The Smashers Quit
Chapter One: Cokepsi Burger

"Master Hand, I won the tournament, where's my prize money?" demanded Falco, storming up to Master Hand's desk in his private room in Smash Mansion.
"No, sorry, birds don't win prize money," said Master Hand.
"But I don't earn any money outside of tournaments!" said Falco, angrily.
"Sorry Falco, Fox clones don't win prize money," said Master Hand, quite calmly.
"But I beat everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money," said Master Hand.
"WHAT? I BEAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE SMASH MANSION, AND YOU WON'T GIVE ME A SINGLE CENT OF THE MILLION DOLLAR PRIZE MONEY?" asked Falco angrily, sweating.
"Here, have this drumstick made out of parrot meat," said Master Hand, calmly.
Falco took a bite, and then looked at Master Hand, startled.
"Hey, this tastes like the time when I tried to eat myself!" said Falco, angrily to Master Hand. "It's a parrot! You filthy person!"
"I'm just doing my job," said Master Hand.
"What? Making everyone cannibals?"
"Yep."
"Well, well guess what?" asked Falco, trembling slightly. "I'm- I'm going to quit being a Smasher, and get a great job! My job will be ten times better than yours, and you will regret never giving me the prize money!"
"Sure, go ahead," said Master Hand, turning the page of the glamour magazine that he was reading while Falco made his speech.
"You'll see! You'll see!" said Falco, pointing his hand threateningly at Master Hand.

Later…

"You're working at a fast food chain?" asked Master Hand, looking weirdly at Falco, over the counter.
"Not any fast food chain, but Cokepsi™ Burger!" said Falco, triumphantly. "And sometimes, when I'm cooking the fries, sometimes I pinch one, and eat it up just for myself! It's good fun!"
"Well, actually," said the anthropomorphic squirrel manager, "You're not supposed to have fun in a minimum wage part-time job."
"Oh," said Falco, disappointingly. "Well, I can still have a chip once in a while!"
"No you can't," said the manager. "Even though we're not concerned about hygiene, because you're the n00b here, you can't eat anything."
"Oh," said Falco. "Well, at least I get paid!"
"No, you signed a contract that donated all your wages to me."
"Oh," said Falco. "At least I'm still having fun!"
"Well, actually, you're not supposed to have fun in a minimum wage part-time job."

Later…
"Hey, guess what Master Hand?" said Falco. "I'm doing less than you, and I'm going to make more money than you!"
"Oh really?" asked Master Hand, in what was a quite ignorant tone.
"Yeah, I payed this cool company my joining fee of $100,000 dollars, and now every time I recruit a new person, I get 100 bucks, and soon, I'm going to make a profit!" said Falco, eagerly.
"Are you sure these work at home things aren't scams?" asked Master Hand.
"No," said Falco. "And I should be getting my first paycheck any minute now!"
"Um… Well I have to go now…" said Master Hand in a fake tone, flying away from Falco.
Suddenly, the ringtone of Falco's mobile phone went off. Falco promptly picked it up, and put his ear up to it.
"Hello?" said Falco.
"Hello," said the voice at the other end. "Um… Five minutes after you paid us one-hundred thousand dollars, our company declared bankrupt."
"What, your company somehow collapsed a few minutes after I paid you my life savings?" asked Falco, shocked.
"Mmm," said the voice at the other end.
"Do I get any of it back?" asked Falco.
"Um… No… Fox clones don't get any money," said the guy at the other end.
"Hey wait," said Falco to himself. "That sounds strangely familiar!"
Falco tried to remember what was said to him in the last few hours.
"Sorry Falco, Fox clones don't win prize money," Falco heard Master Hand say.
"But I beat everyone!" Falco remembered saying, replying to Master Hand.
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money," Falco remembered Master Hand saying shortly afterwards.
Those same few thoughts kept on going through his head.
"Sorry Falco, Fox clones don't win prize money,"
"But I beat everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money."
"Sorry Falco, Fox clones don't win prize money,"
"But I beat everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money,"
"Sorry Falco, Fox clones don't win prize money,"
"But I beat everyone!"
"Nope, Fox clones don't get any money,"
"Was there anything else?" asked Falco to himself.
"Babies are yummy!" said Peach.
"WTF?" asked Falco to himself. "Hey, Master Hand robbed me of one-hundred thousand dollars!"
"Oh," said Master Hand, "It's no big deal. I make more than this scamming people every day!"
"You scam more people to get money?" said Falco angrily.
"Sure! You Smashers, idiots who pay to watch you fight, and that blind guy down the road who pays me because he thinks I'm magic!"
"You-"
"Oh, and you owe me a million dollars for entering my office," said Master Hand.
"That's it, Master Hand. You will pay for this! I promise!" said Falco, angrily. "I will do the worst deed ever possible for you, and you will regret not giving me the money!"
Falco laughed menacingly.

Later…
"You're stealing the radio from my car?" asked Master Hand.
"Damn straight," said Falco, angrily. "I'm going to keep that radio, and you're not going to do a thing about it!"
Falco did a raspberry at Master Hand, and then crossed his arms near his chest.
"I'll spend your prize money," said Master Hand, calmly.
Falco promptly put the radio back, and then looked at Master Hand threateningly.
"Master Hand, that's going to be worse than this!"

Later…
"Look," said Falco, talking to Master Hand in his office. "A nice China Vase! But too bad for it, it's going to meet its fate!"
"Falco, I really do-" said Master Hand, before being interrupted by Falco.
Falco pushed the vase of the table, making it crash into lots of tiny pieces, and then did a wide-eyed stare at Master Hand, trying to look evil.
"Ah," said Falco, smirking. "What do you have to say about that?"
"Uh… that was your vase, I borrowed it from you, but now I guess I can't give it ba-"
"What's wrong with you people?" asked Falco. "You don't get angered at all, and you're a greedy, greedy hog of money! I loathe you. No, I pity you! You can't stop and think about others, your only care in the world is money! I bet you don't have a friend in the world!"
"Pardon?" asked Master Hand, taking his headphones out of his ears. "Oops, sorry, I guess I need to turn the volume of my I-Pad™ down. Sorry, what were you saying?"
"That's it! I'm leaving Smash Mansion, and I'm never comin' back!"
Falco started to burst into tears, grabbed one of Master Hand's suitcases and ran off to his room.
"What's wrong, Falco?" asked Fox, looking at Falco throwing some clothes into his suitcase.
"Master Hand won't pay me a single cent for the tournament that I won, and he robbed me of my life savings!" said Falco, brushing a tear off his eye.
"So what, you're leaving?" asked Fox.
"Yes!" said Falco, angrily. "I'm never coming back! And I want you to come with me!"
"No!" said Fox, angrily. "It's a great place here! Master Hand does everything for me!"
"You just wait!" said Falco, throwing his teddy bear in his suitcase angrily. "When you win a tournament, and Master Hand doesn't give you anything for it, you'll leave, and come and live with me in Corneria!"
Falco took a poster off his wall, and then looked at Fox.
"You have to leave soon, or he'll make your life, a living hell!" said Falco. "You'll regret staying here, I know you will! And when everyone leaves, he'll try and keep everyone here, by force!"
Falco stormed out of the room with his suitcase, and looked down from the top of the stairs to all of the smashers.
"Goodbye Smashers!" said Falco. "I'm leaving, forever!"
Falco walked down the carpeted stairs, and looked around at all of the smashers, who were in shock.
"Master Hand isn't paying any money, or giving me anything for the tournament I won! And he won't give it to second place, or third place!" said Falco. "I would advise you all to leave!"
Falco was about to walk away, when a hand tapped him on the back.
"Goodbye," said Master Hand, calmly.
"GOODBYE RETARD!"
Falco stormed off in a fit of anger, and then walked out of the front door of Smash Mansion.
"What happened?" asked Link to Master Hand.
"He's angry, he's left, he's going to come back," said Master Hand.
"I wouldn't say that, you know," said Link. "Falco does seem to-"
Falco slammed open the doors and walked up to Master Hand.
"Uh… Master Hand, do you know any good taxi services, so I can get to the airport?" asked Falco.
"Yeah, sure, you can use my cell phone to call a taxi service," said Master Hand.

10 minutes later…
"My taxi's here," said Falco. "Oh, Master Hand, when I was storming off in a fir of anger, what did I say?"
"Um… oh yeah… goodbye retard…" said Master Hand.
"Oh, okay," said Falco. "Um… goodbye retard…"
Falco stormed out of Smash Mansion in a fit of fake anger.
"He'll be back," said Master Hand.

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