To calm your ragged nerves again…this is an Erik/Christine pairing…so breathe easy.
I am glad that everyone seems to like Desiree…she is a vital part of Erik's growth process.
This is a pivotal chapter…so enjoy.
THE DAWN THROUGH THE NIGHT
Part II – Making Life out of Nothing at All – Chapters 8 - 10
CHAPTER 10
Erik spent the next four days in bed, in and out of consciousness. His fever soared high again, but the doctor managed to get it down and Erik had been fever free for two days.
Desiree watched over him as a mother hen watches over her chicks. Keeping his face clean and cool and dabbing his upper chest to keep the fever out of it. She thought he had a magnificent chest; she was blushing just thinking about it. "Javier, you know I loved you, but this man has me thinking about romance again." She said toward the heavens, knowing her late husband would want her to follow her heart.
She spent her daily time with God, reading and studying His word. She prayed at many times during the day…wanting God to reveal His purpose for Erik. Every time she asked, that still, small voice replied, "In due time, My child, in due time."
Erik eventually worked up the strength to get out of bed. Desiree had wanted to prepare a bath for him, but the doctor and Erik both scolded her, telling her that hauling those buckets of water was out of the question in her condition. The doctor managed to fetch enough water for a bath.
The doctor had recommended a husband and wife team named Sam and Nancy Reynolds, from England, as maid and butler for Desiree's household. They worked diligently at cleaning up the place and Erik supplied their wages, oil for the furnace and lights, and wood for the stove.
He decided to stay on for a few weeks and help spiff up the place…he owed her at least that. She talked to him every night after he finished the outside chores. She spoke of God and His sovereignty; she spoke of the devotion her parents had taught her to Him and His will; she spoke of the man she had fallen so madly in love with that she defied, what she thought had been her calling, to marry him; only to find that her true calling was to be with him.
"How can you speak of Him as a benevolent and loving God, when He took your husband away from you and left you pregnant and destitute?" Erik asked, not understanding such devotion.
Desiree got up from the table and poured Erik another cup of coffee. "God never promised that life was always going to be a bed of roses Erik, roses have thorns – sometimes we have to crawl though a long stem of prickly, painful thorns to find the beautiful rose at the end…there has to be bad times to appreciate the good."
She smiled at him with a joy that was beyond his genius, "We are not puppets that He controls with short strings Erik, He has granted us free will - and the sin that free will has allowed into the world produces death and pain."
She reached over and grasped his hand in hers, "Death is a natural part of life…and I accepted Javier's death with the peace of knowing that I will see him again." Her warm fingers embraced the strength she felt in his, "His grace has given you to me, for whatever purpose and for however long He allows it."
Erik's mind drifted, wondering what his purpose was for being here. He had never considered the possibility that God had a purpose for one such as he; he had always assumed he had been abandoned by everyone, including the Almighty.
Another late night talk session occurred some days later. Desiree walked into the parlor to find Erik staring into the fire with a lost and a lonely look on his face.
"She hurt you deeply, didn't she?" Desiree observed, as Erik mused over his memories.
He looked from the embers into her quiet, searching eyes. "I cannot even breathe without her name being on my lips." He finally confessed. "I will never be good enough for any woman…why did I think otherwise?" His voice trailed off in a painful tone. "I will love her until the day I die…and that terrifies me."
Desiree felt the tears stinging her eyes. His pain was so palpable and she felt it to her very core. In the four week she had known him, she realized she had developed deep, longing love for him
"Erik, you are a man that any woman would be honored to be with; you're very handsome, too intelligent for your own good…" she teased with a wink, "…hard working, extremely creative…do I need to continue?" Desiree asked him, as she came to stand beside him.
Erik didn't really believe anything she was saying, she was just being the overly sweet, very kind Desiree that he knew she was.
"Is she why you sought to end your life?" She asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Is that what she would have wanted you to do?'
Erik considered her words and shrugged his broad shoulders. In the past month, he had put on weight, which made him even more enticing. He no longer looked sickly, but robust and healthy, with a golden hue on his skin from the kiss of the sun. He had chopped wood and made repairs to the house and barn, anticipating Desiree's needs.
"I honestly doubt she gave much thought to what I wanted…no one ever has." He reflected with sad eyes. "She was terrified of me." He smiled up at her soft features, "She was merely a child…and I was her worst nightmare."
Desiree took his hands in hers and pulled him to a standing position. "I doubt that." She whispered.
She moved away from him and curtsied.
"If you can stand my protruding belly, today is my birthday..." She said with a titter. "…and I must have my traditional birthday dance."
Erik creased his brow, "Dance?"
Desiree pouted prettily, relaying to Erik that she wanted him to say more.
"Oh…and happy birthday." He added, still cautious of her intentions.
She grinned and curtsied, "Thank you, my lord."
Erik chuckled at her endearment.
She slowly moved into his arms and wrapped them around her – one on her waist and the other in her hand. Erik swallowed hard, showing his unease in the situation.
"Relax, I won't break." She breathed with a whisper.
For the first time in his life, Erik held a woman in his arms and danced. There was no music but the sound of their hearts beating and the occasional exchange of words. He realized he had come to care for this wisp of a woman very much. She had succeeded in making him forget his woes.
He had no idea that Desiree was falling hopelessly in love with him more and more as each day passed, he saw her as a woman barely out of her childhood, and he counted her as one of only two friends he had in the world…the other was the doctor.
Erik smirked at that, he had always hated doctors; Étienne had turned him against them. But Doctor Bateaux had become a good friend, and he was highly intelligent and ethical. Erik respected him and considered his opinion priceless.
Thinking that a woman would fall in love with him was the farthest thing from his mind; and Desiree never pressed the issue. She was content, for now, to simply have him in the same household. She knew his heart was in a quandary and she knew that, in time, he would open it up to someone else.
They ended the dance and Erik bent over her hand and gave it a kiss. "Thank you, fair maiden, for the wonderful evening. I hope you had a good birthday." He bowed, clicked his heals, and bid her good night.
'Oh Desiree, when are you going to show that man how much you love him?" Desiree asked herself.
She headed up to her room and slid between the sheets. Erik encompassed her thoughts almost every moment of every day and night. He had become the most important person in her life. She missed her late husband dearly…he had been her first love. But Erik awakened the womanly need in her once again, and she longed to be in his arms.
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
Two weeks went by, quietly for the most part. Erik had been unusually busy with repairs and he and Desiree had not had much of a chance to spend time together.
It was a usual afternoon, Erik and Sam had gone in to town to get supplies such as food and oil. It was late-July and there were intermittent rain showers, but the weather was mostly warm and mild.
They arrived back at the house and Nancy came running out to greet them. A panicked smile covered her face.
"Madam Monét…she is in labor…" Nancy was trying to catch her breath and speak at the same time.
Erik jumped from the wagon, ran into the house, and bounded up the stairs to her room. She was lying in a pool of amniotic fluid and she was smiling, but the fear was in her eyes.
"Erik, what do I do?" Her voice was small and frightened. She extended her hand and he came to her.
"I don't know Desiree, I've never had a baby…" he jested, making her smile.
He lifted her into his arms and carried her down the stairs, where it was cooler. He instructed Nancy to change the bed sheets and clean the room up, while he and Sam readied the room downstairs.
The doctor was due in about an hour, he stopped in every day around five o'clock in the afternoon. Erik got clean towels and filled the tub with water, knowing the doctor would require it.
Nancy helped Desiree change into clean, dry clothing to allow her to be more comfortable, and then laid her down on the bed. This was Erik's room, but he found he had the coolest room in the house, and that was what Desiree needed right now.
She rested her head on his pillow, smelling his cologne and soap all over it. He smelled so good. After she had the baby and everything settled into a routine, she would tell him how she felt, anything after that would be up to him. She knew God had a purpose for him being with her.
Erik sat nervously beside her, dabbing her forehead and keeping her calm. She looked at him through bright but weary eyes. Her smile radiated the joy she felt at the prospect of her new baby.
She reached over and took Erik's hand, examining the long, strong fingers which had produced some of the most beautiful music…or so the papers said.
Desiree smiled at him and gathered her nerve as another contraction gripped her. Erik watched the excruciating pain cross her face, and wished he could take it into himself to shield her from its vice.
Her voice was calm and clear when she spoke, "Erik, I know this is highly irregular…but I am not going to hide this anymore…" she gripped his hand even closer, "I…"
Doctor Bateaux knocked as he entered, not realizing he had interrupted an intimate moment. Erik greeted him as he waited for Desiree to complete her thought. She shook her head, indicating that what she was going to say had been for his ears only.
"Has the labor started yet?" the doctor asked Desiree.
She shook her head, as another contraction hit her, "I've been having labor pains since early last night, but my water didn't break until this afternoon." She said through the pain.
Doctor Bateaux went to the door and instructed Nancy to come into the room and shooed Erik out. He examined Desiree and found that her eight centimeters dilated, but he also felt something that terrified him to the core. He put his stethoscope to her abdomen and listened intently.
The look on his face said all that she needed to know. Something was dreadfully wrong.
"Desiree, your baby is breech and I can barely hear the heartbeat…it won't survive the stress of birthing." The doctor stated, feeling the weight of each word he said.
The look on Desiree's face showed complete resolve to the task she knew lay ahead. Tears filled her eyes, knowing these could be her last few minutes on earth…and she knew what she had to do.
The Voice that had guided her all her life spoke clearly in her mind, 'All things work to the good for those who love Me and are called according to My purpose.'
"Doctor …she must live." Desiree proclaimed; weakly, but firmly; stubborn insistence shown in her eyes.
The doctor went pale…it was a procedure he had done only one other time…and it had not been a success.
"Madam Monét…" Thibaud began.
"Do it…I know this must be done." Desiree stated, a look of peace settling on her countenance.
"The risks for you are too great." Thibaud stated, dejectedly, tears forming in his gray eyes.
There was no question in her eyes, and the doctor had no choice but to obey her wishes. She knew what had to be done.
"Erik?" She said clearly, her voice rising so that he would hear her.
Erik entered the room upon hearing her ask for him. The doctor explained the situation to him and fear gripped his heart, he had heard of such procedures, being a well-read man; but being witness to it was a different matter. The chance of survival for Desiree was not good.
"Erik." Desiree called, wanting him to come over to the bed.
He came toward her, and quietly took her outstretched hand, as the doctor prepared to perform the surgery. Nancy and Sam stood back, completely shaken by these horrible turn of events.
"I know what God's will is…I know the doctor will do all he can, but I will not survive this procedure…take my baby and raise her as your own." Desiree insisted, a weak but gracious smile on her face.
Erik shook his head in shocked horror, "No Desiree, you have to fight…your baby needs a mother…I don't know the first thing about babies…"
She reached her hand up and caressed his marred cheek for the first time, ever. "I love you, Erik…I have for weeks now…I wanted to marry you and have a family with you…but God has shown me the path He has chosen."
Shock and wonderment were written all over his face, "You made me feel like a woman again, with your handsomeness, beautiful voice and strong hands."
Erik could not believe what she was saying. "Now I know you're delusional." Erik teased, trying to keep the mood light. He saw the tears in her eyes and reached to wipe them with his hand. She moved into his hand with her cheek and his heart wrenched.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asked, desperation in his voice. "We could have…"
He started to say more, but she hushed him with her shaking head, "No Erik…we weren't meant to be." She lowered her eyes and allowed the tears to drench her cheeks.
Erik leaned in and kissed her forehead, gently moving her strawberry curls away from her face. Her eyes shone with an unearthly light that Erik did not comprehend.
"Follow your heart…and you'll do just fine." Desiree whispered, "Love waits for you in another place…don't turn away." She felt the pain of another contraction barreling down on her.
As the doctor administered a dose of morphine to dull her pain, Erik felt tears prickling his eyes, "You are so worthy of the love of a good woman, Erik." Desiree murmured, "Something tells me that you will find each other…" her eyes lit up with a bit of green jealousy, "…oh how I envy her."
Her eyes drifted shut as she began to slip into unconsciousness; she drug rendering her painless. Her voice pierced the silence with its intensity, "Promise me Erik…promise me you will take my daughter and love her, cherish her as your own. Raise her in the church…her name is to be Grace."
He looked into her sky blue eyes, as his filled with tears, "You know I will Desiree, I promise." His voice was choked and strained from the tears.
She drew him down to her with her final dose of strength, placing her still warm lips against his unmasked cheek. Erik felt his heart breaking. She had confessed her love for him and now she was leaving this world and the child she had wanted so badly. He knew he would have been happy with her.
A smile graced her mouth as her strength waned, her eyes opened once more and focused on his; a baby's healthy cry was heard in the background. Erik watched as the light faded from her eyes while she continued to look directly at him; the smile still in place…one last word escaped her lips before death's cold hand claimed her, "Heaven."
Grace Hannah Destler was born as her mother slipped into eternity, on July 23, 1872.
Erik had told them his true name, once it was clear that they knew who he was. Sam, Nancy, and the doctor assured him that his identity would be kept a secret for as long as he wished it.
Thibaud tried desperately to stop Desiree's bleeding, but he could not stitch her up as fast the blood flowed out, every heart was weeping as a baby girl searched for the breast of the mother who had loved her so much.
Erik held the tiny, sleeping girl in his arms as his tears flowed; he had only seen babies from a distance, and never held one. It was love at first sight. He warmed some milk over the stove as the doctor prepared Desiree's body for burial.
Erik had sent Sam into town to purchase bottles and nipples, in case Desiree had been unable to nurse; now, he was thankful he had had that foresight. Erik had lost a friend today, possibly the only woman to see him as a man; but she had given him a piece of herself to carry with him…for the rest of his life.
They buried Desiree next to her husband, out in the back of the property, beneath the flowing branches of a beautiful oak tree.
"What are you going to do, Erik?" Thibaud asked, after things had settled down.
"I can't stay here…I will take her and go over the border into Spain." Erik replied.
Thibaud smiled, "Traveling will be more difficult now, Erik…you have a daughter to think about." He stated, but he knew that Nancy and Sam would be with him every step of the way.
Erik shook his head in agreement; he was petrified. He had no idea how to be a father…he barely knew how to be a man. How was he going to raise a daughter and be to her all that she needed him to be?
One week later, Erik, Grace, Sam, and Nancy left the small province outside of Toulouse, and headed southwest toward Spain. Erik had sold Nemesis and the Monét farm. He took little with him except Grace's clothing, bottles, the bassinet he had built, and his belongings.
They booked two rooms on a train, each couple wanting their privacy. The ride was pleasant and Grace was a wonderful baby. Erik doted on her, refusing to allow anyone else to care for; he changed her, fed her, played with her, and sang her to sleep.
He had booked the tickets to a small town on the shoreline of Spain called Bilbao. The beach was beautiful, a place Erik had never been. He purchased a decent size house, and Nancy and Sam went about making it a home for them, their master, and his infant daughter.
Erik began doing his designs again, and before long, they were in demand in all the major cities. He was a brilliant architect, and this provided an unending source of income. He was able to be home with Grace; and Sam and Nancy only asked for a small salary to provide for their personal wants; Erik supplied everything else.
Whenever he went on a promotional trip, Grace went with him, and she stole everyone's heart. She had his dark hair and green eyes. She had ivory skin and lovely features; she resembled Erik immensely, something he found amazing. Desiree had never described her husband to him, so he assumed he must have been dark haired and green eyed.
He earned the respect and admiration of businesses and people all over Spain and Southern France; eventually, his notoriety reached all over Europe. His designs were coveted by royalty and desired by people everywhere.
His fame surpassed his mask, and the rumors were that he had been scarred in a terrible accident as a child. Erik chose to let this rumor fan their curiosity. For some unknown reason, it was more acceptable to have been in an accident, than to have been born with the deformity.
Grace was two when Erik began teaching her to play the piano and sing. She had a wonderful sense of music, and Erik found himself wondering if it had been Desiree or her husband that had had the gift of music.
Fatherhood agreed with Erik; when he was around Grace, he smiled and laughed more than he had ever done in his life. She filled his days with joy and his heart with love. The man he saw in the mirror these days, looked younger and healthier than at any time before.
She grew up seeing him without his mask, most of the time. He did not want to have to face showing her his ugliness later in life; he wanted her to grow up very much aware of it; that's how her mother would have wanted it.
Grace was an accomplished pianist by the time she was four. Erik took her to church diligently, every Sunday. She learned to play in front of the congregation and everyone loved her and her doting father.
Erik was the topic among all the young ladies at the church and in the town. They knew he was the famous architect, Erik Destler, and they wanted to get to know him better. They took it upon themselves to try to whittle their way into his life, thinking that Grace needed a mother figure. Although they were beautiful, Erik knew they were only interested in his money and his daughter…not him.
Many times throughout the years, beautiful and available women would show up at his door and spend an afternoon in his company; wanting to gain his affection and love. Erik would appease them with conversation and a song or two, but he never offered anything else…he never thought to do so.
He laughed at the ludicrous thought of these women pursuing him. 'They must truly be desperate for male companionship to seek my company.' He thought. He brushed their affections aside, unaware that their interest was in him as well as Grace.
For six years, they lived and breathed each other. Nancy and Sam became like grandma and grandpa to Grace, and the family watched over each other with devotion and diligence.
One morning, in mid-February 1879, Erik pulled his daughter into his lap. He listened to her read at a level far beyond her years and nestled his nose in her sweet smelling hair. He adored her with all his heart.
She finished her book, and turned into him, putting her head to his broad chest and listening to the resounding beat of his heart. She had done this since she was a baby, taking refuge in the strength of that beat.
"I love you, Papa." Grace murmured, as her eyes closed.
Erik swallowed hard, he would never get used to the beauty of those words as she directed them toward him.
"I love you too, Mon Chéri." Erik cooed back. He caressed her head with his large, warm hand, wrapping her soft curls around his fingers. "Grace, I have a major business deal that has arisen in Paris, France…I have been asked to move there by my client and oversee the building progress myself."
Moving back to Paris was an unsettling prospect, but it had been seven years since he had left, they had surely forgotten him by now.
Grace perked her head up and smiled sweetly, "I would love to go to Paris, Papa…" she exclaimed, getting more and more excited as time passed, "…I have read about its music and art…I will love it there!"
"I will have to hire a governess when we get there, to make sure you do your studies and practicing while I am on site…will you mind having a woman to watch over you?" Erik teased, she had been asking for a mother…every other girl had a mother, why didn't she? – those were her exact words.
"Not at all…you know that." She teased back.
Her face grew serious for a moment, and she leaned into him again. "Papa, I see men and women walking hand in hand on the beach and putting their lips together, but not like I do to you or you to me, its different…" she did not notice the intake of breath, "...it seems to make them happy…why don't you ever have a woman do that to you?"
Erik did not want to answer, but it was now or later, so he chose now. "Grace, I am not the kind of man that women want to do those things with…I am…" How do you tell your child that women are repulsed by you, "…my mask and what is beneath it…this keeps women away…I am just too ugly and scary." He stared deep into her eyes, "That is why God gave you to me as a gift from your real mom and dad; I will never have children of my own."
Grace raised her disappointed, beautiful, green eyes to his equally beautiful, green eyes, "I think you're the most handsome man there is…and when I grow up…I am going to marry you." She pronounced as she squirmed out of his lap and headed for her room.
"Grace, little girls can't grow up and marry their fathers…it doesn't work that way." Erik chuckled as he spoke.
"Then I will find a woman who will marry you…I want to see you happy like those couples were happy on the beach." She remarked, and then headed to her room to go to sleep.
TBC
