A Talk Over Coffee: "What's Your Biggest Fear?"

Yosho poured herself the coffee and dumped in the cream and sugar. Grabbing one of the stirrers and a thin straw she sat at an empty table and looked around the empty lounge. It was styled like a small dining room at a restaurant. The bay windows looked out over the front lawn; small tables capable of seating four people dotted the floor. It was nice being alone and to relax Yosho sat back in her chair and rested her head on her shoulder.

"You look so calm and relaxed."

Yosho jumped in surprise, let out a small yelp and accidentally knocked over her coffee, catching it so only a little spilled on the table.

"Apparently not," Crane chuckled. "You've gotten more nervous since college Mika."

Yosho got her breathing under control and jumped up to get a sponge. "I'm sorry. You startled me, that's all. I never heard you come in." Is he stalking me? she wondered. He's been there at every turn! The only peace I had was in my office!

Crane sat and opened his paper.

Yosho finished wiping up the mess and returned to her seat. Her hands were ice cold, her heart still beating fast. Speaking of college…she had been thinking about how she was in college only today, before she met with Cheshy in fact. She had gone to the University with Jonathan, not only that, but she had been obsessed with him and his work, even wanted to ask him out. There was something about him…maybe it was his looks, maybe it was his intelligence, but it was definitely his voice. Back in High School she had noticed him in class, and only recognized him by name because of his work in Psychology and Chemistry. After her transfer into Chem. she had become his lab partner. They hardly talked.

Yosho had been a ditz around him, never knowing what to say or even if to say something. Typical schoolgirl. It caused a problem with the labs, seeing as her hands shook badly around him.

"A person with shaky hands has no place in a Laboratory, much less with chemicals," he had said quietly. "You write. You are good with words are you not?"

At the University they had Psychology together. She embarrassed herself, and him she had a feeling, during one of their study times together. She had finally worked up the nerve to ask him to coffee. He never answered her. Only stared at her with an amused smile, adjusted his silver glasses then left without a word. She graduated just below him (he had been Valedictorian and she had been Salutatorian) and had left to become a Psychologist in Arkham. He had stayed and taught at the University, then for some unknown reason, he disappeared, then came to Arkham. Whether he had left the University or he had been fired was a mystery to her, but one thing was evident. His eyes were colder now. Even when he was the emotion described as happy his eyes froze her heart. She didn't think he had ever given her a genuine smile…until now.

"Guess we had coffee after all."

Yosho looked up from the black spot she had been staring at. "Hm?"

Crane pointed at her cup. "In college you asked me to coffee."

Yosho smiled slightly, looking out the windows. "Yeah. I'm sorry if I offended you."

Crane raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were joking."

"Oh." Yosho didn't know what to say. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"You were serious then?"

How dense is this guy Yosh? A voice mocked her. You know he's playing you right? He knows you were serious and so do you!

Yosho nodded, shoving the voice away. "Too late now huh?"

"Why?"

"Well…there's someone else right?" she asked nervously. "You were talking with a woman after your trial. Good job by the way."

He nodded. "You're referring to Detective Dawes. She confronted me after the trial. Apparently she wasn't satisfied with my assessment."

Yosho's eyes widened. "Not satisfied? Apparently she's never been to group! He's nuts, hands down. I've seen him bite chunks out of his arm screaming about a 'Scarecrow' and attacking other patients. Any amateur can tell his condition demands he be here."

Crane ran a hand through his hair. "I wish she'd realize this."

"I'll give her a call first thing in the morning, before I leave," Yosho said firmly. She didn't get that bite mark on her wrist from a sane man. She had been working too long with crazy people…if he was sane she was a duck. Normally she didn't do the Adults, but Jonathan had stepped out for a second to take a call and she had substituted.

Crane checked his watch. "Weren't you going home after Louis?"

"So you do call him by his name!" Yosho said, then sipped her cool coffee.

"Oh, so you call him Cheshy? I wasn't sure."

Yosho nodded. "He prefers it and I go with my patients preferences. I didn't go home because I wanted to go over the new file."

"I signed her in. She's a bit tense, she looks a bit like you too." He paused. "If you don't mind, what did you and Cheshy cover today? I've been meaning to ask."

"We went over fear," Yosho said, suddenly remembering what she had said and wondering why she had said it.

His eyes lit up and he leaned forward. "Is that so? What is your biggest fear?"

Yosho became uneasy, even though she refused to show it. There was something creepy in his eyes, something that had appeared only after she mentioned her talk with Cheshy. "I gave a certain fear that I'm not sure about. I wanted his opinion, and he gave it, now it doesn't apply really. I've managed to overcome that fear."

"What was it Mika?"

Yosho bit her lip. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"Yoshomika, I study fear. As you might recall, I got the highest grade in that fear project in High School Psych. You should remember talking about fear in class because you refused to write yours on the board. You were graded down that day."

"I remember Jonathan!" she snapped. She sighed and looked away. "It's not that I didn't want them to know, I didn't care about what they thought. It was I didn't want you to know."

"Me? You were afraid of me?" Crane laughed. "You were afraid of the Scarecrow?

Yosho scowled. "I hate that name. I never liked it and I told people so."

"So you did."

Yosho nodded. "I wasn't afraid of you Jonathan, I was afraid you'd find out I liked you and reject me. Not only reject me, but make a fool of me. Seeing as this has already happened, I'm just nervous around you. I always think I'll say something wrong." She glanced up at him, then returned to staring at the tabletop, sipping her coffee.
Crane was quiet for a couple of moments before he laughed. "You're funnier now that when we were in High School, aren't you?"

Yosho glared at him, then sighed, exasperated. "Fine, don't believe me. I'll give you any phobia or fear you want. Spiders. I hate spiders. There. Happy?"

He smiled. "More believable."

Yosho threw him another dirty look then raised her cup to her lips. She found it empty and put it down. "You just don't understand women," she muttered hotly. "I don't care how well you think you can break into a person's mind, rip them apart and analyze them, you can't do that to a person's heart. They're too fragile."

He sat back in his chair, a calm expression on his face. "Please…go on."

"I can't," she said quickly. "I have no coffee and I really should get back to work."

He stood and took her cup. "How much cream and sugar do you want?"

"You should know Doc," Yosho said laying her head down on her arms resting on the table. "Three spoonfuls of each." She watched him carefully while he made her coffee. Not that she didn't trust him, because she did (You really shouldn't her inner voice chided), it's just… she loved watching him. "Nobody should be that damn beautiful," she muttered as he walked towards her and set the cup in front of her.

"Now…care to explain your reasonable outburst?" he asked. "I'm listening."

Yosho sipped her steaming coffee and nodded slowly. "All I'm saying…Doctor…"

"Please," he said, "you can call me John. Surely old college friends aren't nervous to call each other by their names."

"Jonathan, it sounds better."

He nodded.

Yosho took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. "I'm sure since you work with both men and women, adults and children, you often hear about feelings. Feelings of anger…guilt…paranoia…fear."

He nodded. "Fear I'm acquainted with. You'd be surprised how afraid the people in here are."

"All people are afraid of something. I'm afraid of total rejection, losing everyone I ever cared about… I know you're afraid of losing control and respect. I know how you hate being wrong and you'll do anything to make sure you're right." Yosho looked up slowly, her soft eyes meeting his calm ones. There was a fighting anger behind the ice, a sort of flame that was straining to melt through, but Yosho pressed on. "I also know you had a crush on Melony Bowersox in High School, but you didn't tell her, you couldn't. You loved her so much, but every time she called you Scarecrow Boy, or even walked past you without a glance, it hurt. Felt as if you were being kicked in the stomach with steel-toed boots. Didn't it?"

The fire broke through, consuming the ice and melting it until there was only the blue blaze of rage.

Yosho nodded. "I know. I know exactly how it feels. Only because that's how I felt around you."

"Mika…"

"And even then, you fell for another girl…but she left you for a jock! A damn jock! Come to think of it, they were killed. The night of Prom they died. They were murdered by some psychopathic lunatic in a costume. That scared me, but that soon faded. What I said…about not knowing a person's heart and mind… it's true. Even if you broke into my mind and analyzed it, you'd come up with a blank. Even I don't know why I think the things I do!"

Crane stared at her, then stood. "Mika, you should go home and get some sleep. You haven't been sleeping well."

"I meet with Cheshy in three hours," she said drawing a shaky breath. "I'll just go lay down in my office. Have a nice night Jonathan. I hope we can talk again soon. I miss our talks."

He shook his head as if he didn't believe her. "You shouldn't…don't get involved with me Mika. There are things you don't understand. What you don't know can't hurt you."

Yosho sighed and took her small planner out of her purse. She wrote down her meeting with Cheshy, glanced at her other notes and closed it. "As you wish Jonathan. After all, none of us has changed from High School huh? I'm still the idiot girl who is in love with the distant, secretive Jonathan Crane. I get the hint okay?"

"Mika, that's not what I meant!"

Yosho tucked her planner back in her purse. "It never is…is it?"

Crane stood there for a moment. "Excuse me Miss Minuo."

"Believe me Jonathan," Yosho said coldly. "If I excused you as easily as you excused me…I would have never shared my lunch with you in High School after Tommy demolished yours. I would have never loved you. And I would still have my heart in one piece." She threw her Styrofoam cup away and walked out of the lounge without looking back.

As she lay on the cot in her office, her eyes burned. And for the first time in twenty years, she cried herself to sleep.

How could she have forgotten?

"Calm down Yosho, at least you didn't miss it." She was at home now, drying her hair and rushing about her apartment, making herself perfect. She had woken to the annoying phone call telling her that Cheshy was ready to see her. She quickly went to see him and listened to his excited chatter about his new interest. A girl. The new one. And yes…she DID bite. She didn't have sharp teeth like him, but she had been put in for biting someone! And she was very pretty.

Yosho had smiled, patted his head and left. She gave specific instructions to the guard…or tired to.

"If he wants to talk to me, give him a cell phone and my cell number. Got that? You give him as long as he needs."

The guard had tried to protest of course. "Against Arkham regulations Doctor" and "I'll get your boss and ask him," but Jonathan had saved him the trouble.

"What could it hurt?" he asked.

The guard had given up and promised to accommodate to her will. Cheshy would call if he needed to.

Relieved, she went home and slept until six.

Now she was getting ready for a date. A date she had been waiting for, since forever. All it said in her planner at seven was JACK.