(five minutes before he got there.)

"Come on, Buttercup" Cal watched her push her bare feet off the porch and left them again. The swing swooped back down and she folded her legs. "You can't really think that?"

"I can and I do." She said softly.

"That's what all this has been about?" He smiled sarcastically in a way she could never imagine Woody doing. "You guys have been going through hell because you don't think you're good enough for him?"

"It's part of it." She watched the chains of the swing clink against each other. "The big part."

"Do you have any idea how much he loves you?" Cal shook his head at her when she looked up with questioning eyes. "Jordan he's a completely different person now then he was when he left for Boston. He's more confident than he's ever been. I've never seen anyone put him at ease like you do. I've never seen anyone handle him like you do. Shit, Jordan I've never seen anyone handle him at all." She smiled. "I've never seen him so.. equal with anyone in his life. One minute you're putting him in his place and the next he's saving your ass." He laughed. "Woody needs to be knocked down a few pegs every now and again, Jordan and I have a feeling your ass needs saving more times than not." She looked up at him and smiled. "I think you two are perfect for each other." She watched Cal's gaze fall on something behind her, a worried look coming to his face. She followed his gaze to a pair of blue eyes.

"You should listen to the man, Jordan."


(an hour before he got there.)

Kawanee, huh, who knew? She mused thinking someone should put that on a T-shirt or something.

She loved it here. It had been three days now but it felt like she'd always been here. She looked out over the pasture towards the pond. Trying to picture Woody playing here as a boy. Cal had told her the farm had been their grandfather's. It was Woody's now, but he hadn't been here in years, hadn't been in Wisconsin in years.

"Seems he ran off and met some girl." Cal had said grinning at her. "He gave her our Mama's wedding ring so she must be somethin'"

She looked down, twirling it around her finger, pressing gently against the perfectly etched edges.

"Cal? What's HBH?" She'd asked him softly.

"Hannah Beth Hoyt." He'd smiled at her and opened a cabinet handing her a photo album after cracking it open. "Her."

Jordan pulled the album back up on her lap now. How had she not even known his mother's name? How had she never seen a picture of her? She traced her finger over Hannah Beth Hoyt's wedding dress and her long light brown hair. Turning the pages until Woody began to appear in her arms, his eyes as blue as hers. She studied him, the crease of his smile, the curve of his chubby baby cheeks. She pressed her lips together, tears slipping off of her face.

If I would have just let him talk to me when he got back from the site. If I hadn't told him to go.. Things could have been so different. She moved her hand unconsciously to her abdomen. How could she not have known? How could she have missed it? She strained to remember the day she wound up in the hospital. It was blank, the only reminder was the glass bottles by her kitchen sink and their lost child.

It's not your fault, you didn't know. She couldn't count the number of times he'd said that. She knew he believed it but she didn't. Whether she knew or not, she had voluntarily ingested large amounts of alcohol. That was why her baby had no heart beat and that was why no matter how many times he told her it wasn't, she would always know it was her fault. She looked down at the photo album, moving her fingertips over his chubby fingers up his arm to the top of his head. It was her fault.


(The night before he got there)

"Jordan?" Cal walked up the narrow stair case to the second floor bedroom where she sat looking out the window. "Woody would kill me if he knew you hadn't eaten at all today." He sat down the tray of sandwiches and chips. She smiled at him and murmured thanks.

"Cal?" He looked up at her, taking one of the sandwiches in his hand. "What was Annie like?"

"Why do you want to know?" He asked warily.

"I just do."

"No way, Buttercup." He said shaking his head. "Hum-um. Not a good enough reason to break the sacred brother oath."

"I want to know what he left behind when he came to Boston. I want to know who he was before he was my Woody." She told him.

"Annie she was.. is sweet." He shrugged. "She's nothing like you Jordan. She never challenged him or made him think. She never let him be her hero. They just… well… dated. They went to the movies and made out by the pond. Annie'd been around long enough to know where Woody was coming from, but knowing fact and knowing feeling are two different things. He was a good boyfriend to her and she was a good date. They'd have had a nice calm G rated life together Jordan." He shook his head. "And he would have never known how miserable he was." He handed her a sandwich. "Now eat."

She watched him watch her. She took an exaggerated bite, chewing dramatically. He smirked a little thinking she looked like Woody, always with the drama.


(The day before he got there)

She was starting to feel a little stir crazy and in turn she was driving Cal crazy.

"I'm gonna take a walk." She said finally, bounding into the living room.

"Are you sure?" He asked looking at her like she was telling him she was going to climb Everest.

"I'll be fine." She rolled her eyes. "It is my opinion as a doctor that I can go for a walk."

He made a face.

"Don't go further than the pond Jordan. And stay behind the house. I don't want people to see you." He looked at her nervously until she held out her arm, palm up, in a silent question. "Jordan, I promised him I'd keep you safe. He trusted me.. after everything.. he trusted me with what he loves most in this world.. you.. so please.. just stay in back of the house and-."

"Don't go further than the pond. I got ya. You really sound like your brother you know that?" He smiled at her.

"That's what I was going for." She muttered that she'd be careful before wandering down to the pond and looping back around to the barn. She pulled back the large red door and slipped inside. It was clear no one had been in there in a long time. She ran her hands up a large post, her fingers touching words that had been dug into it. She looked up. It was Woody and Annie in a heart. She was surprised that it made her smile, but it had. The idea of young Wisconsin Woody carving a heart in the barn post.

She had expected a call. She knew he hadn't because it wasn't safe, or that's what she hoped at least. Still she had expected him too anyway. She leaned back into the post, closing her eyes and wishing he was there. If nothing else she needed to be reminded that she hadn't actually killed Pollak. To tell her that what happened with the baby was not her fault. She needed him when she woke up at night seeing bodies of burned children and she needed him while she was awake and could only think of the child she'd lost.

She needed him.


(When he got there)

"You should Jordan, he knows what he's talking about." Woody watched the smile spread across her face as he walked up the porch steps. She looked at him like she wasn't sure he was real. He stood in front of the porch swing watching her adjust to the idea he was really there. Finally she stood up, thudding her tired body against him in one quick movement.

"Tell me it's over. Please tell me it's over." He felt her grip on his shirt and pulled her tighter to him supporting her weight.

"It's over." He told her his voice muffled by her hair. He vaguely saw Cal go into the house as Woody sat down on the swing and moved her onto his lap. She snuggled up to him letting soft sobs escape her mouth. "It's over."

He rocked the swing with his foot, holding her to his chest and stroking his fingers down a line of curls against her cheek. He felt her weight drop onto him as her body relaxed. When he was sure she was asleep he carried her inside and put her in bed before going back down stairs.

"Calvin?" He called into the dark room. He heard his brother stir, knowing damn well he wasn't asleep.

"Woods?" He stood up from the bed and walked towards the door.

Woody said nothing. He just pulled his little brother to him wrapping his arms tightly around him. After a few seconds he pulled away, giving him a long once over. Before nodding and turning back up the stairs to Jordan. "Thanks Knuckle Head."

She stirred when he slipped into bed with her, turning her face to him.

"I'll tell you, I promise." He told her softly. "But not tonight okay?" He heard his voice falter momentarily and she brought her hand up to his cheek. "I just want to.." He pulled her tight to him and pressed his forehead into her hair. She moved her thumb against his cheek in short slow strokes. The whole story could come out later. He wondered what that truth would bring.

He pulled her other hand from his chest, running his finger tip over his mothers wedding ring before kissing the knuckle of the finger it was on. He could see her wide eyes from the hall light that streamed in from the crack in the door. They looked heavy. The distant vacant look was gone, but he wasn't sure this look was any better. He tried to think of what to say to her, how to tell her that he'd done what he had to do. He hadn't wanted to leave her when she needed him the most. How was he supposed to explain leaving her with Cal? Shipping her off to Kawanee?

"Thank you." She whispered softly bringing him back to reality. He starred at her.

"For what?"

"For loving me."