Dear Tori
How there are so many things to say, but I fear to much to speak them. It seems a little pathetic to say 'how are you?' when I can only imagine how things must now stand. I do not ask that you tell me where you are, I wouldn't ask it of you, even if I am your imouta.
I wish I could say this to your face, but I know I am asking too much. You have fled, as have I, to hopefully what we both opt are safe places for now.
Mine is safe - temporarily. Before you lecture me on how dangerous it is to mention such a thing, I know that if I ever had the time to tell you, then the time would be now. Not later.
Isn't it ironic, dear brother, how two children - stubborn and determined in ther own ways - are forced to cower and run before the eyes of God, looking for security and shelter from - what is it exactly brother, that we run from?
Or should I say . . . from whom?
Disconsolate are my thoughts these days. Dark and wary grow my mind with every passing day. I live behind my fiery mien, refusing to fall prey to that seclusion which threatens to fell my mind and spirit. I fear Tori that you have caught me at my most vunerable.Times where I wonder if what I have done are mere dreams, that in waking time, seem too real to push away or deem fake.
I long for my room. You may laugh or think me naive dear brother, but I know within your heart that you long for your simple pleasures too. The things that may seem simplicit or meagre, the things that warm your heart and make you feel truly as if you have come home. These are the things that I find myself dreaming about more than usual.
This worries me.
I shouldn't be relying on such trivial nonsense.
I shouldn't.
But I do . . .
Sometimes if I lay awake at night and think of you hard enough, it feels as if you are here laying beside me, comforting me like you used to do when I sick or afraid. The darkness still frightens me, closing in on me faster than when it did all those years ago when I was just a kid. Not even the light from the lights outside my window seem to dispell that which I fear most - loneliness.
Yes - loneliness.
That emotion seems to be my constant companion along with anger. Why should we suffer so? Why are we running? We should stand and fight, but I cannot fight that that hunts us if I do not know who or what it is. But you know who it is that we run from don't you brother? You may try to conceal the fact, but I know you percieve it clearly.
You always were able to do that.
Why you will not share the facts with me always incensed me. You put me in more danger by keeping to yourself the one thing that could help me keep safe. I stumble around in the dark while you run from one shadow to the other always one step against the ulitmate darkness itself!
You endanger yourself to keep me safe!
I will not allow it! I won't! By keeping this from me, you hurt me more than angry words or sibling rivalry ever could.Tell me please that which it is we run from. Do not play the hero in this game. It is beyond me the rules in which to follow you.
I want to keep you safe.
Ashiteru brother. I do not let a day go by without thought for you and our plight. I long for the day that you find me and say that it is over. We can go home. . .
I long for it . . .
The cursor flickered on the screen for several minutes before the screen went blank - the data deleted, but not forgotten.
Please review. And if there are words in here you don't understand, please don't complain to me.
