Elena's PoV
I decided that it would be best to run to school today seeing as my mind was all over from my talk with Jeremy last night. I wanted nothing more than to forget all the pain that returning to my original life brought me. I still remember how easy my life had been last month when the hardest thing on my plate was choosing witch Salvatore brother I wanted to be with more. In a way I now understand how Tatia felt when she got the news of her husband's death. Before I knew it I had arrived at school.
"What is wrong with you today? I watched you run around the school six times before you realized you were here" I heard Caroline say from beside me.
"I just have a lot on my mind today" I said.
"Want to talk about it?" Caroline asked.
"That might be helpful" I said walking towards the nearest bench with Caroline right behind me.
"So what's on your mind that has you so out of it?" Caroline asked.
"I feel like I am trying too hard to merge my two lives together when they aren't meant to fit" I said sadly.
"Maybe it's not that they don't fit, maybe you're just trying to fit the pieces together the wrong way" Caroline said.
"How so?" I asked interested in her wisdom.
"Have you ever thought that maybe you are trying to fit us with the Mikaelson's that you remember from five hundred years ago and not the ones that you don't completely know anymore?" Caroline said. I looked at Care and tried to figure out what exactly she meant and how she could possibly be right. Was I trying to fit my friends with the family I last remember? For the first time in as long as I could remember I wasn't fully confident in myself and how my decisions I made affected not only me but everyone I cared about.
"Think about it Elena, I mean I'll help in any way I can and so will our friends but you need to be careful on this one as it affects more than just you" Caroline said.
"Sometimes I think about all the ways my life could have played out, like if I never 'died' and my second human life never occurred, if I was never turned into a vampire in this life and never found my family again, and a million other possibilities stemming from any point in my life, I even think about how my life had never been if Henrik never died and we were never turned into vampires to begin with" I said starting to cry.
"We can never know what could have been Elena, all we have is what's to come and make the most of it, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Katherine had never killed me if I would have ever broke out of my insecurities or not" Caroline said.
"If all that is true then why do I feel like this is never going to work and I should just quit?" I asked.
"I can't answer that, but I can tell you that the Elena Gilbert that I know would never give up until every option has been considered and tried" Caroline said standing up.
"Thanks Care I really needed that" I said standing up and hugging my friend.
"I'm always here if you need a shoulder Elena, now go home and talk to Kol I'll cover for you today" Caroline said breaking the hug. I smiled and ran home. Within a minute I found myself standing outside of Mikaelson Manor and decided that I didn't need to procrastinate this was my family after all. I gathered up all my courage and walked into the house looking for my husband.
"Kol where are you we need to talk" I yelled as I entered the house.
"What is it darling? Aren't you supposed to be at school right now?" Kol asked walking into the room.
"Probably but I need to talk to you and this is more important than school" I said walking toward the couch to sit down.
"What's on your mind love?" Kol asked sitting down beside me.
"When you asked me this morning if talking to Jeremy about our human life bothered me I lied when I said it didn't" I said looking at my feet.
"Why did you?" Kol asked.
"Because at the time I thought that only talking to you about it hurt by thinking about the time we missed together, and since then I realized that I think I am trying too hard to fit my lives together" I said trying not to cry.
"I don't think I completely follow here" Kol said.
"I realized that even though I was able to watch over you while with the spirits I don't completely know you anymore, I remember you from 1502 but this you is kind of a stranger and I'm trying to force my friends to know someone from five hundred years aog" I said in tears.
"Love you do know me, I'm the same Kol from 1502 and the same Kol you married in 993 despite everything I did in the past" Kol said rubbing my back.
"Am I a different Elena then?" I asked confused.
"I wouldn't say different maybe just lost" Kol said. I looked up at him confused.
"You now have two different lives that you need to figure out how to piece together to be Elena, but no matter how you decide to shape yourself I will always be right here with you" Kol said. I smiled at him through my tears. I couldn't believe that Kol and Caroline seemed to have all the answers I needed to hear even if neither of them fully understood what I went through.
"Thank you so much for always believing in me and loving me when I don't feel I deserve it" I said hugging him.
"Elena Katerina Mikaelson don't you ever say that about yourself you will always deserve it, my love for you is unconditional you should know that by now" Kol said.
"I know it is, as is mine for you remember I stood by your side at your worst and never thought about leaving" I said.
"I am thankful for that because there were times when I knew I didn't deserve you. Yet you were always there for me" Kol said.
"I still mean what I said on our wedding day when I said that I would stand by your side for as long as we shall live no matter how long forever is" I said quoting my wedding vows.
"I love you Elena I always have and I always will never forget that" Kol said.
"I love you too Kol and I promise I won't" I said before I kissed him. I loved the feeling I got being around Kol, he made me feel like anything was possible and that even when nothing looked right that there was always hope.
"No onto more important things like dinner" I said as I pulled away.
"We will discuss dinner at dinner" Kol said.
"Then what are we going to do?" I asked.
"We are going to talk about everything going on inside your head until you are free of all doubts" Kol said. Sometimes it still surprised me how understanding Kol could be. He could have a million things do and he'd drop every one of them for me. This is a side of Kol that I wish my friends got to know.
"I just want everyone to get along, it would kill me if my two families hated each other" I said.
"We are all going to try because we all love you and want you to be happy" Kol said. Just then the door opened.
"Where do you think you're doing?" Rebekah asked walking into the room.
"We are having a conversation here" Kol said.
"It's lunch time and I just now find out that you haven't been in school all day" Rebekah says completely ignoring Kol.
"I had a lot on my mind and I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything" I said.
"You could have told me you were going home" Rebekah said.
"I could have but I knew you were eavesdropping on my talk with Caroline this morning" I said.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay I haven't seen you that out of it since I met you" Rebekah said.
"To be fair you were just as concentrated on something as I was that day" I said
"Enough you two, you're acting like children" Kol said suddenly.
"Kol is right we need to handle these things better" I said.
"What was on your mind that you couldn't come talk to me about?" Rebekah asked.
"Everything that has happened to me since that stupid witch cursed this family in 1502" I said.
"Next time it gets that bad, please talk to me I was worried that something bad was going to happen to you" Rebekah said walking over to give me a hug.
"I will you the only sister I have left and I hate when we fight" I said hugging her back.
"I hate it too, it reminds me of all the times I had to save you from the crazy that Tatia had become" Rebekah said.
"I always did appreciate that, without you I don't know if I would have survived her manipulations" I said.
Holy I can't believe how long it has been since I updated this story. I feel so bad that I almost forgot it and then forgot where I was going with this and almost abandoning it. I will try to update more regularly in the new year.
