hand and made a noise of compassion. "Salene...I know it won't be easy...but if you can I'd like for you to tell me what you saw in Azkaban. I think I can help you see again." She nodded and tightened her grip on his hand.

"See, the thing is, what I saw, I saw mentally," she began, and went on to recount, in as much detail as she could muster (though she left out Sirius entirely), what she'd been visited with, basically every minute of every day she'd been in prison. Since the second day, at least. For the first time since she'd lost her sight, she was thankful she couldn't see Severus. She couldn't see the range of emotions she was sure were passing freely through his face, knowing she couldn't see...but if she could see, would he still show his concern? Then again, they wouldn't be having this conversation at all if she hadn't been sent to Azkaban. And she wouldn't have been in Azkaban if she hadn't gone to Knockturn Alley because Sirius had invited her over. So, what, it was Sirius' fault? No, that was utterly ridiculous. It was an accident, a stupid accident. The odd thing was, when everything boiled down, it was Voldemort's fault. If he hadn't come into power there wouldn't have been so many surprise raids of Knockturn Alley and James would never have been accused of 'treason'.

She was startled out of her musings when Severus' hand gently closed around her wrist and brought her hand down on his wet wrist. "What do you think that is?" he asked, voice soft.

"I don't know," she said, bewildered.

"It's blood. I slit my wrist." Her heart lurched and she jerked away from him, bursting into stunned tears. And yet, even as she did so, her mind protested Severus wouldn't do something so foolish and her heart insisted if she couldn't see it, it wasn't happening. "Just as I thought," he whispered, confusing her even more. What had he thought? "Salene, calm down. That was blood, but I made a cut on my shoulder and rubbed my wrist in it before healing the cut. Then I used Legilimens to read your thoughts." Her heart slowed and she hiccupped a sob of relief. "Salene, I was right. Somehow, your heart convinced your magic seeing causes people pain, and without your sight, I and Sarina can't get hurt."

The only response she could come up with was, "Of course you'd put yourself first." He laughed, a deep burst of amusement that started slow and ended fast.

"I read about something and I want to try it. Do you trust me?" Salene nodded and waited nervously while Severus released her arm and the overwhelmingly loneliness of blindness returned. There was a rustle of fabric, and then the softness of silk was pressed against her eyes and tied around the back of her head. She didn't bother asking, guessing he would tell her what he was doing. She was right. "You see, I know you want to see. And your mind does too, along with the magic that belongs to your mind. And while your mind controls more magic, your emotion's magic is more powerful," he explained. She must have looked confused, because he went on in further detail. "Every wizard has a certain amount of magic, which is determined in their DNA. That is why Purebloods have a greater chance of being powerful - their DNA is more closely related to Merlin's than any Mudbloods could ever be. Your magic is divided into Emotion and Mind. On average, Emotion gets twenty percent of the magic and Mind gets seventy. The extra ten percent is used to channel your magic through your wand. That is why wandless magic is so rare and the wizard capable of controlling it is so powerful.

"Basically, for wandless magic, the majority of that ten percent ends up belonging to Emotion. As Emotion magic's power is triple that of Mind, the wizard is very powerful. For most wizards and witches, however, when Mind magic is strengthened, as it is when a wizard goes to school, the Emotion magic is drained to help increase the percent of magic feeding into the control of a wand. Most wizards can manage simple spells without a wand, such as alohamora and reparo but they could not, for example, duel someone without their wand.

"There are points in a Wizard's life called a Majority, as I'm sure you know. This is when a wizard is sick for a period of time, longer if you're more powerful, with something like a fever, though it is really just their magic surging to it's full potential and heating up the body. During this time, the DNA of a wizard can actually shift, in the slightest ways, to adjust the level of Emotion versus Mind magic. The Majority is normally triggered by the loss of virginity, but if that doesn't happen by - roughly - twenty, Majority happens anyway. Apparently, this is a huge point in debates that magic is stronger when two wizards are working together." Severus paused and cleared his throat, taking a sip of water by the sounds he made. Salene was amazed, right temple throbbing slightly at the new information she was receiving. Thinking about all this happening inside her made her somewhat nauseous. She'd known about Majority's and the division of magic, but not this much

"If anytime before the Majority, but after the Emotion magic has been greatly drained, overwhelming emotional stress is placed on a wizard he or she can, but not necessarily will, surge up in Emotion magic. This surge can disorient the magic as a whole, and the Mind magic will work, in a rare moment, with the Emotion magic to try and fix whatever's wrong. If the wizard is seeing something upsetting, they can go blind. If they are have an eating disorder, they can suddenly start gaining weight at a rapid pace, up to five pounds a week. If they're hearing hurtful words, they can go deaf. If something they've said distresses someone else enough for them to be upset they can go mute. I think you get the point.

"The wizard will stay that way until his or her Mind and Emotion parts of magic agree the situation is rectified. Unfortunately, Mind and Emotion have different requirements." He paused and Salene felt questions welling up. But she bit down on her tongue, forcing herself silent. Severus had already given her more than enough information. He took another sip of water before continuing. "For Mind to be happy, in your case, you have to understand how crazy needing to protect me all the time is. How illogical and, frankly, impossible. You also need to understand that I don't need, or want, you to be stalking me, intending to help but really to be interfering in ways I don't need interference. To please Emotion, you need to know I love you but can take care of myself. It's expected you'd worry about me, after all you care about me, and I may need your help sometimes. But I can take care of myself." A pause. "That should do it."

"Wait! There's something else," she admitted, trying to ignore the fact unexpected tears were dampening the blindfold tied around her head. "I need to protect Sirius too." There was a heavy pause and she steeled herself for questions. Instead, she was answered by a sigh.

"I'll be back in five minutes," he said tonelessly. The door opened and closed before she could protest, and she reached out for the pillow on her infirmary bed, hugging it to herself. Though he was only gone around ten minutes, it felt like an hour. She felt the urge to rip off her blindfold, but had a feeling there was a purpose for it and so didn't.

Finally, the door reopened and she clutched the pillow tighter. "Severus?" she called out, hating the whimper in her voice.

"I'm here," he informed her stiffly.

"That was more than five minutes," she choked out, burying her face in the pillow. There was no answer

"Merlin, Snivellus, what's wrong with you?" The protective fury in Sirius' voice raised Salene's spirits slightly and she smiled into the softness of her goose feather pillow. For a hospital wing, it sure had nice pillows.

"Look, Black, none of us want to be here-"

"Do you hate me now, Severus?" she asked softly. Silence, and then the creaking of the mattress as someone sat next to her. An arm went around her shoulders and she knew immediately it was Severus. Sirius didn't smell like potions and hair grease.

"No," he said, awkward in front of her boyfriend. He paused, before going on to explain to Sirius what was going on, though without the helpful background information he'd supplied Salene with.

"So, I just tell her not to care about me because I broke her heart and that it's foolish for her to still care for me?" he asked, obviously amazed in a furious way. "That's sh-"

"Black," she said sharply. "Just...say it." She only hoped to whatever gods there were that this wouldn't actually screw with her thinking. Fortunately, Sirius had a better plan.

"You know what, Snape, I have an idea. You see, there are some things I should say that would completely sway her...um...Mind and Emotion into knowing it was pointless to care, nonetheless worry, about me. And if you heard the things, it wouldn't make Salene or myself very happy. I think it would be better if you left." Severus reluctantly agreed and she let herself grin as soon as her cousin had left the room.

"Quick thinker," she praised as he leaned down and kissed her on the mouth, hard and deep, before taking a slow breath in and beginning, in a very firm tone.

"It's pointless to worry about me. I know more magic than I need to, and I don't have any enemies that I can't handle. And even though I love you, more than life itself, I don't want your protection. What if you were trying to save me, and you died? That'd hurt me terribly, more than death ever would." He leaned forward to kiss her again, smiling against her mouth. "I love you. I love you."

"Say it one more time," she teased, suddenly light hearted. "Three's the magic number."

"I love you," he whispered, hesitating before pushing her down gently on the bed and sliding on top of her, planting kisses on her neck, hot and wet. She inhaled sharply as his tongue darted out, sliding slowly on her exposed flesh. Even though her body was crying out for more, she accepted it when Severus kissed her on the hairline and pulled away. "I'll get your cousin."

"I love you," she whispered after him, knowing he'd hear. The door opened, though it banged into the wall and she had the suspicion Severus had flung it open impatiently.

"For Salazar's sake, how many things could you have fucked up?" he exploded angrily. Salene flinched as she heard Sirius sigh in exasperation.

"I'm leaving." A pause. "Bye Salene."

"Black," she acknowledged, as if she hadn't noticed his presence before. She knew he'd start to smile as soon as he was a safe distance away from the infirmary.

"So...ready to find out if it worked?" Severus asked, voice edged with apprehension. She nodded, fingers clenching her sheets tightly, her body suddenly frozen with fear. What if it didn't work? What if you only had one shot? What if she died, or ended up hating Severus, or Sirius, or both? Even more questions spun around dizzyingly in her mind, but she shoved them away as she felt fingers working on the knot in her blindfold. She squeezed her eyes shut just before the knot came undone. "Salene...open your eyes."

"I don't want to," she whispered. "I'm scared."

"We can always try again," he told her. With a sigh of faint relief, she dropped her hands and slowly cracked open an eye, and then the other, only to find herself seeing into blackness.