AN: So, my idea for this was to write something cute, funny and christmas-y along the lines of my most favourite Christmas Song from Mariah Carey. That... didn't happen and instead I ended up with a slightly angsty and Oneshot, in which Lester at least takes on the job as comic relief :) It has a Happy End though, so no worries there. Hope you enjoy :) Also, obviuously the lyrics at the end do not belong to me.
STEPH POV
If there is one thing that's worse then being single in the Burg it's being single around Christmas time. The invites for Christmas parties were endless and with each new party you had to attend cause you didn't find a good enough excuse why you couldn't make it, you were bombarded with new questions that were phrased always differently but had the same context: Why are you still single.
Being single itself wasn't even a big problem – at least for me – but it was the never-ending questions from people I barely knew but who felt like I owed them an answer or justification. As if being single was a crime. Well, I guess in the Burg it sort of was. Because technical you were wasting perfectly fine genes that could be used to produce offspring and the next generation of narrow-minded Chambersburg-residents.
I was single by …semi-choice in all fairness. I had called things of with Morelli a few months ago. Not because he had done something inexcusable or intolerable, but because I had come to a realisation. For the longest time my life sort of circled around two men: Joseph Morelli and Carlos Manoso aka Ranger. Morelli was a homicide detective and we were dating on and off for the past few years, at one point even engaged to be engaged. He was Italian-American with a temper to prove it, had passion as well as stomach issues that were mostly caused by me. He loved his mother's cooking, sex and football and somewhere along the lines me as well. At least I hope so.
Ranger was Cuban-American, ran his own security company, was passionate in everything he did and didn't have stomach issues, though suffered on some night from sleeping issues which I assume were caused by me as well. He loved his housekeeper's food – or maybe that was me -, sex and to get up at ridiculous o'clock to run a hundred miles. Oh and he loved me – in his own ways.
Both men barely tolerated each other and had a certain professional respect for the other – though Morelli kept insisting that Ranger was a loose cannon. Ranger himself said he simply moved in grey areas that Morelli couldn't afford to move in.
I had slept with both men – obviously not simultaneously so get your mind out of the gutter – and somehow managed to fall out of love with one guy and right in love with the other. Soap opera anyone? While this had been going on for a few years, with me going back and forth, I knew for a while that this couldn't be the way for the next years. I knew I was technically stringing Joe along, while hoping Ranger would come to his senses and find as well as declare his undying love for me.
Spoiler alert, that didn't happen.
What did happen though was that I decided on being fair to everyone and called things of with Joe. He didn't seem relieved as such, but wasn't a picture of heartbroken either. The opposite to me a few days later. Because as I decided on cutting Joe loose, I also figured I needed to eb fair to myself and tell Ranger what was going on. It… didn't go down well.
"I can't give you what you need," was his reply to my confession of loving him.
"You don't even know what I'm asking," I answered irritated. I don't know what made me think this conversation was going any other way than previous ones had. After all, we had a similar conversation years ago, after a passionate night after which he declared he wasn't made for relationships, that his love came with a condom and not a ring and then he sent me back to Morelli. Right after he had almost ruined me for all other men – as he had declared before the night went anywhere. Weirdly enough, back then it hurt, but not as much as right now and I also didn't seem to learn my lesson, holding onto some stupid shimmer of hope that this time it would be different. Yeah, even to my own ears I sounded desperate.
His reply to my irritated answer was his signature 'Babe' which was a wide field of possibilities and could cover a whole lot of ground. I didn't really care to find out what this one meant, so instead of enduring more of this painful yet short conversation, I just nodded, looked him in the eye and left his office. Just to be miserable from that day on.
This obviously wasn't the first broken heart I had ever endured in my life, but in all fairness it was the worst. And it must have shown, since about a week after that awesome altercation several Merry Men showed up on my door, ready to drag me out of my misery and apparently right into the next bar. I don't remember much from that night, just that we started right off with Tequila and that somehow I made it home at some point and into my bed – alone.
I vaguely remember tears – mine, not the Merry Men's – and me one way or another really bawling my eyes out. But other than that, there isn't much coming to mind. Which is maybe for the better since I doubt, I would feel anything close to pride in how I'm handling this rejection. This Christmas was going to suck! Big time.
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RANGER POV
"You are an asshole and an idiot. I let you choose which part is bigger," Lester announced when he stepped into my office unannounced and with his usual vigour.
"Do I want to know what it is that has your panties in a twist this afternoon?" I asked, knowing fully well where this was going. Despite what Steph had said at one point or another, I wasn't dumb and I had heard about her night out with my men. So it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure what my cousin was referring to a day later.
"Beautiful," he simply stated, giving only his nickname for her. "You are just dumb and don't deserve her, never have," he announced.
"I don't know what exactly she told you, but you do know that whatever happened was in private and doesn't concern you."
"Like hell it does. You cause our resident optimist and ray of sunshine to not be our resident optimist and ray of sunshine it sure as hell concerns me. You do realize the last time she actually has set foot in this building was almost two weeks ago?"
I actually didn't know that to be honest. I had noticed she wasn't as frequently here as before our conversation, but I wasn't aware it had been two weeks.
"Look, things are complicated. And stop sticking your nose into things which don't concern you."
"Sometimes I swear we can't be related, primo. Since that amount of stupidity had to come from somewhere and no one in our family is so stupid. What exactly is so complicated?"
"Stuff," I said vaguely, not feeling in the mood for this conversation or him poking his nose into my business.
"You realize the cop is no longer an issue, right? So, if you are worried about competition or weird love-triangle shit, don't be. Last I heard he was seeing a nurse at St. Francis."
Knowing there was no way to get out of this conversation because I knew Lester, I let out a sigh.
"I told her right from the start that this was not going anywhere and that I'm not looking for anything serious and that I'm not the relationship-kind of guy. She knew that going in."
"Hm…" Lester just said, which didn't bode well with me. He usually had an opinion on everything and I was almost certain now wasn't the exception. But he just kept looking at me and then called for Tank, Bobby and Cal, who appeared a moment later in my office, taking a seat on any surface they could find. Make yourself comfortable, ladies. It's not as if I am working here.
After everyone had settled down, Lester repeated my earlier words to him and my warning to Steph. Next thing I know I heard a collective sighing and eye rolls.
"Maybe you told her, but shouldn't you maybe have told yourself as well?" Tank asked and I was confused what the fuck he was talking about.
"You told her but didn't really stick to that plan yourself, did you?" Cal asked. "I mean, even a blind guy can see you are certainly pinning for her and want her. And not just for the sex."
"What are you talking about?"
"Want a few examples?" Bobby asked and didn't wait for my reply. "Whenever shit goes down and one of us ends up injured or involved in crazy situations, you meet us at the hospital to get the story and make sure we are okay, or at the police station, depending on the situation. Whenever Steph was involved you set hell and high water in motion to get updates, the full story and reports on her well-being within seconds – and that despite the fact that she has trackers on all sort of things as well often enough a RangeMan shadow she might or might not be aware off. The moment her name gets dropped you are on high alert, ready to cancel whatever is on your schedule and agenda that day."
"Example two, she has a lot of leeway when it comes to… everything. While you come down hard on us for just thinking about carbs, she is more than welcome to infiltrate RangeMan head to toe with carbs, sugar and other stuff you pretty much banned. She hardly knows how to handle a gun, goes after lunatics that might be a tad outside her comfort zone and has a fitness level that would result in firing or at least being benched if any of that would display. She doesn't follow orders very well either. And yet, she gets away with everything. I'm not complaining, because it shows you actually are human and don't expect your level of rigor from everyone in your live, but you ease up on a lot of things when it comes to her. I know, you'd prefer for her to do a lot of the things I just mentioned, and despite the fact that you could push for it, you don't and seem to be happy whenever she actually moves a fraction of an inch your direction. Like a few weeks ago, when she announced she'd start working out a bit more and ease up on the sweet stuff and seemed as if she'd just announced she'd join the military. On some days, Stephanie Plum is like the carrot, dangling in front of you," Tank explained. And was followed by Lester a moment later.
"Example number three: up until today she is the only person outside a very selective circle at RangeMan who has ever seen your apartment. Yes, she broke in when there was another threat to her security, but had that been any other girl, you'd have had her escorted outside the building within seconds of being aware of her presence. And she certainly wouldn't have been back as frequent as Steph was. Or even get a key fob to that place. She is more than just a hook up or some convenience and maybe it's time you realize for yourself that maybe you were in love with her before she was with you."
I let silence sit between the four of us for a long while, seeing what they meant and technically agreeing. Steph managed to get away with a lot on a daily basis. But neither of men seemed to mind really.
"I can't give her what she needs and ultimately wants. We are people at two ends of a spectrum, wanting different things."
"And yet, here she is, seeming like she can provide for every need you have and you are the stubborn bastard. Tell me, what exactly is it that she needs that you can't provide? What is she asking of you to give to her that you can't do?" Lester asked.
"A family and the knowledge that she won't wake up one day without her partner by her side. You know the job we do is dangerous and it wouldn't be fair to push that onto her."
"Okay, before I actually get into all the bullshit you just shovelled… have you ever ask her? Have you sat down and ask whether she sees this as unfair as you seem to make it out? Did you ever get her opinion on this?"
It was unusual for Cal to speak to me that way, but I had known him almost as long as everyone else, with the exception of my cousin. And he posed a legible question, but I knew…
"But what? You worried she might surprise you with her answer and that she is willing to actually put up with that stuff? In case you haven't realized Ranger, nothing in life is ever certain. Someone who isn't in our line of work and therefore doesn't have the risk we have might still be dying of a heart attack or even in a car crash before we bid our farewell from this earth. You don't see any of our brother-in-law's worrying that our sisters or cousins might wake up alone one day. Also, just because you mentioned Steph's need for family. Who actually said that? I mean, according to your logic, Morelli should have been her perfect match, seeing how hellbent he was on knocking her up and marrying Steph. And yet, every time he just mentioned it, she was running for the hills quicker than someone mentioning a Sale at Macy's. Maybe the family she needs she already has. No one ever said you need to have kids and be married to have a family. We are as much her family as everyone else really. I mean, we at least seem to care more for her than her own mother anyway. So, if you worry that she will pressure you into a ring and children, fat chance, she could have had that all with Morelli."
"It isn't just that," I said and quite honestly wasn't even sure what it was.
"So, what is it then?" Cal asked almost relentlessly, reading my mind and seeming like asking the question I didn't have an answer to.
"What if this is just… a phase and she actually loses interest once I would commit?" Even to my own ears I sounded dumb.
"Yes, because that is what women secretly want. To enjoy the chase and then lose interest. I mean, when you think about it that's what all the romcoms and romance novels are all about. The chase and how boring it is once you bagged the guy. Do you even listen to yourself talk occasionally? Jesus, how on earth did you manage to get laid until now? I thought you actually got women and knew what to do and how to be suave. Right now you seem more pathetic and like you cling onto straws in order to not have to admit you want her."
"Or maybe you are worried you don't have enough to offer to actually keep her interest," Cal suggested and I saw Bobby, Tank and Lester look surprised his way.
"Are you worried that you yourself aren't enough?" Tank asked and Bobby as well as Lester seemed way too interested all of a sudden.
It was in all fairness a tough question to answer. While I certainly didn't categorize Stephanie as someone who would bore easily or actually get bored off me after a while, after a certain excitement and glamour wore off, I couldn't be certain. Though, it had never been a thought that really crossed my mind. Not until Tank had actually asked the question. I had seen it often enough after all, in my family – though not immediate and direct family –, with friends and people I had served with at the military, hell, even with some of my men here.
"There's that possibility," I answered vaguely, thinking about his question longer.
I saw Lester shack his head as well as Bobby doing the same.
"Stephanie Plum worships the ground you walk on for most days, without taking your crap all day long and posses a worthy adversary. You really can't believe the crap you are saying, can you?"
"I think you are just worried that the pedestal she put you up on isn't matching reality and that as long as she isn't aware of that and you keep her at an arm's length, you are good. That as long as she seemed you as the demi- or full god that she seems to think you are, life is good. You are worried that the moment you put it out there, that you maybe might have something remotely close to a heart and actually display emotions like us normal mortals, you open yourself up to being vulnerable and maybe for her to actually – though involuntarily – breaking your heart. You are worried she gets the better of you, gaining the upper hand. Funny thing though, she already has the upper hand without either of you realizing."
"You know, women like her don't usually walk into our lives. She is the light to our dark and yet somehow, that darkness doesn't spook her. She embraced us, you and everything we do with all of her being, bringing a heart and warmth to RangeMan we were lacking. Don't let such a woman, who gives her all without ever asking for anything in return, out of your live without a fight. Because you won't find someone like her ever again. A warm body for the cold nights? Sure. Some gold-digger who won't care whether you come home tonight the way you left or with a few more wounds scars on your body? Maybe. But someone who actually truly cares and wants to be there for you for the good, the bad and the ugly? Highly unlikely. Don't let her walk out of your live just like that."
"I'm pretty certain it's too late for that already," I mused, realizing for the first time what I actually might have lost. "She might already have walked out of my life."
"Highly unlikely," Lester said and the others seemed to agree. "I really don't know what she sees in you, but her walking out on you just like that? Not going to happen. You hold a certain spell over her that seems like she can't stay away from you despite the fact how much you try to convince her to. I mean, has she ever listened to stay out of your life since that fateful meeting all these years ago? She found the vacant lot, found RangeMan, managed to gain access to your penthouse and even has our mother's asking about her ever so often. As much as she might like to finally stay away from you and out of your hair, it isn't going to happen. Just as it is never going to happen that any other guy ever could stand a chance with her as long as you are around. And even if you were dead, I'm almost a thousand percent certain that even then she'd still be faithful and dedicated to only you."
"You four have the answers to everything, don't you?" I asked slightly annoyed. And irritated that they seemed to notice so much.
"Yes, even to the question of how to fix this," Cal said and looked at Lester. "And it will be very simple. You just have to be man enough to actually bear your feelings for a change," Tank said and I didn't even bother mentioning that he certainly wasn't Mr. Highly-Emotional either.
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STEPH POV AGAIN
Crying sucked. Let's be clear. There was nothing cute or nice about it. Not that anyone ever said as much. But somehow, in the movies and on TV they always made it seem less …sucky. And like it was over after a day or two. I was currently on day eight of my crying-marathon and oddly enough there didn't seem to be anything that didn't set me off. Even some stupid commercial that featured a black Labrador and some mean cat. I was reaching a point where I started wondering whether I wasn't just heartbroken, but pregnant. Which would definitely make the holidays only worse. Single. Depressed. Pregnant. Sounded like a Netflix hit in the making if you asked me.
I got a break from my crying feast when I heard Lester's ringtone on my phone. And just like that I remembered the million of messages on my phone that I actually still needed to get back to but hadn't found the motivation yet. I guess Lester got tired of waiting – or wanted to make sure I hadn't killed myself yet.
"So… there's be a development," Lester opened once I answered my phone. Odd way of starting a conversation, but Lester never was one much for tradition.
"What kind of development?" I asked confused and wondered what had happened in the past few days since the guys had taken me out for drinks.
"Ranger is proving himself to be an even bigger idiot than I had assumed possible. Leave it to my cousin to exceed expectations," he explained, not making much sense to me.
"I have no idea what you are talking or ranting about. But… I don't think I'm much in the mood for that story," I explained, hoping Lester would get the subtext and either switch topics or hang up completely. Apparently, I wasn't that lucky.
"Me and the guys thought we get some more info on what you told us in regards of what happened. And it turns out that was not our best idea," Lester admitted slowly. "We figured if we push a few buttons and make him realize a thing or two we could get you a happy ending."
I let out a deep sigh, overwhelmed with the gesture of them trying to fix something that wasn't theirs to fix and maybe even was unfixable. "What happened?"
"He didn't take it well when we suggested he has been in love with you all along and should just man up and you know… get his ass in gear before you walk out on him forever."
"Oh Lester," I just said, seeing how well that definitely went down. "What did you do?"
"Pushed a few buttons to many?" he asked as a reply, which made me laugh for a second. If someone knew how to push a few buttons to many it definitely was Lester.
"He… um … decided on … um… packing things up and relocating to Miami. Apparently I was pushing things a little too far. And he wasn't ready to face the music yet. Can I just say he is stupid and doesn't deserve you. You are way too good for him and the fact that he can't see it himself just proves that fact even more."
"He… what? I'm sorry, did you just say he relocates to Miami? Because… of me? And because I decided on opening my big, fat mouth and telling him how I feel? Are you serious?" I asked almost in shock, the need for crying momentarily forgotten.
"If there is one thing the Great Manoso is even greater at then shouting out commands is running away from emotions. Strangely enough, for a while me and the guys actually thought we had him and he was finally waking up from his idiotic 'No relationship, no strings' crap. But than he somehow found himself back at square one."
"You shouldn't have gotten involved," I said, wanting to sound angry, but how could I? After all they had only tried to help and sort this all out for us.
"I regret nothing. He leaves on the 24th and just wanted me to tell you he'll be out of your life soon."
"The 24th? He leaves on Christmas? Why? And… what do you mean he wanted you to tell me? He can't even do that himself?" I said, feeling all of a sudden, an anger overtake me and before I knew it I was up from the couch and throwing in a hoodie and some sweatpants that weren't too ratty. A second later I was out the door and making my way to the car, the anger only increasing with each step I took. It showed how angry I was since I didn't care what I possibly looked like, my eyes probably deep-red and swollen from all the crying, and my hair undone and untamed.
I made my way towards RangeMan in record time and probably broke one or two speed limits. But once more, I didn't care. I parked in the first available spot and made my way to the elevators, pressing aggressively the button for the fifth floor.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I said, not even knocking and just more or less marching in Carlos Manoso's office with a flourish. "Now you can't even relay messages to me myself but need Lester to do the dirty work of informing me you are leaving? And just because I told you that I loved you? Does someone actually feeling something scare you so much that you need to run away? In order to not deal with it? Is that it?"
"What are you talking about?" I heard Ranger ask, looking at me confused and then even more so when he took in my outfit. Sure, I wasn't runway ready, but… who cared anyway? This wasn't about my looks.
"You moving to goddamn Miami and then instructing Lester to tell me. That you will be out of my life. As if that is what I wanted. Look, I get it. I overstepped and shouldn't have pushed myself on you, but don't you think running away does seem a bit juvenile? Like… if you can't see me, I'm not there? Does it suck that I came bearing my soul and you to simply not feel the same? Yes. But I will survive and before you know I'm back to my usual bouncy and happy self. So running away is just ridiculous. What are you thinking? Especially at Christmas? I'm certain your mother took that really well. Lester should never have gotten involved. I don't know what he was thinking anyway. It isn't like I asked him to intervene. Mainly because I knew how well that would go down."
"He only said what needed to be said."
"Yeah sure, it needed to be said so badly that your first instinct is to relocate. That makes so much sense," I said sarcastically.
"He just said what he thought I needed to hear," he said and I needed to roll my eyes at Lester. How was it that he got me in situations I really didn't need to be in?
"Well clearly he was wrong and after I'm done with you I'll find him and strangle him. Don't base your life decision on something that Lester or I said. This is madness."
Carlos looked at me for the longest of moments and then when it hit me. What I had to do.
"I… I take it back. If knowing how I feel about you scares you so much that you consider relocating then I'll take back what I said and that I love you."
"You know it isn't that simple."
"It can be. I'm incredibly good at pretending nothing ever happened. It might take a while, but… we'll make it work."
"Babe," he said, using my most favourite nickname in the world. "I'm not running away."
"You relocate to Miami," I more or less shouted. "That is textbook running away."
"Miami had always been the endgame. Trenton had never been in the books for as long as I actually ended up staying. It was supposed to be some sort of stopover at best."
"What made you stay that long then?" I asked and already knew the answer before I even had finished the question.
"You did," came his simple reply and I couldn't decide whether it was an accusation, as if wasn't trusted to be left for alone too long, or whether I managed to lure him longer to Trenton then intended. I knew which one I would have liked to believe and hear, but was almost certain it was more along the lines of option numero uno.
"So I kept you back," I finally answered after a long silence. I was surprised when his first reaction was a laugh. Bit of an odd reaction.
"You didn't keep me back," he said and I was nowhere near close in believing him. "Santos said to me the other day that it was obvious to everyone that you loved me and that I loved you. That I managed to put a spell on you that kept you coming back no matter what I did to push you away. Truth is, I'm certain if someone put a spell on anyone, it was you on me. There's something about you, Stephanie Plum that excites and frightens me to equal parts. I want to lock you up for your own safety, but also release you into the world, for everyone to see what lucky guy I am for calling you my friend. You manage to break down whatever wall I erect and you don't care or seem to be the least apologetic about it. I keep telling you one thing and you do the exact opposite."
"Is that why you are running away?" I asked in a careful voice.
"I'm not running anywhere. Especially not in Christmas. My mother would have my head," he explained and now I was utterly confused. "I am not sure what Lester told you, but… I'm not relocating. I'm not even considered a business trip right now. But somehow I assume he got tired of waiting around and felt the need to kick on of our asses into gear."
"To what intend?" I asked confused. It wasn't like Ranger was about to confess his undying love to me, was it?
"To finally make me see what I am about to lose due to my own stubbornness. I was so set on my ideas to guard you from the world, that I myself ended up hurting you the most."
"It's okay. It isn't like I'm not used to it," I replied almost automatically, regretting it the second the words had left my lips and I saw a quick shift in his expression for a second. "I… didn't mean you. I meant pretty much everyone around me in all fairness. Though, I believe most of them don't even mean to."
"I didn't mean to either, but… I believe I needed this little disagreement between us to make me realize a few things."
"And what is that?" I asked, deliberately ignoring his disagreement remark. This had been more than a disagreement. But, like a wise woman for once, I chose careful which battles to pick.
"I was never really fond of presents or needed them to celebrate the holidays. But this year, it turns out there is something I really would want as a gift."
"Which is?" I asked, confused at his sudden change of topics. Bit of an odd moment to talk about presents.
"You," he simply said and a second later his lips placed a soft and careful kiss on mine.
After a few seconds he released my lips again and pressed his forehead against mine. "I really don't know what you see in me, Babe. But if you have me, I'll try to life up to the image you seem to curate so carefully of me."
I needed to laugh at his words, wondering how two so clueless people could possibly ever have their ways to each other. He didn't understand what I saw in him and I didn't quiet get what it was that had him having constantly so much faith in me. But somehow, we made it work and I was also certain we would make it work from here on out.
"You know for what it's worth, I still think you are wasted on him," I heard Lester somewhere in the background. "You are still way too good for him and he doesn't deserve you."
"Is that so?" I asked confused, turning towards Lester. "And why orchestrate your little mission?"
"Because I'm a sucker for the holidays and good, solid happy endings. And you deserve only the best happy ending. Don't think I did this for my cousin. Nope, I did this all for you. I like you better than I like him," Lester just grinned and left, probably before Carlos would strangle him.
"So, what is it that you want for the holidays? It isn't too late for me to still get you present," he remarked , his lips landing softly on mine once more a second later.
"What I want?" I asked when he let go of my lips once more. I saw him simply nod and pretended to think about his question for a moment.
"I don't want a lot for Christmas, There is just one thing I need, I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree, I just want you for my own, More than you could ever know, Make my wish come true, All I want for Christmas is you"I more or less singsong-ed into his ear, quoting my most favourite tune throughout the season.
After a soft laugh, followed by a another soft kiss, he pressed his lips against my ear and just whispered "Consider it done."
And just like that, Christmas became my favourite holiday again.
