When the phone rang I was in the kitchen, boiling a pot full of pasta and humming along with an fm broadcast of Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry, which was perfect for nights when you're alone.
I wanted to ignore the phone, not only because the spaghetti was almost done, but because I was so caught up with the tropical vibes of the song. I wish I was in a beach with Sakura of course. No woman no cry! I sang in my best imitation of a Jamaican accent.
Finally, though, I had to give in. It could be Sakura. I lowered the flame, went to the living room, and picked up the receiver.
"Hello."
"Syaoran."
I'm good at recognizing voices and I definitely recognize this voice.
"Mother." I said as firmly as I can. "What did I do this time?"
"Can't a mother call her son and ask how he is doing?" She asked in a mock hysterical voice. I smirked at the thought of my mother being this thoughtful. She wasn't really like this, at least to me. When I was young, until now she's very stern and was deeply concerned with my grooming as the heir of our family business. She treated me differently compared to my sisters. She wasn't exactly the laid-back person I am talking to now.
"Okay what's wrong? There's something you're not telling me?" I asked in disbelief.
"Nothing's wrong dear, I just wanted to know how you're doing."
"Dear?" I raised an eyebrow. She never calls me dear.
"How are you and Sakura doing? Will I be hearing any news soon?" She didn't seem to have heard what I asked. News? What kind of news could she be talking about?
"How is she by the way?" Ever since I became close to Sakura and when my mother met her, she seemed to have changed. I mean in the way my mother treats me. "Are you two finally together?" I chocked at question, good thing she didn't notice.
"Mother, ask me one at a time." I shifted the receiver to my left hand.
I leaned over and peeked into the kitchen door. The spaghetti pot was steaming nicely and the aroma of the sauce lingered through out my condo unit making it smell delectable.
"So? Have you asked her to marry you?"
"What? She doesn't even know how I feel" I was getting irritated; I hate it when my mother pushes me to get married.
" Then tell her now." I can tell from her voice that she was getting impatient. Well it has been years, ever since she met Sakura she immediately took a liking for her. And she constantly told me that we were perfect for each other and constantly reminded me that life is short so I should already tell her how I feel so that we can get married.
" I haven't still found the right time."
"And when is the right time?"
"I don't know… maybe today, tomorrow, next week or so… I don't know." "This isn't just the right time to tell her." I can't believe I'm talking to my mother about my love life or lack thereof. I don't even know why my mother bothers to ask me these questions. I ran my hand through my eternally messy hair in exasperation.
I looked at the spaghetti pot and it looked a bit too steamy. Then I placed my free hand on my hips.
"Mother, sorry can you call me some other time I'm in the middle of spaghetti making."
"Spaghetti? Is Sakura coming over?"
I groaned. "I don't know."
"Ask her to come over and have a romantic dinner with you." She said almost too cheerfully.
"Are you really my mother?" I asked in disbelief. Who is this woman I was speaking to? My mother never asked me these sorts of things; we usually talked about business and other serious matters.
"How can you say that? Of course I am!"
I can't believe my ears. Yes it has been awhile and she's been acting strange. Is this just menopause or something?
"Okay okay…I'll do whatever I can." I quickly said, obviously becoming impatient.
"Okay then…send my regards to Sakura."
Then she hung up just like that. I stared at the phone in my hand. What? Then I remembered the spaghetti. Back in the kitchen, I turned off the stove and poured the pasta in a bowl. Thanks to my mother's silly questions, the pasta was a little softer than al dente. Then I thought about Sakura. Should I call her?
I was on my way to the living room where the phone was when the phone rang again. I hesitated for a moment but decided to answer it. This time it was Sakura.
"Hey! How are you?" she asked.
"Fine." I said, relieved to hear her voice.
"What are you doing?"
"I was just about to eat. I just cooked spaghetti and I think I cooked too much" I had to make an excuse. "Would you like to come over and have a romantic candle-lit dinner with me?" I smiled when I heard her chuckle on the other line.
"You know I was about to call for take-out but I dialed your number instead." Ohohohoho…interesting. I'm a restaurant now?
"Funny, I was thinking about calling you to ask you to come over."
"Okay. Be there in a minute." She said cheerfully before hanging up. I put the phone down and smiled at the thought of Sakura bringing my favorite wine.
It's been a day since I met Miko, and I've done a lot and I mean a lot of thinking just to be sure. I even looked up the meaning of love in a dictionary. For Christ's sake I'm a grown man and I lose control over this thing called love. Every moment of every waking hour I think of her. The dictionary defined love as a powerful emotion felt for another person manifesting itself in deep affection or devotion. Powerful? Yes! Powerful enough to make me go crazy and lose my discipline. All this years of training come crushing down with one smile from her. Then I remembered a line from the movie Spiderman 2 when a scientist in the movie said to a student, "If you keep something as complicated as love unexpressed, it would drive you nuts." Is that what have caused me to feel this way? To find a purpose in life but still be at a lost. To be with her but feel like as if we are a world apart. An unexpressed emotion. True, I've never tried to show Sakura that I love her. Tomoyo once told me that relationships that begin in friendship have a difficulty in taking that leap to be "lovers". For years I have pushed in the back of my mind these feelings and it has only become larger that I cannot simply ignore them. I limit this extreme fondness for Sakura to stolen glances and the most minute of tiny actions I do for her that I can't seem to see them as sweet.
But what I have come to realize is that most people associate love itself with only its blissful part, when a kind of temporary madness- an almost intoxicatingly ecstatic feeling that takes over us. Love as I understood it, is a gift of self to another self. In love we offer our very self and along with it is an eternal affirmation of the other, there remains the risk that our offer will be rejected, that our reaching out of our shell towards the other may not reciprocated. I guess everything I have endured comes to this: I am afraid of being rejected; I fear that I may lose her love and also our friendship. I am afraid of being alone and unloved. To love honestly is to deeply appreciate somebody with the view of the possibility of losing her. For years, I have been afraid of losing her that I myself have let that happen by not letting her know.
I went back to the kitchen to set the table for two. I gingerly placed each plate on the table and thought of the many nights, mornings and other times we have spent here. The doorbell rang, it must be Sakura. I quickly went to answer it. To my surprise I found Sakura lazily leaning on the frame and looking oh so gorgeous and sexy.
"Hey there stranger." She purred, while she put one hand on her hip. I opened my mouth to say something but hastily closed it, My mind was spinning as my stomach was. I must have looked like a constipated idiot. She looked definitely stunning tonight even in jeans and a white polo shirt loosely hugging her body.
"Hey." Was my smooth response, I sounded more like a frog than a grown man. I cleared my throat and motioned her to come in. She remained leaning in the doorway never leaving her eyes off me then in one fluid motion she was standing and slowly walking towards me. I nervously stepped back, this has never happened before, I mean me the Li Syaoran melting into jelly in front of a girl.
"Ummmm…ah…." I stammered while she continued walking towards me with that devious smirk of hers. Every step she took pushed me towards the edge, I am officially in a state of panic and confusion.
She smiled when she stopped just a step a away from me.
"So, Syaoran…" She purred once more. Somebody help me.
"Ahhh…"
I put my brain on overtime just to think of anything coherent to say when I noticed the girl's shoulders shaking then she covered her mouth. I raised an eyebrow in confusion then realization bit me in the ass.
"I can't believe you fell for that." She barely said in between muffled laughter and chuckles. I felt half relieved and half disappointed but nonetheless joined in with her laughter. I smiled and run a hand through my hair and proceeded to the kitchen as she followed behind me still giggling.
We sat down and began eating. We talked about the usual things in between bites. She complimented me on my cooking, well, she always did. Then we talked about our annual trip to the beach with Tomoyo and Eriol since summer was just around the corner. We continued talking and eating till we both satisfied and thank God she didn't bring up that Miko person.
I was washing the dishes (I lost to rock-scissor-paper) when she asked what I thought of Miko.
"Hmmm…"I thought for a moment as I handed to her the last plate to be dried.
"I think his really cute great body too but needs to work on his biceps, all in all hot!" I said casually.
"Syaoran you man whore!" She said while playfully slapping my arm with the dish towel. I can't help but laugh at what I said.
"No seriously, what do you think of him." She folded the dish towel and hanged it on its rack. Why? I honestly don't care about the guy. Or do I? While debating with my self Sakura waited for my answer.
"Why?" I finally asked.
"Why what?" this is going nowhere.
"I mean it doesn't really matter what I think of him." I explained while I took out two coffee mugs.
"It matters to me." She said softly. I looked at her then handed her a cup of coffee.
"He's okay I guess, but something's off."
"I don't completely trust him." I forced out. I think the guy's a jerk and just wants to get into your pants.
I watched Sakura and waited for a reply of some sort as she took a sit near the balcony. She only shrugged and quickly changed the topic.
"Wow! It's so beautiful out here." She leaned closer on the railings to get a better view of the moon.
"Yeah. Beautiful." But I was looking at her instead of that round shiny thing up there. She was still admiring the vast endless sky as I stood beside her admiring her moonlit face. The wind gently blew her auburn hair and displaced strands that floated lightly in the air before gently settling back to her face. I watched as each strand floated with the wind and carelessly landed on her face caressing her cheek slowly. I drew a deep breath as if to savor this moment, to remember her scent, to instill in my mind how each strand of her auburn hair gently landed on her cheek. Why search the heavens when I've got one right here? This are the moments that I thank all the gods that I am here alive with Sakura. I must have been staring at her for a while because she seemed to have sensed it when she suddenly turned to face me.
"What?" I was clearly off guard when she looked directly at me, that I felt my heart beat faster. She looked at me suspiciously as she waited for a reply.
"Is something on my face?"
"Nothing…" I slowly replied. Then I did the impossible, I slowly lifted my hand towards her and gingerly tucked behind her ear those amusing strands of her hair that were flickering about. Her eyes slowly closed as my skin made contact with her ear. She didn't seem to mind that my hands were ice cold; she didn't cringe at my sudden gesture but remained there with me as a small smile spread across her lips.
"…" I was at a lost of words so I just smiled and retrieved my now shaking hand. I noticed the contrast that my hand made against her skin. Mine was tanned due to the long hours I spent outdoors while her's were so fair and creamy. She looked at me straight in the eye and said "Thank you."
I once again had no idea how to respond so I just nodded. Two words that meant so much. Two words that were enough to express so many emotions. Two words…passing over everything else in silence. The rest of the evening were spent in the most comforting and comfortable silence. We just stayed there and watched as the rest of the world went about with its usual craziness. I can only smile and soak up the moon light.
a/n: I'm so sorry if the update's pretty late >. I wasbusy and I wasn't sure if I will continue the story or not coz I had such a hard time making Syaoran sound like a guy and think like a guy(I'm a girl) so just tell me if Syaoran sounds more like a girl >. oh and thanks for those who read and reviewed thanks so much! this chapter is dedicated to my first reviewers and sorry for this short chapter...and finally if you have any comments or suggestions feel free to tell me...
I don't own ccs...
nichiru
