I need you

Pairing: Kodam

Spoilers for season 10

Chapter four.

Adam felt like he hit bottom.. He was back to not showing, drinking all day and just ignoring everyones phone calls. Steve, Lou, Tani, Quinn, Junior, he ignored them all, he even ignored the Yakuza.. He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore or why he had even decided to jump back into bed with the Yakuza.

It might be his birth rite and his blood to be involved in the family business, but this is what he fought so hard for to get out of, to live a life in peace away from them with Kono and that was taken away from him as well.

This is what he thought he deserved, he came into this world with Yakuza ties, may as well leave this world the same way.. Once Tamiko left him, he spiralled.. It wasn't because he was upset at her leaving him, but because of the fact that it reminded him of how things ended with Kono.

As much as he thought he was doing better in that arena, it was watching Tamiko walk out on him that showed him that he had been masking the pain and putting on a brave front.

Getting that badge meant the world to him, becoming a part of five-o was all he had ever wanted, not as much as Jerry but though he was always involved in the five-ohana when Kono was a member, he always still felt a bit of an outsider and now he had the badge and the gun himself. It meant a lot that Steve McGarrett had trusted him enough to give him a badge and a job with five-o.

Now he had gone and all but destroyed that in one fell swoop, he hadn't been taking Steve's calls mainly because he didn't want to see the look of disappointment on the man's face. He wasn't sure he could do this deal with the Yakuza anymore, the one that said he would report information back as to what five-o were doing..

He wasn't sure why he even agreed to it in the first place.. He had never wanted to betray Steve like that and yet he had. Steve had his back right from the get go, he could have killed him when he had taken Joe White hostage to beat information out of him on where his father was.. but he saw that Adam was a man looking for another way, and he supported him.

Lou's niece nearly died because of the Yakuza, and it was only Adam's quick thinking that got her out alive, and he knew he wasn't sure he could ever show his face to Lou again after that. It hurt, but he only had himself to blame for his actions.

Even Catherine and Steve's sister Mary had tried to talk to him.. He knew they wouldn't take sides, they would just listen to him and be there for him, but he couldn't face anyone right now.. He failed Steve, he failed the taskforce and the state of Hawaii, and he had failed himself.

They must have been desperate to try to reach him because as he reached for another bottle of bourbon, his second in a space of two hours, he saw his phone vibrate. He wasn't even sure why it was on, then he remembered.. He had been Facebook stalking Kono. The caller ID was Chin Ho Kelly, his estranged wife's cousin..

Reaching for his phone, he hit the ignore button, "Sorry Chin", he whispered while opening the bottle and downing half of the alcohol in one go. If he wasn't ready to speak to Steve, he certainly wasn't ready to deal with a pissed off Chin either. While Steve had trusted him, it took Chin time to warm up to Adam which he couldn't blame the guy. Chin and Kono were always tight and close and they were each others protectors.

In his bedroom with the doors locked and the window shades drawn, it was nearly pitch black even though it was only around eleven am that day and he heard pounding on his door, "Adam open up, we know you are in there, come on buddy, we just want to talk, we're all worried about you". It was Steve and most likely Danny with him, and possibly Tani.. He hoped if he ignored them, they would go away, but knowing Steve, he would shoot the lock on the door and come in by force if he had to.

Before he could decide his next move, another voice stopped him in his tracks.. That all too familiar soft voice he hadn't heard except on old voice mails in a long time, "Adam, please.. It's Kono.. please let me in, I'm worried about you". Her voice sounded scared, and worried.. He could ignore Steve and even Danny, but could he ignore the one person that could possibly make all the hurt go away.. "Steve and Danny are gone, it's just you and me, please.. let's talk".

Standing slowly, a little wobbling and unsteady on his feet, he moved to the bedroom door, unlocking and opening it before he moved out into the living room.. The whole apartment was a mess, and he was an even bigger mess, but it was Kono.. How could he ignore her? Unlocking the door and then opening it, he wasn't sure what to expect, but there she was, standing right in front of him, the tears already staining her cheeks as she took in the sight of him.

"Ohh Adam", she whispered softly before walking straight into the apartment, closing the door behind her and then wrapping him in her arms, not caring if he smelt and hadn't showered in days. She wasn't aware that Tamiko left him, but right now that was the furthest thing from her mind. She reached behind her, and locked the door, having already promising Steve and Danny that she would get through to him enough so he would speak to them, but first things first.

She pulled away from him, Adam holding her at arms length to take her in, feeling so surprised she was even here, "Wha, what are you doing here Kono?", he couldn't help but ask in his soft voice.. Shaking her head, her eyes filled with tears, "Let's take care of you first, get you in a shower and sober, and then some food in you.. I had Kamakona make some of your favourites.. you can sleep after that. and then we talk okay, no negotiations".

He saw the look on her face, knowing better then to argue with her and nodded silently as he followed her to the bedroom and into the ensuite bathroom where she began to run the shower, "Shower, I'll go grab lunch from outside". At the look of hesitation from him, she sighed softly, touching his face with care, "I'll be right back, I promise".

Once he closed the door to the shower, she had to take a moment for herself, holding her hand over her mouth as she sinked down onto the floor of the bedroom, trying hard not to cry at seeing him this way.. Seeing him validated her thoughts, she still loved him and no matter what Steve, Danny or even Lou thought, she wanted to fight for her husband the way she should have back in Nevada.