Disclaimer: Don't own.
Warning: Mild language
AN: One more part left! I'm not going to be able to finish it tonight, but I should have it done by tomorrow night, Sunday at the latest. :) Thanks for reading, and I hope you're enjoying it!
FRIENDS WILL BE FRIENDS
Part 3
December 30, 1979
Donna Pinciotti's bedroom
"So I don't know what to do. I mean, he wants to work things out, but I'm going to Madison in two weeks. And he doesn't even know what HE'S going to do since his parents are moving. I just…I don't think I can deal with starting college AND getting back together with Eric." Donna leaned back against the headboard of her bed and shook her head sadly. "I still love him, but maybe…maybe this is something I need to do on my own."
Jackie sat at the foot of the bed, painting her lumberjack friend's toenails in an effort to cheer her up. Donna hadn't exactly been enthusiastic about it, but Jackie knew that once her makeover magic was done, Donna would feel better. Or at least LOOK better. "Well, if you love him, Donna, who cares about college? Make him get a job and marry you." She bit her lip in concentration as she carefully applied Mauvelous Mauve paint to Donna's huge toes. She'd decided against red, since red would only make them look bigger.
Donna rolled her eyes. She'd thought this before, and knew she would in the future. If she could, Jackie would single-handedly set the women's movement back a thousand years. Happily. Although, to be fair, she'd seemed to grow a bit more independent when she was with Hyde, but that was over. "Give me a break, Jackie."
Jackie sighed and paused her painting to give Donna a look. "Fine. Look, why can't you get back together with Eric AND go to college? I mean, you were with him all through high school and you managed to survive. What makes college so different? And what makes taking him back this time than taking him back after the non-wedding?"
Donna sighed. That was what she hadn't figured out. She knew she loved Eric. She knew she wanted to be with him. She even knew that she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. What she didn't know was why she was holding back. "I just…" Her shoulders rose and fell in defeat. "I guess I'm just…I mean, he broke my heart. Not once, but twice. How can I just let him back in like he's done nothing wrong?"
Jackie studied her best friend's face. She could read it easily, and it reminded her of how SHE had felt after Steven cheated on her and was trying to get her back. SHE couldn't just let him back in, and so she'd made him wait. She'd told him she couldn't decide between him and Michael, which was a lie. She'd really just wanted to punish him.
It had only made things worse.
"Okay, look, Donna. Do you really love him?" Jackie waited for Donna to answer, but the redhead simply looked at her. The way she swallowed hard, though, gave Jackie her answer. Her voice softened. "Then you have to work things out with him. Don't try to punish him. It'll just make you miserable and do crazy things, like date Randy." She shook her head and made a disgusted face.
Donna smiled softly. It wasn't often Jackie expressed such open sensitivity, and wisdom, and it always pleasantly surprised her. But even though she knew Jackie was right, there was still a part of her that refused to budge. Her head ached, and she decided she needed a subject change, a distraction. "So, uh, enough about me. What happened with Fez?"
Jackie couldn't help but smile. The memory of how she and Fez had both burst out laughing while kissing was fresh. "Uh, well," she said with a slight chuckle. "We broke up."
Donna was startled by Jackie's giggles. "I take it that you're okay with it."
Jackie looked up. "It's for the best. Fez and I…well…remember how I told you that kissing him was like kissing my brother?" Donna nodded. "Apparently for Fez, kissing ME was like kissing Michael." Donna laughed so hard that her foot started moving, and Jackie clamped her hand down on it, even as she too began to laugh. "Donna, stop, you lumberjack! You're going to smear the polish!"
The girls giggled for a while, then calmed down enough for Jackie to finish up the paint job. After she was done, Jackie surveyed her work and was pleased. But for some reason, the humor left her, and a thought crossed her mind. She looked at Donna pensively. "So Donna," she started, suddenly feeling a bittersweet kind of sadness. "Is Eric the love of you life?"
Donna's smile faded, and a mistiness seemed to enshroud her heart. Was Eric the love of her life? She certainly couldn't imagine loving anyone else. And she didn't WANT to love anyone else. Ever. "Yeah, he is," she said quietly. Her eyes locked on Jackie's now down-turned face. "Who's yours?"
The moment Donna asked the question, Jackie's heart stopped beating, her breath caught, and one name flickered across her mind.
Steven.
His face filled her head. The smile he used to give her when no one else was around. Things he used to say to her. The way he always sighed softly, just barely audibly after she kissed him. And so many other endless things about him that he never knew made her love him….endlessly.
She shrugged. "Guess I haven't found mine yet."
Donna arched an eyebrow. "Maybe you have but you just don't know it yet." Jackie didn't say anything, or lift her head, and so Donna just smiled and looked down at her now pink toenails.
That night, the water tower
Hyde sat on the water tower, staring out in front of him and taking a long sip of his beer. Sure it was almost ten o'clock at night, in the middle of December and only about three degrees outside, but hell, he didn't care. He'd been born and raised in Wisconsin. Cold was in his blood. Besides, everyone was hanging out in the basement watching television, and he didn't feel like being around them. He'd sneaked out when the group trudged up for snacks less frozen than Popsicles.
Being around Jackie had been too much. Seeing the easy way she talked with Kelso and Fez, joked even, smiled at them…and the hurt in her eyes when he laid a nice burn on her….it had all been too much.
Jackie. God, he wanted her to just disappear. From his life, from his head, from Wisconsin, from the United States (including Alaska and Hawaii), from Earth, from the universe. Most of all, from his…NO. He didn't have a heart. And if he did, she wasn't there. No. She wasn't. If she ever HAD been, she wasn't any longer.
Damn. He did. She had been. And she still was. And god, he hated it.
He heard feet on the ladder and turned to see a familiar head popping up. "Donna," he said with a curt nod.
Donna grinned and settled herself next to her friend. "Hey, thought I might find you here, so I brought you another." She held out a bottle of beer to him.
Hyde nodded again, this time with a smirk. "Good thinking." He popped open the bottle and looked curiously at her. "So what brings you up here on this fine, frigid night?"
Donna shrugged and her smile faded. She looked out in front of her at the lights of her hometown and shivered. "Don't know. Just…being around Eric was just…"
"Too much?"
She nodded. "Exactly. Too much." They sat in quiet for a moment, both taking several swallows of the beer, until Donna just couldn't hold it in any longer. "What in the hell does he expect me to do? I mean, he comes home and expects me to just run back into his arms like nothing happened. Like he never left. Like he never broke up with me."
Hyde shrugged. "Maybe because that's what always happens."
She glared at him. "Is that what you think? Is that what everyone else thinks?"
Hyde met her eyes. "Hate to break it to you, Donna, but you really don't give us reason to think otherwise."
Donna shook her head in disgust. Was she really one of them? A woman who was so desperate to be with her man that she'd sacrifice her own self-respect and take the man back no matter what he did? "I just…god, I hate that everyone thinks that. That's not who I'm supposed to be."
Hyde sighed and turned to face her. "Look, Donna, Forman screwed up royally. On more than one occasion. And yeah, he hurt you. But…I mean, he always tried to do the right thing." He paused. "He always loved you."
Donna looked down and closed her eyes. Hyde had a point. She'd never doubted that Eric loved her, not even when he'd broken up with her. Somehow her heart had known that it wasn't because he didn't love her.
"The question you have to ask yourself is if YOU love HIM. If he makes you happy. And if you do, if he does, then who cares what anyone else thinks? Who cares who you're 'supposed' to be?"
She sighed and looked up at her second oldest friend. "Yeah, I know you're right." Sometimes Hyde, for being so detached and unemotional, had such an accurate read on the human psyche. And heart, which was odd, since he was always so proud of not having one. Right. She was tempted to tell him all that, but then realized it might get her pushed off the water tower, so instead, she gave him a small smile and changed the subject to something only slightly less dangerous. "Well, anyway. Fez and Jackie broke up." She chuckled. "And I so thought they would last."
Hyde groaned and took a long chug of his beer. Damn, it tasted good. Too bad Charlie was dead. He could use another night in his father's warehouse. Blindingly drunk sounded about perfect to him. "Okay, we are NOT going to talk about me and Jackie." His stomach suddenly hurt. He knew Jackie and Fez broke up. It's what brought him here in the first place. They'd told the group in the basement, and that had provided Hyde the perfect opportunity for a nasty burn.
"So you lasted what? A whole two weeks? Damn, Jackie, that's gotta be some sort of record. Shortest time ever to scare off a boyfriend."
She'd glared at him, but her face had pinkened and she'd been quiet for a full ten minutes after. He'd seen her out of the corner of his eye staring down at the ground, her lips trembling slightly.
Donna smiled slyly. "I didn't say anything at all about YOU and Jackie." All she got in reply was a snort, and she sighed. "Okay, I just want to know one thing. Do you really hate her as much as you act like you do?"
Hyde didn't answer. He didn't want to answer. He didn't want to think about it. God, why was everyone trying to make him think about it? He took another swig of the beer.
She raised her eyebrow as a thought occurred to her. "Or…do you just act like you hate ber because…" She smiled as she realized the thought was probably right on target. "Because you still love her?"
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Jackie. Had he ever loved her. Did he STILL love her? He wanted so much for the answers to be no. But he knew otherwise. He felt otherwise. He had. He did. And he knew and felt this too; he would.
He looked at Donna, sighed and looked away again, shaking his head in disgust.
He still loved Jackie. He still felt about her the way he had when they were together. And it made him miserable. It made him hate her, at least on the surface. Because he wanted to forget her, and somehow, without even really doing anything, she'd made that impossible.
Donna smiled sadly. "You know, she still loves you, Hyde. Probably always will." Hyde didn't respond, he was silent and completely still. "It really hurt her when you stayed married to Sam. I mean, it devastated her."
Hyde nodded. "I know." His voice dulled. He could still remember the look on her face when she found out he'd married someone else. "That's exactly why I stayed married."
Donna stared at him, shocked for some reason by his coldness. "So, what," she said, her voice hardening. "You were trying to punish Jackie or something? For something that didn't happen, and if you had just TALKED to her, you would have found that out?"
Hyde rolled his eyes. Yeah, right. What WOULD have happened had he not walked in. No matter what Jackie said, Kelso had been naked. In her room. Saying that no one would see them if they did it. What else were they going to do? Play cards? "Sort of," he snapped defensively. "But also…" He sighed and looked down at his hands. Did he really want to admit this? To anyone? Even Donna?
Donna lost her patience. "But also WHAT?"
Hyde looked at her bitterly. "Look, I knew she'd never forgive me for marrying someone else, even though I was drunk, so I figured I might as well stay married. Free sex, you know?"
Donna made a face, then shook her head. What a sad situation. What a stupid situation. One that easily could have been avoided, had both Jackie and Hyde been less proud and less stubborn. God. "You know, Hyde, I think Jackie would have forgiven you just about anything, even marrying someone else, if she'd known that you loved her and wanted to be with her." She smiled wistfully. "That's all she ever wanted to hear."
Hyde turned away from Donna and took a drink of his beer, only to find that the bottle was empty. His head ached.
Just what he needed. Someone else telling him how it could have been so much different.
If only.
If only 'if onlys' were completely worthless.
