AN: The ruling seems to be in favor of continuance of this story, so I'm happy to oblidge. Thanks to all of you who have posted a review. Hope you enjoy this chapter again!
Chapter III: Mac's POV
And so I find myself back in my apartment, but not for long. I'm only here to get dressed into something suitable for a small party at McMurphy's. Where Harm and I will openly declare our love for each other and our intention to get married.
Yes, I did get what I came for when I recklessly headed out to his apartment, ready to throw caution to the wind and take what I need. Him. And he gave willingly, we both did. We talked, we kissed, he proposed, (HARM PROPOSED!) we kissed some more…I got what I came for and then some.
Maybe except for one thing. As Harm clearly pointed out, neither of us was very keen on ending our career before retirement. Well, that's what we told the other, anyway, both knowing at the same time, that it's not entirely true. Frankly, I think it might bemore of the other way around. Neither of us want to give up, but we are also reluctant to force the other one to have to be the one to let go.
See, I know Harm. I know that he's willing to strip off his uniform (nice mental picture, by the way) just to be with me, he did it before, when I was too blind to see what he was offering. But I'm not sure I want that from him. It's too much of a sacrifice. His career, minus the dents here and there (who caused most of those, Mac?) is practically flawless whereas mine is more often than not just based upon my superior's goodwill, Cresswell's included.
Not to mention; if Harm gives up his commission, he'll have to give up his flight status. No more Tomcats. And I'm not so arrogant that I think I can single handedly give him the same thrill to compensate. Though I can't wait to find out. But clearly that's beside the point. Harm just needs the high every pilot needs and I can see the benefit of keeping Harm in dress whites as a bonus, the icing on the already very delicious cake.
On the other hand, I know he won't let me give up either. Conditions and personal mistakes set aside, I've come this far and yes, as a Marine, I'm proud of the faith people seem to have installed in me, including Harm. It warms my heart to know that he thinks so highly of my capabilities, even when sometimes I don't see them myself. It's a good feeling to know that I'm not just a pretty accessory to him (although, in this dress…). I mean, I've been there, done that and it's definitely not my thing.
If we're gonna argue about this, it might take hours, considering the fact we both know very well how to go up against the other. Neither of us will give in easily. Heck, we could end up blowing off our entire engagement when the heat rises.
And I haven't even formulated my biggest fear: what if one of us finally does give in and consequently ends his or her career, will that one at some point regret the decision and take it out on the other one who got his or her way? In the long run, the resentment could end our relationship and I'll be damned if I ever let that happen.
So instead of fighting over it, dissecting it to pieces like I always seem to do, we're gonna let fate decide. Stupid as it might sound, we're about to let a flip of a coin rule about our future. But it's the only way we can decide this quickly without me feeling responsible for the end of Harm's glorious rise on the Naval ladder and without Harm's chivalrous attempts to clear the way for my goals as a Marine.
Before I went home to change we made two important phone calls: Mattie was elated at the thought of having not just one, but two parents waiting for her to join them wherever. I'm quickly warming up to the idea of having a teenage daughter. And as for Bud? He was thrilled to do the honors of kick-starting our future together. And please don't make me mention the "It's about time" comment I could hear coming from Harriet. It was heartwarming to find out how happy our closest friends were for us.
I know only one thing: I'm notnervous. I made my decision: I'll be Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb no matter what. That coin can send us to either London or San Diego, but it might as well send us to Mars for all I care.
For someone who just tried to convince herself she's not nervous, I'm not doing too well. Lots of tiny butterflies are doing summersaults in my stomach and I have to reapply my lipstick twice before my shaking hands can manage to actually paint my lips instead of my cheeks and chin. Not that they won't get smudged later this evening…
But it's not my career or the possible end of it that makes me feel woozy, it's the realization that starting today, I will never have to hide my feelings again. That tonight the whole world can know the story about Harm and Sarah,how they finally found each other, and how they will stay together forever.
No matter which side the coin lands on.
