Chapter 5- Crowded Places
Just breathe, Tony. You can do this.
Tony sighed deeply. He was supposed to be having a good day with Bruce after a particularly difficult mission. Bruce had suggested that the two take some time to relax, being the two that would be most deeply affected by an outburst of rage. Bruce was understandable, turning into a big green rage monster and the like, but not many people realised how tightly wound Tony Stark actually was. He would overcompensate with wit and sarcasm, but in reality he was a ticking time bomb and an unpredictable one at that. He never knew when something would come along and destroy his bubble of manufactured calm that he imposed around himself. He didn't want to go back to the copious amounts of alcohol and drugs he used as a coping mechanism. It was not a healthy habit and the group needed him strong and with all of his wits about him. Sure he had the occasional glass of whiskey and Coke every now and then but nothing too heavy.
It was much easier to be around Bruce in these times than it was to be alone. Despite Tony's hatred for all things deep and personal, he found that sharing things like this with Bruce helped more than he would have thought. Bruce was a master of self-control, he had to be, and he had a big weight on his shoulders should one thing set him off. Bruce taught him several techniques on how to centre and ground himself so that he could stay in control of his emotions and not let them run wild all over the place. Despite what people thought, Tony was a highly emotional being who covered said emotions behind veils and layers of stone and a cold-hearted lack of sentiment. Before they had really gotten close, Steve had posited the question of whether Tony actually had functioning emotions. Tony had jokingly agreed with him, but had silently cursed himself for continuing the façade which he had carefully and meticulously cultivated.
Natasha would understand, he rather thought. She was very much the same, highly emotional with just enough layers to cover it from those who did not know what to look for in terms of signs. Everybody had a weak spot, their Achilles heel that, when prodded, would make their emotions come spilling out. For Tony, it was his mother, Maria. He hadn't figured out Natasha's quite yet, but he knew that she absolutely had one.
"Tony? You doing okay, pal?" Bruce had stopped in front of him, causing Tony to bump gently into the older man.
"Yep. Just need a minute."
Bruce nodded. He of all people understood. "Take as long as you need."
"There are just so many people here. I always forget. I know it's my fault for living in New York, but I just…"
"Not your fault. Not at all. Crowds are a tricky thing to deal with, especially when you've been through what you have. I know Clint used to have the same problem after everything that went down with Loki and his upbringing and, well pretty much everything, really."
"How did he get through it?"
"He remembered himself and who he is. He repeated simple things back to himself, like his name and whoever he was with. If he was alone, it'd be his birthday, favourite colour, details like that. You could try that, it seemed to work for Clint. Of course, everybody is different, so there's no telling if it'll do you any good."
"It can't hurt to try."
So Tony tried it. In his head, he ran through the things he knew about himself. His name, age, birthday, his favourite colour (though what self-respecting adult had a favourite colour anymore?), and by the time he had finished running through things he knew for certain, he was feeling much more relaxed.
Bruce had led him to a secluded lakeside spot, where he set up two deckchairs and placed a cooler of beers in between them. Bruce leaned back in his chair and sighed contentedly. Tony lay back, trying to soak in as much of the sun as he could. Working in their labs meant that the two didn't get as much natural light as they would have wanted, so now was an opportune moment to obtain a healthy amount.
"You didn't bring me here to seduce me, did you?" Tony chirped after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.
Bruce chuckled. "Would you turn me down if I did?"
Tony laughed too, realising that he wasn't sure that he would turn Bruce down. "I don't quite know the answer to that one just yet."
"This is more than enough for now. I come here sometimes after a lengthy period of the Other Guy being in control. Just to reset my brain chemistry and realign my thoughts. Once your thoughts and feelings are intact, your body starts to react in kind. And I thought that after New York you would've needed it the most. Everyone needs their sanctuary, Tony. I thought you might want to share mine."
"What makes you think I don't have one already?"
"I considered that," Bruce said softly, "but I realised you would've used it by now. And...I don't know, maybe I wanted something that was...ours. Clint and Natasha have their history, Cap and Thor have bonded over not knowing jack shit about Earth, I thought we could have our thing. If that's...you know, cool with you."
Tony smiled. "Yeah, I think it is, Banner."
Bruce reached across and patted Tony's arm gently.
Tony flinched at the contact, but warmed to it when Bruce's finger lightly rubbed across his skin. Tony grasped at the hand with his own and shivered. He leaned down and lightly kissed Bruce's fingers, breath coming heavy and slow.
"Please don't let go of me."
