A Flaw in Perfection
Chapter Three
Composed By Silver Kitten
Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! is not mine.
A/N: I got so good at updating quickly...and what happened?? I don't know. Alas, the third and second to last installment is here...ready to read. I'm so sorry for the wait. But I don't know what good my apologies are if I can't keep an audience because of my laziness. With that said, all I can say is please read and review...and thank you for your patience.
Dedication: This is written for "Cool Steve"....because yes, he is cool, and he's waited a long time for me to get this finished. I'm one step closer.
::::::::::::::::::::::Helga's POV:::::::::::::::::::::::::
Everyone was laughing. Paper airplanes were being tossed in the air. Pencils were whipped back and forth in some odd attempt for a game to pass the time. We were just being typical students, wasting our last few moments of freedom until the bell rang and Mr. Simmons pranced in with that wide grin on his face, prepared to teach us another important life lesson. And when he came in, not but two seconds before the final bell rang, of course Lila was right behind him; on her way from the restroom, quickly fixing her hair, certain she just couldn't be late.
We all settled down, took our seats properly, and the day began as usual. Nobody really paid attention to Mr. Simmons "special" lecture of the day, with the exception of Phoebe. Usually, Lila would be the other student most likely to tune in, to answer questions when Phoebe had answered the prior five, and the teacher had elected for another student to try. This day, this morning, she was not so tuned in, not so aware of her surroundings. She just sort of sat there, of course not slouching, but rather using all her strength to keep herself propped up just right. Her energy was dismissed for a moment in a wavering sigh.
She caught me staring at her in disbelief and held herself up once more. She tried paying attention but her focus was dwindling away. She squinted to see the board. After an hour or so, she nearly used her elbow as a crutch for the rest of her body. That was a new thing for her, to say the least.
Not too long after, she raised her hand.
"Yes, Lila?" Mr. Simmons jovially called out.
"May I use the restroom?" She asked quietly. I shook my head, though no one would have noticed, since all eyes were on Lila.
"Well, there's not much time before lunch. I don't suppose you would mind waiting twenty more minutes?" He asked politely, and rightfully. No student would normally ask to be excused so close to lunch time. Why, in any case, it'd be an emergency...or they'd have something to hide from the lunchtime crowd.
"I do apologize, but I'm afraid it's...an emergency,"
So now she's not only blackmailing, she's lying...
"All right then, you may be excused," he brushed it off and continued talking, while Lila slowly marched out the door.
I waited one minute. Then another. Finally, five minutes had passed. I stood up and Mr. Simmons looked confused.
"Is there a problem, Helga?"
"I need to use the restroom," I muttered, and stepped out to the side of my desk.
"I'm sorry, but only one student is allowed out of the classroom at one time,"
"Yeah, well I have girl issues," I huffed, and drug myself down the aisle of desks to the front of the classroom.
"Miss Pataki,"
I knew I was about to get a detention, or sent to the office, but something in me didn't care. Though, for a moment, it appeared maybe I didn't have to worry. Lila had slunk back from the bathroom and stood in the doorway, readying to make her re-entrance. Mr. Simmons looked away from me and back at her for a nano-second. She took one step, and then she collapsed. The aura of her perfection was not enough to keep her floating up above the floor, preventing a ruffle in her skirt, a scuff on her face, or the numbing experience of falling down when there was no one there to catch you. No, she was not perfect anymore. She was human. She was not invincible. She was weakening by the minute.
Immediately, the rest of the class stood up. Some, out of concern for their dear friend. And then some, sheerly to get a better view of the drama over the other student's head. Lila moaned, and attempted to pull herself back up. She barely made it.
"Lila, are you all right?" Mr. Simmons asked, rushing over to her for aid. I stood infront of his desk.
"I'm quite fine. I must have tripped over...this pencil," she said. Much to her luck, she had seen a pencil near the first desk by the door, one that had not been picked up before class began.
"That's not true!" I heard myself stammer out without thinking. For once, all eyes were on me.
"What do you mean, Helga?" Lila said, holding back a foul glare.
"You know what I mean..."
"Girls, if there's an issue that needs to be discussed, let us find the proper time," Mr. Simmons tried to persuade us.
"Yes, we can deal with any problems you might have with me another time," She said, and then winced.
"Another time will be too late. I'm sorry Lila, but I can't,"--
"You have to!" she cried, forcing so much of her energy out that she doubled over. "I'll tell...I'll tell them all..." she mumbled. I cringed in my stance, but held firm. She looked so angry, so helpless. Another time, I'd have gladly taken her state and used it against her. I looked over at Arnold, and his eyes met with mine, and I felt a pulling pain inside of my stomache, just imagining his reaction if he knew the truth about my feelings.
"....Tell them, then..." I said in a low voice. She looked up at me with the strangest tint of disbelief and anguish in her watering eyes. My eyes began watering as well. Before I blinked my forming tears away, I saw her eyes shut, and then again she fell. Mr. Simmons tried to help her up, to stir her again, but her eyes wouldn't open. She had been increasingly pale, and now she lay prone, lifeless.
"My goodness, someone call the nurse!" He yelled to no one in particular. I spoke up again.
"That won't help, we need an ambulance!" I said, and without a need for further explanation, Arnold quickly ran to go and call 911. I knelt on the floor beside Lila with Mr. Simmons. I took her wrist and felt her pulse. It was still beating. Slowly beating.
Until her beating pulse slowed. And gradually, it became slower. Then slower. And finally...I didn't feel it any longer. It seemed like an eternity had passed before I heard the sirens blaring to our school. I blocked them out, just as I blocked out the gawking stares of the other's. All I could hear was the silence of her pulse, pounding in my head, and all I could say was that I was sorry...
"I'm sorry Lila...I'm sorry..."
I told them. I told them everything. I told Lila's dad. I told Mr. Simmons. I told the doctor. I told anyone who would listen. At first, no one wanted to believe me, and I didn't blame them. But then the doctor confirmed it. They all told me that I had done the right thing in telling them. Were they right? Lila's in critical condition now, hanging on for her life, because I was afraid of some crush finding out that I liked him. All I had to do was speak up sooner. Then...maybe her dad, her only family, wouldn't be wondering how the hell some doctor is going to muster the strength to pick up a pen and sign her death certificate.
Before I first saw Lila, I waited a couple days since she'd been admitted to the hospital. Apparently, she's declined any visitors the right to see her, with the exception of her dad, and now, myself. I walked into her room, a sullen shade of gray plastered on the walls, denied any hope of light touching them, as the curtains were tightly shut. I heard her heartrate monitor beeping; saw the bouncing green waves beep at each peak of her pulse. When she first saw me, I noticed the beeps coming closer together to one another. She must have composed herself, as she calmed down the beeps slowed down to normal.
"I wondered if you'd visit me," she said, almost sadly.
"I wondered if you'd let me," I told her. I took a seat next to her bed. I saw all the I.V. needles stuck in her, the patches for the monitors clenched tightly to her body. Her eyes were red, probably sore from crying. There was nothing but silence between us for a moment. I thought first about what I could say, but I guess I didn't have to try and speak, since Lila already had every intention of telling me exactly what was on her mind. I prepared myself for the worst as she cleared her throat, unable to imagine the desperate cruelty she was ready to unleash on me in some act of vengeance for what I had done to her.
"...Thank you," was what she said. Simple. Meek. Sincere.
"...What?" As much as I was elated to hear something polite from her, I couldn't fathom why she wasn't threatening me in some classy, blackmail victory speech.
"Thank you..." she repeated. "If it weren't for you...I'd be dead..."
I was uncertain of how I should respond to that. With our history of exchanging false courtesy and mutual discrepancies between one another, that was the least thing i had expected.
"You're...welcome," I said. I've never been much of the one who can easily give words of comfort to another, so it's hard for me to articulate exactly how sorry I am this happened the way it did.
"I've been talking to Dr. Bliss...she's helped to enlighten me...a lot," Lila continued. I perked up a little.
"Really?"
"Yes, and you were absolutely right, Helga. I had the wrong motives for everything I was doing...not eating...throwing up what I had eaten...it was like a long, lonely suicide...all because I didn't think I could be perfect enough,"
"I'm glad that you realize that...and you don't need to be perfect, you just need to be yourself. That's all anyone should ever expect from you,"
"So why do you tell me this, knowing you keep the secrets you do?"
I suddenly remembered her vow to tell Arnold how I truly felt, and I began feeling sick. I kept quiet, knowing that not saying anything would be the most I could say right now. She looked at me and her eyes told me she knew, she understood the answer to her question. There was another silence between us, and I had to tell her how I felt.
"I'm sorry, Lila...that I ever doubted you were a decent person, simply because you were more popular, and had Arnold's affections...it was my jealousy, and my stubborn fears that almost killed you,"
"Maybe you're a little bit ill, too," she said, coughing a little.
"How so?"
"You are able to make any problem somebody has your own, twist it until you can prove you had something to do with it, that it was your fault in the end. It's a selfish act with nobel motives, to take the blame off someone else. I've been ill for a long time, Helga. Long before I even moved to Hillwood...it began shortly after my mom died," she stopped quickly in what she was saying. Her eyes glazed once more and she looked down at her bedsheets, maybe counting the number of threads, anything to take her mind off of what she's just recalled.
Once again I was left speechless. If Arnold were here, he'd have a million things to say to cheer her up. I don't even have one.
"They told me years ago she had cancer. It didn't really matter to me how she died, just that she was no longer there. But do you know how I remember my mother? Sheer perfection. Once she was gone, that void had to be filled, and I was the only one who could fill it. Well, you know what my dad told me? He had a secret. He said, 'Mommy didn't die from cancer, she died from anorexia nervosa,'"
I shifted in my chair a moment, trying to let my mind register everything it was learning.
"You see, Helga, I've been following my mother's footsteps just fine...and I almost followed them to a grave right beside hers. But you stopped me. And yes, I still have some issues to work through, but Dr. Bliss and my dad are going to help me through it," there was a look of sadness in her eyes, an empty, lonely sadness.
"I'll be here too," I said, not entirely aware of the words coming out of my mouth, and yet I understood what I was saying crystal clear. I was coming to a realization, that Lila wasn't so terrible after all.
"I know we've had our differences. I don't want you to feel responsible, so you don't need to stick around be out of guilt. I don't expect you want us to be friends...and I understand,"
"No, Lila, I want to help. And...I expect we can be friends,"
"That would be nice," she spoke wearily, but appreciation could be heard in her voice. "Now, as for Arnold..." she became a bit more serious. I shuddered.
"I knew this was going to come up..." I sighed. "Look, I made my choice. And I was thinking...secrets can be a deadly thing to keep. I've decided that Arnold deserves to know. If you haven't told him already, then I will." It took everything I had to say that, but I meant it.
"Good, because I think he'll appreciate it more if it comes from you,"
"You think he'll appreciate it all?"
"...That's my little secret," she stated. A wry smile came to her face, one I equally shared.
"Oh," she tilted on her side and reached under her pillow, pulling out a carefully folded piece of paper and handed it to me. It took much of her strength, but she was regaining her energy more every day, as the doctor and her dad have informed me. I took it, confused, but intrigued. "When you talk to Arnold, please give this letter to him. And please, don't read it before you talk with him,"
I nodded. "I promise. Well...I guess I should let you get some rest,"
"Um, before you leave, could you do me a favor?" she asked.
"Sure,"
"Would you...open the curtains a little? It's ever-so dreary in here,"
I let out a small laugh. I opened the curtains and a wave of sunshine washed over the room, splashing onto her bed and across the walls and the floor. She closed her eyes with a smile on her face.
"Thank you, Helga,"
I walked to the door and looked back. She was probably half way asleep in those few moments, but she needed her rest.
"Anytime, Lila," I told her, and then quietly shut the door.
Things were halfway settled. Lila's vitals were constantly improving, as she got the medical attention and therapy she needed for a full recovery. I, on the other hand, still had one more challenge to face. Arnold. Who knows what this letter holds...was she genuine when she said she'd like to be friends? Or is it some cynical plot to toy with me further...
Either way, this was something I was going to face. I needed to. No more promises will I make when I know I shouldn't. No more secrets will I keep...even if it kills me.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::To Be Continued:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A few quick items...
I won't wait another 6 months to update. If I don't have the final chapter out within the next 2 weeks...then, I beg you not to offer me any reviews as punishment for my rude behavior...I mean that. And as for Lila's eating disorder, it probably would take more than a couple days for someone in her situation to "realize" their actions were wrong. So if it seemed at all unreal and illogical, I'm sorry. I never did say she was fully healed though, just on her way.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this part. Lila and Helga getting along...that's new for me, too.
Brief summary for the last chapter:
Helga gathers her courage and seeks Arnold out to tell him how she really feels. We'll find out what his reaction is, and just what exactly Lila's letter entailed.
Silver Kitten
