To all of you who got frustrated with Meg, I hope she can redeem herself to you. Remember, she is young and in love for the first time which makes her completely irrational.Enjoy! Please let me know what you think! Your reviews are wonderful!
Chapter 20
Meg stared up at the tiny cracks in ceiling of Erik's room while lying in his bed for what seemed like days. She knew it had probably only been a few hours since she woke up, but it felt like an eternity. She had been thinking relentlessly about her fight with Erik and the words that were exchanged between them. All she could seem to remember was that she had told him she despised him. Although it was rather crudely, he had told her he wanted to marry her, and that was how she responded.
Meg started to regret the things she had screamed at him almost the moment after she entered his room and slammed the door behind her. He did yell at her, but she knew it was because she had hurt him.
You told him that you never wanted to see him again, she thought.
Meg considered the reality of actually leaving Erik and never seeing him again like she said she wanted to, and it made her feel sick to her stomach. She loved him. She loved him with all her heart, and she knew without him she would never feel truly happy again. She did not want to leave him or ever hurt him in any way. But it was already too late for that.
He wants to marry me….or at least he did, she thought. He wanted to wait to be with me until I became his wife. Oh course, he didn't go about conveying it very well, but I should have just listened.
The idea of having Erik in her life forever seemed so natural to Meg. It made her think of having a family again, and for the first time since her mother had died, she felt whole. Meg was terrified that she had already ended their love before it ever had a chance to begin. Erik had been so good to her, and she treated him so cruelly.
I don't deserve his love or forgiveness, she thought. Why can't I learn to think before I speak?
Before she had time to even begin to ponder the question, a light tapping on the door startled her.
"I took the liberty of getting a few of your things," Erik said from outside door. "They are in the other room."
Meg did not say anything back. She wanted to desperately, but she did not even know where to begin.
You have really made a mess of things this time, she thought. What could you possibly say to him? "Oh Erik, I am so sorry for being such a hateful witch, I am very childish, and you were right about everything, now can we please get married?"
Meg rolled over and pushed her face into the pillows on Erik's bed. She could not get the idea of losing him out of her mind. It made her chest hurt, and she felt as though she couldn't breathe. The thought of him with someone else, some other woman, was simply too painful for her to endure. Her wandering mind then drifted to Christine.
I was worse to him than she ever was, Meg thought to herself, and he will never forgive her.
Eventually, she realized that hiding in a bedroom was what had started this horrid situation in the first place, and so she decided to get up and see what Erik had brought from her dressing room. Meg knew she should be concerned about her friends at the Opera and her position as prima ballerina, but right now none of that seemed to matter. Her life that existed hundreds of feet above had drifted away like a far off dream. All she could think about was Erik.
It was almost nine in the morning when Erik finally heard the door to his bedroom creak open. Knowing how stubborn Meg could be, he had worried that she might not emerge for days. Instead of rushing down the hall straight to her like he wanted to, he decided it was better to leave her alone until she came to him. Of course, he understood that this may take days or even weeks, but he had waited his entire life for Meg without realizing it, and he was willing to bide his time as long as he had to.
About an hour had passed since Erik heard Meg come out of his room. He sat in an arm chair next to his organ reading in the dim candle light trying to pass the time. Prepared to wait for days before she would speak to him, he was extremely taken aback when he looked up to see her standing across the room. She had put on a dress of dark crimson with delicate ivory colored lace at the neck and sleeves. Her long golden hair was pinned up in a simple yet elegant chignon which revealed her long, swan-like neck.
All she needs is crown, he thought.
Erik instantly tensed up as Meg came walking towards him. He was sure from the things she said during their confrontation that she was about to demand for him to let her go. Although he would attempt to keep her there however he could, in the end he simply could not bear the thought of making her unhappy.
In an effort to please her, he had brought several dresses and other items from her room in the opera house. He then arranged them carefully in the same room he once had prepared for Christine. It comforted him mildly to see that she had chosen to put one of them on.
As Meg moved a little closer, Erik prepared himself for the worst.
"Thank you… for bringing some of my clothing," she said with her eyes cast downward.
Erik was very surprised. The last thing he expected to hear from Meg at that moment was a thank you.
"You're welcome. If you wish, I can bring more when I get the opportunity," he offered, feeling extremely glad that she was not screaming at him to release her.
Erik had to be careful when he was creeping around Meg's room in the middle of the day. The last thing he needed was to be caught in the dressing room of a girl who was missing from the opera.
"That won't be necessary," she said with her eyes still focused on the floor.
Meg had no desire for Erik to put any more of her things into that room which she knew had originally been for Christine. She did not want a room of her own; she wanted to be with him, in his room and in his bed.
"Really Marguerite, you may as well try to make yourself comfortable here, since you may be here for an extended period of time."
The fact that Erik still wanted her in his home, gave Meg some hope that perhaps he still loved her and could forgive her awful behavior.
"No, it really is not necessary, but thank you just the same," she answered.
Erik was sure that the reason Meg did not want any more of her belongings brought there was because she did not plan on staying herself. He would have to make it clear to her that he did not intend to just let her go.
"I hope you aren't saying this because you think I am going let you leave or escape," he said bluntly, wishing he didn't have to.
For the first time since she entered the room, Meg lifted her face from the floor and looked directly into his eyes.
"I have no intention of leaving, Erik."
Erik raised a perplexed eyebrow and just looked at Meg through his white mask, not really knowing what she was trying to say.
"Then why wouldn't you want me to get more of your things for your room?" he asked somewhat accusingly, as he stood up and began to pace back and forth.
"Because Erik, if this ever becomes my real home, I do not plan on having my own room," she said, praying that he would understand what she meant and give her some sign that he still felt the same.
"I am not certain I comprehend what you mean, Marguerite," he said.
So much for that, she thought.
Meg looked deep into Erik's clear green eyes, "I mean that as far as I know…it is customary for a husband and wife to share a room… and a bed."
Erik's eyes widened and his mind began to race. Had she just said husband and wife? Was it possible that she was saying that she wanted to marry him?
"But that is only if you can forgive a childish girl for acting so dreadfully foolish and unkind," she said pleading with her eyes for his forgiveness.
"Meg, I…" he started to say something, but she didn't let him finish.
"Erik please, you must forgive me," she said as her eyes welled up with tears. "I love you Erik, I will do anything you want. I can't loose you, I just can't. I know I said such terrible things, and I don't deserve your forgiveness or love, but..."
She wiped her tears away and tried to calm herself by taking a few deep breaths.
"Erik… I want nothing more than to be your wife. Please tell me that you still want me to be."
Erik's world stood completely still. He could not move or breathe and all he could feel was an aching deep inside his heart. He was utterly overwhelmed by the feeling of being loved. He never thought it possible that someone would ever be afraid of losing him. He realized that he had at last found what he had been searching for his entire life, someone who could return the unconditional love that he had to give. His hideous face and broken heart had finally found a home.
There was no doubt in his mind that Meg meant every word she said, and the fact that she hurt as deeply as he did at the thought of being apart made him realize that what she felt for him was real. She wanted to marry him, she was going to be his wife, and he knew would cherish her every moment with her until the day he died.
Meg could not take Erik's silent stare any longer, "Please… say something…anything. Can you ever forgive me?"
Erik took Meg's hands in his and kissed them gently.
"There is nothing to forgive. Nothing you ever say or do will make me stop loving you. My love does not come with any reservations, Meg. It does not disappear with angry words or anything else. You have my heart and my soul. I am yours and yours alone...forever."
Meg kissed him gently on his soft lips. She was overjoyed that she had not lost the chance to be with Erik. He held her tightly and she laid her head against his shoulder.
"Erik?"
"Yes?"
"How will we be married if you cannot let anyone see you?"
"Don't worry, Marguerite, nothing is going to stand in the way of me making you my wife… I will take care of everything."
Erik spent every moment for the rest of the day right by Meg's side. He played for her and read to her in the yellow glow of the fire light. She laid her head on his shoulder and ran her fingers though his hair. His dark home in the depths of the opera had never seemed so pleasant and warm.
Later in the evening, but earlier than Meg realized, Erik sat next to her on his bed, and watched her dark eyelashes grow heavy as she fell quietly asleep. Erik looked at her lovingly for awhile longer and then stealthily began to creep from the room. Before he could make it to the door he heard Meg's soft voice, but he could not understand what she was saying. He went back to the bed to see if she needed him.
"Meg?" he whispered, "Did you want something?"
With her eyes still closed, she asked him a question he never could have predicted.
"Erik, if she came back to you… would you still want me?"
For a moment he did not say anything. Her question caught him completely off guard. He knew this was a subject that he would have to handle delicately. Meg had been there to witness how wildly obsessed with Christine he had been, so it made sense that this would be a source of insecurity for her. The last thing in the world Erik wanted was for Meg to feel second best to anyone. He could only hope that he could express how devoted to her he truly was.
"Yes Meg, I will always want you and only you. I could never care for anyone else. I love you with every part of me. I told you before I am yours and yours alone, and I will never betray you."
His answer must have satisfied her because she momentarily smiled and nodded, but then she was completely lost in sleep.
Erik knew he was going to be up for many more hours, and he was glad he had been able to use the perpetual darkness of the cellars to get Meg to sleep when it was still very early.
She wanted to marry him, and he was going to make that happen as soon as he possibly could. Erik knew Meg loved him, but in the back of his mind he would always fear losing her. Making her his wife would ensure that she was truly his forever, and he did not plan to delay.
