(IP Into Phone. OP Over Phone. OSP Over/On Speaker Phone.)

Scene 2.

Enter Maddie, Earl, Jon, Sammie, Matt and Jessa as the bus pulls up.

CHUCK

(To Jessa.) Having fun?

JESSA

Do I look like I'm having fun?

CHUCK

(Slides his arm around her waist.) Yeah, I don't think anyone could have fun with Matt.

MATT

Watch it, Midders.

JESSA

(Darkly.) The sooner we get out of here, the better.

Enter Miss Japzene, Matt and Jon's Sex Ed teacher.

MISS JAPZENE

(Seductively.) Jon. I just wanted to say goodbye before you left.

JON

(Half-embaressed, half-smug.) Yeah, I'll...uh... see you around.

Miss Japzene kisses Jon and hurries back to school.

MATT

Dude. As if you had her.

JON

(Smugly.) Yeah. Cool, huh?

REGINA

(To Maddie.) Not exactly the word I was looking for.

Maddie, Regina, Nick and Tori are shoved onto the first bus. Matt and Jessa soon join them.

MATT

(To Nick.) Budge up, dude.

JESSA

(Flopping down next to Tori, behind Regina and Maddie, who are behind Matt and Nick.) Get a life, Matt.

(To Maddie.) So, what's going on with you and Earl?

MADDIE

(Resignedly.) I don't know. I mean, you know Ashlee Summers?

JESSA, TORI, & REGINA

Yeah.

MADDIE

Well, it's like... I don't know, like she's flirting with him.

REGINA

Maybe they're just good friends.

MADDIE

(Twisting in seat to face her.) Yeah, and I'm all for that. But... I don't know, they're always emailing each other in lessons and stuff. He never emails me!

TORI

Well, maybe he doesn't need to.

MADDIE

Yeah, but I email him sometimes. And he never sends me a random email.

REGINA

But he does with her?

MADDIE

(Half-shrugs.) ...Yeah.

JESSA

(Slowly.) Well, I can't see Earl cheating on you...

MATT

(Looking back to join convo.) Yeah, but it's easier for guys to cheat than girls think.

MADDIE

(Sarcastically.) Gee. That makes me feel a lot better. Thanks.

MATT

(Grinning.) Don't mention it.

The bus starts to pull away.

JESSA

(To bus driver.) Wait - wait! Our friends aren't on yet!

BUS DRIVER

(Calmly.) Then they'll be on the next bus.

NICK

Why can't they get on this one?

BUS DRIVER

Because a. We're full, and

b. we're moving.

MATT

(Underbreath, to Nick.) Oooh, funny guy.

NICK

No, Matt, he really isn't.

MATT

(Rolls eyes.) It's called sracasm, smart-ass.

JESSA

Matt, lay off him.

REGINA

(To Maddie.) Are those two always fighting?

MADDIE

Pretty much, yeah.

REGINA

(Shrugs.) Weird. I never noticed before.

MADDIE

(Laughs.) Yeah, that's probably because there's more of us.

REGINA

Mm. Maybe.

Maddie leans forward to talk to the guys as Regina twists around to join Jessa and Tori's conversation.

NICK

So, does anyone know what we'll be doing when we get there?

MADDIE

Not a clue.

MATT

(Smugly.) Well, I don't know what you guys are doing, but I know what me and Sammie have got planned.

MADDIE

(Getting it.) You better have brought enough, Matt.

MATT

(Laughing slightly.) Enough? Try a whole bag full!

MADDIE

(Satisfied.) Good. I don't want you getting my cousin knocked up again.

NICK

(Teasingly.) Yah, Matt, you naughty boy.

MATT

Shut up.

JESSA

(To Maddie.) See? It' not just me who picks on him!

MADDIE

(Jokily.) No, just most the time.

Regina's phone starts ringing. She answers, it's Sammie.

REGINA

(IP.) Hey, Sam-Sam, wassup?

SAMMIE

(OP.) Is Matt there?

REGINA

(IP. Joking.) God forbid you'd rather talk to me.

SAMMIE

(OP.) Shut up, Gina. Just put him on.

REGINA

(IP) Love to. Can't.

MATT

(Quietly, to Regina.) What's up with her?

SAMMIE

(OP) Why can't you put him on?

REGINA

(IP, grinning at Matt.) Well, he was annoying us, so we chucked him out about five minutes ago.

SAMMIE

(OP, sarcastically.) Ooh, you're funny. Put him on.

Regina hands the phone to Matt, who sticks his tongue out at her.

MATT

(IP) Hey, babe what's up?

SAMMIE

(OP) I just got a call off your Mom. Bryan's been sick.

MATT

(IP) What's up with him?

SAMMIE

(OP) I dunno, your Mom said she'll ring when the doctor's been.

JESSA

Put it on speaker, Matt.

MATT

(IP. Puts on speakerphone.) That bad, huh?

SAMMIE

(OSP) Yeah, so listen, I'm going to get a taxi home from the station.

MATT

(IP, alarmed.) What? Come on, babe, you've been looking forward to this for months!

NICK

(IP) Yeah, Sammie, you can't bail on us now! Besides, what about that bag of -

SAMMIE

(OSP) Am I on speakerphone?

MATT

(IP) Um... yeah.

SAMMIE

(OSP) Oh. Well, listen, I'll talk to you later, I'm nearly out of credit.

MATT

(IP) No, wait -

Sammie hangs up. Matt does the same and silently hands the phone back to Regina.

Cut to:

Sammie is sat next to Jon, behind Chuck and Earl. Sammie has just hung up and is clutching her phone.

EARL

(Twists to face her.) What'd he say?

SAMMIE

(Shrugs.) Not much. I didn't give him a chance to, I need to top my phone up.

JON

(Urgently.) Are you really going to bail on us?

SAMMIE

Well, if Bryan's ill, yeah, course I am.

JON

Oh.

SAMMIE

(Suspiciously.) What?

JON

(Shrugs.) Nothing. It's just I wouldn't trust Matt on his own with a bag full of condoms.

CHUCK

(Disbelieving.) Dude, hes your best friend!

JON

Yeah, but -

SAMMIE

(Coldly.) Jon, I've been with Matt since we were 13.

(Angrily.) If he was going to cheat on me, don't you think he'd have done it already?

JON

(Weakly.) I just -

Sammie's phone rings suddenly. She flips it open angrily and answers it.

SAMMIE

(IP) Hello?

Beat.

(IP) O, hi, Ms Johnson. How is he?

(A/N: Matt & Jessa's parents are divorced. When they split up, their Mom took her maiden name back.)

Beat.

Oh. Well, I'm going to talk to Matt at the station ad then I'm coming home.

Beat.

No, I need to. For one thing he's my kid, and for another, it's not fair on you to look after him when he's like that.

Beat.

Well, I'll call you on Matt's phone to let you know what's happening.

Beat.

OK. Bye.

Sammie hangs up. The guys look at her expectantly.

SAMMIE

Tonsilitus.

JON

Ooooh.

CHUCK

You going to call Matt to let him know?

SAMMIE

(Holds up phone.) Uh, hello. I have no credit.

EARL

How much?

SAMMIE

About twenty cents.

EARL

OK, that's not enough.

SAMMIE

(Sarcastically.) You think?

Cut to:

Matt has wandered down the aisle to talk to the bus driver.

MATT

Hey, dude. You know how long it is until we get there?

BUS DRIVER

(Not looking at him.) About half an hour.

MATT

(Desperately.) Really? Is there, like, no way we can cut it down to, say, ten minutes?

BUS DRIVER

Nope.

MATT

(Pulls $20 out of his pocket.) Are you sure about that?

Matt puts the $20 into the bus driver's pocket and starts to go back to his seat.

BUS DRIVER

Hey - kid!

MATT

(Going back to him.) Yep?

BUS DRIVER

(Pulls $20 out of his pocket and gives it back to Matt.) I don't take bribes. Now go back to your seat and stay there until we get there.

Matt goes back to his seat and flops down, defeated.

NICK

Nice try, man.

JESSA

Why don't you just call her, Matt?

MATT

(Angrily, still looking forward.) Because my cell is at the bottom of my bag.

JESSA

Well, that's stupid.