I know I should be updating my other story, but I have a major writer's block, anyhow, thanks for your reviews, you guys rock, seriously! I apologize for the delay, but I was so damn busy, I don't even know when to sleep.
Jess's POV:
I had stayed in touch with Luke since we had had our heart to heart at my mother's wedding and I had to admit that it felt nice to have someone to talk to, someone who cared. We talked at least once a week over the phone and when he had told me that he was proud of me, he seemed sincere, almost fatherly which made me feel proud in return. Proud of whom? I didn't know, maybe deep down inside of me, pushing the insecurity away, I was proud of myself.
It had been three weeks since that mysterious phone call from Rory, and I was still replaying the conversation all over again in my head before drifting off to sleep every night. What did she want? She sounded exhausted, worn out, maybe sad. I wanted to ask Luke, but I wouldn't. I carefully avoided the subject Rory whenever I spoke to Luke, on the one hand I didn't want him to think that I was still pining for her, and on the other hand I didn't want him to get into trouble with Lorelai. Their relationship was still fragile and new, exciting and I didn't want to ruin that for him. I clearly remembered one of my last encounters with her; she had been telling me off, yelling at me for breaking her daughter. Well, she hadn't said that per se, but she had been hinting. She definitely wasn't my number one fan! Anyhow, I wasn't hers either.
Luke had invited me to Stars Hollow yesterday and while I was wandering around my small apartment, throwing a few but essential things in my duffel bag I couldn't help but wonder what the hell I had gotten myself into when I had agreed.
The bell above the diner announced my arrival and I shook my head at the scene in front of me. Luke, clad in his favourite flannel shirt was arguing with Taylor, while serving the customers at he same time. He openly rolled his eyes at the things Taylor was throwing at him. Nothing new there. I made my way over to the counter and took a seat in front of Luke.
"Coffee, please?" Luke didn't look up, apparently not recognizing my voice.
"I'm sorry, have you or have you not seen the people that came here earlier than you and whose orders I have yet to take?" Luke grumbled and I had to smirk, same old, same old.
"Nice to see you too, Uncle Luke!" I stated calmly, giving my amusement away freely. Luke's head shot up from behind the counter, banging said head on the counter during the process. He rubbed the spot on his forehead and glared at me.
"Smartass." He shot and came around the counter to pull me in an awkward hug. He let go off me not a millisecond after and stroke his chin as if he needed something to occupy his hands with.
"You came." Was all he said while taking his place behind the counter once again.
I shrugged my shoulders and stated:
"I said I would." Luke glanced at me and muttered under his breath.
"Seems that I have to start to take you up on your word, huh?" I again shrugged and looked him straight in the eye.
"Miracles do happen from time to time, if you just believe in them hard enough." Understanding dawned on Luke while he nodded his head.
"I guess they do." End of the discussion, Luke silently accepted the fact that I was changing, personally and concerning my lifestyle.
"So, you want anything to eat? "He asked me and but I couldn't answer him because the bell announced the arrival of yet another customer that caught his attention. His eyes widened and he started fiddling with his fingers. He adjusted his cap.
"Hey, you know what? Why don't you go upstairs, freshen up or something, I do have food in the fridge upstairs, no need to eat down here, with you know … people around." He was ranting, Luke never ranted. I looked around in the now empty diner and smirked.
"What people? Didn't take your pills this morning?" I heard the door close and a deep intake of breath.
"Now look who's back. Jess!" I recognized the voice that spat those words out immediately. Dean. I was prepared for everything or so I thought, as I turned around slowly, anticipating the verbal sparks that were starting to form in my head. But I wasn't prepared for a hand intertwined with his and I definitely wasn't prepared for the hand being Rory Gilmore's. In no time I had regained my composure, building the wall around me yet again.
"Bagboy, long time no see." He smirked as he pulled Rory closer, giving her a peck on the lips, which she – to my delight- didn't seem to notice.
"Rory." I nodded my head in her direction and turned around again, facing the wall behind the counter, silently counting the cups standing on the board. Luke finally broke the silence.
"Rory, that's a surprise, your Mom said you weren't gonna come home this weekend."
"Must have slipped her mind, then." Rory stated quietly. Luke looked around, motioning them to sit down anywhere.
"So, Rory? Coffee?" I silently listened to their conversation as I started to recount the cups.
"Hmm, actually, I should probably tell Mom I'm home. I mean, you know how she is." With that she turned on her heels and fled from the diner, leaving a stunned Dean behind. I stood up and disappeared behind the curtain, hurrying upstairs. It wasn't until I closed the door behind me, that I allowed myself to breath again. I was definitely not a fan of unpredictability. But now, had it been so unpredictable that I was gonna run into her? I mean, she practically still lived here. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and a second after Luke came bursting through the door, pacing in front of me.
"I should have told you, I mean, I didn't know she was gonna be here, but you know, I should have told you about … about the Dean thing." Ah, there was a thing. I so didn't need to know this.
"Isn't he like married? I mean, that had been my last update." Luke shrugged.
"Seems like he's getting a divorce or so, I don't really know, really. I'm not his biggest fan."
I nodded my head.
"Same here." And that's how I found out that Rory and Dean had reconciled.
Later that night I was wandering around Stars Hollow, thinking about the latest events when I bumped into someone.
"Watch where you're going." I spat out when I realized that it was Rory. Her of all people.
"What are you doing here, Jess?" The new Rory got straight to the point.
"Visiting family." I answered simply. She shook her head.
"As if you care." I do care.
"Well, whatever!" I was about to turn around when I heard her whisper.
"Come to the bridge?" I wanted to laugh out loud at how ridiculous this all seemed to be, but I just nodded and started moving again.
When we arrived at our destination we sat down silently, making sure there was enough space between us. Finally I started.
"So, you and Dean, huh?" she shrugged her shoulders.
"Yep, me and Dean." Funny! I decided to let my mind speak.
"Funny." Rory turned around and stared at me, even though it was dark I could see her eyes, staring disbelievingly at me.
"You're not the one to be angry about it, you're not the one who gets to judge." I chuckled slightly, pissing her off only more.
"I had no intention to do so." She took a deep breath.
"You know what, go ahead, judge, see if I care, Jess. Your opinion means nothing to me…..anymore." she added and I silently accepted it.
"Why Dean?" apparently my question took her by surprise since she didn't answer for a long time.
"Because I love him." It was just as simple as that. When I didn't show any signs that I was gonna reply to that, she continued.
"I do!" she exclaimed and I was sure she was trying to convince herself.
"Okay, I get it, you love him." Silence settled around us and I sensed the anger boiling inside of her.
"Why do you do that?" what?
"Do what?"
"Pop up like that, whenever I think I have everything under control you appear and make me doubt everything." Inside of me, my demons started a party. I make her doubt…. everything.
"Why did you call then?" I asked her, provoking her.
"I don't know." Her voice was barely above a whisper now. I moved closer to her, it wasn't that I wanted to but my body moved on its own. She sat up straight.
"Don't Jess, please, don't." I could hear the tears in her voice and felt bad for it.
She choked.
"I hate you for doing this." She got up and I hurried to stand up as well, bending my knees slightly so that I was facing her directly.
Tears were running down her cheeks, leaving dark mascara strains on her face.
She dropped her head and sobbed and suddenly her little fists started to hit my chest.
"I hate you for doing this, I hate you." She repeated it all over again. I grabbed her wrists tightly, pulling her close to my body. She let her head drop against my chest, exhausted from the emotional stress, she sobbed into my shirt, soaking it, but I didn't care. All I cared about was her body against mine, her warmth spreading through my body, making my vision blur.
I wanted to tell her that everything's gonna be alright, that she's gonna be alright, but I couldn't, I was hurting as well. She was telling me all over again that she hated me, but when I wanted to open my mouth nothing came out and I closed it again. Mission impossible.
Suddenly I felt her hands roaming my body, tangling in my hair; I felt her hot breath on my neck, mixed with the salty liquid that came from her eyes. Before I knew it we were kissing hungrily, making up for the missing months of not touching, not being together. The kiss heated up, tongues duelling, fighting desperately to win this battle. It was a battle which no one would win; nothing good would come out of this.
"I hate you." She kissed me harder, and I somehow felt like I was prostituting myself. She pulled me closer to her body, making it impossible to break apart.
"I" her hands slipped under my shirt.
"Love" she pinched my nipple.
"Dean." She bit my lip. I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed her back roughly, trying to steady my breath.
"If you love Dean, what are you kissing me for then?" She took a step back, as if she wanted to regain control over her body.
"I don't know!" she whispered and I turned around.
"Figure it out then." I left her standing on the bridge, crying desperately but I forced myself to keep moving in the opposite direction. Away from her. Away from feeling the pain, away from the affect she had on me.
So? What do you think? Good, bad? I hope, you like it, please just drop a note, telling me whatever, tell me if I suck, and tell me if I should continue this story. It's sad when no one reviews; it makes me feel insecure actually. Anyhow, thanks for reading! REVIEW!
