A Flaw in Perfection
Chapter Two
Composed By: Silver Kitten
Disclaimer: I'd like to say I own Hey Arnold but I don't.
A/N: I probably should have made it clear in the first chapter. This, in no way, is meant to be a Lila bashing fic, although she is one of my least favorite characters. At the same time, I'm trying to give a different perspective on her "perfect" character, to show that she's human like…any other cartoon.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::Helga's POV::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I couldn't even tell Phoebe.
That's what bothered me most at the time.
That the mere threat of Arnold discovering my long kept secret was stopping me from confiding in my most trustworthy friend.
So I guess I must have a conscience, right? I mean, if I'm not jumping up and down at this extraordinary chance to destroy her seamless reputation for being perfect, to abolish the undeserved image of her incessant popularity.
If I'm actually taking time to consider the consequences aside from Arnold finding out how I feel, such as Lila's health giving out, then I must have a conscience, wouldn't I? Or am I that careless and apathetic?
For hours into the night I weighed the situation on different levels, trying to find some way to get my approval over a set resolution. Lila has always been one to negotiate; perhaps we can make some kind of a deal. That's it. I'll just talk to her once she's had time to calm down from the fact I know. Once she's calm, she'll be much better to persuade a compromise with.
A compromise? With Lila? Who'd ever imagine I'd be willing to compromise with the self-righteous brat? I suppose it's worth a try, for my sake, for her sake, and for Arnold's sake.
:::::::::::::::::::::The Next Day::::::::::::::::::::
I arrived in front of her door, and it was just around noon. I took a deep breath and knocked three times. Her dad answered the door.
"Oh, hello!" he said cheerfully. "You must be here to see Lila,"
"Yes, that is if I'm not interrupting you guys at lunch,"
"Oh, no, no, it's all right. Lila said she already ate and isn't very hungry. Here, I'll go get her for you. Would you like to come in or just wait here?" he asked. I nodded.
"Here is fine, thanks," I told him. He smiled and shut the door. I listened through the door as he called loudly for his daughter in the tiny apartment.
She opened the door, a wide grin on her face, probably from the expectation to see Rhonda or someone. The grin almost disappeared, but I could tell she was forcing it to stay.
"Hey Lila, how are things?" I questioned casually.
"Just fine, thanks for asking. How are things with you?" she asked robotically.
"They've been better. Say, would you mind walking with me for a minute? I'd just like to talk to you about…something,"
"Although that sounds ever so delightful, I'm afraid I have to stay and, well," her disposition was sulking into a puddle of aggravated uneasiness.
"I can assure you it won't take long, and I won't have to bother you about it anymore after," I explained. She let out a small sigh and silently agreed.
We walked a few feet in utter silence. I tried placing my thoughts in order, readying myself to say whatever I could say to work things out.
"So, you can stop acting now and pretending everything is fine," I blurted out.
"Really, Helga? Because I don't think I'm the only one acting,"
"All right then, that's fair. Listen, I know we aren't the best of friends. We probably aren't even friends. In fact, when I think of you, 'friend' is the last word that comes to mind,"
"Just get on with what you want to say, if you don't mind,"
"I was wondering if we could work something out. I was thinking about what you said, and I hope you were thinking about what I said. And maybe there's no need for this whole blackmail business. You've always been a negotiable person," I told her. She seemed to be quiet in thought.
"Go on,"
"Well, lets say I keep this a secret for you. I know someone who could help you and it'd be totally confidential, no one else, well except for me, would know about your…problem. Her name is Dr. Bliss, and I saw her a while back. I was hoping maybe you could at least talk to her, and then maybe,"—
"Maybe what? Maybe I change my mind? I appreciate your sudden willingness to help me, but honestly I don't need any help. Like I told you yesterday, I know what I'm doing." She stated carelessly.
"Do you? Do you realize that throwing up after everything you eat, and the loss of appetite lead to a pattern of an eating disorder? Do you know that once its been going on long enough, it can be nearly impossible to quit? This is a disease we're talking about, Lila, of the mind and the body. If you don't get help, it could lead to eventual death! Whatever issue you have with yourself is your own, but there are other ways of dealing with it than trying to starve yourself,"
"You don't understand! You never will! You don't know what its like to look in the mirror and see someone you absolutely cannot stand! You don't know what its like to be in the shoes of someone who everyone else depends on to be charming, funny, friendly—to be perfect! I look in the mirror and see a wreck waiting to happen. If one hair on my head is out of place, that ideal of perfection is lost. Don't you see? I need to do this. I have to do this to stay perfect. I can't gain weight. I can't change. I have to stay the way I am," a tear came to her eye and she quickly rubbed it away.
I stared at the ground, not sure what to say. Obviously I was already too late. She was too far into this than I could ever pull her out.
"There are people out there who can help with that. You can manage yourself in a healthy way and keep yourself up the way you want without hurting yourself." I finally responded. She huffed.
"This is the only way I know how. Do you know how it'd look if I went to a—a—a shrink! I'm sorry, but I just can't do that. I'm certain you remember what I told you. If you tell anyone, your secret love for Arnold is out. I hate to do that to you, but I won't have a choice,"
"What if…what if I said I didn't care if you told Arnold?" I said, unaware of what I was actually saying. She had a slight look of shock across her face.
"You'd care. You know you would. Just imagine the look on his face if he knew…the disgust in his shocked eyes that you, his tormentor, loved him? He'd be confused; he'd never forgive you. Face it, Helga. You need time to amend your behavior so someday, when he does know, it won't be so bad. That's why you'd care if I told Arnold." She exclaimed, viciously accurate and leaving me defenseless. "I have to go. I'll see you Monday," she added, as she turned to walk back home.
I stood in a state of confusion myself. She was right…and it killed me.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Helga?"
I perked up from my slouched position on the park bench, staring eye to eye with Arnold.
"Is everything all right?" he asked, genuinely concerned no doubt.
"Not exactly," I said, deciding not to lie.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I can't,"
"Oh…"
"…Could I ask you something?"
"Sure," he said firmly.
"Let's say that you find something out about someone else, something that's not, well it's not good. And what you find out is that the person is doing something really stupid that could hurt them really bad. But that person doesn't want other people to know, but you want to help them. What would you do?"
He thought about it for a moment.
"It'd be a hard thing to do, but if someone is endangering themselves, that's always more important than whether or not they want others to know. If a life is at stake, then that leaves only once choice,"
"To tell?" I asked.
"To tell." He said.
"What if…you tell someone—anyone—but then they tell everyone else a secret of your own that no one can know? Then what?"
"I guess then you have to ask yourself what's worth more to you: Saving a life or saving a secret?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do," I moped to myself. I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Whatever it is, Helga, I'm sure you'll do the right thing," he expressed comfortingly. At that moment I felt better. He smiled at me and then looked at the sky. The sun was sinking down into the horizon and the sky was ablaze with outrageous vibrant color in hues of orange and red.
"I guess I should get home,"
"Yeah, me too. Want some company?" he inquired.
"Could I maybe take a rain check? I have some thinking to do,"
"A rain check? All right, I look forward to it then,"
"See you later, Arnold—I mean Football Head," I corrected myself in my more expected tone. He grinned.
"See you later, Helga," he said, and we went our separate ways.
There was the ultimatum. I tell someone in order to help Lila, and my secret is out. Or I don't tell anyone, and my secret stays mine, and Lila…well…
Oh, Arnold, I wish I were brave enough to get through this, unafraid of what you'd think if you found out the truth. Truth is I'm not…you can't know, not yet. So if this is what Lila wants, then this is what she gets.
:::::::::::::::::::::::To be Continued::::::::::::::::::::::::
Coming in the next and most likely final chapter:
When something bad happens to Lila at school, a teacher could make a fatal mistake unless Helga speaks up. Will she speak up, even if Arnold is in the room? Hmmm, I wonder.
Thanks for reading, and please leave a review letting me know what you thought about it. I promise in the next chapter there will be more between our favorite couple. Also, I plan to go over more of the whole eating disorder issue between Lila and Helga. That is, if anyone wants me to continue the story. Okay, that's all for me. Thanks and take care!
Silver Kitten
