When Smashers Quit
Chapter Three: Link

"Hey Link," said Master Hand, crashing through the door of Link's room. "I'm having a super grand new huge tournament, and there are going to be 44 new Smashers, and we're going to have Sonic, Harry Potter and Dr. Who!"
Master Hand floated clumsily, and then bashed his head against the ceiling.
"Master Hand, are you hung over?" asked Link, looking at the big crack in the ceiling.
"What makes you think that?" replied Master Hand. "…Purple Fairy…"
"Yes," thought Link to himself.
"Master Hand," said Link to Master Hand, lifting him up into the air. "If you want your new tournaments to be successful, you can't just blot in random characters that no-one likes, it doesn't work that way!"
"I think my tournaments are fine," replied Master Hand, in quite a forced voice. "…Yellow Birdy…"
Link grabbed some anti-hangover pills, and fed them to Master Hand (we don't actually know how he can consume alcohol or take pills, but since we have Sega characters in this story, hey, we can do anything that we like!).
"Woah…" said Master Hand, shaking. "Sorry if I did anything illegal or something, anyway, I was just about to tell you about my new tournament that has Sonic, Harry Potter and Doctor Who!"
"It sounds awful," said Link, bluntly. "How many people are going to come this time,12?"
"15," replied Master Hand, slightly angrily.
"Excluding the celebrities that you locked up in the basement," replied Link.
"Uh… 11?"
"Excluding the paper mache models of people that you put in the audience to fool everyone there into thinking they were in front of large audiences?"
"Uh… 7?"
"And Peach's relatives, who are still there clapping, since the last tournament you held a week ago?"
Master Hand peered out of the window. "Well, 4?"
"And the cleaner?"
"3?"
"So you have three genuine audience members."
Link stared weirdly at Master Hand.
"Why didn't you spend any money on advertisements?" asked Link.
"Because… I didn't spend them on high risk investments?"
Some men came and repossessed Master Hand's middle finger.
Link sighed, and then put on his, 'Lecture' face.
"Master Hand, people won't come to your tournament if they don't find it interesting. If you think that adding characters that people hate/haven't heard about makes more people attend them, then you are indeed wrong. You need to make the games interesting, give them new settings, give them new and interesting rules, you can't just give a tournament of unknowns!"
Link looked at Master Hand, and then looked angrily at him, noticing he was asleep.
"Master Hand, I bet that I could organize a tournament that would be far more successful by yours, just because I can make it interesting."
"Oh, yeah?" replied Master Hand, annoyed. "Well, you're too boring to organize a tournament!"
For effect, he added, "Bo-ring."
"Seriously," said Link, "if you don't make any effort to improve these tournaments, Master Hand, I really-"
"Bo-ring."
Link sighed.

The phone rung.
Master Hand picked up.
"Hi," said Falco, in a sarcastic, slightly annoyed tone.
"Hi Falco," said Master Hand calmly.
"How's Smash Mansion going? I bet it's really awful without me!" said Falco, like a primary schoolgirl having a fight with a friend, but hiding the anger really badly.
"No, it's fine," said Master Hand, calmly. "Actually, it's better without you."
"Oh yeah, then why did you call me, asking how I was doing?" asked Falco, angrily.
"You called me."
"Oh, well, uh…" said Falco, nervously. "...I'm going to get you back in the worst way possible, you just wait!"
Falco hung up, and then grinned slyly.
Falco looked in the address book, and then proceeded to dial a number.
"Hello?" said Master Hand, picking up the phone.
"Hi Master Hand," said Falco, grinning.
"So, what's your payback this time?" replied Master Hand.
"Well, the charges for this call are reversed, so you'll have to pay for it…"
Master Hand stared blankly at the telephone.
"Damn you Falco," said Master Hand, angrily. "This is really low, Falco. I mean, reversing the charges. I mean, I've done bad things to you in my time, like wasting all your of life savings on high risk investments, but I mean, reversing the charges with a phone call in these days? I mean, that could have put me back a lot of money, and I could've paid for a nice appliance with that money."
"Oh," said Falco. "Well… I'm still not coming back!"

"Haha, apartment life," thought Mewtwo to himself, sitting on a couch of his new studio apartment.
Mewtwo looked at the kitchen. It was small, only had one sink, and only had a microwave and other basic cooking appliances.
"It's small, but I can do anything I want…"
Mewtwo peered around the house to see if anyone was there.
"I can even watch those ridiculous 'Earth' import shows, and no-one will notice…"
Mewtwo turned on Teletubbies.
"How idiotic… this show is awful…"
Mewtwo kept on watching Teletubbies.
"Haha… Dipsy… More like Tipsy… get it? Because he's kinda drunk?"
Mewtwo cackled at his own joke.
Falco walked in.
"Hey Mewtwo, I'm your new roommate, we can have lots of fun together!" announced Falco. "I mean, there's lots of…"
Falco noticed Mewtwo was watching Teletubbies.
"Uh… uh… uh… well… uh… you like Teletubbies…" said Falco, with a very shocked expression on his face. "Well… uh… that's okay…"
Falco kept on staring at Mewtwo with the same expression on his face.
"Uh… Falco, I'm watching this to make fun of them," said Mewtwo, sweating. "Like… Dipsy… as in… Tipsy? Get it… ha ha? Ha ha!"
"Yeah, funny…" said Falco, staring.

Link tapped a spoon on a glass, asking for attention of all of the Smashers.
"All Smashers," announced Link. "As you know… Master Hand is organizing another run-of-the-mill tournament, with characters that no-one knows about, and we all know it is going to be a complete failure. I am going to be running a tournament at the same time, which will have different settings for Smash, as well as items to hit other people with, along with hand-to-hand combat!"
Link paused, and a few Smashers chatted amongst themselves.
"As we know, Master Hand never gives out prize money, so thanks to my sponsor, R-Cake Fashion™, there is going to be a giant prize for first place!"
Everyone cheered.
Master Hand floated in.
"Link, you're fired, get out," said Master Hand, calmly.
Everyone gasped.
"But… I'm one of the most popular Smashers here!" said Link, angrily. "If you fire me, then you're going to lose a large portion of your audiences!"
"Whatever," said Master Hand, "Fired is fired, get out."
"But you can't just fire m-"
"You're losing the interest from my tournament," replied Master Hand, bluntly.
"But the last time you had a good audience was four tournaments ago!" said Link, angrily. "You're surely not going to get an-"
"You're fired!" said Master Hand, angrily.
"But you-"
"Bo-ring!" shouted Master Hand at the top of his lungs (even though disembodied hands don't have lungs).
"But I just can't-"
"Bo-ring!"
"But what if-"
"Bo-ring!"
Link sighed, and walked out of Smash Mansion.