Snape finished shouting his last obscene sentence in to the envelope of the howler, sealed it and attached it to the black owl perched on the window of his tower office. He watched the owl fly off over the misty hills outside and scowled. He'd been scowling a lot lately. And snarling. Yes, scowling, snarling and pacing around his room in fits of alternating petulance and intense fury.
It was Jamie Hyneman's fault.
The mere thought of the luxuriantly moustachioed deatheater induced in Snape a desire to carry out a number of imaginative and violent scenarios including himself, Hyneman and, more often than not, a small, blue, military-style beret.
Snape slumped in to his shabby, brocade armchair, pulled his cloak around his shoulders and crossed his arms with an angry pout. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out the framed photograph of Lucius Malfoy he kept hidden there for when he needed cheering up. He placed it on his desk and studied it, watching the image of Lucius toss his flowing locks and glance at Snape over one shoulder, coquettishly blowing kisses to the hypnotised potions master. But Snape shook his head sharply. No, not even Lucius could take his mind from the problem at hand.
Rarely was Snape driven to such lengths and angered to the point of being forced to send a Howler to someone, "But this is an exceptional situation" thought Snape to himself. You see, Jamie had broken Snape's wand. True - it had been an accident. If you can call Jamie feeding it to his robotic butterbeer dispenser an accident then, yes. Snape could have sworn he even saw a slight twitch of Jamie's mouth, almost...dare he say it...a SMILE, when the incident ocurred. That was possibly what annoyed him the most.
The image of Jamie's half-smile in his mind, Snape grasped the glass paperweight from his desk and threw it full force against the stone wall imagining Jamie's bald shining head in place of the brickwork. It smashed in to a hundred shards of glasswhich, as Snape stood over them, reflected his miserable face back at him a hundred times over, distorted and glinting wildly in the flickering candlelight.
The noise had disturbed Akito, his French Bulldog, who had been snoozing in the corner. Snape walked over to him, crouched and petted him gently on the head letting his mind dwell over what obscene words he had forgotten to include in his letter. The dog licked his hand softly then barked sharply, pulling Snape from his reverie. There was a crack and small flash, the scent of molten aluminium permeating the air.
Snape shot up and spun around.
"You!" he snarled, hunching his shoulders.
Standing by Snape's desk, his arms folded across his crisp white shirt, stood Jamie himself.
"Hello" said Jamie, evenly, letting his eyes roam around Snape's office. "Nice space. Nothing like my shop though".
Snape, noticing his treasured photo of Lucius making suggestive eyes at Jamie, stalked sharply over to his desk and stuffed the frame back in to his drawer.
"You have no business turning up unannounced in my office" he growled ominously.
Snape placed both hands on his desk and glared at Jamie threateningly. He studied Jamie's face, trying to guage his reaction. Unable to glean anything from Jamie's blank expression, he attempted to read his mind.
"It's no good, Snape. I am a superb occlumens" Stated Jamie, flatly. "I came here to say that I have received your Howler and I wish to apologise for the loss of your wand. I do, however, also come with a proposal."
Snape's brow furrowed."A..proposal?" he sneered "Do continue..."
