"Now what?" Luther said after a good ten minutes of silence. Ris still looking a bit green, Five resuming his enraged pacing after she recovered from her puking.

"Now nothing, Luther, all right? Make your peace with God."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic." Ris chided. Five waving his arms around violently as if saying 'Dramatic?!'

"What? Luther said, glancing at him, before back at Ris. "What about Allison and Vanya?" he asked her. "Screw them both. They should have been here." Five said flippantly, marching back again, kicking hard a an cardboard box.

"Hey," Ris said warningly. "I don't think they'd just blew this off."

"What about Diego?" Klaus groaned. "He's quite a responsible young man, no?"

"Klaus is right. Something must have happened to them." Ris said thoughtfully. "Probably the Commission. The Handler must have done something! This whole thing was a set up." Ris said, shaking her head. "She set you up to fail. And she probably sent people to make sure you did. She knew you wouldn't leave without the rest of them. She played you and screwed us over! Diego's probably-"

"Screw Diego, all right?" Five shouted. "Screw everybody! I was better off on my own in the apocalypse." Five yelled. "Excuse me? You lasted all of two weeks, without me, genius!" Ris yelled back.

"Yeah?" Five scoffed. "Without me you'd be dead!"
"Please," Ris drawled. "Without me, you'd be dead."
"You're impossible!"
"You just can't handle that I was right. Again!"

"Oh, it's weird when mommy and daddy are fighting." Klaus mumbled, pausing the yelling. "What!?" the two shouted, rounding on Luther and Klaus, the former stumbling back at the rage from the two of them.

"Ugh, can you guys just kiss and makeup already? I have a killer headache." Klaus groaned.

"Shut up!"

Ris sighed, running her fingers though her hair. Five shaking his head, before turning around marching back to Elliott's. Ris walking over to Klaus, gently helping him up.

"Five! Come on." Luther called, jogging after him. "You know what, Luther? It's every sibling for himself now. How 'bout that?" Five shouted, slamming a door shut.

Klaus sighed. "Did Five just get meaner?"

"No, he's just angry at himself. He's not happy he got screwed over again." Ris said, gently rubbing his back. "Give him a minute or two, he'll cool off and be…well not that much different but…he's Five. What can you do?" she mumbled, watching Luther walk back down.

"Locked?" Ris guessed.

Luther nodding his head. "Klaus, go check on Allison, okay? Make sure she's okay. Find the others and we'll meet back here." Luther instructed. "I'll handle Five."

Klaus snorted. "You're going to handle Five?"

Luther paused, glancing at Ris. "Ris'll handle Five."

"We all sort of figured that, BFG." Ris said, turning to Klaus. "You gonna be okay?"

Klaus nodded, turning to Ben; who had been quietly observing. "And you, you have had your possession privileges revoked."

"I regret nothing."

Klaus sighed. "Just stay out of me."

"I regret nothing!"
"Back off!"

"Boy's behave." Ris said, making a 'behave or else' gesture, before turning around; spatial-jumping inside.


The kettle was boiling.

Five setting a steaming mug on the table. "Tea's meant to help with nausea." he said without looking up from the floor. "Thanks." Ris said sliding into a chair, cupping the mug with her hands. Five leaned against the sink. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Ris said taking a sip.
"She played me."

"I know." Ris repeated calmly. Five sighed, leaning back, pulling out the chair across form her. "I wouldn't have survived without you."

"I know." Ris said with a smirk, setting the cup down. "And I wouldn't have survived without you. But that's not important right now." she said leaning forwards, resting her hands on the table. "You got any ideas?"

"Not currently." he replied, looking her up and down. "What are you thinking?"

"I have an idea." Ris admitted, gently twirling her finger over the rim of her cup. "But you're going to really hate it. I mean, really, really hate it."

Five stared at her for a few seconds, a look of realisation passing over him. Five chucked slightly, leaning back in his chair, a small smirk playing on his lips. "You're right, I do hate it."

Ris smiled, taking a sip. "I know."


"Hey! Five? Doomsday is still coming. We gotta think of a new plan." Luther called out, unsurely, knocking on the door. "Don't you get it, Luther? It's over, all right? We're already dead." Five said from inside.

"Don't be so negative." Ris said, grabbing a few more handkerchiefs, stuffing them into her pants pockets. Planning for a mad plan was as the title proclaimed, mad. Grabbing a bottle of baby powder she closed the door behind her.

"I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this." Five started, Ris tossing him the baby powder. "But Ris is right, and I'm going to listen to her." he said going into the bathroom.

"Come to what, Five? Five!"

"Relax, he's just pouring baby powder down his shirt. The first bout's the worst, apparently." Ris said calmly, opening the door for him, Five locking the bathroom door locking behind him.

"What's happening? Come to what?" Luther asked, turning to Ris. "Short story. We're not fighting. We thought of a plan. Plan is crazy, but it's the best we've got. So, we're in for said crazy plan." Ris said simply.

Luther blinked.

"You got it?" Ris asked. "Good." Ris said, turning around walking to the bathroom. Five walking out, walking into the nearest bedroom, Ris following him, locking the door behind her.

Luther paused, awkwardly hovering before slowly sitting on the couch.


Rattling the soft, ratting of something. Luther woke up, pulling of the small knit blanket that he hadn't put on himself. "Five?" Luther called groggily. "Shit." he muttered. "Five?"

"In the kitchen." Ris's voice rang out, far clearer than him. Luther got up, walking into the kitchen. Ris was sitting on the table, watching Five grabbing a container of water, promptly beginning to chug it.

"Five, what…You okay?" he asked, directing the question to Ris. "He's fine." Ris said, stuffing a paper in her pocket. Five pausing in his slurping. "Keep going." Ris prompted.

Five nodding, continuing his slurping, before lowering the container, gasping. "I'm gonna need to be hydrated." he said heavily. "Hydrated? What's with the baby powder?" Luther asked, watching grab the baby powder from Ris's outstretched hand. "It'd meant to help with the itching." Ris said, throwing the pen aside.

"What itching? There's itching? What the hell is going on here? You guys do have a plan." Luther said in realisation. "Yep. I thought I made that clear already?" Ris said in confusion.

Five exhaled sharply. "Easy." Ris added, glancing at him worriedly.

"Well, it's a desperation move, but...since our brain-dead siblings are incapable of meeting a simple deadline, I got no choice." Five explained.

"No choice about what?"
"I have to find myself."

"He means his past self. Not the heartfelt journey of self-discovery and all that." Ris explained seeing Luther's confused face. Five nodded. "I just arrived in Dallas 15 minutes ago."

Luther licked his lips. "Should I be worried about you?"

Ris and Five looked at him like he had grown two heads. "Luther, if you recall, Ris and I were sent to 1963 on a job by the Commission to make sure the president was assassinated."

"Oh! Right."
"Precisely." Five said tensely.

"What, just walking around Dallas?" Luther asked. "Well, he's not exactly flying." Ris said dryly. "Walking around Dallas with a briefcase that can get all of us home." Five said hoping the elaboration would help him.

Luther's eyes widened. "Oh, my God. Five, you're a genius."

"Ris's idea." Five said gently. "However, there are three significant problems we have with this plan. Problem number one: I am a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum. If I know me, I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself. Problem number two, and this is the real fly in the ointment here: you're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous."

"Side effects? What sort of side effects?" Luther asked. "Pretty shitty ones." Ris said, pouring a glass of water for herself.

"Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are..." Five said, counting down with his fingers. "Stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage."

"Homicidal rage?"
"Yip."
"Yeah."

"But, I feel the need to tell you, that they don't always coming in those exact steps." Ris added. "For example, it could go, homicidal rage, then denial or, like excessive gas then homicidal rage. There are some cases with necrophilia, it's a whole mess." she said making a face.

"What's problem number three?" Luther asked. Ris sighed. "I'm going to be there too."

Luther paused. "Jeez, I don't know. This maybe isn't such a good idea."

"It's a Hail Mary. But what choice do we got, Luther?" Five said simply. Ris nodding. "Luckily, I'll be fine for a good few hours, because I arrived later, but we can't tackle me, because my briefcase gets damaged."

"I don't know," Luther said looking at Five. "You already seem a bit squirrelly if I'm being honest."

"Look, Luther, I'm gonna need you to help me get through this one, all right? I...I need a spotter." Five said desperately.

"A spotter?"
"Yeah."
"What is that? Like, a wingman?"

"Oh my god, we're going to massacre Dallas." Ris breathed out. "We're going to massacre Dallas. We're gonna kill everyone."

"Shh." Five hissed, turning back to his brother. "Look, in case the paradox psychosis gets too severe, I need you to help me and Ris stay on task, all right? So, whatever happens, whatever we say, we need to get that briefcase."

"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Okay."

"Stop saying 'okay'!" Ris said, tapping Five on the arm. "We gotta go."

Five nodded. "Luther, come on."

"Right."


"Pub, why am I not surprised." Ris said, when they walked inside, loud Irish themed music blasting from the hidden speakers. "Well, there I am." Five said, leaning behind one of the wooden poles and Luther, watching the older Five scribble something down in his notebook.

"Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?" Luther asked, following his companions gaze. "What are you planning an early funeral?" Ris said, looking at him like he was mad. "Luther, I would never let that happen." Five said slowly. "We're trained to guard these briefcases with our lives."

"Right."

"Plus, it's the inherent paradox where this gets tricky. I'm endangering my existence just being in the room with myself." Five explained.

"Which is why, I wanted to do this alone." Ris said patently. "Which is why, I insisted on coming along." Five replied back sharply.

The two of the clearly seeming to have argued about this sometime before.

"Huh... What do you mean?" Luther asked. Ris face-palmed.

"Luther, try to keep up." Five said. "If old me doesn't travel back to 2019 like he's supposed to, the whole thing unravels itself. I cease to exist. You got me?"

"Then we'd have screwed ourselves and time. Do you wanna screw time, Luther?" Ris asked, folding her arms, shaking her head. "No, I get you." Luther said, in a voice that clearly did not understand the exchange.

"So our best chance is to talk with him, to reason with him." Five continued. "Yeah, because Five is so, easy to be reasoned with." Ris said smirking.

"He'll understand." Five insisted. "Trust me. I know myself better than, uh...better than I know myself." he said, scratching his neck. Luther and Ris shared a look. Ris discreetly nodding her head slightly.

"You just itched your neck. That's stage two of paradox psychosis." Luther blurted out, clearing not getting her message.

"No, I didn't. I didn't itch my neck." Five replied. "Denial is stage one." Luther added.
"I am fine, okay? Let's stay on task, shall we?" Five snapped, walking forward. Luther stopping him with his hand. "Wait!"

"What?"

"Maybe I should go first." Luther suggested. "Why?" the two asked.

Luther licked his lips. "Well, you'll freak him out. Bumping into your own tiny doppelganger? And you know, tiny best friend that's not older. He will lose his shit."

"That's true, you are prone to losing your shit." Ris mused. "Exactly," Luther said, straightening himself out. "Just let me break the ice."

"Okay." Five said quietly.
"Okay."

"If you start with your 'okay's again." Ris said tensely. Five breathed out deeply. "All right." he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Luther took a deep breath, nervously walking over to the older Five.

"How you holding up, solider?" Ris said, gently touching his shoulder, withdrawing her hand when it came back a bit wet. Sweat. That wasn't great.

"He's gonna screw this up isn't he?" Five mumbled. "No, no, no." Ris said quickly. "He, you know…Luther is…I-I trust Luther."

"You do?"

"Yes." Ris said slowly. "Yes, I do." she said watching Luther's back. "Yeah, I can't look."

"No, freak outs." Luther said after a few minutes, gesturing to them. Five slowly walked out first, Ris standing next to him, greeting the older Five with a wave.

"Hey there, stranger."


Ris sniffed, biting her lower lip, looking across at Luther; who was smiling awkwardly at the two Five's who were death glaring the other. Luther sighed. "Well...this is nice, isn't it? The four of us, together like this."

"No." the Five's said in unison.

"Well, that was expected." Ris said, taking a sip of her water, glancing at the crinkled paper in her hands. 10: 53 written in her looping handwriting. She glanced up at the clock. 10:40.

"Somebody explain to me how it is I'm having a pint of Guinness with my younger self and a younger Ris?"

"Older, actually." Five corrected. "I'm you, just 14 days older."

"I have pubic hair smarter than you." Older Five said. Ris snorted, quickly turning it into a cough. "How's that possible?" Older Five continued, glaring at Five, but the smallest flicker of a smile on his lips.

"I can explain." Five said clenching his teeth, glaring at the 'Older' Five. He knew exactly what made him smile. "You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the Commission." Five said.

10: 45

"I already know you're thinking about it." Five added, seeing the Older Five's flicker of panic in his eyes. "All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. Well, today, you are going to do something about it. Today, you are going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019. However, you are going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body, trapped forever, small, pubescent." Five growled, eager to get the man's skin.

"I clearly took the change better than him." Ris added.

"Okay." Older Five said, a slightly quiet fart resonating from him, making Ris and Luther share another look. "Even if I was to believe you, what am I supposed to do about it, not jump?" he suggested.

"No, no. I need you to jump." Five said quickly. "If you don't jump, I cease to exist. Ris might too. What I need from you is to jump correctly."

"I'm listening."

10:50

"The first time through, I got the calculation wrong. That's how I ended up in this body. But now, I know the correct calculation." Five baited.

Ris bit down her smile, even half crazy, he still was one of the smartest people she knew. Well, smart enough to remember while half-crazy the plan they made.

"What is it?" the Older whispered.

"I'll be glad to tell you...in exchange for that briefcase you're holding under the table." Five replied. "Seems fair, no?" Ris said, rising an eyebrow at the older man.

She scrunched the paper in her hand, stuffing it back in her pocket.

"Yeah, yeah," Luther jumped in. "So you go back to 2019, as planned, but this time with the right math, so you remain a full-grown man. In exchange, we get that briefcase that you no longer need." Luther half sang.

"Timeline restored, paradox resolved. Everyone goes on existing happily ever after." Five ended.

"I think he got that. So what is it?" Ris mused calmly, turning to the Older Five. "That's quite a bit to take in." the man said. Ris nodded understandably. "You going to help us?" Ris asked gently.

The Older Five looked at her, before glancing at the table. "I think…I need to piss." he said, getting up stoically, with the briefcases and walking into the men's restroom.

"Oh." Luther said in surprise, grabbing a napkin. "Classy." Ris said in agreement, turning to Five, who was twitching unnaturally. "How you doing?" she said, taking his hand in hers. In was strange, like he had a fever, but different at the same time.

"Well, besides the flop sweat, I think that went pretty well, am I right? Right Ris?" Luther said dabbing Five's brow.

"No, no, there's something...Something doesn't feel right about this." Five said shakily. "What...What do you mean?" Luther stuttered.

Ris scratching the back of her neck, watching them.

"I don't trust him."
"But he's you."
"Exactly."

"Maybe you're just not used to yourself." Ris tried, rubbing her cheek. "Luther can I talk to you for a sec?" Ris asked, sliding out of her chair.

Luther nodded, sliding out too. Five watching them like a hawk. They walked to the side, away so he couldn't hear them, but close that he could still see them.

"Listen to me, Godzilla." Ris hissed, grabbing the front of Luther's shirt. "You have to go keep an eye on that old gasbag in the bathroom and make sure he's not planning to screw us over while he shits. Okay?"

"Bu-"

"No, but's. I don't trust that old geezer anymore than he does." Ris growled inkling her head towards Five. "So you better make sure he's on our side, or I promise you. Homicidal rage will be my first stage. Got it?"

"Y-yeah, I got it." Luther stuttered in shock.

"Okay," Ris said softly, releasing him; looking like the picture of calm. "Thanks' Luther." she said, giving him a pat on the shoulder, before walking back to Five.

"Oh my god." Luther breathed out, walking to the bathroom.


"What we you talking about?" Five asked, the second she sat down. "The geezer in the bathroom." Ris said, downing the last of her water. "How you feeling?"

"How are you feeling?" Five asked, running his fingers though his hair.

"The hell's that supposed to mean? I'm not the one sweating like a pregnant camel." Ris snapped back, swallowing hard. "I didn't mean that."

"I know."
"I know you know." Ris replied, scratching her arms.

"You want some baby powder?"

"Why the hell would I need baby powder Five?" Ris said icily; waiting for him to contradict her. Five opened his mouth, looking up at Luther and the Older Five. "We good?"

"We're good." Luther said, smiling. Ris squinted her eyes at him. Monkey Man was screwing with them. Big asshole got manipulated. Typical. She should kill him.

"You got a deal." Older Five said. "We gotta hurry. Kennedy's en route. Less than an hour until showtime."

"Why are you so anxious to get going all of a sudden?" Five said getting up, pulling at his shirt collar. Ris stood up too, but more interested in staring down Luther, who looked ready to shit himself under her glare.

"Relax." Older Five said lightly. "You're getting paranoid."

Five let out a scoffing chuckle. "Oh, am I?" he said, the two Five's letting off resounding farts. Luther staring at them in shock, before looking at Ris, who was scratching her neck hard.

His eyes widened.

"Okay, let's roll." Luther said, walking out. The Older Five following swiftly after, leaving Ris and Five behind. "We should shove a pool stick down his throat and wait till it pokes out of his ass." Ris whispered manically, nodding to herself as she scratching her wrist.

Five nodded in agreement, taking Ris's hand following the two outside, on their trip to kill the President.

Thoughts?

I cannot stress how much I loved writing, angry Ris. IDK why I enjoy when she breaks her composure?

Anyways, don't forget to fav, review, follow, PM, ect. :)

Till next time...