Alright. Sorry about the slow update. Homework has decided to gang up on me and stress me out. Evil world, eh?

So...now that it is the weekend, my goal is to finish this fic. The last update will be updated tomorrow. hooray. And as for the reviewers who read Guardian of Animals, I am currently typing it up, so it will hopefully be up tomorrow. Sorry about the long wait.

This is by far the most freaking funny chapter I have eer written in my life. And that is saying a lot.

disclaimer: Neither me nor Kazooband own Harry Potter. But we are currently buying stock.


Chapter 11: Hardy Har Har

By heartdamoose


Ron walked down a small corridor. A corridor that seemed empty, despite small groups of students. All of the butterflies were gone.

As Ron walked by, he overheard most of the people talking about what was soon called the butterfly excursion and how awesome the butterflies were to push Umbridge off a ledge and kill her.

Ron felt stupid. He also felt like telling everyone that the whole butterfly thing was caused by him. It would make him a hero. His name would be imprinted all over Hogwarts and he would have immortality!

Then again, a more reasonable thought came to him. Just as quickly as his heroic thoughts rose, they sank. If he told them, they most likely wouldn't believe him.

Ron sighed as he looked around. Spotting an empty classroom, he decided to go inside. He didn't know why, but he suddenly had the desire to practice his patronus some more.

He opened the door and walked inside. He froze; noticing someone was in there. Just when he was about to turn around and walk out, he noticed that it was Malfoy with his back turned to him. He seemed to be transfixed in something.

Ron walked deeper into the room wondering what the heck Malfoy was doing. Just then, he stepped on something rather crunchy.

Malfoy jumped, obviously not knowing that someone was in the room as well. He turned around with his wand raised.

"What are you doing here Weasely?" he demanded, red faced.

Ron shrugged. "I came in here to practice my patronus."

Malfoy looked at him amused. "Oh really? And I thought you've had enough practice. What with all the butterflies that were floating around. It almost made me sick seeing so many of those things flying around this place."

Ron's eyebrows rose. You know, why should I care what Malfoy thinks? I like my Patronus. And actually, if I could trade my patronus for a different one, I wouldn't. I mean, sure it's a butterfly, not exactly a manly symbol, but it took out Umbridge. That has to give me some credit.

Ron grinned at Malfoy, making Malfoy look confused.

"You know Malfoy, you seem a little too confident about the weakness of my patronus. So, let's see yours."

Draco flushed as he held his wand uncomfortably. "Er…well…"

"That is, if you can even summon one," said Ron crossing his arms over his chest.

Malfoy glared. "Of course I can," he retorted. Raising his wand, he gave it a flip. "Expecto Patronum."

A silver thread of light trailed out of Malfoy's wand and formed into his patronus.

Ron stared wide-eyed. He snorted. That was his patronus?

"What?" said Malfoy as he stared at Ron's surprised face.

"Malfoy, your patronus is a…baby chicken."

And indeed it was. The baby chick stood in front of Malfoy looking very lost and confused. The chick was the size of a rock. Which is really not descriptive since rocks vary very much in size. So, more or less, the chick was the size of Ron's left foot.

Peep.

Ron laughed. "My patronus could totally kick your patronus's butt," challenged Ron.

Malfoy looked uneasy. "I don't think that's a very good idea…"

Ron rose his wand. "Oh come on Malfoy, what are you, chicken?"

Malfoy glared. "I am not chicken. And I bet my patronus could easily beat yours."

"You're kidding me. There is no way that that could beat my butterfly."

"It's a butterfly. Butterflies are one of the weakest things in the world, next to jello and pudding."

Ron glowered at him. How dare he compare his patronus to pudding! Of course, he wasn't sure how that was insulting. Pudding was good. "Let's settle this once and for all," he said angrily.

Ron walked out of the room and rounded on the nearest passerby.

"You," he said pointing to a first year. The first year stopped dead in his tracks terrified. What was this maniac red head doing? "What is stronger, a butterfly or a baby chick?"

The first year looked at him as if he were mental. "What?"

Ron hit his head with his hand. "What's stronger, a butterfly or a chick?"

"Why are you asking me this?" the boy asked confused.

Ron looked at him impatiently. "It's a hypothetical question. I'm taking a poll for…science class. So which one is stronger?"

"Um…a chick."

Ron gaped at him. Leaning over, he whispered something in the little boy's ear.

"I mean butterfly," he said looking at Ron steadily.

"Good lad," said Ron as he snuck the boy three sickles. He walked back into the classroom.

It was then that the little first year realized that Hogwarts didn't have any science classes.

"Okay Malfoy, the boy said honestly and fairly that butterflies are tougher," Ron said victoriously.

"I'll believe it when I see it," the Slytherin retorted. "I challenge your patronus to a duel." The little chick chirped in agreement.

Ron grinned as he raised his wand. "Expecto Patronum!" Out erupted a large butterfly that's height went up to Ron's waist. It floated cheekily around before coming up to the chick.

Peep.

Without even a warning, the butterfly swooped down and ate the baby bird viciously.

Both Malfoy and Ron stared in bewilderment.

"Your bloody butterfly just ate my patronus!"

Ron shrugged. "It was hungry. So I win?"

Malfoy nodded absently.

"And you won't black mail me anymore?"

Another absent nod.

"And…you'll jump off a cliff?"

Malfoy stared. "Don't push it Weasely."

Ron grinned. "Come my butterfly friend! We have partying to do!" The butterfly floated innocently to Ron's side before dissipating in a silver wisp.

Ron felt like skipping out of the room.


hahaha a chick. funny funny funny.

only one more chapter left!

replies:

silver-star-0: lol. yes, I did help her out there (hands you a cookie). The chunk did give it away didn't it. well, what can I say? I love chunks! No...I'm not an assassin, just a moose is all. I'm just rather creative. oh dear, the internet! that's horrible! How did you survive anyway?

Salma-sol: yes, I am quite random. She died! The witch is dead! Of course it isn't over. And if you want more from me, I just put up a rather short fic called Some Call it Loyalty. it's a small thing, but a good read.

kuyaga: well Umbridge is there because it's in year 5 I suppose, I dunno we just put her in there. A flying red ant! rather creepy indeed. (runs away). I hate those things...

Amberhawk: Sorry for not updating very quickly, but thanks anyway!