"Jack!" Daniel paused and then screamed into his radio in a panic to anyone who could hear him, "I need a medic! Fraiser's hit! I need a medic." He paused and tried to speak calmly, " Sierra Gulf Niner. Dr. Fraiser's been hit. Position...Aah! I need a medic!" He desperately screamed that last plea!
Janet Fraiser, Chief Medical Officer of Stargate Command had just been hit in the chest by a staff blast while treating a wounded airman.
Daniel's knees buckled and he couldn't catch his breath. He reached down to pick up her broken body as she looked up at him. Their eyes met with the agonizing realization that his face was the last thing she would see.
"I love you, Daniel." Then she slowly closed her eyes and was no more.
No! He couldn't stand it. First Sha're's words and now Janet's. This can't be happening all over again. He held her close and wept as the medics arrived.
One group of medics ran to Senior Airman Wells, who was crying out both in pain an unbelief. He had just witnessed the death of their beloved doctor. And to see the anguish and shock on Dr. Jackson's face was almost too much! The medics stabilized Simon and then loaded him onto a stretcher and headed back to the gate at a quick pace.
The other medic's approached Janet but Daniel refused to let her go. Teal'c knelt beside Daniel and put an hand on his shoulder and said, "Daniel Jackson, you must let the medics attend to Dr. Fraiser." Daniel fought off the hands that would restrain him and cried out. He fought those around him to return to Janet as the medics checked her for life signs. When they found none, they all stood back and Teal'c let him go. Daniel fell to his knees, quietly weeping and held her close. The crowd stood back in respect for the two doctors that had somehow gotten into their hearts, one gone and another left behind.
Daniel looked up into the sad, tear stained eyes of one of his closest friends, a friend who was no stranger to grief and loss. Teal'c looked down into the eyes of this broken hearted man who had known so much sorrow.
"Daniel Jackson. We must take Dr. Fraiser back home to earth. We cannot stay here. The battle continues. It is not safe."
Daniel sat on the damp, leaf covered ground rocking her back and forth, looking into her face with so much love. He would not let them have her. He had to do this himself. For her.
Slowly, with Teal'c help, he stood up, her head on his shoulder, one arm around her back, the other under her knees. Teal'c realized that Daniel was in shock as he gently helped his closest friend and adopted brother steady himself. Then Daniel slowly turned and headed toward the gate whispering to her the whole time, "Janet, we're going home. I'm gonna take you home and you're going to be fine. I won't let them hurt you." His words set off alarm bells with Teal'c.
The fighting finally ended and soon word got out to the other SG units that Dr. Fraiser, their fair jewel, was down and mortally wounded. Those that could, surrounded Daniel and Janet as he walked the 2 mile trek to the gate. Teal'c led the procession with his left hand carrying his staff weapon and the other over his heart. The fellow soldiers surrounded them and were silent but for the weeping of those who could not control their grief. The only one speaking was Daniel as he carefully made his way and whispered to Janet that he was taking her home. Those at the gate saw them approach and as a group they stood at attention and saluted them both as they stopped before the DHD. Teal'c reached out his hand and dialed the gate and then led the group back home.
Once inside the gate room, Teal'c continued on toward the infirmary. Daniel came through the horizon and carried Janet out of the room and down the hall. His face was pale as he whispered to her over and over and his distant stare and blank look startled all who had raced to level 28 to see for themselves. The sight of Daniel carrying Janet's body was a nightmare, something nobody thought they would ever witness.
As Daniel approached the doors to the infirmary , Teal'c stopped and turned to him. He backed up a step and gave a formal nod to Daniel. Daniel stopped and looked at the doors. He felt like he was walking through fog. What had just happened? He looked down into Janet's peaceful face and thought, "Janet's hurt. We have to help her.' He went through the doors and Teal'c stepped into the doorway and blocked it, knowing that Daniel needed some time alone with Janet.
General Hammond approached Teal'c and looked up at the silent, gentle giant. Teal'c nodded to the General and stepped back to let him pass. Samantha Carter was already inside watching as a gurney carrying Jack O'Neill, the leader of SG-1, was rolled out of the second set of infirmary doors toward a private suite. She turned to see Daniel lay Janet on a bed and watched as he gently brushed Janet's hair from her face. He whispered to Janet the whole time and it was a few minutes before Sam realized that Janet was not breathing or responding to Daniel in any way. Then she saw the scorched hole that was in Janet's clothes and torso and knew immediately what she was witnessing. She came around to Daniel's side and put an arm around his shoulders, weeping for their loss.
As Dr. Warner approached and drew the curtain around the bed, he gently said, "Daniel, I can see that this is very hard for you so I'll leave you two alone here with Janet for a few minutes." He then slipped around the curtain and left the room, closing the door to the hallway on his way out.
"Daniel?" Sam leaned forward and looked over to his face. Then she caught his words and knew that he was in total denial of the terrible tragedy he had just experienced. Daniel had covered Janet with a sheet up to her shoulders and was caressing her face with his bloodied hands. Sam left the curtained area and went out in search for help.
Sam came out of the infirmary, weeping quietly. General Hammond reached into his back pocket and removed a handkerchief and held it out to her. She took a moment to turn around and compose herself.
He said to the crowd, "I understand how everyone here feels but I think it's best that you all return to your posts. You'll be notified about the memorial service when we get the plans made."
After the crowd left, Sam said, "Sir, I believe Daniel needs medical attention. He doesn't seem to know that Janet is... dead. I think we're going to have a hard time getting him to let go of her."
He looked sadly at Sam. He knew this was particularly difficult for the Major as she and Janet had grown close over the years. "I'll speak with him, Sam."
The General quietly slipped into the infirmary and approached the curtained area where he knew Daniel was with Janet. As he drew near, he could hear Daniel whispering. "You can sleep now, Janet. We're home. You rest and we'll get someone to take a look at your injuries."
Hammond came around the curtain and stood next to Daniel. "Son, it's time we let Dr. Warner will take care of Janet now. You need to rest."
Daniel slowly turned toward General Hammond and said, "She's okay now, sir. I brought her back. She's sleeping." General Hammond noticed the strange look on Daniel's face. Daniel wasn't crying anymore but the General could see that Daniel seemed strange, somehow a bit detached from reality.
"You did wonderfully, Daniel. You didn't leave her behind. Let's let Dr. Warner take it from here."
Daniel turned back to Janet and leaned forward to kiss her forehead and then allowed General Hammond to take him by the elbow and lead him away. Dr. Warner was standing by the doorway with Sam and as Daniel approached him he said, "Dr. Warner, you'll take good care of her?"
"Yes, Daniel, she'll have the best care." Dr. Warner looked into Daniel's eyes and then said, "Daniel, you look pretty tired. I think it might be a good idea if you laid down in your quarters and rested. Major Carter and Teal'c can go with you if you like and when we have news of Colonel O'Neill, we let you know."
"Jack?" Daniel said, "Where's Jack? He walked over to the other beds and looked around. "Where is he? Did something happen to him, too?"
Sam took Daniel's hand and said, "He has some bruises and cracked ribs but he's going to be okay. Dr. Langton is with him now in a private room. We can go see him in a while."
She then took Daniel's arm and let him out into the hallway, followed by Teal'c. They were quiet as they rode the elevator. Sam continued to hold Daniel's hand but Daniel just stared at the doors. They opened the door to Daniel's room and helped him over to the bed. He sat quietly as Sam helped him off with his jacket, now covered with Janet's blood. Teal'c bent and undid Daniel's laces and helped him take his boots off. He removed Daniel's bloodied T-shirt and pants and Sam took them and the jacket into the bathroom and ran a tub of cold water to soak them in. Both Sam and Teal'c prepared wet wash cloths and lovingly washed Daniel's face and hands. She then tucked Daniel in under the sheet and blanket and sat back down next to him. Daniel laid back and stared at the ceiling. Then, he rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. Sam reached over and checked his pulse on his wrist. She then sat and watched him sleep while Teal'c sat in a chair in the corner. No words were spoken. None were needed. Their grief was too raw for conversation.
General Hammond went back into the infirmary to stay with Janet until the medical staff arrived to take her body away. Dr. Warner came in and quietly told one of the nurses to prepare a sedative for Dr. Jackson. He then went to General Hammond's side and said, "Sir, I'm going to give Daniel a sedative and make sure he sleeps for a few hours. I don't think he's going to be ready for duty for a few days. This has taken quite a toll on him."
"It's hard for all of us, Dr. Warner. Everyone loved Janet. I'm going to recall all the SG teams and close the gate for a few days. We need some time to make preparations for Janet's memorial service. I'm going to have Sam get Cassie and then bring her here. Cassie's going to need her."
With that, Dr. Warner turned to the nurse as she approached with the syringe and he left the room. There were a number of nurses and orderlies who were approaching the gurney and they had their work cut out for them. This was really going to be a tough time for all.
Dr. Warner knocked on Daniel's door and quietly entered the room. "I have a sedative for Daniel, Major. If you'll let me..."
Sam got up from the bed and stepped back as Dr. Warner sat down. He had brought an automatic blood pressure cuff and his stethoscope. After checking Daniel's pulse and BP, he rolled up Daniel's T-shirt sleeve and injected him with the shot. Daniel moaned quietly but didn't wake up. Then, Dr. Warner stood up and motioned for Sam and Teal'c toward the door. Out in the hall he told them, "He's probably going to sleep until sometime tomorrow. I want to make sure that someone is with him when he wakes up. Knowing Daniel like we do, he won't want to talk but try to get him to, anyway. I think he'll be okay - he just needs time but if you think he's still in denial, let me know." He gave a sympathetic look back towards Daniel's door and then turned and left.
Teal'c returned to the chair and Sam reached over to get the afghan on the end of the bed and pulled it up over Daniel. She remembered that Janet had crocheted this one. It was in shades of blue and white in a beautiful pattern and was fringed on each end. She recalled when Janet gave it to Daniel. It was last Christmas at the party at Jack's house.
When Daniel opened the box, he stared. His looked up at Janet and said, "I've never had anyone give me one of these before. Janet, it's absolutely beautiful! Did you make this yourself? You must have spent hours and hours on it!"
Janet was sitting in front of Daniel on the footstool. She smiled at him and said, "I did make it, just for you. I wanted to." She looked into his blue eyes and he returned her gaze with his eyes watering with emotion. He then reached over the top of the afghan and hugged her close. They stayed like that until others in the room started coughing and laughing quietly. They both looked up at the same time with smiles on their faces and somebody took their picture right at that moment.
Sam remembered seeing that picture on the mantle in Janet's living room. They both looked so happy, so carefree, the afghan between them as they hugged each other. It was right after that that Daniel started asking Janet out on dates. Occasionally they arrived together at base social functions and they really made a cute couple.
And now she was gone. Oh, the unfairness of it all. Was he ever going to get over this? He had finally started to live again. She laid down next to Daniel and after taking his hand in hers, she fell asleep with tears on her face.
In the morning, Sam sat up and looked around. Daniel was still sleeping so she quietly went into the bathroom and took the wet clothing out of the tub and wrapped it in a plastic bag. After cleaning the bathtub, she checked on Daniel. His pulse was slow and steady. Hopefully, the sleep did him some good. Teal'c had been meditating in the chair in the corner so when she saw that he was awake, she told him she would be back soon. He nodded and moved to sit on the side of the bed. Daniel hadn't moved much during the night but he had called out for Janet a few times.
After taking Daniel's clothing to the quartermaster's office, Sam went to her room and showered and changed. Then she headed down the hall to return to Daniel's room. On the way, she met General Hammond and he asked her to come to his office. After the door was closed and they were both seated, he looked at her. She had circles under her red rimmed eyes and he knew she hadn't slept well. He said, "Major, I think it would be best if you spoke at Janet's memorial service. You were probably her closest friend and knew her the best."
"Yes, sir." Sam was honored but shook up, too. How would she get through this? She was going to have a hard time getting just the right words to say. How could she sum up the life of her dearest friend in a few short paragraphs? She knew that Janet was loved by so many.
"Samantha, do you think you can do this?" General Hammond looked concerned. Samantha had withstood numerous horrors while assigned to SG-1, including torture, injury, even death. She was a very brave and strong woman.
"Yes, sir. It would be an honor, sir." With that, he came around the desk and opened the door for her. "We've scheduled the service for Wednesday. That will give you 3 days to put something together. I hope it's enough time."
Yes, General. Thank you, sir."
She left and decided to head for the infirmary to see how Jack was doing.
After seeing that Jack was okay and was being released, she explained to him what had happened to Janet. Jack was stunned. Then, she invited him to go with her to see Daniel. "He was asleep when I left, sir. That was an hour ago. Dr. Warner says we need to get him to talk. Maybe you can help."
They went inside Daniel's room to see that Dr. Warner had just arrived. Daniel was awake and sitting up in bed. He looked up as Sam and Jack came in and Daniel asked, "What am I doing here? Why are you all here? Dr. Warner, what happened?"
Dr. Warner started to explain to Daniel about the fight on P3X-666 when Daniel's' eyes opened wide. He looked at each one and then jumped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom and promptly threw up into the toilet.
Daniel rinsed out his mouth and then came out of the bathroom wearing his robe and dropped into the chair along the wall. He was very pale and had broken out in a sweat. Dr. Warner approached him and checked his vital signs. His pulse was a bit fast but that was expected. Daniel was okay.
Everyone looked up as General Hammond came in and greeted everyone. He stood back and listened quietly. He was concerned about Daniel and needed to see for himself that his young friend was all right.
Jack took a chair and sat directly across from Daniel. "Daniel, please talk to me. What do you remember? I wasn't there. What happened, Danny?"
At first, Daniel was confused about the events and spoke haltingly but as he talked, it all started coming back. Tears slowly ran down Daniel's face as he recounted his experience and everyone in the room was somber as they watched him. Sam wept quietly and stood to the side rubbing Daniel's back to reassure him as he struggled with the words.
When Daniel was done, Dr. Warner said he would prescribe something for him, if he felt he needed it. Daniel declined and thanked him and then Dr. Warner left. Daniel asked how long he had slept and was told about 14 hours.
Jack looked into Daniel's eyes and tried to gauge how he was doing.
He looked worn out - completely drained. General Hammond motioned for Jack to meet him in the hallway. After closing the door, General Hammond said, "He was in pretty bad shape when he brought Janet in, Jack. It was like he was sleepwalking. I think he snapped for a while there."
"I don't know if you knew this but they were dating, sir. For a few months now, so I'm not surprised to hear he lost it for a while," Jack replied.
"As his Commanding Officer, tell me honestly, do you think we should call in for a psych evaluation?" The general looked very concerned.
"No sir, I think he'll be okay. With your permission, I think a few days in Minnesota would help when this is over. Once up there, I think I'll be able to get him to open up. It's always worked before."
General Hammond nodded and said, "I'll arrange a leave," and then left for his office.
Jack went back into the room and gathered around his friends. Daniel hadn't moved and was watching Sam make the bed up. Jack sat on the end and asked if Daniel needed anything.
Daniel asked if he could be left alone to shower and change so they all left but made him promise to meet them in the commissary for breakfast as soon as he could. He agreed and shut the door behind them.
He sat on the bed and picked up the afghan that Janet had made him. He held it to his face and wept, great sobs of grief being torn from his center. He cried in the shower but finally stopped and got dressed. He didn't think he could eat but he went to meet his friends anyway. He knew they wanted to make sure he was okay and he felt that he wanted to be near them.
The next few days were a blur and the memorial service was over too quickly. Others on the base would offer condolences to Daniel in the hallways but nobody really knew what to say. Janet had touched the lives of everyone there, in one way or another. She had been greatly respected and admired by all and she was sorely missed.
About a month after the service, Jack, Sam, Teal'c and Daniel drove up to Jack's cabin in Minnesota. It was late Spring and the air smelled fresh. The snow was finally gone and the weather would be warm before long, but the days and nights were still cool.
The morning after they arrived, Sam met Jack on the back porch. She had fixed a pot of coffee and brought him a cup. Daniel and Teal'c were still in their rooms, but she figured they would be up soon, especially Daniel when he smelled the fresh brewed coffee.
She sat in one of the rockers and gazed out over the lake, warming her hands with her coffee cup. The sun was just coming up over the trees and the loons were calling over the water. Jack stood in the corner and was leaning on the porch post. It was very quiet and peaceful here. No traffic, no TV, and no distractions. She hadn't been here too many times and she sighed, soaking in the calm.
"Jack, do you think we'll get Daniel to talk? He hasn't said anything since that first morning, in his room."
"Give him time, Sam. We just got here and we have 2 weeks. Eventually, he will. He always does. He's not stupid. He knows why we brought him here. I'll leave the timing up to him."
Over the first few days, they watched Daniel as he slowly relaxed. He took long walks alone and sometimes with the others and was seen reading one of the novels that Jack had on the shelf in the front room. They played cards in the evening and there was always a game of chess in the works.
One evening, they sat in the front room near the fireplace, drinking beer and talking about anything and everything. Jack knew that with a beer or two, Daniel would loosen up and let down the walls. And he was right. Daniel had brought his afghan along for the ride in the car and he was sitting on the couch with it covering his legs. He told his friends that he wanted to talk about Janet. He was tired of holding it all in, like he'd done so many times before. He'd learned the hard way that it was much too painful to bottle it all up. It came out in different, meaner ways when he did that. They listened to his reasons and agreed that it was a good idea and they would be glad to hear his thoughts.
"You know, I had just about given up on having another relationship with anyone. Then Janet gave me this afghan last Christmas and all of a sudden, I felt like a new man." He paused and his hands brushed over the carefully worked stitches. "We started dating and we found out that we really enjoyed being together. She was so much fun and we laughed a lot. I felt whole again, for the first time since I don't know when. She filled my life with so much happiness." He stopped and looked at each of his friends. "Then this happened. I'm beginning to think there's some Egyptian curse on me, or something. Every time I find a woman to love, she dies or something else happens to end it for us. Sha're, Sarah, now Janet. Any woman who decides she wants to have a relationship with me better run in the other direction before something terrible happens to her."
"Oh, Daniel. Don't say that. The things that happened weren't your fault," Sam cried.
"Daniel Jackson, It is my fault that Sha're is dead. You should not even consider me your friend. I should never have selected her for Apophis' queen. If I could return to that time and do things over, I would." Teal'c bowed his head to Daniel.
"No Teal'c. You didn't know she was my wife. I can't hold that against you. And, I know you didn't have any choice when you shot her. You saved my life. I'd be dead if you hadn't fired your staff weapon when you did. Ammonet was trying to kill me. You know that so please don't blame yourself."
"Okay, kids! Stop! Daniel, none of what has happened is your fault. So, stop kicking yourself over it. There's a saying out there that says, 'Bad things happen to good people.' I know, it's another cliché, but it's true. And you're a good people. Good person. Whatever... Stop beating yourself up over this. We can't change what happened to Sha're. We can't change the fact that Sarah was taken over by Osiris. And what happened to Janet was horrible but you aren't responsible for her death. A Snakehead is. And honestly, I'm glad that you were there with her, Danny. I know it was hard but at least she wasn't alone. You said she died in your arms. I'm sure that she was glad she was there with you holding her, even if she was dying."
Daniel was very quiet. He hadn't thought about it that way. It just about killed him when she died but now that he thought about it, he's glad she didn't die alone on the side of that hill. If his being there gave her even a small amount of comfort, then he was glad for it.
Sam took ahold of his hand and said, "Daniel, you're not cursed and you cannot give up. And, here's another cliché for you, 'Never Say Never.' You don't think so now, I know, but someday you may meet someone who can make you happy again. Please, don't close yourself off. We want you to be happy."
Daniel looked at Sam and his friends and knew they were right. But, he also knew it would be along time before he found someone as special as Janet had been. If ever.
They continued to talk and it was very late in the evening when Daniel stood up a bit unsteadily and said, "I want to propose a toast." They all got up and stood in a circle.
"To Janet. I loved her. I miss her and I'll never, ever forget her. May she rest in the arms of God."
They all drank to her and then took turns hugging Daniel who was a bit misty eyed. This had been a good trip. He was really glad he was here. Daniel suddenly sat down on the sofa and said, "Oh man, am I stoned," and then he giggled.
"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Danny! You only had two beers!" Daniel tried to stand back up but couldn't quite manage it so Jack and Sam helped him to his room. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. When they turned to leave they saw Teal'c standing in the doorway holding the afghan. He went over to the bed and gently placed it over Daniel and then all three left the room.
On the last night there, Daniel wrapped the afghan around his shoulders and walked out to the dock alone. He thought he could still smell Janet's perfume in the yarn. Looking up, it seemed like he could see every star in the sky. The air was so clear that he could spot satellites crossing over the upper atmosphere. He said a little prayer, "Oh, God. Please take care of my girls. I miss them so much."
That night was the first night in 2 weeks that he slept the whole night through. In the morning, he was ready to head back and resume his life, hard as it would be. He loved Janet and missed her and he knew that there were times when it would hit him hard but he had to get through this. He owed it to her.
Many tears fell that week but they were family and would help each other in any way they could.
The End
