Chapter 5:

Real Enough to Cry

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That night, I decided that I would tell my parents the truth. After Aki had given Chi and me his support, I felt as though a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. My anxiety had faded a little, and I realized that it would be better to tell Mom and Dad now, with my confidence high from talking with my brother, than to wait until later, when I'd probably be more insecure.

Besides, it had taken me months of living in the same apartment to realize that Chi was a real person; if I didn't tell them, how could I expect Mom and Dad to realize the same thing in just a week?

So that evening, Chi and I got dressed in our best clothes. I considered packing our bags in case things got really ugly, but Chi talked me out of it. "Shimbo and Takako always say to think positive. If Hideki and Chi try to plan for bad things, isn't that thinking negative?"

I sighed. "You're right. I guess I'm just a little nervous. I just wish I knew how to be ready for what's going to happen tonight."

Chi held onto my arm. "Hideki, don't worry. Everything will be all right. As long as Hideki and Chi are together, everything always is."

I smiled, patting Chi's head. "Thanks, Chi. You're right; I know that, no matter what, things are going to be okay eventually. I love you, and my family and I all love each other. I just hope that Dad doesn't make me go another four years before talking to me again."

"Chi wants Hideki's parents to be happy, too. Hideki's family is so nice. Chi wants to be able to spend more time with Aki, and with Hideki's mama and papa."

I smiled. If Mom and Dad could have heard Chi say that, and had known how much she really meant it, I had a feeling that she might have solved a big part of our dilemma. "Thanks, Chi." I turned and put my arms around her waist as Chi and I gave each other one last, long kiss before leaving the guest house.

When we got to the dinner table, Dad chuckled when he saw me. "Nice outfit! What's the occasion, son?"

I tried to talk past the lump that had suddenly swelled up in my throat. "Uh, well, there's something I've been waiting to tell all of you, and I thought that this would be a good time to say it."

Chi smiled at me, and I could see Aki trying to hide a grin as he realized what I was about to do. My mom and dad, totally oblivious, just looked at me expectantly.

"I ... well, you've gotten to spend some time around Chi, right?"

Maybe it was just my imagination, but Dad's expression seemed to darken a bit at the mention of my fiancee's name. Mom just looked at me, a blank look on her face. "Yes, dear? What about her?"

I gave a swallow. "Well, we've been together ever since I moved to Tokyo. Even though I used to think that she was just, you know, a machine, she's proven over and over again that she's a real person. I mean, she's the nicest, most genuine girl I've ever met, and for a long time, she's told me that she has ... well, feelings for me."

"What--?" Mom exclaimed, her yes going wide. Dad didn't say anything, but his brow furrowed in a concerned, almost hostile expression.

Instead of answering them, I kept going, trying to get out the thing I had been holding in for the last several days. "And to be honest, ever since we met, I've always had feelings for Chi, too, but it wasn't until she told me that she felt the same way that I decided that I really did ... love her."

"Hideki, what are you saying?" asked Mom, now totally shocked.

"What I'm trying to say is, Chi and I are in love, and a couple of weeks ago I proposed to her. She said yes, so now we're officially engaged. I wanted to tell you in person, and to ask if you'd be willing to ... well, to give us your blessing, I guess, and if you wanted to come to the wedding."

Dead silence.

Chi's smile widened for a moment, and Aki looked about ready to jump out of his seat and start cheering. I just felt relieved that I'd managed to finally get everything out in the open.

Then Dad stood up. "Son, if this is supposed to be some sort of joke, it's not funny."

I shook my head. "Dad, I'm telling the truth. Chi isn't my computer - she's my fiancee."

Mom put a hand to her mouth, looking back and forth between Chi and me. Dad just stood there, frowning. "I should have seen this coming," he said quietly. "I should have figured out what was going on when I caught you hugging that damn thing after driving you to the house."

"Dad, Chi isn't just some 'thing'. She's --"

"I know damn well what it is!" he snapped. "I've seen its big brothers drive most of my friends and neighbors into bankruptcy, because some gutless wonder had the bright idea of using robots instead of farmhands. 'Hey, they don't need wages! Let's just fire all these men with families to feed, then replace 'em with the cheapest persocoms on the market!' They didn't give a damn about people, about their workers' feelings, or about all the independent farmers they'd drive out of business with their cheap crops - just what those machines could do for them."

Dad banged his fist on the table. "Damn it, Hideki, I thought I taught you better than that!"

"Aki, go to your room right now!" Mom said, clearly panicked. I couldn't blame her; Dad's face had gone beet-red, and he looked about ready to beat the tar out of somebody - in this case, me. Aki cast a look over at me, probably thinking that I might want him to help me out, but I nodded to let him know it was okay. I was grateful for Aki's acceptance, but this was one fight I'd have to win myself. Aki returned the nod, then headed for the stairs.

I looked beside me. "Chi, you'd better go, too. I've got to talk to my parents on my own."

Instead, Chi held me by the arm. "Chi wants to stay with Hideki," she said, quietly but firmly.

"Chi," I whispered, "I'm really grateful that you want to stay with me, but this looks pretty bad. I don't want you to get hurt - especially not your heart."

She shook her head. "Chi will be all right. Remember what Hideki said? That everything will get better after a while? No matter what other people say, Hideki says Chi is real, and Chi and Hideki love each other, and that's enough for Chi."

"I ... thanks, Chi." It struck me that, only two days earlier, Chi had been ready to call off our relationship because of her fears about being a persocom. But now, here she was, ready to face a very strong, very angry man nearly two feet taller than herself, to defend that same love. For maybe the hundred millionth time, I realized just how much love she really has for me - and how much courage it must have been taking to face my father's anger.

If I hadn't already loved Chi with all my heart, I would have given her the rest of it right then.

Unfortunately, Chi's bravery only seemed to make Dad even angrier than before. "So, this is why you spend so much time around it? Because it holds your hand and says cute words?" he said, walking around the table to our side so that he could shout past Chi to me. "Well, let me tell you something, son: that's called programming. I'm no computer repairman, but I can tell you that there are men who make a living by writing personalities for these things. They spend all day typing in commands - 'smile if he does, frown if he does, say this or that in a given situation' - to try and fool people into treating these things like human beings. It's damn slick marketing, but it's all just for show.

"Trust me, Hideki, that thing doesn't love you any more than a toaster oven can."

Chi physically jerked back at that, as though my father had slapped her across the face. In less than a minute, he had tapped directly into my fiancee's deepest, most painful insecurities, and I saw tears already forming in her eyes.

"Dad, how can you say that?" I cried. "You know Chi. Heck, she came out here to meet you! Think of every conversation we've had together, and just try telling me that she's not one of the most genuine, sweet, compassionate people you've ever met!"

"Yeah, I know 'Chi'. I know what it is, and no matter what it's been programmed to say, or how cute its manufacturer made it look, that doesn't change the fact that it isn't real!"

Chi's breathing stopped short for a moment as her tears finally began trickling down, and for the first time, I saw Chi begin sobbing.

I had only seen her cry once before. The night I finally worked up the nerve to tell Chi that I loved her, she nearly disappeared. When she realized that she wasn't human, and that there would always be things she couldn't do, she had hidden her personality so deep inside her own heart that her sister, Freya, had actually asked their mother to destroy them both, fearing that death would be kinder for Chi than making her live with the pain of heartbreak.

I'm grateful every day that Chi eventually decided to stay with me and deal with our issues. Just when I thought that Miss Hibiya had completely erased Chi forever, she had come back. She had just stood there for a while, tears quietly running down her cheeks. Then, after making her decision, she had run over to me and given me a wild, joyful hug.

This was different, though. Now, Chi's entire body was shaking, and her breath came in shallow, hitching gasps. Just looking at her, seeing Chi in such utter pain, I felt as though someone had just stabbed me in the heart, and was twisting the blade around inside. I could only imagine how much worse it must have been for Chi herself.

Oh, Chi, I'm so sorry. I never should have let you get dragged into this.

Mom, apparently, had had enough, too. "Masao, stop it! I don't care what she is - can't you see you're hurting the poor girl?"

"'Poor girl'? Meifa, don't tell me you're buying into this act, too! It's just a machine - it's crying because it's been programmed to, not because it feels anything. And I don't care what it can do, or how human it can act; I am not going to let our son throw away his chances for marriage with someone who genuinely gives a damn about him!"

As he spoke, Chi managed to get her breathing more-or-less under control. Though her childlike frame was still trembing like a leaf, she managed to lift her face and make eye contact with my father. "Chi does care about Hideki. When Hideki is sad, Chi's heart aches because Chi cares. When Hideki smiles, Chi's heart jumps inside, because Chi cares about Hideki and wants Hideki to always be happy.

"Chi cares about Hideki because Hideki has never been anything but kind to Chi. Hideki carried Chi home from the trash by himself. Hideki taught Chi how to talk and how to do things, not just because he wanted Chi to do things to make him happy, but because Hideki wanted to help Chi get better. When other people treated Chi badly, Hideki always came to protect Chi, to bring Chi home safe so that Chi wouldn't be hurt.

"Being with Hideki makes Chi happy, more than anything else in the world. Chi feels happy when people smile at Chi, or when Chi learns new things, but being with Hideki makes Chi the happiest of all.

"Chi loves Hideki, because Hideki is the nicest person Chi has ever met in Chi's entire life, who cares for Chi for who Chi is, not just what Chi can do for him."

Still staring straight into Dad's eyes, Chi walked towards him, hands at her sides, her face set in pure determination.

"Chi knows Chi will never be human, and if it would make Hideki happy, Chi would break rather than make Hideki sad. But Hideki loves Chi, even if Chi is a persocom, and that is why Chi said yes when Hideki asked Chi to marry him. Chi wants Hideki to be happy forever, and Hideki says that being with Chi makes him happy, so Chi wants to stay with Hideki forever."

Chi stopped walking barely a foot from Dad. Her tears were still falling freely, and I could still see that she was shaking, but even so, she held her ground, looking right up into my father's eyes.

"Chi doesn't know if humans feel love differently - Chi isn't human, and never will be, no matter how much Chi wants it. But Chi's love is as real as it can be, and Chi's feelings are real enough to make Chi happy, or to break Chi's heart. Hideki says that that's enough, and that Hideki loves Chi, too."

And then, finally exhausted from an ordeal I'll probably never understand completely, Chi collapsed, holding onto my very startled father as she finally let go in one last, uncontrollable bout of gut-wrenching sobs.

"So why isn't Chi real enough for you?"

Before I knew it, I was on my knees, holding Chi as she clutched desperately at me, holding onto me like a life raft as her emotions - and her tears - came pouring out. In a few seconds, Mom came over, too, holding Chi and trying to calm her down while Dad just stood there, his mouth slack, as though he still wouldn't let himself understand what was happening.

Then he kneeled down, looking at me with a look of pure and total shock.

"I ... I had no idea ..."

I wanted to say something like, "How can you say that? She's been right here in front of you!", but as much as I felt like snapping at Dad, I knew that it wouldn't help Chi feel better - in fact, she probably would have felt even worse. Instead, we just sat there, staring at each other as Mom and I held Chi.

Finally, he put a hand on Chi's shoulder, feeling her shake as she kept crying into my chest.

"I'm ... sorry," he finally said, a single tear running down his rough, creased cheek.

Chi looked up for a moment, her amber eyes still glistening. There was no resentment in those eyes, no anger, just a depth of pain and sadness that would have crushed most other people.

Dad swallowed hard, as though he had a lump in his throat. "I'm sorry, son." Then he looked at Chi. "And ... I ... I'm sorry for being so hard on you, kiddo. I'm sorry for hurting your, well, feelings."

Chi looked up at him, seeming almost hopeful, despite the tears still trickling down her face. "Hideki's papa isn't angry with Chi? Hideki's papa doesn't ... hate Chi anymore?"

Dad took a deep breath, looked a bit nervously at me, than back at Chi. "I never thought I'd say this, but I guess I was being ... well, a bit of a bigot. I've never liked robots, and it never occurred to me that one of you would care about human beings if it wasn't burned into your circuit boards.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you honestly love my son, and if he's been happy being with you for four years ... well, how's an old fart like me supposed to argue with love?"

Almost instantly, Chi's eyes lit up with joy. Then, in a move that surprised everybody, Chi jumped up, out of my arms, twisted in midair, and landed with her arms around my father's neck. "Chiiii!" she cried happily.

"I - wha- whoa!" Dad toppled over backward, landing with a crash so hard it actually knocked over a couple of cups on the dinner table. Mom laughed, and I had to join in when I saw my father, the biggest, toughest, orneriest man I'd ever met in my life, pinned to the floor by a teenage-looking girl almost two feet shorter than he was, gaping open-mouthed as Chi just smiled down at him, all differences forgotten.

Then he smiled, reached up, and tousled her hair. "Huh," he said.

"You know, I think I see how my son's gotten used to this ..."

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