Total Drama: Ultimate Islands
Episode 17: The King of Campers
Part 3: Smaller Team Strategies

Aside from JFK having no brain, it's business as usual on Total Drama!

Shenanigans all of the way up the butt, three couples having some moments in awkward fashion and hell in a handbasket contained in approximately 5,000 words.

Yeah, it's that, plus Ryuko dealing with Khun, the rest of the contestants getting their share of screen time and (most of) everyone not having a good time with Coachman packed within this still large part.


JFK realised that he had messed up kinda bad, as the other three members were a bit...not excited to deal with him.

"...I can't believe I did that!" JFK shouted. "I apologise for looking at those ladies!"

"It's okay...why would you bring that up?" Dante asked. "We're not ready for that discussion!"

"I'm 'bout to get some overage ladies!" JFK's tone just kept on rising.

"Never mind, none of us are ready! Except me because I have a girlfriend!" Dante exclaimed, as Satori was...doing nothing and Muscle Man spun his shirt. "Her name's Trish and she and I are hating."

"I hate my girlfriend, too! We are very alike!"

Satori and Muscle Man were paying attention to this directionless conversation and they...could give less of a shit, but were clearly paying attention.

"...Are you going crazy? This late in the game?" Satori asked. "I've been crazy since the fourth challenge, I mean look at this shit-"

"Yeah, y'all looking at this shit!" Chef yelled. "We're in the junkyard and all you can do is ruin this show's rating!"

The first squad stopped talking, as they were at the Junkyard Jetty, one of the many new additions to Pahkitew Island that don't make any sense, covered with open shipping containers, a ton of dust and so many random car scraps that were perfect for a shooting mini-challenge.

It was not a shooting mini-challenge.

"You guys know how to beat up a car? We've got 13 cars and some of them need beating up 'cause there is no reason at all!" Chef shouted. "You guys know how to swing, so get going!"

It could be a shooting mini-challenge if people didn't give a shit about teamwork and there was a lot of people that gave a shit about teamwork, including the two romantic couples.

Pit, Clover and Miko were going in on their car and Rock was swinging a stick.

*Rock's confessional*

Rock was genuinely in a good mood.

"So, I found this guitar and it was in the junkyard, so it only broke in the craziest way possible! Pretty sure I saw Dante combo a car in the middle with his homies!"

*Confessional cut*

Coachman to put it in meme talk, saw the DMC stonks...basically, as the Boys on the Rise (Squad 1) were teaming up to disintegrate a car, even with Satori throwing a volleyball at the hood to smash it up...just about though.

While the old man of Squad 13 was thinking of quite the destructive one-up on Dante's team and Pinstripe Potoroo was trying to pull out the glock, Sol had a better idea in his bare hands.

"How about you blokes decide wherever to burn the car or not, because that damned demon hunter-" Coachman said, sure that he was going to get cut off.

And of, he got cut off by a combo of his own squad's making.

Sol started off with a pretty casual Ground Vortex, which was literally a fiery sliding punch to the ground and right into the car...and the problems started right away with the Bandit Bringer.

That flew the car an absurd amount forward, which only Nicole could catch up with a high-hitting karate kick that basically flipped the car backwards and then and only then, the car got some bullet holes.

"Hey, I got some of dese!" Pinstripe yelled, as he stopped putting holes in his squad's wrecked car. "Finish it off, big guy."

"Hahaha and I will!" Coachman boasted, as the ville villain actually brought the power towards the car.

A whip strike that sent it apart and blew it up.

"Well, then...will you offer anything better, Dante? Hmmm."

Of course, Dante offered up a combo with the best of the guys and on the town, the car was sliced up in spectacular fashion and the emphasis was actually on was...because Chef noticed that two cars were just...

...for lack of a better word, evicerated in style...as Dante was definitely having a conversation and Nicole was wondering what kind of cars would even remotely be like this.

"Yo, who the hell slices a car into pieces?! Anyways, whatever team Dante's on and the old guy's crew wins this one!" Chef shouted. "Uh, the rest of you gotta do the thing and get the heck out of here!"


Though it was not long, it was definitely long enough for Basil and hilariously, Bayonetta to do some looking into some random stuff about the vilest villain in the game so far.

Mostly because they just happened to be in the same area.

"You do know I can do this alone?" Basil asked. "Though you may have height, power and charisma, I do have detective skills."

"I'm friends with one who found a witch and for the record, I was pretty damn sneaky!" Bayonetta remarked. "So, you need a lady's touch."

"I could have asked Tails, if he was not too preoccupied with the challengeges." Basil sneered at the witch's help. "But I do not have many options worth considering."

While they had their conversation, they were looking around Coachman's general area of the mens' bed house and there was already something that was really important, mostly because it was up in a hidden compartment of a drawer.

The two of them shared the very important detail of a envelope that was meant for someone and obviously,it had the old man's name.

"That was quick." Bayonetta sounded dissappointed.

"...Weirdly quick for a-"

Basil actually wanted to finish that sentence, but he saw that the letter was...the biggest mix-up that he had ever seen, as it was a statement of intent for not giivng a shit about Alastor.

"What's a Alastor and how do we find out about it?" Basil asked.

"He's either in league with another demon or trolling a demon. Either way, we found some small stuff!"

The two were kinda dissapointed, but not to find about this Alastor guy, but because they got trolled and also because, Bayonetta sensed something...the booming footsteps that was both impending and more...devilish.

And then, of course, in very discreet fashion...

...windows were broken, a mouse was trying to maintain decorum and a 8ft tall witch saw the old man smile at her.

"Are they both very stupid or very bold?" Pinstripe asked, seeing the broken window.

"...Both, as you can see." Coachman definitely saw Basil and Bayonetta run...strut...get around the cabin awkwardly at speed. "Congratulations, you have been owned."

"It was his idea. Apparently it worked!" Pinstripe declared.

Basil and Bayonetta were still running awkwardly out of the villainous duo's sight.

*Coachman's confessional*

He had a weird genuine smile for once.

"I do not know what is more impressive, the fact that one of my jokes has had an initimidating effect on them, them finding about my Alastor problem or the fact that they're strutting like they actually have somewhere to be."

And of course, he had to ruin it with malice.

"...Other than the elimination pit, which I have no idea on how to bring them there. But I will bring them there!"

*Confessional cut*


Speaking of trolled, these guys were still on the Junkyard Jetty, though it was in a very different area, as there was more than the fair share of water surrounding the contestants in their dining area.

Or rather, area with one massive table that was lit all blue like to creep out the contestants and rather, some of them were barely spooked before appreciating the aesthetic.

Minus the table and having a massive pile that was obviously covered with a carp with a ton of metal and wood that stuck out from under there.

"No way! Is that really the challenge?" Rock asked. "Building stuff?"

"Not really, maggot! It's all about putting some pieces together to make something quick, it'll test your communication and your speed, because y'all are slow as molasses!" Chef yelled, as he pulled up the tarp. "You good with chairs?"

"Nope, dude."

"Good! GO, GO, GO!"

The remaining nine teams were sure that they were not only going to make it but also make their own mission to ensure that one of the teams would be automatically sent home.

And a lot of them didn't really know how.

"Uh, what do you mean by 'your fire's going to make this challenge easy' because that is stupid." Mikasa came in swinging on the right front leg. "...You don't know how to do this."

"Well, I will admit to that...but your leg is currently upside down in an impossible fashion."

Mikasa's leg was indeed jammed into the seat.

"Your loss for not reading the plan."

"It's your loss for not listening to me."

Darkness was...there and Yumeko was doing something very weird...yet unsurprising, as she was rotating some wood around as she should and honestly, Darkness was doing surprisingly good.

Because she was actually connecting the pieces of the wood together.

"You two! I may like having being tortured on my private parts, but that doesn't mean I can't build a chair!" Darkness declared, as she posed with her spear. "...You guys were okay with that."

"Emphasis on were. That was ridiculous." Azula was a bit disgusted, as Yumeko was trying to not vomit.

"Yes, it was."

They were more motivated in spite of that somewhat traumatic conversation, as the four of them got to work on trying to build an actual chair, as Azula was basically leading the charge.

Tails' team was winning for very obvious reasons, as the two-tailed fox and Tifa looked like they could really build some chairs.

"So, get the north left...upper left...fourth leg into the fourth hole!" Tails said, sure that he was mixing a few things up.

"Oh, you meant that this leg?"

Reg just held both front legs like he had gotten a treasure.

"Yeah!" Tails said. "You really had to hold them ujp?"

"Pretty much." Reg was working on it. "...I'm doing the legs and I think I might have messed up."

"No way..."

There was definitely a rhythm to it that was not happening with most of the other teams, as Tifa kept on trying to get the best leg out of a giant box with random wooden shit in there, Sammy looked at it and saw that the legs were the wrong way around, Tails had the blue print and assembled the hardest parts and Reg...was on the legs.

Though the two mismatched duos weren't doing too bad, there were two rivalling groups that were fighting to make the best chair.

Azula's group was still stuck with Darkness loving the splinter and the rest of them doing pretty good, all things considered.

And Sokka's group was stuck with a chair that didn't look the best.

"Okay, Azula, how about this? My team's chair rock solid!" Sokka declared.

"I mean, it's not rock solid." Khun tried to tell him.

"Yeah, right, ours was finished first and that's all that matters!"

"I don't know, Chef's expecting a chair that doesn't look like it's about to fall apart."

"I try my best! This chair good enough for underpaid cook." Heavy had two halves of two broken legs together, as he said that.

"...Okay, I won't stop you." Khun remarked.

*Cassie's confessional*

"Sokka really does need to get Azula out of his head, because she talked some bullshit to him once and all of sudden, quality doesn't matter as long as he gets first. He really fell for her trap." Cassie said, completely in the mood to do a roast.

*Mikasa's confessional*

"Well, Azula apparently put a spell on him because it doesn't look like he's going to win and I could care less about it, but he's our main competition."

She said like she couldn't have cared less.

*Confessional cut*

"I can see your four put some craftmanship and effort into your chair." Chef announced. "You ain't fools no more!"

"Oh, thank you, Chef! Amy always says-" Sammy couldn't finished the sentence.

"I've gotta check two other chairs, I don't have time for this."

Squad 2 was clear to do whatever they wanted to do, dumb or not...and as Chef passed the other groups with their unfinished or even unconstructed chairs, there they were.

The two duelling squads with the two duelling chairs, one that looked pretty boring and the other that was done quickly.

And of course, the co-host with the sunglasses dropped them to look at Sokka.

"Is this a joke?" Chef coldly Sokka, who was overconfident.

"No, we did it first." Sokka asked, as the chair's front left leg was...broken.

"Look, I ain't dealing with funny business! Them ladies' chair looks like something I could sit on...yours' ain't!" Chef was still right in the warrior's face. "And that means your team ain't passing!"

"Sorry, Chef!" Sokka panicked. "...Does Azula win?"

"Of course, she does! She got a good, quick chair and yours is broke."

Azula and Yumeko just sighed in relief as they didn't want to be with Mikasa and her watchful eyes, as the two duos waved to each other.

"Squads 2 and 7 pass finally! The rest of you...better follow me!"

As the rest of them, especially the now angry Squad 6, were going to wherever the next challenge was...the two duos that previously made Squad 7 kept their distance.

Especially Mikasa and Darkness.

"Look as much as I have certain...quirks, I can easily keep a secret." Darkness explained. "Because you look like you're keeping a secret."

"I don't know how you could tell." Mikasa answered. "But here it is..."

They got in real close together and was hiding behind some different boxes.

"I saw Azula, Yumeko, Coachman and Pinstripe sitting somewhere while I was out using my gear and considering what they've done, they're up to no good." Mikasa quickly explained. "And apparently, they've got two other members."

"That makes sense." Darkness said. "...But how do we fight those four?"

"I've got a group with Noah...and that's about it." Mikasa stated. "But Tanya does have an alliance."

"Good, because I've wanted to join them. But they kept on rejecting me every time for some reason."

"I think because they knew that you are a liability alone, but with the other two, we should good."

"Ok."

"Ok."

And just like that, the two former Crows were out of there, while the duo in alliances were having much more important matters in another room.

"It's weird how we're both equals in completely different ways. But that is to be expect, we are both geniuses." Azula just conceded her cards.

"Well, that is true. Unlike you, I don't mind taking a loss, but you know I'm here to also help my friends out." Yumeko stated, just putting her cards in a box. "That was a pretty fun game, wasn't it."

"...Yes, it was." Azula said.

Like friendship, baby!


As for the rest of the squads, they were once again, back in the mess hall and this time, they were to collaborate on a little bit of writing that Chef wanted for obvious reasons.

"Now you guys are back in this place and this time, you're going to have to write about me! I don't care if you respect me or not, you've got an hour to write 500 words about your favourite Chef!"

"Everybody's favourite Chef is Soma, obviously." Clover remarked.

"Write an essay about me or shut your mouth!"

"Okay, sir."

Chef didn't really have the time to make Clover shut up for a whole second, as there was much more importants to do...like make the teams actually write.

Sokka's squad was definitely thinking of some ideas.

"Man, he's scary! I bet he scare his kids." Sokka complained.

"Okay, he would do that, but right now we've got think about more things than about how he pees your pants." Khun remarked with a smirk.

"Nah, he's not that scary!"

"...You should be quiet."

The sixth squad was currently taking their time, while the ninth squad was doing what one of them did best and the other three was practically hating at the moment.

"Yo, this is some bullshit..." Kyo said very quietly. "...What he's writing is going to get us wrecked in the face."

"I don't know, I just hope that Chef finds it creative." Lowain nervously whispered. "Or good."

Lowain and Kyo were trying to put in some ideas, as Joseph was really looking at the paper with...plain amusement, as Deadpool was writing down a letter towards Chef, probably a bit insulting.

Even though it was also somehow at the same time, a certain movie's script.

They weren't the only quartet making some weird words, as the Short Girl Squad was finally getting into business.

"I can't believe you two like Chef." Penny said. "The man is petty as heck!"

"Look if you were getting treated like that, you'd would start causing problems." Tiana was actually watching Sonia write her best.

"I would not 'cause I have standards, girl."

"You want to know how bad he gets it? It's real bad."

"...Sounds believable." Penny just dismissed the cook, as the two black chicks were having a bit of a talk.

While Penny Proud and Tiana were doing it and Mystique Sonia was writing with Yasha on the back seat providing some ideas, Uraraka was doing something pretty unsurprising.

Looking at the other teams and how they were doing.

*Uraraka's confessional*

She was a bit nervous.

"Just because I think of many idea on how to compliment Chef." Uraraka said. "...And then I realised all of them would be kind of weird in English, so I didn't say much."

*Confessional cut*

And with that being, the two couples were sharing some moments together, writing a little something for the Chef that they did not really like, as Rock was the only one that wanted to write.

"Like, what do we do?" Clover asked. "We're not writers or anything!"

"Well, we do what we do. Rock this mini-challenge and hopefully, get our butts into the safe zone." Rock whispered, still doing the air guitar. "And Pit's butt too."

"Yeah...wonder what's up with them?"

"Pretty sure we could ask."

As the two loving duo was hanging out, Pit and Miko were having a problem of sorts and it was...both ridiculously obvious and yet didn't come up until now.

"You're a thousand and two hundred years old? Oh my god, you probably saw the middle ages." Miko whispered. "Was it crazy down in the middle ages?"

"Uh, I can't tell you because I was like a 7 year old in angel years...but I can tell you that Victorian times with our technology would be dumb." Pit said, real awkwardly. "The dirtiest people ever."

"Holy cow, it would both be gamer hell and gamer heaven. Like I do play video games on the highest level...it'd be like that all of the time." Miko was bouncing some words around.

"My fellow gamer, I do propose that you are quite the scrub." Pit just waited a second. "It'd be just like that!"

"Yeah!"

Rock and Clover weren't really distracted, as much as they were flummoxed by the odd conversation between the gamers.

*Clover's confessional*

She was very to being, like, tired of their bullshit.

"That's great that you're in love and all and the fact that you've got an...century-long age gap, but you two stop being like idiots and help us do this essay about this chef!" Clover complained again.

*Confessional cut*

Right next to the master-piece making squad that had Deadpool making his usual stuff, Lowain adding some suggestions and Joseph and Kyo trying to see who could fire some clackers into Chef's pocket...

...was the paper stackers, the money makers, the real OGs (or not, since Nobara didn't know what that meant) Squad 5 and the writing trio of Shego, Giovanni and Riley.

"Yo, Chef is gonna regret doubting us! This shit goes hard, my guy!" Riley said.

"Yes, it does." Giovanni stated. "We're clear to make the hottest essay of all time."

"It ain't an essay, it's some bars for a song that I ain't making. But this is where Lil Breezy's starting!"

"Dawg, you've got a whole career ahead of with these bars." Giovanni bragged.

And they were done with their verse and chorus that Shego could only cringe and badly hit her reaction.

"Wow, they're...uh...definitely bars." Shego just couldn't care less, as the two boys cheered. "Nobara, help me out here."

"I got bestowed a new language, give me a second! These bars are terrible." Nobara said to only Shego and only her.

The ladies weren't exactly in there to pump the boys, but that would imply that they needed gassing up in the first place, as Squad 5 were confident enough to slam it down on a table.

And subsequently, leave every other team not ready to handle the wrath of Chef Hatchet, as it was now officially sunset and some of them were a bit tired.

"Nigga, it's over for you! You're gonna pass us or you gonna die." Riley bragged.

"And as villains, we're compelling to give you that choice! This thing's about to top the charts...as big villains!" Giovanni bragged.

The two of them were plain sure.

"...I'm gonna take my chances in dying, if this is chart-worthy. Y'all suck!" Chef shouted at Squad 5, as their girls weren't that surprised. "You don't qualify!"

Shego and Nobara were watching Riley and Giovanni swear up a storm, as they knew a bit better for them to basically care about the challenge.

*Shego's confessional*

She was pretty uncaring...like usual.

"I told the both of them that Chef was going to be a hater.

*Confessional cut*

However, there was still 15 more minutes to do some more writing, so obviously, there wasn't a lot that had finished, but there was also one other team that did finish.

And they were proud of it...if Deadpool counted as non-binary.

"Honestly, writer, why did you go there? I've got something great to show!" Deadpool declared. "Chef, be prepared to see something good!"

"Uh, man, I think you might like it." Lowain just tried to keep the atmosphere positive. "Maybe."

"Last time I heard that, it was GARBAGE!" Chef yelled, as he got the two-sided essay from Deadpool and Lowain.

Kyo and Joseph were just looking not very surprised at what he was going to say...as Chef slowly read the entire thing and he was shocked at how weird it was, as the chef with the anger just put it down...looked at Deadpool and asked one important question.

"Why did you go above and beyond in the stupidest way possible? Look...this is...this is too much. You guys pass and you scare me!"

"Looks like I did my job, you guys." Deadpool remarked. "To be fair, I wanted to scare you."

"Bruh..." Lowain just read it. "...you really had to do it to Chef? You were wildin' on this one."

"Why not?"

"You just wrote Chef's a story on the battlefield."

Joseph and Kyo were a little surprised that the story somehow completely changed between the last time they saw it and this time around.

"Damn, gotta hand it to ya. You're good at things when you need to." Kyo stated, as Deadpool was gaining all of the high fives. "I still don't know why you didn't ask me."

"...Because they sucked a giant load of ass!" Lowain announced.

*Kyo's confessional*

Kyo was definitely not mad.

"Alright, I'm fine with the opinions of some furry, I'll address in my next poem! And then he's going to like it!" Kyo expressed himself quite aggressively. "I bet Iori sent him."

*Confessional cut*

The clock was slowly counting down to the 1 hour limit and so far, there was only three teams that had done their essay and only one had passed so far, as Squad 15.

"I told you that was not going to work." Noah remarked.

"Come on, I can do way better than him at sautees, slicing, dicing, making verrines, cheese-"

"Okay, that's not the point. You got 299 words, not 300." Noah told Soma, who pretty much looked confident. "Seriously, you can count it."

"Hold up, it's not that many words." Soma said.

"It is, stupid!" Tiny Tina declared.

Eva huffed off to the side.

And of course, Squad 4 finally came back with a very respectable essay that had one thing that was needed in this mini-challenge.

"Is it so hard to actually compliment me? Squad 4, you're through! Rest of y'all, you better stop sucking or else you're going to the final round, losers!"

"Okay, okay, calm down with the insults, I'm sure that they were trying their best." Uraraka argued. "They put their best foot forward and messed up a bit, so what?"

"Wait...you want to read this?" Penny asked. "Look at this!"

"Wait, what do you mean-"

Uraraka looked over Squad 5's top of the line rap and it was...giving her an new experience, as the other teammates were giving her some space, as she was reading down line by line.

Mystique Sonia was a bit nervous at looking over at that.

Penny realised that it was trash with no hope of being good.

Tiana plain didn't understand and looked like she didn't care for the rest.

"-Oh no, this is terrible! This is so terrible!"

"You know what. Thank you." Penny said what was needed to be said.

The four of them weren't all short, but they were girls that were ready to own whatever it is they were about to own in the next episode, as the 12 other squads that had qualified were doing something...

The rest of them?

Actually was going to have some spotlight in the next part of this episode, as Chris was in here, only doing the outro.

"Now that JFK's off the screen this episode, you guys are probably wondering who's going to get sent home and how does Chef keep on torturing these other players? Find out after the break, though."


To be continued in the final part of this team challenge, which will definitely contain some of 'dat sauce especially with the last team to be left in the game and stuck in the competition...to be sent right back out of it with speed!

SAFE BOYS:

Squad 1/Boys of the Town: Dante, Muscle Man, Satori Tendou & JFK

Squad 2/Double Up: Tifa, Sammy, Tails & Reg

Squad 3/Queen of Fighters: Yuri, Sakura, Mai & Kasumi

Squad 4/Short Girl Squad: Uraraka, Tiana, Penny & Mystique Sonia

Squad 7/Antagonistic Friends: Azula, Mikasa, Yumeko & Darkness

Squad 8/The Soft & Strong: Storm Shadow, Luigi, Legoshi & Tanya

Squad 9/Meme House: Deadpool, Lowain, Joseph & Kyo

Squad 10/Comeback Machine: Snake, Samus, Hsien-Ko & Rapunzel

Squad 11/Swordmeisters: Samurai Jack, Tanjiro, Squirrel Girl & Scott Pilgrim

Squad 12/Team Bogard: Terry Bogard, Iori, Bayonetta & Basil

Squad 13/Bad-ish Blood: Coachman, Pinstripe Potoroo, Sol Badguy & Nicole

Squad 14/Young, Dumb & Woke: Kipo Oak, Ryuko, Min Min & Michiru Tamegori

UNSAFE GIRLS:

Squad 5/Paper Stackers United: Giovanni, Riley, Shego & Nobara

Squad 6/Revived Swordfishes: Sokka, Heavy, Khun & Cassie

Squad 15/Leftover Squad: Noah, Eva, Tiny Tina & Soma

Squad 16/Love's Weapon: Clover, Rock, Miko Kubota & Pit

Squad 17/Passionate Punchers: Dawn, Catalina, Aisling & Leshawna