Chapter 16: Ester's Gift
Ester frowned irritably as she gathered her books together and stuffed them angrily into her bag. She didn't know why she was being so irrationally irate. Hermione and Bjorn had gone off on their own many times before, why should it bother her now after she had been watching it happen since Halloween. It wasn't as if anything that happened in their relationship directly affected her.
The only thing was… Hermione hadn't been the same since she got back from England. She was quieter then she used to be, more reclusive as well. She still came with the group to the study room but most nights she disappeared into the library to study alone.
Ester had her suspicions, which she couldn't confirm as of yet, but she suspected that the English girl was avoiding Bjorn as tactfully as she could. The dynamic between the two had shifted, and everyone had noticed. Hermione never sought Bjorn out anymore. The rare occasions that they did go off together, the excursions were always instigated by Bjorn. From observing the pair closely, which she was prone to do, she had noticed the way that Hermione flinched when ever Bjorn reached out to touch her or how simple things like him trying to hold her hand would make her blush scarlet and snatch it back.
That wasn't all that Ester noticed. She saw the irritation on her friend's face every time Bjorn filled her plate for her or tried to carry her bags. Two days ago when he had tried to do just that Hermione had snapped, shouting that she wasn't some weak being who couldn't very well carry her own bag, having done it for five years already. She had immediately apologized upon seeing the hurt look on Bjorn's face explaining that she was very sorry, and that she just had a lot on her mind right now. She ended up letting him carry her books to her next class anyway.
There was something different about Hermione Granger. Ester could sense it. It hung around the British girl like a heavy cloud affecting her and the people around her. Something had happened while she was at home, something that changed the very essence of who Hermione was. Though what that something was Ester was unsure. She would need to get closer, perhaps even talk to her to fully understand the ramifications.
But what she needed to know the ramifications of, that was mystery to her. Hermione had pulled her aside two days after they had returned and started to tell her perhaps what that was. But a few sentences into the conversation she had suddenly clammed up, her face blushing horribly red with mortification and she hadn't said another word.
Deciding that she needed to clear her head and that a walk was the proper way to do it, Ester set off leaving Maj and Yorick still sitting in two of the chairs in the study room.
Upon exiting the room and pulling the door closed behind her, she turned to her left and wondered aimlessly down the corridors. Before she knew it she had reached the main atrium and was looking about for a new destination. Her eyes settled on the front door. Despite the bitter chill she knew would greet her when she opened the doors, she walked towards them purposefully anyway deciding that she needed to breath in fresh air to truly clear her thoughts.
She took hold of the large brass handle, turned it forcefully for it liked to stick, and wrenched the door open, stepping back from the blast of frigid air. The shock of the biting wind took her breath away and made her gasp. Regretting her rash decision she began to turn, intending on closing the door and returning to the comforting warmth of her room when something outside caught her eye. She turned back and saw that Hermione and Bjorn were standing incredibly close together. Bjorn was staring at her with tenderness and Hermione was looking away with apparent coyness.
While Ester stood frozen watching, Bjorn reached out taking hold of Hermione's face, forced her chin up and kissed her hungrily. The wind rushed out of her as if she had been punched in the stomach. Stumbling back through the portal Ester struggled to close the door as the wind was blowing fiercely through, making it more difficult.
She had almost gotten it closed when a force from behind hit it and sent it bursting open, causing Ester to stumble back as Hermione hurried through ignoring Bjorn's calls from behind her. Ester watched with fascination as Hermione rushed up the stairs, never seeing her standing there, and disappearing behind the doors leading to the girl's wing. Bjorn skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairs calling her name one last time.
When Hermione didn't come back Bjorn turned and slumped down on the second step of the staircase, his head falling into both of his hands. His heavy sigh echoed in the silence of the almost abandoned atrium. Licking her lips Ester turned and forced the door shut. When she heard the door click into place she turned and walked tentatively towards the broad shouldered boy. "Bjorn." She said softly when she was standing beside him.
He looked up at her lazily, not bothering to raise his chin from his hands, and muttered "Hello. Where did you come from?"
"I was…going for a walk." She explained.
Bjorn returned his focus to the inlay of the wood flooring. "Did you see what happened?"
"Yes." Ester fidgeted awkwardly. "Do…do you mind if I sit down?"
Bjorn didn't bother to answer but shook his head no. Taking that as permission, Ester turned and lowered herself gingerly onto the step beside him, scooting as close as she possibly dared. "Bjorn, wh…"
"Do you have any idea what is bothering Hermione?" he asked suddenly, cutting her off. "She hasn't been the same since she got back from England."
Ester scooted a minuscule to her right so that she was that much closer to him. "No. She started to tell me when she got back but she stopped for some reason. I think she's embarrassed about something."
Bjorn lifted his head just enough so that he could turn and look at Ester with his pleading gray eyes. "Was it something that I did?" He dropped his hands and straightened. "Have I done anything to make her mad at me?"
Ester tilted her head to the side as she observed him closely. "No. I don't think it's anything you did. From what I have put together with the few things that she has told me this is a problem that started before she even arrived here."
Bjorn growled as he rammed his fingers into his hair with frustration and fisted them tight, tugging at the light colored locks. "This is so frustrating." He groaned. Still gripping his hair he turned to look at his good friend. "I really like her."
Ester was forced to look away as tears gathered in her eyes. "Yes." She reached out and patted his arm. "I…I know."
"Ester." He took hold of the hand patting his arm, forcing her to look at him. "Will you talk to her for me, please? See if there is anything I can do. I only want to help. And…" he sighed heavily. "I don't know. I'm so confused. I thought she really liked me."
"Bjorn I…"
"Ester please." He pleaded, "Will you talk to her?"
Cursing her inability to deny the dense boy anything he asked of her, she nodded her head. When he threw his arms around her in a grateful hug she felt a wonderful, though painful flutter in her chest. She closed her eyes to savor the moment as well as staunch the flow of tears she felt. Gods, she hated this.
When Bjorn released her she forced a supportive, assuring smile on her lips. She set her hands on her knees and used them to push herself into a standing position. "I will go talk to her now then." She thought her voice sounded slightly chocked but hopped he hadn't noticed.
"Ester." Bjorn took hold of her hand once again when she turned to walk up the stairs. She turned her head slowly to look at him and their eyes caught. They watched each other for a moment until Bjorn broke the intense silence by muttering. "Thank you." He released her hand and patted her shoulder awkwardly. "You're a great friend."
Ester smiled and nodded, but as soon as she was turned to walk up the stairs the smile faded to be replaced by a painful grimace. A great friend. She was resigned to the fact that that was all she would ever be. Bjorn's friend.
She spent the time it took to reach Hermione's room to compose herself. Her friends needed her and she was no good to them if she was an emotional wreck. Something was bothering Hermione and in return it was affecting her relationship with Bjorn. And while Ester might wish that things were different this is the way they were. If Bjorn wanted Hermione, if he thought she would make him happy…then Easter guessed she would do what she could to help the two. She would help guide them, steer them on their proper course no matter what it was or how much they fought it. It was her responsibility after all. If they were meant to be together she would do everything in her power to bring it about. If they weren't, and God she hoped they weren't, she would help guide them in the right direction.
Ester reached Hermione's door in what felt like entirely too little time and was forced to stop just outside and take several deep breaths. "All right, Ester." She encouraged herself. "It's time. You can do this." She turned back to the large door and lifted her hand to knock.
Hermione sat at the foot of her bed, head leaning against the post, three fingers tracing her bottom lip. She was staring at the square box wrapped in red paper and golden ribbon, letting her tormented thoughts do painful summersaults in her head when there was a knock at her door. "Go away, Bjorn." She called, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Hermione." Came Ester's voice. "It's me. Let me in. I need to talk to you."
Hermione turned away from the door. "Please go away, Ester. I don't wish to talk right now."
There was a moment's pause before Ester's voice came again. "That's too bad because I'm not leaving until we do." The sound of her fist connecting with the door in smart, loud raps followed her words. "Either you let me in or I will stand here and knock until we've waken every girl on this floor. Do you want that on you conscience?"
Hermione sighed heavily as the pounding started again. She really was not in the mood to talk right now but knew that Ester was fully capable of doing exactly as she threatened, all night if that was what it took.
"Ester I…" Hermione began as she opened the door only to have Ester force her way in abruptly.
The Bulgarian girl turned around to face her friend with arms crossed stubbornly in front of her chest. "Hermione we need to talk. You haven't been yourself lately. Not since you returned from Christmas holiday. What happened?"
Knowing that Ester wasn't leaving until she had heard everything, Hermione closed the door before she went and took her original spot at the foot of her bed. "I…I think I've made a horrible mistake." She confessed, head bowed low so that her chin was almost touching her chest. Ester tilted her head to the side uncertain where Hermione was going with this but waited patiently for her to continue. Hermione looked at her lap where she was picking at the end of her nail with her pointer finger. "I've told you about my friend Ron, haven't I?"
Ester took a seat next to Hermione on the bed. "A little. Usually you only talk about him when it can't be avoided." Ester watched as her friend shifted awkwardly, her bottom lip captured painfully between her teeth. There was a sadness in her eyes and a heavy weight on her heart. Ester's eyes scrunched in deep observation for a minute before she straightened up, her head held high. "You still love him." She said bluntly.
Hermione's head snapped around in surprise, causing her hair to whip her in the face.
"You're still in love him. And if I'm right, which I'm sure I am, you had a confrontation with him while you were home."
Hermione's mouth gapped open. "Ester, how do you do that?"
The Bulgarian girl shrugged her shoulders "I told you. It's a gift. Now, are you going to tell me about it or are you not?"
For a moment Ester thought Hermione was going to remain stubbornly quiet but then she opened her mouth and started to speak in a voice filled with guilt and shame.
"I've fancied him for a long time. Maybe even since I first saw him sitting with Harry on the train to Hogwarts. He tried to turn his stupid rat yellow with a spell his older brother had given him. Now that I know his brother I can't believe he ever thought it would work. 'Sunshine daisies, butter mellow turn this stupid fat rat yellow.'" She laughed painfully at the memory. "Ridicules right? But he was so adorable while he did it. Ron and I have been fighting ever since I told him the spell wasn't any good. But yo…you know the odd thing is that it wasn't always bad. Sometimes I had fun arguing with him. It was always so much fun to best him." She pressed her lips together as she remembered one such argument. "He used to infuriate me sometimes, I will admit. But…we were always friends. Until this past summer that is."
"What happened?"
Hermione scrunched her brow in thought, her bottom lip captured between her teeth. "I don't know." She shook her head. "Something changed. We always argued before, but never like that. It didn't matter what he did, or what I did and we would start in on each other. It was terrible. And even are rows weren't the same. We never name called before, but we started this summer. And it just kept escalating until we both said things we didn't mean."
"Hermione?"
"I was so fixated on the fact that he called me a Mudblood and how hurt I was because I was in love with him that I forgot the horrible things I said to him." Tears were falling slowly from her misty eyes. Hermione turned to face her friend, her voice ruff with tears. "I'm so ashamed, Ester. This is all my fault." She tried to choke down her tears but failed miserably. "If I hadn't been so stubborn. If I had accepted just one of his letters." Hermione shook her head desolately. "But it's too late. He's finally given up on me."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because," Hermione nodded towards the window where a small owl the size of a fist was normally being tossed by the wind was conspicuously absent. "He hasn't written me a letter in more then three weeks. He told me he was done fighting for me. But…I…I guess I didn't believe him. He sent me a letter everyday for months and I didn't think he would actually stop." She took a shuttering breath. "But he has."
Ester rose and walked purposefully towards the window as if to look and make certain the small bird wasn't just hovering out of sight. She was so use to the sight of the miniscule owl she couldn't believe she had not noticed the fact that it was missing. She leaned forward and her hand brushed against foil wrapping, causing it to make a crinkling sound in the quiet room. She drew back to look down at the square box sitting on the corner of the desk. Picking it up she turned to face Hermione. "What is this?"
Hermione glanced at the package then away as if the sight of it cost her pain. "It's my Christmas gift from him."
Taking the package with her she sat next to Hermione once again. "Why haven't you opened it?"
Hermione ran a single finger along the ridge of the box. "I can't. It just doesn't seem right."
Ester nodded. Giving the box one last look she turned and set it aside on the table standing closest to the bed. "I think you should open it."
"Maybe someday… Ester?" Hermione shifted nervously.
"Yes."
Hermione looked up at her friend. "Bjorn kissed me."
Ester forced a smile on her lips. "That's wonderful." She said through painfully gritted teeth. "That's what you wanted. Isn't it?" She asked when she saw the dejected look on the British girls face.
"I don't know." Hermione turned her full body so that she sat facing her friend. "All these months Bjorn and I have been…together I guess. I truly thought I was falling for him. He is so sweet and kind, and handsome. He's everything that I should want. But when he kissed me…" Hermione pressed her fingers to her lips as she contemplated the kiss she had shared with Bjorn. "It felt… it felt like what I imagine kissing Harry would be like." She shuddered slightly at the thought. "Like kissing my brother. There was no spark, no tingling sensation in my stomach. I was indifferent. That's not how you should feel when you kiss the boy you think you fancy."
Ester straightened in her chair. "You think you fancy?"
"Who am I kidding?" Hermione groaned. "I never really fancied him. I think I fancied the idea of him more then anything. It's just…he tried so hard to be perfect for me. Filling my plate, holding my books walking me to class. He thinks he's doing me a favor but really he's driving me absolutely mad." Hermione bound to her feet and paced the short distance from her bed to the wall and back. "I mean even Ron knows that I need to do things on my own. And you don't get much thicker then him." Hermione thrust her fingers in her hair with frustration. "Ester, what am I suppose to do? Please help me."
"Well," Ester stood and put her hands on Hermione's shoulders, halting her nervous pacing. "The first thing you need to do is decide what you want."
"That's just it." She threw her hands up. "I don't know what I want."
"No." Ester gave her a slight shake, making her look into her eyes. "Hermione Granger, are you in love with Ronald Weasley?"
Hermione squeezed her eyes together and said the word as if it was being torn from her. "Yes."
"Then tell him." Ester said simply.
"I can't." Hermione stepped back, wrenching her shoulders free of Ester's hands.
"Why?" Ester cried, losing her patience. "What could possibly be stopping you?"
Hermione wrapped her arms around herself, chocking on a fresh sob. "Don't you understand? He doesn't want me. He's told me he's done with me."
Ester sighed sadly. "Hermione." She wrapped her fingers around her friend's arm and drew her to the bed, forcing her to sit down next to her. "I want you to listen very closely to what I have to say. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Tell him how you feel."
"I already told you…"
"Hermione, it's not that easy to fall out of love once you've fallen into it." Ester felt a familiar ball rise in the back of her throat. "Believe me. I've been forced to watch the man I love with another girl, someone I consider a friend, and still I can not force myself to move on. And I can't change my feelings. It doesn't work that way."
"Ester. Who…"
Ester made a slashing motion with her hand, "Just tell him, Hermione. You may still have a chance."
Hermione gnawed painfully on her bottom lip. "What if he rejects me? I don't think I could bear that."
"Hermione Granger. Are you a Gryffindor or not? All year I've been listening to you talk about Hogwarts, and Gryffindor and all the adventures you've been on with Harry and Ron. How is it that you can risk your life, time and time again without bating an eye, but you can't tell one boy, someone who's been your best friend for five years, that you love him?"
Hermione's mouth gapped open wordlessly.
"Just do it Hermione. If what you say is true then you have nothing left to loose and everything to gain."
"And what of Bjorn?" Hermione argued stiffly, disliking being told what to do even of she knew that in the end she would comply. "I don't want to hurt him."
"You're already hurting him." Ester pointed her finger angrily towards the entrance hall several floors below. "He thinks he's done something wrong. That you're mad at him for something that he did."
"I know." Hermione crossed her arms and turned on the mattress so that her back was to Ester. "You're right of course. But…"
"No buts." Ester forced Hermione to turn around. "You tell him first thing tomorrow morning. It's not fair to torment him like that. And once you've told Bjorn you can go about telling Ron as well."
Ester waited with raised brow for Hermione's compliance and visually relaxed when she got it in a muttered. "All right. I will."
"Make sure that you do." Ester rose to her feet, took two steps and stopped. She turned and tapped the top of the foil wrapped box. "I think you should open this." She said before continuing towards the door.
"Ester." Hermione called when the other girl reached the exit. "Who is he?"
Ester kept her back to Hermione when she spoke. "Someone who is off limits to me for the time being."
There was a minute of silence where Hermione had her lip captured between her teeth again as she fitted together all that Ester had said that night, Finally she looked up with understanding widening her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Ester turned to face her unafraid to show the tears gathering in her eyes. "Everyone else knew. I've loved him ever since we were children. Are parents are friends you know, and we've been playing together since before I can even remember." She shrugged sadly. "Everyone knew."
"I didn't know." Hermione jabbed her finger at her chest. "If I had known I never would have…you know I wouldn't."
"That's why I couldn't hate you." Ester assured her. "Because you didn't do it on purpose and because you've always been so nice and… Besides," Ester whipped at the tears leaking down her face, hating herself for loosing control. "Bjorn only sees me as a friend. He'll never see me as anything else."
"Ester," Hermione laid a gentle hand on her friend's arm. "Why don't you take your own advice and tell him how you feel?"
Ester turned, arms crossed to look contemplatively at Hermione. "I'll make you a deal, Hermione." She finally said. "As soon as you tell Ron how you feel, I'll tell Bjorn how I feel."
Ester decided to take Hermione's continuing silence as agreement and so nodded before turning once more to leave her room.
"Ester," Hermione called. "Thank you. For everything."
Ester pulled open the door. "Don't thank me yet."
