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THE DAWN THROUGH THE NIGHT
Book IV: Let the Games Begin
CHAPTER 20
The wedding was a quiet affair, with only Madeline, Brigitte, Sam and Nancy, and Grace and Jean Luc in attendance. There was a peck on the cheek to seal the bond, and Christine could hear Erik's heart breaking with every word spoken.
Christine caught her breath as Erik slipped the ring on her finger. It was stunning. A single 3-carat marquis diamond nestled in the middle of a gold band with two, 1-carat diamonds on each side. She had never seen a more beautiful ring.
She had no idea when he had taken the time to purchase the ring, but he certainly had as exquisite a taste in jewelry as he did in everything else.
Christine smile told Erik that she approved of the ring; although he had no idea why there were tears in her eyes. Didn't women normally cry at weddings only if they were happy? Erik shrugged his thoughts away; he would never understand women.
With the last few words, the minister ended the service, and handed Erik the marriage certificate. "You certainly have kept this romance a secret, Mr. Destler…" the minister remarked; a friendly smile on his aging face.
"I am a very private person by nature, Reverend Garnier." Erik admitted.
The minister shook his head, "I understand, and I am aware of your wish to keep this ceremony secret."
"If you are asked, don't give a date, but say that you did unite us in matrimony." Erik stated.
Erik watched the minister walk away, and tucked the paper away inside his suit pocket. He looked at his bride and his breath left him. Even though this marriage meant nothing to her, it was everything to him. He was determined to give her anything she desired for the short time she would belong to him.
He gingerly approached her and was perplexed by the radiant smile she graced him with. He did not respond, except for the slight incline of his head and furrowing of his brow.
"I am sorry that it came to this," he replied, "it was the only way to save your reputation." He smiled sadly, "I don't want that sullied on my account."
He did not even give her time to respond to his words, he squatted down and pulled Grace into his arms, giving her the hugs he always gave her when he pulled her to him. "I love you, ma amour…" he said, stroking her tender cheek with his fingers. "I'll see you tonight." He turned to leave and added, "I think Sam desires to take you ladies out for dinner…"
Christine watched as he strode away from her, he was hurting and did not want her to know it. His exasperating pride was always in the way of his true feelings. He was afraid to show any weakness; as he had done eight years ago.…and he was certain he would get hurt, just as he did back then.
"Let him go, dear…he's not ready to listen to what his heart is telling him." Madeline observed, watching her tenacious son move away from everyone who loved him.
OOOOOOOOOOOO
Erik went home and immediately started thinking about what it was he had just gotten himself into. For more years than he cared to count, he had wanted to marry Christine; and regardless of what some might think, it was not only a sexual matter. Oh yes, he desired her on the physical level, but that was not what kept him faithful to her.
Her innate love of music and her understanding of its language enthralled him; she understood its lure and its jealous need for attention.
Her intense, natural intelligence challenged him. Something no other woman, accept his mother, had been able to do. She could carry on a conversation in many different subjects, and if there was something she didn't understand, she grasped it quickly and was proud to learn from him.
Her warm sensitivity and keen sense of humanity allowed her to be empathetic to the needs of others; a trait he had only discovered in the last few months. The way she handled Grace and ran the household business affairs was remarkable. There was no way he could pay her what she was worth as a business woman.
It wasn't that he wouldn't allow himself to love another woman…he couldn't. He had determined years ago, that he would live his life devoid of physical satisfaction and the companionship of another, because he had yet to encounter a woman who stimulated him in all the ways Christine did.
Now, he had gone and married her. His heart yearned to take her in his arms and claim what was legally his. But legally and morally, were two different things. He would never take an unwilling woman…and there would never be a willing one. Christine had reacted to his bruising kiss, something that hadn't occurred to him until several hours after the fact.
However, reacting to a kiss and allowing a man to...Erik balked at the image in his mind. Christine had said, clearly, that Raoul had demanded she surrender to his sexual advances every night, and she had said that it sickened her.
He would not touch her, he had to thicken his resolve and keep his desire at bay or he would hurt her; and he would castrate himself before he would hurt her. Erik's groin ached at the thought of that heinous procedure, but he would do it if she asked him to.
Since consummation was not going to take place, and annulment would be feasible, and less embarrassing to her. She had already suffered one divorce; he did not wish to sully her image any more than Raoul already had.
He knew it would take a couple of months, at least, to get all the paperwork done; but he was certain this was what he wanted to do. He worked diligently on all the details, so he could present it to his attorney for finalization.
He knew that Grace needed a mother and Christine was the one she had chosen. He would relinquish the rest of her upbringing to Christine, but he wanted to be involved in her life…as much as possible.
He wanted to be there to encourage her to pursue her dreams and become anything she wanted to become, there were no boundaries except the ones she gave herself. He wished to be involved in Jean Luc's life, if she would allow it.
He would let Christine know of his desire concerning Grace, praying that she would allow it to become reality. He did not expect her to care about his wishes, but his wishes were what was best for Grace; he hoped she would see that.
He had lost complete track of time and was surprised to see Grace come running into his study and crawl into his lap. She was beaming from ear and to ear and his heart lurched in his chest. He prayed that Christine would allow him to watch her grow up; he wanted that very much.
"Hi Papa…you must have been working hard to not eat with us." Grace stated, rocking in his arms.
Erik smiled sadly, "I had some paperwork I needed to get done, ma joli…did you have fun?"
Grace hugged his neck and kissed his cheek, "Of course Papa, I have a mama now, and I enjoyed myself very much." Her little face took on a concerned look, "Why didn't you and mama kiss at the wedding? I know you were supposed to."
Erik smiled sadly at her observant nature, "Christine and I don't have that kind of marriage Grace; she doesn't love me."
"I think she does…she looks at you like those ladies looked at the men on the beach." Grace noted; remembering the conversation she and Christine had in which she revealed her true feelings.
Erik chuckled, "You're just a hopeless romantic, Grace…you are reading things into her looks."
Grace shrugged her tiny shoulders and looked at the papers on his desk, "What are you doing Papa?"
Erik did not want to lie to her, but she did not need to know exactly what he was doing, "I am making sure your and Jean Luc's futures are secured…as well as Christine's."
Grace rolled her eyes, "Sounds boring." She said with a genuine yawn. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
Erik chuckled, despite his pain, "To you…I suppose it would be."
He picked her up in his arms, strode out of the study, and up the stairs towards her room. He was not aware of Christine's presence as she watched him glide elegantly up the stairs. She silently followed him as he entered Grace's room.
He removed her shoes, pulled her dress and underskirt off, placed her pajama gown over her head, and put her between the sheets.
He bent over to give her a kiss on the forehead, and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Sing to me, Papa." She begged, "Something new."
Neither one of them heard Christine catch her breath. She had not heard him sing in years and tears came to her eyes in anticipation of hearing that glorious baritone voice. He had only played the piano at the orphanage, so this was going to be wonderful.
He had written a new song not long ago, which reflected the reality of his mortality, and the desire he had to leave some kind of lasting legacy in Grace.
He sat down on the bed, pulled her up into his embrace, and began…
"Remember, I will still be here…
as long as you hold me in your memory.
Remember, when your dreams have ended,
time can be transcended…
just remember me.
The words immediately struck Christine. He saw Grace as his legacy to the world that had so long denied his existence. He wanted to be remembered, through her words and thoughts; through the memories she held of him.
"I am the one star that keeps burning so brightly,
it is the last light to fade into the rising sun.
I'm with you, whenever you tell my story…
for I…am all I've done.
The tears flowed mournfully down her cheeks, as she thought about a world without him. There was no way she could imagine it; she had thought him lost to her once, but that was before she really knew him.
"Remember, I will still be here,
as long as you hold me in your memory…
Remember me…
"I am that one voice, that cold wind that whispers…
and if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky…
as long as I still can reach out and touch you
then I…will never die.
The aching tug in her chest painfully reminded her that Erik had endured much in his life: abuse, torture, drug abuse, multiple self-inflicted injuries that almost ended his life. All of these things combined, may have drastically reduced his life span…she may not have a great deal of time with him…
"Remember, I'll never leave you
if you will only remember me.
"Remember, I will still be here…
as long as you hold me in your memory.
Remember when your dreams have ended
time can be transcended…
I live forever…remember me, remember me, remember me."
Erik laid the sleeping child in his arms down, and wiped the tears from his eyes. Christine had no reason to grant him access to Graces growing up; he knew it would involve her being around him for the rest of his life, but he prayed she would be able to tolerate it.
The song ended and Christine watched, through tear-filled eyes, as he tended to his sleeping daughter. His voice, if possible, was even more intoxicatingly beautiful than it had been in the opera house. She would never grow tired of hearing him. She realized now, that she had loved him through his voice…for many years.
Madeline had heard the voice, which could only be described as angelic, coming from Grace's room. She knew its resonance and distinction, and recognized it as Erik's voice. A chill ran up her spine at the sheer heavenly sound of it. He had sung beautifully as a child, but that did not come close to the masculine perfection she heard now.
She stood in complete awe as he mesmerized everyone within audible range. She cried tears of joy from the blessing she felt at having been a part of bringing such a gifted individual into the world.
Brigitte also stood basking in the brilliance of his voice; the first prominent ability he had displayed for her had been his voice, twenty-five years ago. She had never grown weary of hearing it.
As the song ended, they each wiped the tears from their eyes, and moved away from the door as Erik came through it. He graced them all with a raised brow and quizzical look.
"I have heard that voice so many times in my dreams, from the day I woke up to find you gone." Madeline whispered, "There will never be another who can match the exquisite brilliance of your voice."
Erik balked at her words. He had always thought his mother had despised his voice when he was younger. She had always cried when he sang.
Brigitte smiled at Madeline and then turned her attention to Erik, "That song…the words…they were so profound." She was still wiping the tears from her eyes. "When did you write that?"
Erik shrugged his shoulders at the compliments, as though it was a natural thing to have such gifts, "About two years ago, in Spain." He looked into the expectant faces of three women, "I had just seen the doctor…" he didn't go any further with that, "…I was just thinking about mortality and wanting to leave something behind when it's my time to go."
He could not have been any more evasive. The women, especially Christine, grew concerned about what it was he wasn't saying.
Erik turned from them and headed back downstairs for a hot cup of tea. Before he went too far, he turned and addressed Brigitte and Madeline.
"Why don't the two of you stay in the other guest room, it's late and I don't want you traveling." He advised.
The two women were more than willing to stay for the night and Erik instructed Nancy to ready the room for them.
He finished his evening tea and headed back up the stairs to his room. He passed Christine's room in the process and noticed that her door was open. He rapped softly on the door and her head pricked up to see him. A smile lit her face, but Erik didn't even think that he might be the cause of it.
He did not actually enter the room, instead the eased the door open and stood at the threshold of her room. He watched as she was removed things from the dresser drawers and put them neatly in piles.
"May I ask what you are doing?" Erik voiced, amused with her antics.
Christine looked up at him and smiled brightly, "Are there enough drawers in our bedroom, or will I need to condense…oh! Or better yet, I can move another chest of drawers in there!"
Erik just stood there, not sure of what to say. She actually believed he was going to demand she share a bed with him?
Now, given his already overstressed libido, that would be insanity. He went to her and halted her efforts. He put his hands on her shoulders and slowly turned her around to look at him.
"Christine…" he breathed, very softly, "…I do not expect you to share my room or my bed…" he looked away as her head rose to meet his eyes; he did not want to see the relief in her eyes. "I told you I would make no demands on you…and I am a man of my word."
His head bowed further toward the floor with the weight of his loneliness, "What is important in this arrangement; is that you be happy…" she heard him huff at that, "as best you can."
Christine winced at each word…she knew he desired her; he had made that quite clear. Why wouldn't he claim what was rightfully his? 'Because he's a gentleman, Christine…just as you knew him to be.' Christine said to herself, as prickly tears heated her eyes. 'He'd rather die a thousand deaths than offend you in any way.'
She continued to talk to herself as she watched him leave her room. 'What did you expect Christine, he's never known a woman's touch; and, other than the other night, he's never been kissed.'
The thought of his mouth on hers, and the expert way in which he claimed her mouth…Christine could not help but wonder how it would feel to make love with him. She felt her body react to that thought. The thought of Erik buried deep within her, caused her body temperature to rise and her heart to speed up.
Sex with Raoul had been a chore; a duty; but Erik had managed to make her body ache for him. She knew she needed to step up her efforts at seducing him; the man had a very thick resolve.
She watched him walk back down the stairs and heard him enter his study and shut the door. Christine put her things away, and crawled alone and thoughtful, into her bed.
Song is "Remember Me", from the motion picture, "Troy"
James Horner, composer
TBC
