Title Painless

Rating PG

Pairing Mentions of Soubi/Ritsuka and Soubi/Seimei

Disclaimer If I owned Loveless, Ritsuka wouldn't be loveless at all. He would be worshiped.

XxXxX

What is love?..

Ritsuka had asked himself that question many, many times. He never could seem to grasp the answer, though.

Love– love was–

Painful.

That's all he seemed to be able to get. Love was painful. It..made no sense to love someone. Why would one care for someone else so much? So much that they would give up their life to be by their side? So much that they'd die for them..

It was foolish. It was– it was–

Beautiful. And oh so terribly right.

After all, it had always felt right to Ritsuka, and at the same time, so terribly wrong. Why is it that everyone's life seemed to revolve around love? Whether or not you're loved, whether or not you love..it can make all the difference in the world. Why? Why did an emotion have to be so important? Why..why..

Did anyone have to feel at all?

Many, many times had Ritsuka denied his feelings for Soubi. He had made up silly excuses; Tried to pretend that he didn't love the blonde. But it seemed the excuses..the make-believe..it wasn't fooling Ritsuka's heart. The fact that the sacrifice really did want Soubi to care in return was no secret.

"I love you, Ritsuka."

That's a lie.

"I will always love you."

Stop lying.

And the kisses– the kisses that had always made Ritsuka believe that maybe Soubi was just a little bit his–

They were lies, too.

Because Soubi belonged to him..but he was never truly his. And he never would be. No, he would always belong to Seimei..

They were the best, you know. They were perfect together.

Seimei...

You're a horrible sacrifice!

Why did you..

You're connected, but not really connected.

Take him away from me..

Soubi will always be Seimei's. Always.

But why..

"It's just you and me. No one else matters."

If only that were true...

"Soubi.." The name whispered past Ritsuka's lips seemed to be so close, but ever so far away.

"I know you're Seimei's, but I can always pretend.."

Pretend you're loved. Pretend you can't feel a thing. Pretend, make-believe, fantasize.

"And..I can believe your lies.."

"But, Ritsuka! They're not lies!"

"And we can both be painless, together."

"We don't have to pretend. It can be real."

The crystalline rain fell from Ritsuka's orbs like a storm. "How can you be beloved with the name Loveless?"

How can you be loveless with the name Beloved?

"Soubi, did you love Seimei? Did you love him like you say you love me?"

You just can.

And finally..Ritsuka understood. He understood the meaning of love. Love..it just was. And it could be painful, or painless. Beautiful, or hideous.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Because.."

But sometimes, it could be so painful it was painless. So hideous, it was beautiful.

"Because we don't have to hurt anymore."

And when Ritsuka was with Soubi, he felt so much pain, he was painless.

And when Soubi was with Ritsuka, he was so numb, he felt pain.

Owari.