I need you
Pairing: Kodam
Spoilers for season 10
Chapter five
Warning - Trigger scenes.. Mentions of Underage rape.
Sitting there in silence was hard.. Usually when they ate, they were always very flirty with each other, and talking about everyday things like work and family, but now, it was a little awkward.. Adam had to wonder how much the rest of the team had told Kono about what had been going on with him lately.. It also made him wonder why she was even here to begin with..
She was the one that ultimately left him, and so this was rather difficult to even be in the same room as her right now..
Adam still loved her more then he had ever loved anyone in the world and like Steve and Catherine's relationship, he couldn't see himself with anyone else long term aside from Kono.. She was the woman that brought a fresh perspective to him, make him excited to be alive and helped him realise the man that he wanted to be..
What in the hell was he doing involved with the Yakuza? He had lost his way quite spectacularly and he wasn't even sure what he was doing.. He knew he was now jeopardising that relationship with them by ignoring them, and yet at the same time, he didn't feel right with what he was asked to do when he was in Japan… He never felt he could spy on Steve and his team mates like that..
Losing Kono had been hard and it was still hard every day to deal with.. He initially wanted to be in control of the Yakuza to try to make them a more legal business like he did with his families company, and he saw Tamiko as a way in.. He knew she had always saw him as someone that could be in her future, he was not proud to say that he used her for his own personal means, but now, he just wasn't sure what he was doing at all now.
The tension was thick enough to cut the air with a knife and knowing Kono, she was formidable dealing with suspects in rendition and he couldn't help but wondering what was coming for him.. The silence was almost deafening, waiting for someone to cut through that tension and say something, though he wasn't sure he could speak right now..
His heart was in his throat and nervous energy was radiating off him.. Having finished lunch, they were just sitting..
Waiting for the other to break, until in a loud and angry voice that nearly made him jump in his seat.. "Why Adam? Why the hell would you go running back to the Yakuza and jump into bed with them". Part of her did mean Tamiko with the bed part, but she also meant it as a metaphor for being back in business with the Yakuza. As angry as she was with him, she still was very much in love with him, and it hurt to think that her leaving the marriage could have kickstarted this.
Sighing softly, he finished off his water, putting the glass back on the table, shaking his head.. "I don't want you to think it had anything to do with you.. I don't want you to place the blame on yourself Kono, but I felt lost after losing you.. I had already tried my hand at being with five-o before you left, I got Jesse killed.. Steve and Danny gave me a home with five-o yes, but I just.. I couldn't let it lie, I couldn't let Kenji get away with forcing Hajime Masuda to give up being the head of the Hawaii faction of the Yakuza".
The thing was, Kono knew everything, she knew that he had gotten involved with Tamiko before any of this happened, and that being with her was the reason why he felt he needed to get his hands dirty again… He might not love Tamiko, but being around her and her father and the Yakuza, it made him think of the past and that after all the issues they had faced, it would have all been his if he didn't go legit.. "Adam, we both know that you got involved with Tamiko long before any of that happened with Kenji and Hajime".
Shaking her head, she reached for the water pitcher and poured them both another glass of water, and then took a sip of her own, "You might have felt lost after losing us, I understand that.. You don't think I felt that way too.. and Steve and Danny might have given you a home with five-o, but you are the one that decided to continue to drown yourself in that loneliness.. Instead of talking to someone, anyone at all, you decided to start this tryst with Hajime's daughter.. You wanted to get closer to him and to the business.. It's all you have known most of your adult life, so I get it Adam".
Part of her didn't want to feel angry at him, she wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him it was going to be okay, but before she did that, she knew she had to do this.. Adam didn't know she had come back to the island permanently, and that Chin, Abby and Sara weren't far behind her.. His eyes were filled with tears, and yet he was a little angry as well… "No, you don't get it Kono… I left the taskforce and the special investigation that Steve had me on so I could focus on you, on us.. and when I got back to you, you barely wanted me near you.. Whenever I touched you, you flinched".
He was sobering up quick now, the shower had helped a lot and so was the amount of water that Kono kept giving him.. As soon as his glass was empty, she would quickly refill it.. Continuing, he added in a soft voice, "You've always know who you wanted to be in life.. A surfer, and then when you couldn't be a pro surfer anymore, you changed your goal to become a cop and you did that.. I've never been good enough for you Kono.. I'm always going to be a Noshimuri with ties to the Yakuza wether I like it or not".
Shaking her head, she disagreed with that notion.. He might be a Noshimuri, but he was better then his father or brother could ever be, and he had a chance to redo the Noshimuri legacy, and make it one for future Noshimuri's to be proud of.. Kono loved him regardless, she knew he was a complicated man with a complicated history when she met him, and that her being with him would cause some raised eyebrows but nevertheless, she fell hard for him.
"Stop that Adam.. Don't say that.. please don't put yourself down like that.. So you were born into a family that dealt in illegal activities, and you might have felt the temptation at times to go down that path yourself.. I know you are a good man, you have shown me that so many times.. and regardless of you being the son of Hiro Noshimuri, it doesn't mean you need to still have ties to that world.. You can create your own legacy".
The job had gotten to her.. Ever since that first prostitution ring they busted here on Oahu, she had felt different.. Angry all the time.. She had never told anyone in her family including Chin or her family that she too had been raped as a teenager.. It was a boyfriend, someone she thought she could trust, a boy who had plans to do the same to her that those girls she was now fighting for had to deal with.. It was only sheer luck that the day he had been planning on abducting her, it was the day of her cousin Chin's police academy graduation and she had not left the families side the whole time.
After seeing her with her cop family, he had backed off, not wanting to attract the kind of heat he would get for kidnapping a member of a cop's family. She had blacked it all out of her mind for many years, but that case had brought it all back.. It was why she couldn't let it go, she hadn't known at the time that was what her then boyfriend planned for her, but now, she put all the pieces together.. Looking at Adam, she sighed softly.. She hadn't wanted to tell this story, but she knew now that she had to….
Author Notes:
I really want to start by thank everyone that's read this story so far.. I truly love Adam and Kono and really enjoy writing for them as well. This story is going to be filled with happy moments and angsty moments and these next two chapters are going to be more angsty and dark to read.. I really hope you guys are okay with me taking Kono's character this way and developing her story more then what we ever got to see..
I got this idea from the show itself.. When Kono got angry when they first discovered the sex trafficking ring, I got this sick feeling that it went so much deeper then what she ever said on screen.. I feel that it was personal for her, like they all get angry at situations they come across but this one seemed really hard for Kono, and so I decided to make Kono a rape survivor.. I know this is a hard subject to talk about and whilst it's never happened to me or anyone I know personally, I still have trouble dealing with news articles about situations like this happening.
Please don't hate me for taking Kono in this direction or Adam for that matter since he has a story of similar fashion to tell as well.. It's not what she defines herself as at all, and I might be wrong in thinking it happened to her character on the show, but I felt It's my duty to tell not only the happy and feel good stories but to tell the difficult ones as well, and to create these intricacies woven within the characters and developing them more.. We know a lot about Steve's past, and even Danny's, but they never really dove deep into the past and backgrounds of Kono and Chin or even Catherine so we can use some creative licence to create these more developed characters.
SteveMcGarrettLover:
Thank you so much, I take pride in how I write each character and try to make sure I write them as they sound in the show as well so I really appreciate that. I never really felt that Tamiko and Adam were right for each other and to me it felt like Adam was doing that to get closer to her father.. so I feel that Tamiko should have been the one to break it off, knowing Adam still loved Kono and that she was smart enough to know what he was doing.
I love Sara as well, she was such a cutie on the show and I loved her scene with Steve when she was selling him those Girl Scout cookies one of my favs of her. I know there must be something Steve has planned as he is letting Adam back in even though he is with the Yakuza, maybe he and Adam have hit a deal and that's what I want to portray as well, that Adam goes in as like a double agent for five-o.
This chapter and the next chapter are heavy as well and I'm nervous about how it's gonna be received but at the same time proud of myself for writing such a heavily emption based angst scene.. I hope you enjoy them when you get a chance to read them.
