ROH Chapter 15
There was a loud groan of pain as Daniel sat up. Looking at his immediate surroundings, he found himself sitting in the metal hand of Barricade. He looked up at the mech, and could have sworn that there was a level of concern in those optics. "What the hell happened?"
"You popped your neck while my nanites are embedded in your spinal cord. You're lucky they didn't paralyze you." Barricade retorted quickly.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Daniel began sarcastically. "I got told the same thing the last time I got run over by a truck, and again when I broke my back. I keep hearin it, but it don't ever happen!"
"That may be true in your past Daniel, but one day, such luck will run out, and when that happens; I believe that you'll end up regretting a lot of things." Starglide said in a near lecturing tone.
"One day maybe, but not today!" Daniel retorted with a grin as he noticed that they were on the lift and moving back towards the surface.
"So what'd I miss?" The salvage operator asked curiously.
"What you missed is that I was able to deliver some good news for once." Optimus stated in a satisfied tone. "Blaster has messaged me from the Ark. They will arrive in thirty-four hours as planned, which fortunately will be under the cover of darkness. The ship has sustained some damage from intentional asteroid strikes, but is still functional. The only injury on board is Prowl."
"Wheeljack believes that it's spark related. Given that he's bonded to Jazz here, that is entirely possible." Ratchet began.
"He felt me die, okay! That could have killed him. If Daniel hadn't a brought me back..." Jazz trailed off unable to voice the consequences.
"I know, Jazz. I know... Don't worry once Prowl is brought back online, he'll make a full physical recovery. Convincing him to let you out of his sight again is another matter that you will have to deal with." Ratchet reassured quickly. "Personally, I plan to inform him that you took on Megatron single handedly. Just to watch him put some restrictions on you that might actually be followed for once." The CMO finished with a smug grin.
"What? No! Ain't no way you gonna get me ta slow down none! I don't care if ya do recruit Prowl ta help ya out! It still ain't gonna work!" Jazz exclaimed fervently.
"Of course that would slaggin figure!" Ratchet groused.
"Ratchet, I'm afraid that after countless vorns of trying, that you should give up on getting Jazz to slow down. If Prowl can't even manage to do it, you most certainly won't." Starglide chided lightly.
"Oh yeah! Let him off the hook, but me? Oh nooo! I don't ever catch a break do I?" Daniel began complaining.
"You might catch a break if you ever earned it!" Maigan taunted happily.
Daniel glared down at his niece before he spoke. "In the words of the famous Archie Bunker..." The man said right before he blew his niece a huge, loud, and wet raspberry.
General Mallory put his right hand to his forehead and tried to rub his temples. His head was starting to hurt already. "Now I've seen everything." He muttered.
Mikeala looked up at the salvage operator who was sitting in Barricade's hand with a disgusted expression on her face. "You're gross!"
"Yup! Gross, and messy, and sloppy, and uh... I forget what else." Daniel said thoughtfully.
"How bout weird, eccentric, and annoying!" Maigan piped up quickly.
"What about crazy?" Daniel asked without hesitation.
"You want a compliment? Do something to earn it! There's no way I'm calling you something you're proud of anyway!" Maigan retorted.
The only one who didn't snicker at that remark was the recipient. Daniel was too busy frowning down at his niece to laugh. He stared at the girl for a brief moment before he shrugged his shoulders and looked over at Ratchet. "So! What are we gonna do about this Stalker dude?"
"I don't have a clue as to who you're talking about." Ratchet said in genuine confusion.
"You know, Prowl..." Daniel supplied.
Daniel felt the hair on the back of his neck rise in warning as all but one of the bots began to splutter in surprise.
"How can you possibly know about Prowl?" Starglide asked in disbelief.
"Huh? Whadaya mean?" Daniel retorted in confusion of his own.
"You just called Prowl a stalker. Your web defines that as an individual who is adept at stealth, and has a decided propensity for knowing everything you do. That is an almost perfect description of Prowl. Since the moment you break a rule, you'll find him right behind you ready to enforce it!" Bumblebee chimed in informatively.
"Bumblebee makes a very good point! Prowl will enforce the rules, and laws precisely as they are written. Which means Daniel, that you'll have to stop being so annoying to everyone. I think this might be the first time that Prowl's presence would actually be welcomed by all of us." Starglide said smiling happily.
The femme was slightly surprised and just a little disconcerted to see Daniel looking up at her with a smug smirk on his face. It was obvious to her that the salvage yard owner thought that he knew something she didn't. It was enough to arouse her curiosity as to what that might be, but not enough to cause her any worry. She knew very well what Prowl was like; just as she knew that Prowl was a stickler for law and order. Given Prowl's penchant for such things, she knew that Daniel would be forced to change his ways if he wanted to stay out of the brig. That realization only made her smile back at the irritating human.
"You see my dear... There's a few interesting things you should know. So, let's start with the first incident between me and one of you. When I went after Ironhide with my crowbar. I distinctly remember closing the door to my shop. I also never invited him in. So as soon as he pulled that big assed gun of his to shoot Barricade. He was not only criminally trespassing, but had committed breaking and entering with a weapon, and was guilty of attempted murder. So, if I had killed him, there wouldn't have been a single thing that could be legally done to me! Then there's the second incident. Ratchet busted me in the head with a box of tissues. He was mad at the time. That constitutes aggravated assault. That gave me the legal right to defend myself! The third incident was one in which Ratchet was guilty of aggravated robbery and assault when he stole my coffee. Again, I had the legal right to defend myself and my property, which was destroyed I might add. Also, there is an interesting little amendment to the Constitution of the US that grants me freedom of speech, so I can say almost anything I want, as long as I don't slander someone's reputation." Daniel told her as his smug grin kept getting wider with every word.
"If that's the case then what about when you racked Romero yesterday?" Capt. Lennox burst in.
"Oh yeah, that. He put his hands on me first, and that was right after Ratchet stole my coffee. So if you wanna get down to the brass tacks, I was still within my rights of self defense." Daniel replied easily.
"God save us from an arm chair lawyer." General Mallory exclaimed with a sigh of frustration.
"I ain't no fuckin lawyer! And don't you ever fuckin compare me to one! Those fuckin things are nothing but hemorrhoid sucking parasites living in the ass of humanity and do absolutely nothing of benefit! They're blood sucking freeloaders who make their profit and living off the misery and misfortune of others! If you ain't got the money to pay their sorry asses then they want nothing to do with you! I know just enough of my rights to keep my ass out of jail. I may be crazy, but I ain't stupid! Well... not entirely anyways." Daniel finished in a near mutter.
"I've been wondering why you hadn't been locked up again." Maigan commented dryly.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Daniel said to his niece before turning to glare at Ratchet. "That little diversion still don't tell me what we're gonna do about this Prowl character."
"I'm sure that Prowl collapsed for the same reason that Barricade reacts when you get hit in the back of your head by Maigan. Prowl felt the pain from Megatron tearing Jazz in half to kill him." Ratchet explained. "So, all we really need to do is bring him back online with Jazz nearby. Jazz's now healthy spark will then help stabilize Prowl's spark, and everything should be fine within a few minutes."
"Okay, so what are we gonna do about this repair bay then?" Daniel replied quickly.
"I think it would be best to wait on that until the Ark arrives. Then we can use some of the equipment on board to outfit a proper med bay for us, and most likely an infirmary for use on humans as well. Our nanites have definitely proven their effectiveness in repairing human injuries! Both you and Sergeant Figueroa are perfect examples of that." Ratchet told Daniel.
"I think your first patient will need to be Skywarp. The Decepticons modified his frame to the point that it now cripples him. With his frame that large he can't teleport nearly as effectively, either as often or as far as he used to because it also limits his processing power, and that needs to be changed. He's teleported himself out, so he may recharge for quite a while, but if the Ark arrives before he comes out of it, then we can see about modifying his frame back to something resembling the way it was." Starglide put in.
"What I don't understand is why Skywarp needs a smaller frame. What's wrong with the one he has, and how could it possibly limit his processor?" Ratchet asked curiously.
"That goes back to his creators or parents as the humans say. They didn't want him in the military at all, because of his somewhat random thinking patterns, but I convinced them otherwise after a long conversation with them." Starglide began in a thoughtful tone.
"Skywarp's teleportation system uses a set of static coordinates based upon the exact center of the universe. I don't know all of the exact details, but the facts are that his processors have to keep track of the movement of this galaxy in relation to that central point. Not only that but the rotation of this galaxy, the movement of this star system, along with the movement and rotation of this planet as well! It requires a phenomenal amount of processing power to keep track of all that. He also has to track the movement of any other planet that he wants to be able to teleport on. The more mass he has to carry, the more power it drains, and the more calculations that have to be done to safely complete the teleportation process. One simple mistake and he could end up with parts of his frame scattered through a different dimension, or end up melding with a solid object. Explosively, I might add." Starglide informed them.
"Holy crap! That's like trying to keep track of every drop of water in an ocean!" Maigan exclaimed.
"Exactly! Even with the enhanced processors that his parents came up with, those calculations still had a noticeable effect. If his teleportation systems were ever completely shut down, Skywarp's mental faculties would increase almost exponentially." Starglide responded.
"You mean it's not completely shut down now?" Keller asked in concern.
"The teleportation unit itself is shut down, but not the systems that perform the calculations to let him teleport." Starglide answered.
"Well if we have to rebuild a majority of his frame then I think that definitely needs to wait until we have the equipment available from the Ark. Using human equipment to fabricate parts from scratch is more of a hassle than I want to deal with any time soon. I went through more than enough of that with Barricade!" Ratchet complained bitterly.
"Okay, this isn't the fist time that someone has referred to the severe injuries sustained by my creation. Just how bad were those injuries?" Starglide demanded.
"Here!" Ratchet said simply as he sent a data burst containing first a recording of the video shot by Daniel, and then the scan results that he'd obtained when first spotting Barricade in Daniel's shop.
Starglide's optics narrowed in anger as she reviewed the start of the video, but then her expression quickly changed to one of horror as she saw for herself the devastating damage that Megatron was wreaking on her creation. It was obvious when she had reviewed the entire data burst, because the femme immediately turned and began looking Barricade over intently.
"There's no sign of it. There's no sign of any of that kind of damage! How is it that you survived?" Starglide asked in disbelief.
Barricade looked at his mother for a second or two before he simply held out his right hand containing the salvage operator that he now shared a spark bond with. "Ask him."
"You? You are responsible for keeping him alive after that... that horror show? How?" Starglide demanded finally after staring at Daniel for several seconds.
Daniel reached up and scratched his head with his right hand while he thought back to those moments right after seeing that shocking fight from a sci-fi flick. "Well, mostly I just kept him from bleedin to death at the beginning. After that, I vacuumed up the energon and got him back to my shop. Then I spliced most of his wiring back together before I fell into that damned spark of his."
"Considering that Barricade had already lost over nine gallons of energon, it was a miracle of Primus that Daniel was there when it happened, and acted when he did. A few more seconds, another shot, any one of a number of things could well have served to end Barricade's life at that point." Ratchet said quietly.
Starglide said nothing as she stared at the human in Barricade's hand. Then, when the lift stopped in the hangar on the surface, she reached out and grabbed Daniel from Barricade. "You and I are going to have our little talk now." She said flatly, as she stepped off the lift and headed outside.
Concerned, Ratchet moved to follow the femme but found himself stopped by Barricade.
"Leave her alone and let them settle this. Whatever she wants to talk to him about is something she wants to do in private." Barricade stated firmly.
As Starglide carried the strange little human away from the buildings, she thought about what exactly she wanted to say to him. It was one of the few times in her long existence, that her thoughts were a confused jumble in her processors. The confusion in her mind did nothing to stop the power from flowing to the servomotors and hydraulics in her legs as those long mechanized limbs moved swiftly to propel her along the floor of the valley.
Upon reaching the base of the mountains that surrounded the Groom Lake valley, Starglide set Daniel down on top of a large boulder and took a seat beside it where she could sit facing him optic to eye. She sat in silence for several seconds as she gathered her thoughts, and studied the human in front of her.
"Before we begin. I want one thing understood. This is between you and I. No one else will ever know of what is discussed here. Is this agreed?" Starglide asked earnestly.
Daniel nodded his head thoughtfully. "Sure. So why don't you start it off."
"First, I want to express my sincere thanks for your efforts in saving my sparkling. No matter how old he gets, or how mature he becomes, he will always be a sparkling to me. Thanks to this war, he is the only true family I have left." Starglide began heavily as she blew overheated air from her cooling vents. "Don't misunderstand me, Ironhide is my adopted sibling, and I love him dearly. Either of us would give our life for the other without hesitation, but Barricade is the only child I've ever had. I would have lost him if you hadn't been there, and for that, I thank you. I am well aware that I owe you my own life as well."
"But there are several things you and I need to discuss. Your penchant for annoying everyone is one of them. Your constant bickering with my creation is another. That rebellious streak of yours is another thing I want to discuss. Finally, I think that you and I need to establish some kind of understanding." Starglide stated firmly but without hostility.
Daniel studied the femme appraisingly as he tried to gauge exactly what was on her mind. He wasn't having any luck in that regard, because she was apparently adept at maintaining a poker face, which was currently on display. As he searched the femme's optics for some clue as to how to go about this 'little chat', he decided that the best bet would be to set aside all his bull shit and shoot straight with her.
"Look, I had an ulterior motive when I found Barricade. As far as I knew then, he was the only thing willing to stand between us and the extinction that Megatron had in mind. As far as fixing you, Frenzy, and Jazz was concerned... hell, I've always enjoyed working on stuff. That's part of why I went into the junk business. The other part of that is I happen to be a pack rat from hell. The thing is, I like working on things, especially you people. I can't do the electronics or circuitry, but I can handle almost everything else. I gotta admit though, havin one of you get up and say 'thanks' when I get done, feels a damn sight better than hearin an engine crank up when I finish workin on it!" Daniel told her honestly.
"That is a sentiment that I can understand. I've known several bots in the past who also enjoyed fixing things. I can also understand your reasoning in repairing Barricade. I will admit that I do not find the idea, that you would have been willing to let him die had his words been otherwise, but I can't blame you for that. I will also admit that I was wrong in trying to correct you in front of everyone in the way that I did. That was a mistake on my part, and it's one that has very unpleasant repercussions. Although you can be incredibly irritating and annoying, it was still no excuse. I will tell you that there are several of my programs that insist that due to your young age by our standards, and your small stature, that you are still a child. It's a mistake on my part to think of you, or any of the other humans that way." Starglide said factually.
Daniel cocked his head to his right as he started to pop his neck, but suddenly remembered the previous consequences of doing that and stopped. He took his right hand and rubbed his jaw instead, before looking back at Starglide intently. "Yeah, that shit back there went wrong all the way around. I meant to try pulling a little joke on you and it backfired big time! Now the problem is; Rockhammer's payin the price. If I'd known how that was gonna work out, I damned sure wouldn't have done it, and the one I owe the apology to is Rockhammer."
"You aren't the only one who owes that mech an apology. No one deserves to learn of such heavy loss like that. You and I seem to have been at odds with each other, and I for one would like that to change. You are obviously a highly intelligent individual, and one who seems to care about others, but you can be so blasted irritating sometimes! Why?" Starglide blurted out at the end.
Daniel reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out his smokes. He thought very carefully about how he was going to answer that as he got one out and lit it. He transferred the cigarette to his left hand and used the first two fingers of his right hand to tap his right temple. "The reason I tend to piss people off is because this up here don't work the way it's supposed to."
"That is an excuse!" Starglide interrupted.
"No, it isn't. It's a cold hard fact! The part of my brain that controls emotions does not work! There's one major problem with that. What I can feel... is anger. Various levels and stages of anger. Other than that, most of it is nothing more than ambivalence. You want proof? How's this? Just yesterday, I buried Chinook. I bottle-fed him from the time he was a two-week-old pup. Had him for almost seventeen years and he died in my lap less than twelve hours before I met you. He was a damned good hybrid, and a damned good friend to boot. He's dead. Died in my arms and I couldn't feel a Goddamned thing. I realize that you can't understand what that's like, but it pisses me off because he deserved better than that! The worst of it is; I know that my mother's death is coming, and the fuckin result is going to be the same! People deserve better than that. They deserve to be mourned when they pass. Tell me Starglide. How would you like to relive your life, and not be able to feel anything as you watched everyone you've lost die? How would you like to feel nothing as you lost your world all over again?" Daniel explained angrily.
"Are you seriously trying to tell me that you would feel nothing if everyone on this planet was killed by the Decepticons?" Starglide asked skeptically.
"I'd be pissed for a while, maybe even a couple of days if I could encourage my anger for that long, but the sad part is... as much as I'd want to... I wouldn't even be able to hate the bastards responsible." Daniel answered.
"You expect me to believe that you are physically unable to feel those emotions?" Starglide asked irritatedly.
"Actually, I don't expect you to believe anything. I'm just telling you how it is. Don't get me wrong, I can find all kinds of reasons to logically justify revenge, and I'd end up getting revenge on general principal. I've done it before, and I'll more than likely end up doing it again, but I'm not even able to savor it the way I hear most people do. Take today for example. Barricade was in some kind of funk because of how he'd been thinking of Ironhide. I can tell you that something was wrong with him, but I had to ask him what it was, because I could not feel it!" Daniel finished stating each of the final words loudly and clearly.
Starglide gaped at Daniel because she now understood that he was telling her the truth. She had often wondered how much of a blessing it would be to not to have to experience the spark rending grief she'd felt when her friends, comrades, and even sparkmate had been killed. Now she understood that the inability to experience those feelings were a curse because the pleasant emotions were lost right along with the undesirable ones.
"Don't look at me like that!" Daniel snapped angrily.
"Like what?"
"Like you feel sorry for me! I didn't ask for pity, and I don't want any!" Daniel retorted. "Besides, it's lost on me." He told her ruefully.
"That still doesn't explain why you constantly annoy and irritate everyone." Starglide countered.
"Sure it does. It's just not the reason you would think. If I go around treating people pleasantly, then I'd be expected to show up at their funerals when they die. I've been there, and done that. Quite frankly, I'm sick of the looks I get from people who can feel grief when they look at me like I'm some kind of freak because of a blank expression on me face. The questioning stares and the apprehensive glances that tell me I'm scaring the shit out of the rest of my family. So yeah. I'll act like an ass hole, so no one is surprised or bothered when I stay to myself during the funeral." Daniel told her.
"It's not a perfect solution, but it's one that ensures that I don't have to try explaining this a million different times, and I don't get pitied by everyone I know." Daniel said, as he had to relight his smoke, which had gone out.
"That is a surprisingly sound reason for your behavior. As you say, it's not perfect, but it's one that works." Starglide said thoughtfully before something occurred to her.
"You were unconscious at the time, but it seems that Barricade's nanites are currently attempting to repair the damage to your brain. Perhaps if they are successful then you might feel things normally again." Starglide said gently.
Daniel snorted in disbelief. "Yeah well, don't blame me if I don't get my hopes up, because that's another thing that got broke."
Suddenly Starglide was studying Daniel intently. Something was nagging at her processors, but she couldn't put a program on it. Then she realized what it was. "Is anger the only thing you can feel? I know I've seen you laugh, sometimes even when you were target of the joke."
"Hey I still got a sense of humor. It's warped, twisted, and probably messed up as hell but it still works. So I do enjoy a joke, even if it is usually on me! Just don't ask me to care who the target is though, because my 'give a damn' is also busted." Daniel quipped.
Starglide couldn't suppress a snort of laughter at that one.
"Don't get me wrong, if it works then great. I got that brain damage when I was young enough that I don't really remember what it was like to feel normal emotions, so if it doesn't work... I'm not really losing anything." Daniel informed her bluntly.
"Wait... You repaired Frenzy and Jazz too?" Starglide asked suddenly as the implications from one of the man's earlier statements occurred to her.
"Yeah. Frenzy got most of his head cut off somehow, and Jazz was torn in half at the waist. With Frenzy, I just needed to rewire the connections and weld his head back on. Bumblebee helped me get Jazz put back together, and then we jump started his spark using the one from Bonecrusher." Daniel answered.
"Jump start? I'm not familiar with that one." Starglide said somewhat confused.
"It's like having a dead battery in a car. You take one that's running, and run cables from the running car to the dead car and transfer the power to the dead one. We do it all the time. Basically, we just used Bonecrusher's spark like a defibrillator to restart Jazz's spark. The fun part was when he woke up trying to knock the hell out of the joker that killed him." Daniel finished with a laugh.
When the human in front of her started using more terms that she wasn't familiar with, Starglide hit the web to find the meaning of those terms. What she found surprised her more than a little. She then realized that she had been right in her earlier assessment that Daniel was much more intelligent than he let on. The reason that he would cover such intelligence with the habit of annoying everyone had already been explained, but not why he would constantly try to get on Barricade's last sensory receptor.
"So why do you choose to antagonize Barricade the way you do?" Starglide queried.
"Are you kiddin? He's fun to mess with! He'll give as good as he gets, and don't back down for nothing!" Daniel responded with a smile.
"Yes. He is much like you in that regard. Stubborn and obstinate when it comes time for a conflict of any kind. You like him don't you?" Starglide asked.
"Sure. Bout as well as I can like anyone." Daniel answered candidly.
"I want you to understand something, Daniel. Throughout this my life, and this horrid war, I've been injured a few times, but with one exception, I have never been as seriously injured as I was when you found me. I'm well aware that Ratchet could have performed his usual miracle and saved my life had he been there instead. But he didn't. You did! I owe you my life as a debt of honor, and I do not wish to repay that debt to someone that I don't like. The spark bond you now share with my creation, my sparkling, my child, means that you now hold that some position for me. It may seem strange to you, but like it or not, in human terms, I am now a foster mother to you, and I do not want us to be enemies. I would much rather have us get along. That bond means a lot to me, and it carries a lot of obligations on my part." Starglide began heavily.
"As an adult and your caretaker, some of my responsibilities are to see to it that you are cared for, protected, guided, and even if you can't respond in kind, loved. Don't think for a single instant that just because your emotional processing is damaged that it negates my responsibilities and obligations, because it doesn't! It actually makes those responsibilities more important. I've seen the evidence of the sense of honor you adhere to, and it's something I understand, respect, admire, and approve of. Those comments you made earlier about methods of torturing information out of Skywarp were mostly an act weren't they?" Starglide asked rhetorically before she continued.
"If they hadn't been, I think you might have hidden him at that salvage yard of yours, and interrogated him on your own. I'll tell you now, that I'm very glad you didn't. His mannerisms are a little odd, but he can be a very good friend to those that treat him well. Now that I think about it, it seems that you and Maigan were right in that he is a lot like you. Oh, there are differences, but none that would preclude the two of you becoming friends. You see Daniel, this war; this atrocity has taken many things from me, and from all of us. Friends, family, loved ones, my home, my city, our history, our culture, and even our very world have all become casualties. Your efforts have made it possible for me to regain both my creation, and a friend. You have also given me two more family members in the form of yourself and your niece Maigan. Whether you choose to believe this or not, that means a lot to me, and for that, I say 'thank you'." Starglide said sincerely.
Daniel stared at the femme for a second or two before he started snickering.
"What can you possibly find funny about that?" Starglide demanded in a mix of confusion and outrage.
"Like the old saying goes; 'you can pick and choose your friends, but you're stuck with your family'!" Daniel said with a laugh.
Starglide's mouth dropped open in disbelief as her processors worked through the possible meanings of the statement. Then, loud musical laughter filled the air as she too began laughing.
"Thank you. I suppose I needed that. It has been so long since there has been anything to enjoy, or anything to give joy to our lives. You can no more imagine the pain of everything we've lost, than I, or anyone else can imagine what it's like for you being unable to experience the normal range of emotions." Starglide said honestly.
"You're right. I don't know what it like, and if I got anything to say about it, no one else is gonna find out what it's like either! I can't do anything about the past, and neither can anyone else, but I can damned sure try my best to see that the future doesn't repeat the past!" Daniel snarled angrily.
"Then what you said earlier about torturing the Decepticons if needed. You weren't joking were you?" Starglide asked sincerely.
"Nope! Not one bit! I know methods of destroying mechanical items that you wouldn't believe. I run a junk yard, remember? I've seen more things that have ended the use of something than you can possibly imagine. Everything from collisions, smoke, water, and mud, all the way down to roaches!" Daniel elaborated.
"That's the second time I've heard you mention roaches. What exactly would they do to one of our frames? The only thing I can see is that they would be incredibly irritating as they crawled through our systems." Starglide commented.
"Roaches have some kind of weak acid in their excrement. It takes a while, but eventually, that shit'll eat into the circuits of a computer, VCR, TV, or anything else they crawl around in. Just because you get rid of 'em, doesn't put an end to the damage that's already gotten started. The bad part is; it can even take years to do the damage!" Daniel explained with malicious relish.
Starglide gaped at the man in obvious horror. What he'd just described was an insidiously slow and horrendously painful method of torture for any Cybertronian to endure.
"And you are willing to actually do such a thing? Oh, Primus am I glad I didn't let you question Skywarp! Between those roaches of yours, and those crickets, he would have undergone both physical and mental torture! You would actually do that to a bot, wouldn't you?" Starglide demanded.
"If it comes right down to it, I'd drop one of em in heavy brine and watch em rust in just a few short seconds!" Daniel said menacingly.
Starglide stared at the human in total disbelief. Surely, he had to be joking or bluffing on that one! Then she saw that Daniel was completely serious, and that sent a horrified shudder through her frame. Cosmic rust was an insidious and nearly incurable condition, and rust of any kind was horrifying to all Cybertronians. Could this terrestrial stuff called 'heavy brine' really do what he said it could?
"For the mercy of Primus, please tell me that was a joke!" Starglide blurted suddenly.
"Nope. Heavy brine is water with an extremely high salt content. You can submerge metal in it for several hours, even days, and nothing happens. Take the metal out of that mixture, and bam! Soon as the oxygen in the air hits that metal it starts to become completely rusted in seconds. It'll corrode several tons of stainless steel in about an hour. After twenty-four hours... Forget it! A tank would be nothing but solid rust, and will fall apart with no problem." Daniel explained.
"Daniel, I will ask you very kindly, and very sincerely to please, never mention that method to any Cybertronian. Rust or corrosion of any kind is a very dreadful and serious condition to us, and there is even something known as Cosmic Rust that doesn't affect a frame as rapidly as what you just told me. What you've just so easily described would be a source of very severe nightmares for our kind. Again, please don't ever mention this to any of us, because that is one of the most frightening things I've ever heard of." Starglide asked in soft earnest tone.
Daniel looked up at Starglide with a speculative expression on his face, as he studied her. He could see that she was very serious about this, and he could easily understand why. "Okay, I'll hold that one in reserve. And yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut about it." Daniel finally agreed.
"Thank you." Starglide answered in a very relieved tone. "Now, I think it's time that we rejoin the others."
"I think you're right. Besides, I got a BBQ to throw." Daniel said with a grin.
"I thought a BBQ is a type of food. Why would you throw it?" Starglide asked a little confused.
Daniel almost snickered at that question until he remembered that these Cybertronians tended to be fairly literal on most things. "Well, you do eat BBQ. Or we do at any rate. But there's two expressions or terms for having a BBQ. You 'host' it, or you 'throw' it. On the other hand. There is such a thing as a 'food fight'! Those can be fun, but damned messy! And ya don't do it with good food. One piece of advice though, if there are mashed potatoes in the area when a food fight does get started, take cover! Those damned things are a mess and a half even for us! I don't even wanna think about how hard it would be to get that crap out of all the little nooks and crannies you guys got in those metal bodies of yours." He explained.
"I will most certainly keep that in mind. Thank you for the warning." Starglide said as she reached over and picked Daniel up.
As Starglide stood up, she couldn't help but notice the smooth and silent function of the servomotors in her legs. Curious, she initiated a diagnostic on her systems, and set the program's priority fairly high so that it would run its course faster. She'd only gone a dozen steps when she froze and stared at the results of the diagnostic on her HUD.
"What's wrong?" Daniel asked as the femme stopped.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Starglide replied in a slightly distracted tone.
"Then why'd ya stop?" Daniel asked again.
"Because nothing's wrong. My diagnostic results are coming back with everything reading normally." Starglide answered finally.
"Okay, so why is that a problem?" Daniel asked curiously.
"Because, I'm certain that the joints in my frame can not be fully functional yet. I was lying stationary for nearly a vorn, so all of my joints should still be hesitating, and possibly freezing on occasion, but they're not even making any noises, or showing any signs of forced movement. Don't misunderstand, I know that all of you did a thorough job on my repairs, but still, there should be some sign that my joints were left immobilized for so long." Starglide said in a puzzled tone.
"So you're thinking there might be a problem with your diagnostic sensors, in addition to your joints. No problem, let's get back so me an Bones can take a peek at 'em." Daniel replied readily.
The femme nodded her head in acknowledgement, but focused her other sensors on the joints in her legs as she once again began moving back towards the main complex. Her diagnostics were still reading clean, but she doubted that such was the case. Her scanners on the other hand, were showing her that the joints in question were functioning smoothly, without a single hitch in movement, or whine of protest. Those scan results even showed a nearly optimal amount of lubricant in those joints, even when she knew, just knew that those results couldn't possibly be correct!
Starglide strode into the large hangar where the others were talking casually. She didn't hesitate in the slightest as she walked straight to Ratchet.
As soon as he saw the femme approaching him with an obvious purpose in her processors, Ratchet scanned both her and the human in her hand. Although he wouldn't ever have admitted it to anyone, Ratchet had been worried that Starglide might inadvertently cause some type of injury to the human, or Primus forbid, vice versa. Seeing that Daniel was fine as far as that went, Ratchet turned his attention to the results of his scan on the femme.
Starglide and Daniel both froze as a blue beam of light began passing over Starglide's frame.
"What's goin on, Bones?" Daniel asked immediately. "She was just tellin me that her diagnostics are sayin that her joints are fine even though she ain't used em in years."
"They are fine! I don't understand it. It should take at least a human week for her systems to produce enough of her own lubricant to saturate those joints like that, but my scanner is showing an almost normal lubricant level!" Ratchet said in confusion as he scratched his head in a clearly human gesture.
"Ha! What'd I tell ya, Sonny? That there WD-40 is the best stuff around! Ya couldn't ever ask for anything better to help lube up a freshly repaired joint." Rockhammer said happily.
Starglide, Daniel, and Ratchet immediately turned their attention to the large mech.
"Are you telling me that you're familiar with that stuff?" Ratchet demanded.
"You betchya! Had that stuff used on me once or twice. Never could find nary a thing ta complain about when them miners gave me a dose of that stuff. Makes your joints crank out your own lube faster than you can gripe about em bein dry." Rockhammer answered easily.
"Then... my diagnostic reports are correct then?" Starglide asked in surprise.
"Apparently so. I wouldn't have believed it myself without seeing the proof, but I can't argue with the results that are right in front of me." Ratchet said in a puzzled tone.
Ratchet then turned a very suspicious pair of optics on Daniel, but he wasn't the only mech who had fixed the human with an accusatory stare, Ironhide, Barricade, and Starglide herself, were also staring at him curiously.
"Did you know that your WD-40 would have that result on her frame?" Ratchet demanded in suspicion with narrowed optics as he stared intently at the salvage operator.
"Nope! I knew it would do her some good, but I didn't know it would be that much good! I do now, though." Daniel answered with a smug grin. "Why? Just what's her status?"
"Status? She's ready for a paint job, and an alt mode! And I would have sworn that she wouldn't be ready for either one of those for at least a good week, if not longer." Ratchet said shaking his head.
"Fantastic! Let's get her down to the motor pool where we can get her fixed up properly. The paint, the personnel, and the airbrushes are ready and waiting to get this lovely Lady looking her best! I'll have some of the maintenance personnel roll out one of each aircraft we have so she can have a range of vehicles to choose from. How does that sound?" General Mallory stated happily.
"That actually sounds quite wonderful right now. No offense, but going around without a paint scheme, or an alt mode makes me feel about the same way a human would feel without clothing." Starglide answered in a slightly embarrassed tone.
"In that case Madam, if you'll follow me, I'd be very proud to escort you there personally." General Mallory said courteously.
Starglide bent down and placed Daniel on the floor of the hangar, before reaching over and picking up the base CO. "I have a better idea. How about you simply relax and provide the directions, while I do the walking?" She said in a rather pleased tone.
"Right this way My Lady." General Mallory replied pointing the way.
"Damn! Talk about getting dumped like a used coffee filter." Daniel griped as the femme left the hangar.
Several voices could be heard laughing at that statement, and as Daniel looked around, he saw that there were both humans and mechs laughing about it.
"Serves you right! Because it's exactly what a slime puddle like you deserves!" Barricade stated with relish.
Daniel closed his right eye as his left squinted at the mech in a skeptical fashion. "Don't you just wish! The fact is she's probably goin to get all prettied up for our date!" Daniel retorted just to see the look on Barricade's face.
Instantly, several mechs and humans were spluttering in both surprise and indignation at that remark.
"You... you asked her out on a date?" Maigan finally demanded in disbelief.
"Maybe I did, and maybe I didn't. But that's for me an her to know, and you never to find out." Daniel retorted with a smug grin.
Mikeala was eyeing Daniel dubiously as she spoke to her friend. "You said he was weird, but you didn't tell me he was that weird!"
"Yeah... I'm beginning to worry about him too." Maigan responded in the same mystified tone.
"Sorry, folks, but I gotta check my pit!" Daniel said as he hurried out of the hangar.
Two hours later, Stevie Vai was blasting out a heavy metal rendition of Beethoven's fifth symphony on a nearby CD player as Daniel closed the lid on his pit once more. The BBQ was almost done to perfection, and the truly wonderful smells that were coming from it were making him ravenously hungry. He reached for the ice chest that was sitting nearby and grabbed a Java Mean Bean out of it.
Cracking open the can of coffee, Daniel took a long slug from it as he turned around. What he saw made him drop his coffee and his jaw as he stared in stunned surprise. The music from the CD player came to a scrambled halt before a series of mechanical sounds was heard from it. Suddenly Daniel was looking back and forth between Frenzy, who'd taken the place of the CD player while intending to play a joke on him, and the apparition of mechanical splendor that stood in front of him.
Coffee forgotten Daniel stared at Starglide with his eyes and mouth wide open. It took him several seconds, before he shook his head to clear his mind.
"Damn!" He whispered softly.
"Y...y...yeah... you sa... sa... said it!" Frenzy agreed readily.
"I take it that you two approve of my new alt mode and paint job then?" Starglide asked casually.
"Anybody that don't is a damned fool or dead!" Daniel choked out.
Starglide's optics widened slightly in both surprise and concern as she noted the man's reaction. While she was pleased at his words, she was also concerned by the physical reaction that was visible. A quick scan showed a slightly faster heart rate, and somewhat elevated blood pressure, but nothing that couldn't be attributed to the coffee that the man was wont to consume.
What Starglide couldn't know, or seemed oblivious to, was the fact that she now looked radically different. Vocally, and facially, she was still the same femme, but everything else had changed. The frame, which had held mostly straight lines, was now graced with extremely attractive and very feminine curves. The nearly straight wings of an aircraft jutted proudly from her back like those of an angel. Soft grey colored frame with a light rose colored pink stripes and chrome accents presented a feminine coloration without being obnoxiously girlish. The over all effect was such that anyone, mech or human, would gape in astonishment.
"I wanna ride when you try them wings out for the first time!" Daniel finally blurted out.
Starglide smiled in appreciation. "Okay... but you do realize that I'm a lot faster and far more maneuverable than one of your own aircraft of this type, don't you?" Starglide asked casually.
"Oh yeah! In fact, I'm countin on it!" Daniel replied with a crazed grin.
"Hey Cade! Come check out Momma!" Daniel yelled loudly in a voice that was easily heard inside the hangar.
Within seconds, the doors to the hangar were slid open while various mechs and humans came pouring out of it.
Everyone had filed out of the hangar and stood around smirking at both Daniel and Frenzy with very smug looks on their faces.
Daniel eyed several of them for a moment before he fixed Barricade with a stern look. "What the hell are y'all lookin so smug about?" He finally demanded.
"Now, come on... You didn't honestly believe that you'd be the first to see her new appearance, now did you?" Maigan demanded.
"Yeah, uh... In fact, I'd say that you and Frenzy there are the last two to see her like this." Sec Def Keller said with a grin.
"Is that so?" Daniel asked slowly while Frenzy managed to look believably hurt in spite of his decided lack of facial mobility.
Seeing the round of unanimous nods of confirmation, Daniel slowly cracked a grin of his own, while nodding his head. With a sly grin locked in place, Daniel reached into his jacket pocket with his left hand and pulled out his smokes and Zippo. The salvage operator took his sweet time in lighting up a smoke, and everyone was beginning to realize that the man had something up his sleeve, because that oh-so-sly grin never faded or even faltered in the slightest.
"That's fine, but it don't matter anyways, because I still got the best end of the deal!" Daniel said proudly.
"Really? And just how do you figure that?" Capt. Lennox asked curiously.
"Simple! She already agreed that I got dibs on the first ride when she tries out those wings for the first time!" Daniel said as his smug grin widened to maniacal proportions.
The smug expressions on the faces of the Air Force Personnel immediately dropped to be replaced by looks of jealousy
"Oh... you lucky son of a ... dog..." General Mallory said finally with a lame finish as he remembered the company he was currently keeping.
Suddenly, Mikeala burst out laughing loudly. When everyone turned to look at her, she explained with a smile that was even wider than the one Daniel was sporting.
"If she's like the others, then she can go three times faster than the real thing, which means that she'll probably make him so sick he kisses the ground when he finally gets done puking!" Mikeala said still laughing.
"Actually, I don't believe that's going to happen." Starglide said thoughtfully.
"What? Why not?" Maigan demanded.
"Because, I'm not really sure he'll even be conscious, let alone able to stand or form a coherent thought. So he may not be able to puke when I get done." Starglide explained with a laugh.
Daniel stood there with a somewhat dubious look on his face while the others were laughing loudly. He knew that he'd always been one to enjoy roller coasters, and other types of thrill rides without getting motion sickness, but as he really thought about what a sentient jet would be able to do when truly cutting loose, two thoughts kept running through his mind. It could be one hell of a ride, but then it could also turn out to be a puke fest from hell. Either way, he knew that it would be a ride he would never forget, and one that he probably wouldn't regret either, even if it turned out to be a miserable mistake. It might be the last such ride he would ever take, but he knew with out a single doubt in his mind, that it would be one that could never be topped!
"We'll just have to find that out now won't we?" Daniel challenged readily.
Both Mikeala and Sam got incredulous expressions on their faces at that remark.
Mikeala fully remembered that first wild hair raising, breath taking, heart pounding ride she'd received when she'd first gotten into Bumblebee while they were being chased by Barricade. Scared? She knew good and well that she'd been too terrified to even wet her pants! Instead, all she'd been able to do was hold on for dear life and scream for it to end!
For his part, Sam also recalled that ride, although for his part, he remembered the insane maneuvers that had been pulled off by the both the mech who was trying to get him and his new girl friend to safety, and those of the mech that was chasing them! It was not an experience he ever wanted to repeat.
"You really are crazy, aren't you?" Sam asked in total disbelief.
"Yeah... but at least I admit my insanity!" Daniel smirked with a smug wink at the young man.
The salvage operator took a long drag off his smoke as he once more turned his attention to Starglide, and looked her over speculatively. He was trying to figure out exactly which type of aircraft she'd chosen as an alt mode, and it wasn't proving to be very easy for two reasons. One reason was the nonstandard coloring. The other was the fact that while she was standing in her root mode, everything had shifted and moved from one place to another, and nothing was where it should have been.
A single almost small thruster was incorporated into each lower of the femme's lower legs. While the cockpit couldn't be seen, since it was mounted on the femme's back torso, the few intact body panels that could be seen were smooth and more than slightly curvaceous. The over all effect was to give the femme a slender, trim, and almost athletic appearance. Daniel shook his head after staring for more than a full minute and still being unable to figure out what alt mode she'd chosen.
"Okay. I give. What'd ya pick to turn into?" Daniel asked expectantly.
"I chose a T-38. And before you ask, yes, I've been told that it is commonly used as an advanced training unit. However, it fits my frame size, and from what I've been told is wonderfully maneuverable. So with my own skills and abilities added to those of this alt mode, I would think it should prove to be a very interesting ride for you." Starglide said with a smile.
"If she can go three times faster than our version, then that will give her a top speed of just over Mach 3.2 and at that speed; her small size won't make a bit of difference, because those weapons of hers will be a huge equalizer!" General Mallory said with a grin.
"I know the T-38 has been around for a long time, and we wouldn't still be using it if it was a piece of junk." Daniel replied.
"Three times faster and twice as maneuverable! The Decepticon seekers will find me to be an opponent who is more than able to provide them with a challenge." Starglide said in a satisfied tone.
"Why do I not find that hard to believe?" Maigan asked rhetorically while grinning.
"Hey General. I gotta deal for ya." Daniel said with a grin.
"That would depend on what it is, and given your record so far... I'm not about to agree to anything you propose without knowing what it is first!" General Mallory retorted firmly.
"Well... it's like this... I got the BBQ, and I'm pretty sure this base of yours has the plates and stuff. So I'll make you a deal. You break out the dinnerware, and Maigan and me break out the food. How does that sound?" Daniel proposed with a smirk.
"Now, that is a deal I can agree with! Who all are you planning to feed?" General Mallory asked as he pulled out his cell phone.
"Well, besides us, meanin the people we got here now, I was thinkin your top brass, since they'll know about our friends, them MP's from yesterday, and... uh... hell, let's add the Sector Seven people too!" Daniel finished with a grin.
"All right!" Maigan burst out excitedly. "BBQ time!"
Several minutes and a few phone calls later, men and women were lined up with plates in their hands to get some fresh cooked mesquite smoked BBQ. Daniel was smiling and cracking jokes as he passed out burgers, pork chops, pork loins, steaks, sliced brisket, and even chicken.
Sec Def Keller and General Mallory were standing by the trailer eating their wonderfully cooked porterhouse steaks, which were over an inch thick and smoked to perfection. Tender, juicy, and piping hot, the two men were in hog heaven. Ratchet had brought out several containers of energon that while not quite high grade, were still above the level of the mid grade energon that were standard rations. All in all, nearly everyone involved with the Cybertronians was receiving a little of a good thing in file.
That was when Daniel saw the Sector Seven agents from that morning. The salvage operator smiled broadly as he started placing hot dogs on their plates.
"Uh... what are these?" One of the agents asked uncertainly as he noticed the strange color of the hot dogs.
Daniel leaned closer and eyed the things with obvious disgust. "Not sure really. One of em is supposed to be a soy dog, and the other is some kind of tofu dog thing... All I know, is, there ain't a chance in hell that I'm gonna try either one of them damned things. Eat up, guys! I got em just for you." He said with delight.
"How'd you know they're vegetarians?" General Mallory asked curiously.
"I didn't! They weren't willing to share the good stuff with me this morning, so I see no reason for me to share the good stuff with them now." Daniel said as he grinned widely.
General Mallory's face fell when he heard that answer. "You mean to tell me, that you went all out like this, just for a little bit of damned revenge?" He demanded.
"Partly, but not entirely." Daniel returned smugly. "I did it because Maigan asked me to, but I figure that since I was, I might as well get something out of it too. Well, something besides good BBQ."
"That's just downright mean. I talkin just by God mean!" Keller said angrily.
"I bet next time they think twice before pissin me off, now won't they? Put his hand on his fuckin gun. Like I'm gonna mug him or something." Daniel griped.
"Look. Agent Bannacheck straightened us out on that. We assumed that those were strictly for Frenzy, we didn't know that they were to supply whoever wanted them." The Agent said trying to be reasonable.
"Maybe he did, but I still wasn't able to get one, now did I? That's why you won't be getting any good BBQ now." Daniel said as he put in his final answer and turned back to his pit.
Yeah, I'm back. Them plot demons ain't done yet. Don't blame me for this, blame them! All I can say is... Chapter 16 is in progress.
