I decided to update this story, although it was supposed to be a one shot, I think it has to do with the fact that you guys reviewed, thanks so much and yeah maybe another factor was that I got tired of studying, ah, I have finals coming up and the words in my neurology book start to bug me, well anyhow, here it is, the next chapter in Jess's POV.

Tricia had left three days ago and somehow I couldn't suppress the relieved feeling spreading through my body. I felt like I could breath again without the guilt taking away my breath. I felt guilty for various things.

I was sitting at my kitchen table, not feeling hungry, but sipping my orange juice once in a while and scanning the newspaper.

I couldn't get Tricia's hurt face out of my mind, and the fact that I was the one who caused it, didn´t help either. Every time she had looked at me with her inhumanly green eyes, smiling, ready to take over the world, I felt as if someone was stabbing me with a knife, slowly, delicately, turning the weapon around once again inside my stomach, making it impossible to let me fall in love with her. I had told her I loved her, it had come out easily and I had taken that as a good sign, a sign that showed me that I had moved on; in retrospect, I realised, I was really good at pushing away all thoughts that might have destroyed this relationship. To be more clear, I actually had pushed every thought about her out of my mind, I wanted to erase every memory that I shared with her, every moment we had spent together, happy, or apart, unhappy. First I had started to get wasted whenever I had had the opportunity, I had been drinking to forget, what a joke, the only aspect I hat gotten out of getting wasted every fucking night had been a nice, full grown hang -over the next morning that sometimes lasted to the evening. I had laid in my bed for hours asking myself all over again what had gone wrong in my life. I had blamed everyone but me. My father who had abandoned me and my mother the minute I was born or then I would blame my mother for being such a failure, I even in my post drunken state had blamed Luke for not trying hard enough, for not giving me another chance when I had so desperately needed one.

At some point I even thought that I had been in love with Tricia, when I would notice little somethings about her, like the way she would throw her blonde locks behind her shoulders with a very fast move that came from her neck, or the way she would always bite her nails when she was nervous, or the way she would wrinkle her nose whenever I was drinking a cup of coffee. She hated coffee. And now that I think about it maybe I had chosen her for the wrong reasons. Blonde instead of brown, green instead of blue, tough instead of naïve, and she was definitely not innocent. She didn´t read a lot unless you consider the cosmopolitan reading. No, she wasn't dumb or uninterested or ignorant to her surroundings she just had a slight tighter grasp of reality. She had experienced life and I think that was of the main reason why I had been attracted to her in the first place. I obviously was feeling guilty that I hurt her so much, because I knew that she had really loved me, and I had hid myself from her.

Jimmy had thrown me out of the apartment when I had come " home" drunk four nights in a row, he had told me that he didn´t need this shit right now. So, that was what I had been for him all the years? "This shit"?

My life went even more downhill from there. I returned to New York and continued there where I had stopped in Venice. I had shared an apartment with four other guys, one smellier that the other, but I had fit in perfectly, since I was myself one of the same kind. During my self-destroying path I had made two humongous mistakes, mistakes I still couldn't grasp. My stomach hurt every time I thought of these moments, these moments that had made my world stop spinning for a moment.

I had told her I loved her….and then ran away.

I had asked her to run away with me….and then ran away, not after having been turned down.

The minute I heard her no, I decided to get my life back on track; I had to stop throwing my life away, pining and drinking. She wouldn´t be the end of me, I had tried to get her back and obviously she hadn't wanted me back. I had told myself that it was okay with me, I didn´t need her…at….all.

Successfully I had started to get my life back on track, I had applied to a few jobs at some bookstores around town and finally moved out of the sorry apartment, not once looking back. I had been moving on, staying in contact with Luke over the phone, keeping the other updated on what was going on in life.

It had been one day in October, about four months after my last encounter with her and I had been sitting on the couch, slowly drifting off to sleep after a long day at work, when the telephone started ringing. I had contemplated about letting it ring, but something had forced me to get up and pick up the phone. I was still wondering now if I should have let it rung, if it had been anything, it would have made things easier.

Flashback

" Hello?" I said, feeling slightly uneasy.

No answer.

" Hello? " I repeated this time more annoyed.

I could hear someone breathe irregularly on the other side and I was about to push the end button, when I heard it.

" Jess?" a small voice, whispering.

My head started instantly to hurt, a throbbing ache, slowly spreading around, finally reaching my stomach and I had the sudden urge to throw up. My vision was blurring and I absently thought that maybe I was imagining all this and in reality I was suffering from a brain tumour. This sorts of things could happen, I read about it in the paper. At the same time the voice brought all these emotions back to the surface, those I had been trying to push to the back of my mind. Maybe they had caused the tumour? Suddenly I could feel her hands on my body, leaving burning marks, I could hear her chuckle at one of my jokes, I could smell her, taste her.

" Rory" I breathed out. More a statement than a question. There were all sorts of things I wanted to tell her on the tip of my tongue, but none of them left my mouth. I wanted to scream at her, yell at her, I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to slam down the phone, I wanted to tell her that I had moved on, that I didn´t need her anymore in my life, on the other hand I wanted her to know that I had turned my life upside down, and most of all I wanted to her to know that I still loved her. My mouth stayed shut I pressed my lips firmly against each other, forcing them to shut her out once again. After all it was her who had called.

" I got the number from Luke, I hope this is okay?" I drew in a deep breath, determined no to show her how vulnerable I had become.

" Would be too late, if it wasn't, huh?"

" Jess, I don´t want things to be that way." I decided to play dumb.

" What way?" now it was her time to sigh.

Silence.

" How are you?" her question took me by surprise, segue wasn't her thing, has never been.

Fucking great, I wanted to scream, but instead I said.

" Fine." pause….

" You?" I added.

"Well, I have been better, really." at the sound of her defeated, voice, something melted inside of me.

" Why did you call?" I asked her softly, but not giving too much away.

She let out a small, nervous chuckle. God, how much did I miss her laugh?

" I don´t know really, I think I just I don´t know, I wanted to make sure that…" I interrupted her; the monster inside my chest struggled to get out.

" To make sure that I was still pining over you? Or that I stopped pining? News flash Rory, the world doesn't resolve around you." I stopped, out of breath, I should really stop smoking.

"No, what I meant was…." she trailed off, taking a deep breath.

" Who are you anyhow that you are yelling at me, huh? I never did anything wrong." she continued, her voice gaining on energy again. She never did anything wrong, perfect Rory she was.

" So, that's why you called, so you could blame me and them move on? " I was blaming me too.

" Jess, God you are such an ass, sometimes." I tried to suppress the urge to smirk.

" Just sometimes?" I asked her, not sarcastically, but honestly. That broke the ice. She started giggling, still nervous, but giggling nonetheless.

" You had your moments." a simple reply.

Silence once again, but it wasn't this nerve breaking tension lying over us.

" So, I guess, I have to go, Jess." I was stunned.

"O ok." then the line went dead.

Flashback end

I had never found out why she had called, but in the back of my mind I had known that it really didn´t matter. She had called.

I finally turned back to reading the newspaper; I scanned the international news section, taking in the information on what was going on in the world. As I reached the last page, my breath got stuck in my throat, I couldn't seem to be breathing anymore and my kitchen started to spin around me. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, the headline already burned in my brain.

Logan Huntzberger´s marriage annulled

So what do you think? Good bad? I have an idea in mind where this story should go; I want to include many flashbacks, on how rory and jess finally got on speaking terms again. The next update might take some time, but I have finals coming up… REVIEW PLEASE!