A/N
I know I have other stories I should be writing but I can't seem to get this out of my head so.. here. I know it won't be like this.. but oh if they were mine! Which by the way.. they're not.
This is following death toll which we know a little about. Enough for me to know it's going to physically hurt me. So..I'm already mad at Woody.. this is my expression of that anger. I only do this because I love him. It's super super angsty and it hurt me to write it. I'd love to say it will end nice.. but I'm not so sure... I'm still traumatized.
To be with her..
(Five minutes before he got there)
Woody drove back to the morgue. His heart beating a little faster as each mile slipped past him. What in the hell was wrong with him? Why in the hell was he doing this, to him, to her, to them? He looked at the seat next to him. Tallulah's eyes were still red and puffy, tears slipping out of them, even in her sleep. How was he ever going to explain this?
( Ten minutes before he got there)
Jordan sat in her office with the lights off, her mind trying to grasp how this had happened. When had she lost him again? How was this not what he wanted? How had he whispered the things he'd whispered and not meant them? How could she have been so wrong about him for so long? Why did it always turn out that her irrational paranoia was right?
(Two hours before he got there)
Jordan flew out of her chair when the door opened, stopping short when it was Lily.
"He's still not back yet?" Lily whispered, Jordan shook her head. Settling down on her couch. "Look Jordan, I know you'd rather talk this out with Woody, but I'm here. Stiles is here."
"Howard's back?" Jordan looked towards the hall.
"He came back from the bomb site about an hour ago." Jordan nodded, an hour ago Woody had told her he was on his way. "You want me to tell him to come see you?" She nodded again.
Lily walked back down the hall and Jordan drew her hand across her bloody scrubs. She felt herself shake when she remembered who's blood. Children's blood. She bit her lip and slammed her eyes shut, wanting Woody. Where the hell was he?
"Jordan?"
"Howard."
"Lily told me you're tired of waiting for Detective Hoyt?" She looked at the floor. "I thought maybe I'd do." He said in a fake suggestive tone. She changed her mind. She didn't have time for Howard's strange bedside manor.
"It's okay. I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure he was okay before I went home." She lied.
"Well he seemed okay at the site. That other detective was really shaken up though. Tamyra?"
"Tallulah." Jordan corrected trying to keep the bile in her stomach from rising to her throat. "He was with her?"
"Yeah, she was pretty shaken up. He was trying to comfort her." Howard stopped when he saw Jordan's face. "I'm sorry Jordan. I wasn't thinking." She shook her head trying in vain to act as if she didn't want to slip down to the floor and sob. "She was very upset. I'm sure he was just trying to-."
"Thanks Howard. I'm sure Lily needs you in there with the families." She said firmly standing up and walking to the window. The man mumbled goodbye and slipped out the door. Jordan swallowed hard. He wasn't coming. He wasn't coming because he was with Lu Simmons. He'd chosen to comfort her instead.
(Three hours before he got there)
"Hey. How you doing?" He whispered into his phone as he answered it.
"Are you almost done?" She was crying again. He closed his eyes, trying to send her his strength. "Tell me you're almost done."
"I'm close Jordan." He told her softly. She cried harder before quickly calming herself. She needed to fall apart and he knew she wanted him there when she did.
He pictured what her day had been like, dead children and grieving parents. He knew that her hair was starting to fall from the ponytail she'd put it in. He knew her lip was chapped on the right side from her chewing at it all day, and he also knew she had that look in her eyes.
The one he'd seen for the first time while standing in her apartment four years ago before she ran into the night after the one killer she couldn't catch. The one that made him want to hold her so tightly it hurt. "I'm close."
"I need you." She breathed in an airy whisper that made his hair stand on end.
"I'm coming." He promised again.
"Get here soon." She told him softly as she hung up the phone. He turned back around to tell Lu he was leaving.
That's when he saw her.
The tiny blonde was kneeling beside a squad car fingering a pink scrunchie in her had like it was more precious than anything she had ever seen. He watched her shoulders shake violently before she broke into sobs.
(Four hours before he got there)
"Dr. Cavanaugh!"
"Dr. Cavanaugh!"
She tried not to make eye contact with either the reporters or the parents.
"Please Dr. Cavanaugh, I need to know if she's in there!"
"Does the ME's office have an official number yet? How many of the dead are children?"
"I need to know if she's in there! Look at me, you heartless bitch!" Jordan flinched at the man's words as the uniformed cop at the door came between her and the angry parent. "I need to see my daughter! I need to see my-."
The sound stopped as she slipped back into the safety of the morgue, caring the box of evidence the cop had given her. She'd thought maybe it would be him. That's why she'd risked going out there. She needed to see him.
"If I have to tell one more family we've identified their child I'm going to-." Lily's words were cut off by Bug's embrace. He shushed her, rocking her slowly in his arms.
She wanted Woody. When he had called an hour ago she'd cried. She never cried. Never to Woody, never to anyone. She'd cried when he was shot and she'd cried today. Only this time he had promised to be there as soon as he could.
(When he got there)
Lily gave him a dirty look when he made his way through the crowd and into the morgue. That wasn't a good sign. Lily had always been the understanding one. When everyone else had walked on eggshells around him after the shooting, waiting to see what Jordan wanted them to do, Lily had run up to him and hugged him. Now she looked at him with shaming eyes and tight lips.
"She was waiting for you." Lily told him angrily. "You have no idea what she's been through today." She shook her head. "No idea how-." Lily's voice broke. She'd been through a lot today too. "She wouldn't talk to anyone. She was waiting for you."
His chest burned as he tried to slow down his breathing. He started to say something but she just shook her head again and walked away. He turned to Jordan's door. Her office was dark, except for the lamp over her desk. He could see her shadow cast across the floor. She was still waiting. He opened the door slowly.
"Jordan?"
"Where were you?" Her voice made him cold.
"At the site." He said honestly.
"Everyone's been back for hours. Where were you?" She said quickly, her head never turned. He could see the dampness of her face. Her hair was a tangled mess around her shoulders. She'd been raking her fingers through it, the way she did when she was really loosing it.
He wondered for a second if he should lie, tell her he was with the chief, or following a lead.
"Tell me. I want to hear you say it." He closed his eyes, she already knew. "I want you to say the words."
"Jordan." He didn't know what to do.
"Tell me." He could see her lips shake in the dim light. How could he have been so stupid?
"It's not-." Think Hoyt.
"TELL ME!" Her voice shrilled out across her office in a tone he'd never heard before. He made a move towards her but she put her arms out.
"I was with Lu." He said softly, feeling tears start to settle in his eyes. "She was ups-."
"She was upset? She was upset?" Her eyes shot to his. He noticed then how blotchy her face was, how swollen her eyes were. "Did she cut up the burnt bodies of children all day? Did she have the media busting down her door to get a glimpse of them?" She took a sharp breath that he knew had to hurt. "Did she have men shouting at her that she was a heartless bitch?"
He moved towards her again. If he could just get to her…
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She screamed tears falling off her tired face. "You said you'd never hurt me. You said you'd never leave me!"
"Jordan I'm here now."
"Shut up!" He'd never seen her like this and it scared him. "I tell you that I love you.. you tell me to get out. I show you that I love you.. and you won't even talk about it. I invite you in- to my apartment.. to my bed! And you tell me you don't want to be my rebound. I call you and tell you I wanted you here.." She choked out a sob before gasping for air. "I tell you I.. I.." Her lips trembled. "I needed you.. and you go to her? You comfort her? Who the hell is she? When did she become more important than me?" He went to her this time, pulling her into his arms as she fought him.
"Shh.. She's.. Jordan no one is more important to me than you." He felt her steady her breath against his shirt, gripping the fabric tightly in her clenched fist. "No one." For a moment he thought insanely that it was going to be okay. Until she pushed back against his chest kicking his shin to free herself like a frightened child.
"No. No." She crumbled against her desk slipping to the floor. "Just go! Just go! Go be with her!"
"I'm not leaving you." He said softly dropping in front of her on the floor. "I'm not going anywhere. Jordan I'm.. we need to…"
"Get out! Get out!" She screamed. "You lied to me! You don't love me! You never did! You just want what you can't have! Get the hell out!"
It was then that Lily came running in. It was then that Lily yelled for Stiles. Then it was Stiles that told him he needed to leave.
