Garak spanked him hard enough that Julian didn't just feel the hot, painful smack of flesh on flesh, but felt his whole body thrust forward across Garak's lap, his whole body quaking. Within a few smacks, he was making desperate, reedy noises without being able to stop; after a dozen, he was sobbing.
He couldn't stop if he wanted to, and what was more, he didn't want to.
It had been a long, long time since someone had put him over their knee like this, not something he'd enjoyed since his second year at medical school, and no one had ever hit him as hard as Garak was hitting him, or gripped him so tightly, forced him to keep such a strictly decided position.
When Garak laid the first smack against Julian's open lips, clapping against the open entrance of his cunt and making his cock bob and throb, he howled at the agonising pleasure of the sensation, and had to grip tightly at Garak's trouser leg to keep from falling down.
He came a second time over Garak's lap, and when Garak finally stopped, Julian was fully aware that his arse and thighs would bruise.
"Where's your dermal regenerator?" asked Garak softly, gently running his fingernails over the glowing hot flesh of Julian's abused arse, and Julian shook his head. "No?"
"No."
"Alright, Doctor," said Garak. His voice was warm, quiet, and so soothing Julian almost wanted to start crying again, but Garak didn't linger on it. He hadn't meant to lose his temper the way he had – something about Garak joking about getting him pregnant had rankled, made him think about breeding, and as soon as he'd done that, he'd just gotten distracted, focused.
Garak had never even said anything about Cardassian eugenicist ideology. He made oblique comments about Cardassian cultural supremacy, but most of the time he was making catty comments about art or philosophy, and on the rare occasion he referenced how Cardassians had improved or assisted the planets they'd occupied, he never lingered on the subject, or tried to defend the position in debate. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but Julian had always felt thus far that he only ever said things like that to be provocative – he only ever said them to Julian, after all, never to the Bajorans who came into his shop or to anybody else…
And that was just about culture or infrastructure, not about genetics.
Funny, he'd been furious about it a few minutes ago, no matter that he knew it was more to do with his own issues than anything Garak had said himself, a case of pure projection, and yet now that fury was far out of his grasp. If he'd thought he'd been in a nice mood earlier, content to sprawl languorously beside Garak and enjoy the aftermath of his orgasm, it was nothing compared to the bliss he was experiencing now.
He scarcely felt inside his own body, floating on the natural high that had come from the pain, and the pain itself was wonderful, throbbing and hot. He didn't know how long it would last for, but until it came to a stop, he just wanted to float in it.
"Feeling better?" asked Garak.
"My body is absolutely flooded with endorphins," mumbled Julian, aware he was smiling stupidly, almost laughing. He was still over Garak's lap, but Garak was spreading his knees apart now and nudging him up. "Of course I am."
"I'm sorry to have upset you, whatever it was I said, my dear," said Garak quietly as he pushed Julian to his feet. He was smiling, the curve of his grey lips indulgent, and Julian shivered. "But I can't claim not to be rather delighted with the aftermath. Come."
It didn't even occur to him to disobey or complain – he felt on top of the universe, as was only natural after a beating like that, and he stumbled slightly as Garak led him through the doorway and into the bathroom. Garak's arm had curled around the base of Julian's back, letting Julian lean right against his chest, and with the other hand, he turned the dial in the shower, making the water flow.
Garak's body was warm and strong and wonderful, and Julian knew that subspace and a pain high didn't make a Cardassian spy trustworthy, but he also knew that it would feel very, very nice right about now to drop to the floor at Garak's feet and nuzzle against his thigh.
"You've done this a great many times before," said Garak, testing the temperature of the water under his fingers.
"Calling me a slut?" asked Julian – he wasn't slurring his words, but his voice sounded dreamy and a little out of it to his own ears.
"Hardly," said Garak. "There's a great satisfaction in a young man who knows what he enjoys out of life."
"I suppose it's easy to find it satisfying when the thing a young man wants to enjoy is you."
Garak guided him under the shower's spray, and Julian gasped at the hot water rushing over his shoulders, down over the stinging, aching flesh of his bruising arse, but it was a great relief, too. Garak was already running a cloth over his skin, cleaning off the sweat, the slick.
"You're getting your sleeves wet," Julian protested.
"My sleeve was already wet, my dear – your orgasm led to that."
Garak's fingers were running through his hair, scrubbing shampoo into it, and Julian moaned softly at the gentle scratch of his fingernails.
"Such a strange texture," Garak remarked thoughtfully. "It has such a healthy shine, and yet how thin it is, how delicate."
"Even very wiry, coarse Human hair won't ordinarily match Cardassian hair for thickness or weight," mumbled Julian, obediently tipping his head back as Garak's hands massaged his face, washed over his skin, cleaning away the tearstains and the snot and the spit all over Julian's face. At least Garak still found him attractive, no matter what a mess he could get.
"All those complaints about your lack of information, where Cardassian biology is concerned," said Garak, clucking his tongue in disapproval, "and yet every moment we spend together, Doctor, you show your knowledge of Cardassian physiology, culture. Does it amuse you to spin mistruths in our conversation together?"
Julian's laugh was low and rumbling, and he let himself sink further into Garak's hands. "I'm sorry. That I was… You've never said anything like that to me. I was just lashing out a bit, that's all – it wasn't fair."
"It was spellbinding," said Garak. "Such anger, such handsome rage – I shall be committing it to memory, my dear."
"I might be assured you aren't taking it personally, then."
"Oh, very personally," said Garak, and Julian hissed as he scrubbed over Julian's arse – he tried to grab at him, but Garak smacked his hand away, and Julian squeezed his eyes tightly shut as Garak ran the cloth between his legs, over his thighs and calves, over his arse again, and then turned off the water. Julian put his hands on the shower wall and leaned his head against the wall as Garak ran the dermal regenerator over his arse and his thighs. Julian complained, at first, but Garak assured him he would only address the deepest layer of bruising, so that at least Julian could sit down at work tomorrow, uncomfortable as it might be.
"Do you prefer water showers or sonic ones?" asked Julian.
"Sonic showers for cleanliness, my dear," said Garak, setting the regenerator back into Julian's emergency medkit. He'd used one before, was very practised in using it, and that was attractive, but not something to be considered in depth at this time. "A water shower for everything else, although naturally we prefer baths."
"Everything else?" repeated Julian sleepily. "What, like… Oh, like your scales, hydration? Yeah?"
He used the sonic shower to dry Julian off at the same time as his sleeves, and didn't lead Julian out – he lifted him, carried him into the bedroom, and Julian clutched tightly at Garak, didn't let him even thinking of pulling away as he brought Julian to bed and pulled back the blanket.
"Will you stay the night?" asked Julian.
"No," said Garak. "But you knew I wouldn't."
Julian put all his weight against Garak's chest, amazed by how much heat came off the Cardassian even through the heavy, thick weave of his tunic. When he buried his face against Garak's neck, inhaling, he could smell himself – sex and sweat and now, his shampoo – and he could smell Garak too, the scent of Cardassian skin very different to a Human's.
"I didn't thank you for earlier," said Julian. He was starting to feel his arse now, feel the throbbing pain under the skin, and it was satisfying in a bone-deep way, satisfying and good and wonderful.
"Is it customary for Humans to thank their partners for their orgasms?"
"I wasn't thanking you for that," said Julian, yawning again. He felt tremendously tired, the exhaustion quite wonderful, no matter that it was so early in the evening, two or three hours before he'd ordinarily retire for the night. "I was thanking you for the thing with the Vulcans. You didn't have to do that, go out of your way to… It was kind, thoughtful. Thank you."
Garak didn't say anything, but he sighed with pleasure as Julian rubbed idle circles against his waist – he didn't try to push up under Garak's tunic, but even through the fabric, it must have been nice enough.
"Strange that you didn't feel empowered to ask them yourself," said Garak.
"Oh, you're right," mumbled Julian. "Why don't I have your audacity and bizarre Cardassian charm?"
"Charm, you say?" asked Garak, and Julian pressed his face more solidly against Garak's neck, feeling the roughness of the ridges there, sinking into the heat of his body.
"You're very good in bed," said Julian.
"Thank you, my dear, I do try my best."
"I'm very good, too. I'll show you, once I recover."
"Oh, I have no doubt."
"Garak."
"Yes?"
"This doesn't mean I trust you."
For a few moments, Garak was silent, and then Garak released a low, pleasured exhalation, and squeezed Julian in his arms. "Oh, my dear," he said. "I can't tell you how pleased I am to hear it."
"Do you have a moment, sir?" asked Julian at the end of the Ops meeting, and Sisko nodded his head even as the others filtered out. Odo lingered behind Dax and Kira, glancing from Sisko to Julian, but he didn't smirk, didn't say a word as he stepped out and let the doors close shut behind him.
"This is about Garak, I take it?" asked Sisko as he made his way over to his desk. He didn't sound surprised, but he didn't sound angry, either, which was something of a relief, and when Julian followed him, he saw that Sisko didn't look amused or about to tease him either.
Funny, but that was a relief, too – that Sisko was taking it seriously, that he wasn't treating Julian like a joke.
"No, actually," said Julian. "I got an invitation to attend a medical conference on Vulcan in a few weeks – I wanted to ask if I could have leave to go, and to stay for a few days afterward, take leave."
Sisko did seem surprised at that, and he looked Julian over, focused, concerned, but not very theatrically. Julian liked Sisko – he'd worked with captains and commanders before who never made it quite clear what they did and didn't like, but Sisko did.
Sisko told Julian very bluntly when Julian was out of line, or even just when Julian was annoying him, most of the time, and there was a relief in that, even though Sisko himself could be… Unpredictable. But then, that unpredictability was part of the appeal, too. Sisko was the sort of commander you learned from even years after you'd left his command.
"I've been meaning to ask how you're finding DS9," said Sisko in a sober, serious voice, leaning against the back of his desk. "I know that you wanted exciting, frontline medicine, Doctor, but is this what you imagined?"
"It's everything I imagined and more," said Julian softly. "I like DS9, I like the people here, I like… I like feeling like the work I do actually makes a meaningful difference, that I'm improving, you know, infrastructure and medical access, making things easier for people, that I'm going beyond helping individual patients. No one's going to quote my name a hundred years from now, when they look at this station and this sector, and at Bajor, but the work I do now will be visible, its effects. It's why I joined Starfleet, sir."
"But you're tired," said Sisko.
"… Yes," Julian admitted. "Yes, I'm tired."
"Have you been having problems with the Bajoran medical staff?" asked Sisko. When Julian frowned, he smiled blandly, and said without rancour, "I do hear word, Doctor. It's up to you how you discuss your transition with them, but in the event anyone shows any concern with you or anyone else…"
"No one's said anything unkind. It's more when people make assumptions that it grates, but that's all, really."
"And Garak?"
Julian inhaled, tapping his fingers against his thigh. "I filled out the appropriate paperwork, and, um, it's… Casual. You know."
Sisko kept his gaze, arching his eyebrows.
"You don't trust him," said Julian, and Sisko laughed.
"No, I don't," he said. "But more importantly, you don't trust him. If I thought you did, maybe I'd have a problem, but you don't. If you have any problems, you know you can come to me or anyone else, but you're an adult, Doctor, and the decision is your own. As far as Garak's spying goes, well… We'll have a different perspective on that going forward. In the event you two become more serious or want to cohabitate, we'll have to discuss the implications, but for now…"
Sisko trailed off, gesturing with one hand, and Julian nodded his head.
"I haven't told any of the others," said Julian. "Odo knows, I think, but the paperwork only goes through you before it goes elsewhere."
"You want to keep it secret?" asked Sisko, looking genuinely concerned for a second, and Julian shook his head.
"No. No, they all… I mean, everyone knows I'm friends with Garak, more so than most people. I don't think this is too much of an escalation. I just, um. I think that Major Kira and the Chief might have a bit of an issue with it. Sorry, if it causes problems."
Sisko chuckled. "Oh, this isn't too much of a problem, Doctor. We've weathered worse so far. When you put through your leave request for the conference, put through a week of leave on Vulcan, after the conference itself."
Julian blinked. "A week, sir? Oh, no, I was thinking two days, a week is more than—"
"It wasn't a suggestion," said Sisko firmly, showing the straightness of his fine, white teeth, his gaze focused and unwavering on Julian's face. He had a way of giving a command without making it paternalistic – some people could only be stern in a condescending way, almost, but Julian never felt that way when Sisko gave him orders.
His smile was self-deprecating. "Thank you, sir," he said.
"Good luck with Major Kira," was Sisko's response, and Julian sighed, steeling himself, and walked out into Ops.
