Author's Note:
Dear Readers,
This story references elements mentioned in my "Memories' Battle Cries" and "Brotherhood Begun" stories. If you intend to read those two and want to avoid spoilers, it would be best to read them before this one. But this story is understandable on its own, without reading the other two.
The story takes place in the time between the "Fugitive Road" and "Shadow of the Past" episodes, as you'll see with mention of Francie. Also, there is a bit of narrative license in imagining Captain Halleck has already been to Laramie.
My thanks to SonoraDesertBloom for taking a gander at this story and getting me past my author's insecurity, assuring me that such an emotional and sentimental tone works just fine for this time of year. I appreciate the supportive feedback, my friend, and the encouragement to go ahead and post it.
And to all fellow Laramie-lovin' pards, I wish you a very blessed and Merry Christmas!
If Christmas Stays
Chapter One
The snow continued to pile up. If this wasn't yet a full-blown blizzard, it was building toward one fast. The wind whipped the infinity of flakes, swirling a thick white sheet of cold, and blowing so hard it made seeing just a few inches ahead of you impossible.
Having finished the feeding of the horses, Jess trudged from the barn to the house, pulling first one foot and then the other from the drifts, feeling his way as he clung to the rope strung tightly between the two structures. Dang Wyomin' winters! This was the second one he'd endured, and once again he kept asking himself what in the sam hill he was doin' this far north. Why was he livin' here in this wild-as-all-git-out, middle-of-nowhere, problem-plagued, cold-as-dadgummed-ice territory? But he smiled at the reason. Reckon I belong here.
The Shermans and Jonesy, and the acceptance and home they'd given him, more than made up for the ridiculous weather that the Texas boy inside of him rebelled against. He finally arrived at the door on the side of the house near the back, and briefly shrugged off some of the white stuff, tipped his hat to let more fall, and kicked his boots against the doorframe. Then he eagerly stepped inside, into the coziness of the home and the warmth of the feelings it held. He closed the door behind him, stomped his feet, and brushed more snow away from his coat, his pants, his hat, even his hair. He noticed how Jonesy, standing at the stove, didn't bat an eye at the wet mess dripping onto the rug. The older man was used to it. There was no use in trying to shake all the flakes off outside. More would accumulate before a body made it through the door. He yanked his gloves from his frozen fingers and set them and his Stetson aside on the small chair nearby.
"Supper's almost ready, boy. Hope you're hungry for once." Jonesy threw a sarcastic smirk at the reddened face, chilled from the cold. When is Jess Harper ever not hungry?
"Oh, I think I can force m'self to eat a mite." Jess returned the grin, hung his coat on a peg, and pulled off his wet boots before heading into the main room and positioning himself in front of the fireplace, stretching his hands toward the flames.
Slim, having just finished some work on the ranch books, settled into a rocking chair near the hearth, laughing. "You think you'll get yourself warmed up one of these days, pard?"
"Maybe. Around June."
The youngest of the bunch chuckled too. "But you gotta love having snow at Christmas, don't ya, Jess?"
Jess smiled. "Yeah. I guess I do, Andy." He glanced at the pine tree positioned in front of the window, where they'd scooted the couch away. They had all gone together high up into the foothills to select and cut down the tree and decorated it the day before yesterday, just in time before the sky turned an ominous gray. A few gifts were wrapped and placed beneath the lowest branches. Jess liked the shape and scent of the tree and the look of the decorations. He liked everything about the way this family prepared for Christmas. In fact, he liked everything about this family.
Soon, the young men helped Jonesy carry all the food to the dining table. The man who was like an uncle to them all, Jess now included, had prepared a veritable Christmas feast of roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, beets, corn, winter squash, and freshly baked biscuits with butter and crabapple jelly. The ever-present coffee, along with eggnog, cider wassail, Jess' favorite apple pie, a delicious raisin pudding, and sugar cookies completed the menu. As they all ate their fill, memories were shared from Christmases past.
Just like at his previous Christmas spent there, Jess listened intently to the stories of the Sherman family and how they'd always celebrated. Jonesy likewise expounded on the treasured traditions he'd grown up with. Every once in a while, Slim would glance at Jess, noticing how he smiled at the others' recollections, but, as usual, shared none of his own. The tall rancher wondered if that was because Jess didn't have any pleasant memories of the holidays. He knew the Harpers were a poor family. Maybe they didn't do much at holiday time that was any different from their usual routine. Maybe no gifts were given or decorations made. Maybe no songs were sung or celebrations created. Or… maybe the Harpers had celebrated, but it was simply too painful for Jess to talk about his family. Last year Slim had asked if it bothered him to hear the Sherman and Jonesy reminiscences.
"'Course not," Jess had replied immediately and sincerely. "I like hearing y'all talk 'bout good times." Then he'd gotten a pensive look in his eyes and softly added, "Hang onto them memories, Slim, and the good feelin's that come with 'em."
But then Jess had walked away, never discussing why he didn't join in the sharing. And Slim had wondered if Jess had any good memories to counter the horrors he struggled with. He pondered the same now, but wouldn't ask. Perhaps in time, Jess would find it possible to open up more about the past. He'd only been with them here at the ranch for about fifteen months. They still knew very little about his family. Five kids… three boys and two girls, one who was the oldest of them all, and one the youngest. All of them in the house when the Bannisters attacked. Only Jess, one brother and one sister had survived the raid that had taken the lives of the other two kids and both parents. Now, only Jess was left. But he hadn't shared details beyond those meager facts. Slim was glad that he and Andy, along with Jonesy, could provide the young Texan with a new family and hopefully ease some of the hurt from his losses.
He still wasn't sure, though, whether Jess looked upon them as family. It was hard for the former gunfighter to let his guard down and let people in. And Slim never had gotten over his secret worry that Jess would just up and ride out someday and not return. Various people from his past, commitments he felt he had to honor, and trouble he felt responsible for had caused Jess to leave several times already. But he had always made his way back to the ranch. If one of these days he didn't return, Slim knew it would devastate Andy. As well as Slim himself. Even Jonesy would be at a loss if "the bad penny," as the older man jokingly called him, left for good. They all just hoped and prayed he would stay. But Jess had never made any promises.
"Now, Slim?" Andy's question pulled his brother from his musings.
"I'm sorry, Andy. What?"
"Can we open the presents now?"
Slim saw Jess grinning as he watched the thirteen-year-old's excitement. A smile overtook his own lips. "Sure, why not?"
"I'll tell ya why not." Jonesy's practicality interfered. "We got a table full of food and dirty dishes to redd up."
"Aw, Jonesy," Andy whined. But he began grabbing plates with a haste that made his big brother hold his breath, hoping broken china didn't end up scattered across the floor. As Slim began to gather the leftover beef and potatoes, he smiled when he noticed Jess hurrying almost as fast as Andy to get things taken care of, so they could move on to the gifts. Jess wasn't a person to care about material things; Slim knew it was the fun of watching Andy's excitement that coaxed Jess into the same mood. He smiled and shook his head at his pard. Sometimes Jess acted as much like a kid as Andy did, especially when they cooked up some prank to play on him or Jonesy. When that happened, Slim's feelings were divided between aggravation and a bit of secret gladness for Jess's opportunity to conspire with his little brother. Violence had plagued Jess's life for so long. From the tender age of fifteen when the Bannister gang killed his family. Through the war and his gunfighting days. Even now, the occasional yahoo would challenge Jess's attempts to ride a more peaceful trail. So Slim could understand why the Texan latched onto those occasional moments when he could return to a feeling of carefree youth, which he maybe hadn't really experienced much when he actually was a kid.
The food was stored and dishes left soaking in a sudsy pan, while the family of four sat in front of the fireplace and handed out their presents for each other. A short while later, all gifts had been opened, appreciation shared and a smile remained on each face as they admired all the presents and the thoughtfulness put into each one. Slim and Jonesy gathered up the discarded sheets of the Laramie Gazette they'd used to wrap the gifts.
Then with a twinkle in his eye, Andy picked up a small package from where he'd tucked it out of sight, by the wall at the far side of the tree. "Got one more for ya, Jess."
Jess's eyebrows hiked up in surprise. They had decided they didn't have the funds this year for each person to buy for all the others, so rather than miscellaneous small items from each to all, they'd exchanged names and agreed to provide one reasonably nice gift for the person they'd drawn. Jonesy gave Slim a leather-bound ledger in which to keep the ranch records; Andy gave Jonesy a fob for his pocket watch chain, Jess delighted Andy with a set of three novels by his favorite author, and Slim gifted Jess with a shiny new belt buckle. The newest family member hadn't expected another gift, and since Slim and Jonesy were obviously surprised by Andy introducing another present into the mix, Jess felt embarrassed to be singled out to receive more than the others.
"You shouldn't oughta done this, Andy," he said shyly, staring at the small oblong package the boy thrust into his hands.
"I wanted to." Andy smiled and patted his friend on the shoulder.
From where he sat, Jess glanced up self-consciously from beneath thick black lashes to look at Slim, standing nearby. The blond man grinned. "Go on and open it, pard. Let us all see what it is." Slim then winked at his little brother, and Andy glowed at the approval.
Jess sighed and reluctantly began to pull at the wrapping for the small box. He opened the lid and unfolded the paper that enclosed the contents. When what lay within the paper came into view, Jess's mouth parted slightly, and Slim heard the breath rush out from between his lips.
Andy's smile grew bigger, and he watched expectantly for the same to form on Jess's face. When that didn't happen, the boy's enthusiasm drained at the lack of happy response. Jess sat still, holding the box and staring into it. Slim and Jonesy frowned at the strange reaction. No smile, no words of thanks came from the gift recipient. He didn't even look up.
As Jess continued to stare, unblinking, at whatever the box held, Slim and Jonesy shared a bemused glance. Andy didn't have any money, especially after using what he had saved to buy Jonesy's gift. This one for Jess had to be of very little cost. Why would it make such an impact on the man? An effect that didn't appear to evoke any kind of happiness, as Andy had hoped. Slim leaned forward, craning his neck to try to catch a glimpse of the interior of the package. What on earth is in that box?
