RitaMalfoy: Why shankyou! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I made somebody laugh that hard? Huh. Were you drunk? I didn't think it was that funny. OK, you're right, it was, but you're probably as stoned as the magician, perhaps a little more? ;-)
I forgot to put a disclaimer at the 1st chapter, so I do not own Harry Potter. But I do own Happy Pooper and all of his little friends and enemies. He is my sex slave. Meow.
Chapter 2: The Big Dude…and I Get Very Sidetract.
Happy was once again not happy and crap. With a name like that, who would be? But whatever. What was Pigpimples School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Why was it satanic? WHAT WAS THAT THING SITTING ON HIS BED…Sorry wrong installment. That's the next book. So, Vomit Dimsley had basically gone on crack, had a freak-out, and shipped everbody to this creaky old shack on a rock in the ocean. How convenient and foreboding. But before that, they went to a hotel for a while, but Warner Brothers was too cheap to include that so we won't confuse the hell out of the EVIL I'm-too-cool-to-read-a-book-but-I'll-go-see-the-movie-cuz-it-has-hot-guys/girls(girls? Who?)-in-it people. Even though I hate them. But nobody's hatin., right? Fo shizzle. And whatnot.
Conveniently once again, it was Happy's 11th birthday, and then we cut to a scene in which we all feel bad for Happy because he draws a cake in the dust, even though he was sleeping on the carpet in the book. And when he blows out the candles, a big dude that we already met and so did Happy but he was too little to remember even though I wasn't even born yet and I remember. But Happy doesn't know how to read, so, if he could read and had any sense, he would probably read the books so he doesn't get attached to (here I will burst into tears and cry forever cuz I'm a loser like that) certain people who will have certain things happen to them, and manages to avoid plenty of death-traps and not bother to ask a certain girl to a certain ball. And stuff. So.
Where were we?
Oh yeah. There was this huge dude and he broke down the door. But he didn't have to pay for it. How convenient. And then he told Happy he was a wizard. Shock. Gasp. As if there would still be a story had this not happened. And who can forget the comical scene where he turns Doofy into a pig?
So they run away to Hogsmeade and become lovers for the rest of their days.
Just kidding. In case you hadn't already figured that out.
The big dude, some of you may know, goes by the name of Hellgrill. And he takes Harry to the Creaky Broomstick Secret Pub. But that's for next chapter.
So…short I know. NOT GETTING AN AWFUL LOT OF REVIEWS FOLKS! I haven't even gotten a good flame yet!
It has occurred to me (Thanks to RitaMalfoy) that I have not "developed" my characters. Here are the characters that you know so far:
Happy Pooper: An eleven year old boy full to bursting with angst. If you aren't sure who he is mirroring, I think you have no place on the Harry Potter section of Dimsley: A big fat mean dude that has no sense of humor. Mirrors Vernon Dursley.
Perennial Dimsley: A hore (I mean horse) faced woman who is nosey. Mirrors Petunia Dursley.
Doofy Dimsley: A big fat kid who, at the age of 15 or sixteen, becomes wider than he is tall. Mirrors none other than…Dudley Dursley!
Professor McCatawall: Or something. I had no creativity on this one. But she's a strict teacher and cranky cat. All at the same time. Mirrors Professor McGonagall.
Professor Dimbubble: A wise old man. Mirrors Professor Dumbledore.
Hellgrill: A half-giant (gasp! I gave it away!). Mirrors Hagrid.
OK OK, maybe they weren't as detailed as she had been hoping for. But it adds humor, right?
